Martha Stewart convictions spawn additional offenses in the form of virtually criminal punmanship inspiring worldwide Martha Stewart Pun Contest at www.PoliSat.Com/mspc.htm

To learn how to use your own blog (or your favorite "chat" page or "forum") to enter your own, or someone else's, pun about Martha Stewart in this contest, see instructions in the rest of this page below. To search for puns nominated thus far as best or worst by bloggers worldwide, copy the letters "PSCMSPC" and paste them into the Google search box (above) for the world-wide-web and then click the Google Search button. This will enable the Google Search engine to search all blogs worldwide for entries into this contest and return the world-wide results for puns entered in this contest. After a decent interval, PoliSat.Com will then announce a place and method for all bloggers to vote on which puns are the worst and the best. And, while you're here, why not use one of the links below to make a donation to Operation Hero Miles, Salute America's Heroes, Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund, or any other reputable organization to help our troops and/or families, which you can find by clicking the Defend America link.

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Instructions: In posting your favorite pun (or rhyme) about Martha in your own blog (or in your favorite "chat" page or "forum"), if you know its original author, please identify him/her/it; if it's your own, then identify yourself; and if you don't know the original author or source, just attribute it to "original source unknown)-- other bloggers may be able to identify many, if not most, of the original sources. So that a search engine (such as Google) can find all puns (or rhymes) entered in this contest, be sure to include the letters "PSCMSPC" in the title or caption of your blog (or your posting on your favorite "chat" page or "forum"). Immediately below is the March 4, 2005 installment at PoliSat.Com that launched this contest.

Martha Stewart's release from prison sparks proposals for new laws to criminalize bad puns about Martha Stewart and honor the best ones in the world-wide "Martha Stewart Pun Contest."

On Mars, Martha Stewart's perceived as one who from Venus did leave to live not on Mars but rather where bars could keep her from sight on TeeVee. The respite, though short, has been nice for husbands whose wives had the vice of wanting to be like Martha indeed, but now she's no longer "on ice." So how should her fans and detractors respond to release by her captors? The answers for some are limericks or puns in blogs by her fans or detractors.

The Saga of Martha inspired more puns than we need or desire. A few are sublime, but most would be crimes, if linguists made laws they desired. All blogs, but a few, have a place where news about Martha's displayed, so go to your blog to post or to log the puns, best or worst, for display. So search-engine robots can glean with one search all puns to be seen as weak or robust, your blog-title must add "PSCMSPC."

Since PoliSat-Com has conceived this contest, results can be gleaned through Google-Dot-Com at PoliSat-Com slash PSCMSPC.º¹· Then PoliSat-Com will promote a way for all bloggers to vote to love or detest the worst and the best, but Martha, the felon, can't vote. In case you prefer the design of comments that nat'rually rhyme, read-on for this text repeated and set according to rhythm and rhyme.

On Mars, Martha Stewart's perceived
as one who from Venus did leave
to live not on Mars
but rather where bars
could keep her from sight on TeeVee.

The respite, though short, has been nice
for husbands whose wives had the vice
of wanting to be
like Martha indeed,
but now she's no longer "on ice."

So how should her fans and detractors
respond to release by her captors?
The answers for some
are limericks or puns
in blogs by her fans or detractors.

The Saga of Martha inspired
more puns than we need or desire.
A few are sublime,
but most would be crimes,
if linguists made laws they desired.

All blogs, but a few, have a place
where news about Martha's displayed,
so go to your blog
to post or to log
the puns, best or worst, for display.

So search-engine robots can glean
with one search all puns to be seen
as weak or robust,
your blog-title must
add "PSCMSPC."

Since PoliSat-Com has conceived
this contest, results can be gleaned
through Google-Dot-Com
at PoliSat-Com
slash PSCMSPC.º¹·

Then PoliSat-Com will promote
a way for all bloggers to vote
to love or detest
the worst and the best,
but Martha, the felon, can't vote.

To learn how to use your own blog to enter your own, or someone else's, pun (or rhyme) about Martha Stewart in this contest, go to PoliSat.Com's Martha Stewart Pun Contest pageº¹ and follow the instructions. Feminine Felon (mine-- today), Domestic Diva, Kitchen Queen, Self-Cooking Goose (mine), Queen of Mean, Homemaking Harlot, Hamptons Hussy, Princess of the Pokey, -- gotta stop now-- I need to resume my daily task of de-Marthifying my wife's domestic handiwork by cluttering the countertops, leaving the lid up, un-emptying all ash trays, hiding the front-porch flag of "the season," dropping unwashed socks and underwear strategically in the foyer, leaving unfinished snacks on dishes to harden while also cluttering the family room, placing at least one empty beer can on each end-table and coffee table, etc. ... so much to do and so little time to do it-- after all, I am from Mars.

To send this to a friend, paste the Links Box below into your email or go to PoliSat.Com's "Email a Friend" page.

Links Box for:

Mar. 4, 2005 #01 Daily Update at PoliSat.Com, where satire is always commentary, but commentary isn't always satire.™

Title: PSCMSPC-- PoliSat.Com's Martha Stewart Pun Contest.

Permanent link to this Daily Update: http://polisat.com/du2005/du0503-01--10.htm#20050304-01.

Temporary 30-day news-link: http://polisat.com/DailyPoliticalSatire-Commentary/du20y05m03d04-01.htm

Permanent link to cartoon or animation for this Daily Update: http://PoliSat.Com/Images/PSCMSPC.gif.

For links to the latest Daily Updates, Animations, Song-Parodies, Limericks, Palindromes, Archives, Site-Index/Search, go to http://PoliSat.Com.

Mar. 6, 2004 : Poli Sat.Com's Political Satire/ Commentary* Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2004·(Home)·
*Where the satire is always commentary, but the commentary isn't always satire (but you'll know the difference)·
(Permanent, direct link to this Daily Update: http://polisat.com/du2004/du0403-01--10.htm#20040306-01.)

Martha Stewart convictions spawn additional offenses in the form of virtually criminal punmanship inspiring worldwide Martha Stewart Pun Contest at www.PoliSat.Com/mspc.htm.

Focusing on the convictions of Martha Stewart today on four counts of lying to investigators about, conspiring to obstruct, and obstructing an investigation into whether she had engaged in insider trading is to focus on the hole in the doughnut rather than the dough-nut in the hole. Some expect her conviction and sentence to have a catastrophic effect on her company, but not only will they not destroy her company, they will also spawn entire new businesses.

Examples abound: Books will be written containing nothing other than the countless number of bad puns inspired by Martha's trouble with the law. An entire "free-Martha" industry will sprout. It will become chic to patronize her company's products as a way to "support" Martha. New industries will arise to market parody products. There will be a "biographical" TV mini-series, if not a silver-screen movie, about Martha. There will be at least one movie and/or television "sitcom" as a lampoon of Martha Stewart. There will be a Martha Stewart board game. Parody clothing will prosper as well. Martha Stewart dolls will become as ubiquitous as Barbie Dolls.

That Martha Stewart built such an empire is conclusive proof of her brilliance and business intuition. That she risked it all to avoid tens of thousands of dollars of paper losses does not run counter to such proof; rather, it's compelling evidence that she operated upon a belief-- not unique to her among those sharing her station in life (including many celebrities and high-performance athletes) -- that the rules that apply to everyone else just didn't (and that they shouldn't and wouldn't) apply to her. That she succumbed to such arrogance bred by power isn't shocking. What ought to be shocking, however, is the number of business commentators willing to carry water for such arrogance by suggesting that her vast wealth somehow rendered it trivial for the government to have seriously investigated, and considered prosecuting her for, trading on an inside tip to avoid a "mere" $40,000 of losses that she, rather than purchasers of stock she sold on the basis of such tip, would have sustained if she were to have honorably chosen not to "sell" until information prompting the tip were to have become public.

Thus, her having become a "nut" for "dough" has put her "in the hole" by a vastly larger amount as a result of her effort to avoid enlarging the holes in her doughnuts. Of all white-collar criminals in my memory, none has even come close to Martha Stewart in inspiring (no, creating irresistible compulsions to engage in) virtually criminal punmanship about her predicament. I plead guilty.¹ If this limerick doesn't win the prize as the best series of puns about the "Domestic Diva," then I would say, to quote Martha, "There's no justice."

Conviction of Martha will spawn
more puns yielding chuckles and yawns,
so batten the hatch
or else you will catch
more puns until mad you have gone.

However, before you invest
in ear-plugs, I hope you'll attest:
Of all of the puns
about Martha done,
the following one is the best:

The "dough nut" is now in the hole
for lies to the Feds that she told
of pastry she sold
as jelly-filled rolls
she knew to be doughnuts with holes.

Now, if you agree that this lim'rick
in punning has broken the limits
on rhyming while punning
in language that's cunning,
then paste it in mail and then send it.

To whom should you send it? Your friends,
but that's not where mailing should end.
Tell Google and then
tell Yahoo and then
tell Russert and Drudge and Fox-Friends.

To whom should you send it? Your friends. Post it on your favorite blogs, bulletin boards, chat-rooms, forums (fora?). Recommend that search engines, news sites, news channels, etc. begin collecting puns about Martha Stewart, create contest rules, award prizes and declare winners. Here are email addresses for some of the top news/search sites: [Google] [Yahoo] [Drudge] [FoxNewsChannel] [FoxNewsOnLine] [Fox&Friends] [Tim Russert at Meet the Press] [ChatterboxAtSlate.Com]. If you want to send it to your own favorite news site, be sure to put this in the subject line: "MarthaStewartPunContest----See-www.PoliSat.Com/mspc.htm" (without the quotation marks). And don't forget to also send them your own puns! Help make PoliSat.Com be the one that started it all.

June 3, 2003: PoliSat.Com's Political Satire/Commentary
Daily Update #20030603-01··™©·2003··
From Martha, the cookbook hereafter: "My Own Recipes for Disaster.".

To rumors a charge on a ruse
will end Martha's time on the loose,
her lawyers opine
her victimless crime
was merely to cook her own goose.

Inspired by reports from "reliable" sources that prosecutors offered Martha Stewart an opportunity to "turn herself in" rather than doing a "perp walk."

Oct. 22, 2002 PoliSat.Com's Political-Satire/Commentary
Daily Update #20021022-01.™©.2002.
A buy, sell or barter on books about Martha
or
From Martha, Some Tips You Can Use
On How You Can Cook Your Own Goose..·

According to publishers' news,
the galleys have now been approved
for Insider's Views
on Recipes Used
by Martha to Cook Her Own Goose.·

Aug. 27, 2002 PoliSat.Com's Political-Satire/Commentary
Daily Update #20020827-01.™©.2002.
And now Martha Stewart Divesting's the way
for listners to earn something new ev'ry day..

The lesson today is from Martha to you:
Be sure to divest when the sky isn't blue--
For some-tips old, some-tips new,
some-tips borrowed, some-tips blue,
just tune-in to Martha to learn what to do.

An August 27, 2002, Yahoo/Reuters report on a "Free Martha" campaign being waged by Martha Stewart "Fashionistas" inspired me to reprise my June 14, 2002, Daily Update about Martha Stewart.

June 26, 2002 PoliSat.Com's Political-Satire/Commentary Daily Update #20020626-01.™©.2002.
Is Martha investing in prison-house nesting?.

It's doubtful that agents will soon be arresting
that woman who owns Martha Stewart Divesting
'cause wardens are waiting
for programs updating
instructions from Martha for prison-house nesting.

While feminists leaders accuse her of turning
the clock-back so Ozzie's for Harriet yearning,
a market correction
is seeking protection
for corp'rate brassieres her divestments are burning.

And meanwhile traditional husbands express
disdain for the role she exemplifies best:
The gals who comprise
careerists as wives,
who care more for nesting than those in the nest.

January 16, 2002--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire
Daily Update #20020116-01 ™© 2002
Though K-Mart may lose Martha Stewart, for others the skies will get bluer.

In bankruptcy, K-Mart is skewered
and might even lose Martha Stewart.
Though skies becomes dark
when sales become sparse,
fear-not 'cause the skies will get bluer.

Though K-Mart, of course, is a loser
as dollars from sales become fewer,
it serves to suppress
Bazaar P-M-S:
Beguilement to Play Martha Stewart.

Inspired by a January 16, 2002, Yahoo/Reuters report that K-Mart's filing of Chapter-11 bankruptcy proceedings might lead Martha Stewart to sever her marketing relationship with K-Mart. However, like most husbands whose wives shop at K-Mart, I fear such news is too good to be true.

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