Martha Stewart convictions spawn additional offenses in the form of virtually criminal punmanship inspiring worldwide Martha Stewart Pun Contest at www.PoliSat.Com/mspc.htm

PoliSat.Com's Home Base for starting the World Wide Martha Stewart Pun Contest.

Mar. 6, 2004 : Poli Sat.Com's Political Satire/ Commentary* Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2004·(Home)·
*Where the satire is always commentary, but the commentary isn't always satire (but you'll know the difference)·
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Martha Stewart convictions spawn additional offenses in the form of virtually criminal punmanship inspiring worldwide Martha Stewart Pun Contest at www.PoliSat.Com/mspc.htm.

Focusing on the convictions of Martha Stewart today on four counts of lying to investigators about, conspiring to obstruct, and obstructing an investigation into whether she had engaged in insider trading is to focus on the hole in the doughnut rather than the dough-nut in the hole. Some expect her conviction and sentence to have a catastrophic effect on her company, but not only will they not destroy her company, they will also spawn entire new businesses.

Examples abound: Books will be written containing nothing other than the countless number of bad puns inspired by Martha's trouble with the law. An entire "free-Martha" industry will sprout. It will become chic to patronize her company's products as a way to "support" Martha. New industries will arise to market parody products. There will be a "biographical" TV mini-series, if not a silver-screen movie, about Martha. There will be at least one movie and/or television "sitcom" as a lampoon of Martha Stewart. There will be a Martha Stewart board game. Parody clothing will prosper as well. Martha Stewart dolls will become as ubiquitous as Barbie Dolls.

That Martha Stewart built such an empire is conclusive proof of her brilliance and business intuition. That she risked it all to avoid tens of thousands of dollars of paper losses does not run counter to such proof; rather, it's compelling evidence that she operated upon a belief-- not unique to her among those sharing her station in life (including many celebrities and high-performance athletes) -- that the rules that apply to everyone else just didn't (and that they shouldn't and wouldn't) apply to her. That she succumbed to such arrogance bred by power isn't shocking. What ought to be shocking, however, is the number of business commentators willing to carry water for such arrogance by suggesting that her vast wealth somehow rendered it trivial for the government to have seriously investigated, and considered prosecuting her for, trading on an inside tip to avoid a "mere" $40,000 of losses that she, rather than purchasers of stock she sold on the basis of such tip, would have sustained if she were to have honorably chosen not to "sell" until information prompting the tip were to have become public.

Dough-Nut in the Hole for Holes in the Doughnuts.·

Thus, her having become a "nut" for "dough" has put her "in the hole" by a vastly larger amount as a result of her effort to avoid enlarging the holes in her doughnuts. Of all white-collar criminals in my memory, none has even come close to Martha Stewart in inspiring (no, creating irresistible compulsions to engage in) virtually criminal punmanship about her predicament. I plead guilty.¹ If this limerick doesn't win the prize as the best series of puns about the "Domestic Diva," then I would say, to quote Martha, "There's no justice."

Conviction of Martha will spawn
more puns yielding chuckles and yawns,
so batten the hatch
or else you will catch
more puns until mad you have gone.

However, before you invest
in ear-plugs, I hope you'll attest:
Of all of the puns
about Martha done,
the following one is the best:

The "dough nut" is now in the hole
for lies to the Feds that she told
of pastry she sold
as jelly-filled rolls
she knew to be doughnuts with holes.

Now, if you agree that this lim'rick
in punning has broken the limits
on rhyming while punning
in language that's cunning,
then paste it in mail and then send it.

To whom should you send it? Your friends,
but that's not where mailing should end.
Tell Google and then
tell Yahoo and then
tell Russert and Drudge and Fox-Friends.

To whom should you send it? Your friends. Post it on your favorite blogs, bulletin boards, chat-rooms, forums (fora?). Recommend that search engines, news sites, news channels, etc. begin collecting puns about Martha Stewart, create contest rules, award prizes and declare winners. Here are email addresses for some of the top news/search sites: [Google] [Yahoo] [Drudge] [FoxNewsChannel] [FoxNewsOnLine] [Fox&Friends] [Tim Russert at Meet the Press] [ChatterboxAtSlate.Com]. If you want to send it to your own favorite news site, be sure to put this in the subject line: "MarthaStewartPunContest----See-www.PoliSat.Com/mspc.htm" (without the quotation marks). And don't forget to also send them your own puns! Help make PoliSat.Com be the one that started it all.

··

¹·Unlike Martha, I confess my crimes-- Here are my previous offenses:

June 3, 2003: PoliSat.Com's Political Satire/Commentary
Daily Update #20030603-01··™©·2003··
From Martha, the cookbook hereafter: "My Own Recipes for Disaster.".

To rumors a charge on a ruse
will end Martha's time on the loose,
her lawyers opine
her victimless crime
was merely to cook her own goose.

Inspired by reports from "reliable" sources that prosecutors offered Martha Stewart an opportunity to "turn herself in" rather than doing a "perp walk."

Oct. 22, 2002 PoliSat.Com's Political-Satire/Commentary
Daily Update #20021022-01.™©.2002.
A buy, sell or barter on books about Martha
or
From Martha, Some Tips You Can Use
On How You Can Cook Your Own Goose..·

According to publishers' news,
the galleys have now been approved
for Insider's Views
on Recipes Used
by Martha to Cook Her Own Goose.·

Aug. 27, 2002 PoliSat.Com's Political-Satire/Commentary
Daily Update #20020827-01.™©.2002.
And now Martha Stewart Divesting's the way
for listners to earn something new ev'ry day..

The lesson today is from Martha to you:
Be sure to divest when the sky isn't blue--
For some-tips old, some-tips new,
some-tips borrowed, some-tips blue,
just tune-in to Martha to learn what to do.

An August 27, 2002, Yahoo/Reuters report on a "Free Martha" campaign being waged by Martha Stewart "Fashionistas" inspired me to reprise my June 14, 2002, Daily Update about Martha Stewart.

June 26, 2002 PoliSat.Com's Political-Satire/Commentary Daily Update #20020626-01.™©.2002.
Is Martha investing in prison-house nesting?.

It's doubtful that agents will soon be arresting
that woman who owns Martha Stewart Divesting
'cause wardens are waiting
for programs updating
instructions from Martha for prison-house nesting.

While feminists leaders accuse her of turning
the clock-back so Ozzie's for Harriet yearning,
a market correction
is seeking protection
for corp'rate brassieres her divestments are burning.

And meanwhile traditional husbands express
disdain for the role she exemplifies best:
The gals who comprise
careerists as wives,
who care more for nesting than those in the nest.

January 16, 2002--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire
Daily Update #20020116-01 ™© 2002
Though K-Mart may lose Martha Stewart, for others the skies will get bluer.

In bankruptcy, K-Mart is skewered
and might even lose Martha Stewart.
Though skies becomes dark
when sales become sparse,
fear-not 'cause the skies will get bluer.

Though K-Mart, of course, is a loser
as dollars from sales become fewer,
it serves to suppress
Bazaar P-M-S:
Beguilement to Play Martha Stewart.

Inspired by a January 16, 2002, Yahoo/Reuters report that K-Mart's filing of Chapter-11 bankruptcy proceedings might lead Martha Stewart to sever her marketing relationship with K-Mart. However, like most husbands whose wives shop at K-Mart, I fear such news is too good to be true.

--Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.

...
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