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PoliSat.Com Rhymes about...
Al Gore.
(To go to our main page for Al Gore, click here.) 
(To go to our Main Index for PoliSat Rhymes, click here.

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Dec.10, 2003:  PoliSat .Com's Political Satire/ Commentary   Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2003··
Where the satire is always commentary, but the commentary isn't always satire (but you'll know the difference)·
(Keep abreast of PoliSat.Com's Daily Political Satire/Commentary via Google's News Alert)··
·
The GoreDean Knot ties Hillary's Plot.
It's Billary's Hillary Clinton v Gore's Howard Dean, his invention.·
(Get ready to ruuummmmbbbbllllleee!)

When Gore's joined with Dean it's a diphthong¹:  
A GoreDeeun² Knot for this sing-song
when hereafter seen
you'll know what I mean: 
when Gore's hooked to Dean they're a diphthong.

Though some think it's etymological,
to experts it's etiological--
A GoreDean Knot 
politic'ly clots
with hard'ning that ideological.

I'm Hillary needing to neuter
the value of frontrunner "futures"
like GoreDean Knots
restraining my plot
for shorting conventioning futures.

And so I'm obliged to opine
the Dean coronation designed
to keep him ahead
is wrong 'cause his head
can't fit in the crown that is mine.

I'm Billary, husband of Hillary,
with orders from Hill'ry to pillory
the ingrate named Gore
we raised from the floor
despite his imbued imbecility.

In tying his GoreDean Knot.
Al Gore has revealed he is not
as dumb as I thought
because he has wrought
a knot in my Hillary's plot. ·
···
¹·For those who may have forgotten, go here for the meaning of a diphthong.
²·GoreDeeun represents the pronunciation of GoreDean with the "ea" as a diphthong.
Inspired by:  Hillary cautioning Democrats against treating Gore's endorsement of Dean as a "coronation"; It's Billary's Hillary Clinton v Gore's Howard Dean, his invention.  --Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.·
Direct link for this Update: · http://polisat.com/du2003/du031231.htm#20031210-01 · ™©2003 .
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Dec.9, 2003:  PoliSat .Com's Political Satire/ Commentary   Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2003··
Where the satire is always commentary, but the commentary isn't always satire (but you'll know the difference)·
(Keep abreast of PoliSat.Com's Daily Political Satire/Commentary via Google's News Alert)··
·
Reliables sources explain why Gore's on the Howard Dean train.·

My sources covertly explained
that Gore boarded Howard Dean's train
because he accepted
my views on the seventh¹--
He's raining on Hillary's Game.

His reason for shunning poor Joe
is not that he'd want to say "No"
to Joe, his old friend,
but rather to end
the chances for Hill'ry to grow.

Perhaps what continues to sting
the most ain't the Florida thing,
but thinking his loss
by Bubba was caused
by leaving a tub with a ring.

Since Al won't help Joe to stop Dean,
then Hill'ry more often must preen
for chances to say
"I haven't okayed
that ' Draft-Hill'ry Clinton ' machine."

That Gore said it's Dean he will tout
puts Hillary's planning in doubt
by increasing chances
that quantum advances
by Dean will leave Hill'ry locked out.

He's bollixed her planning to count
on deadlock providing the route
for Hill'ry to craft
a "Hillary Draft"
if polling for Dubya's gone south.
·
··


¹·Just to put today's installment (above) in context, click the image at the left to view the animation illustrating the December 7, 2003 installment of my Political Satire/Commentary:

···
--Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.·
Direct link for this Update: · http://polisat.com/du2003/du031231.htm#20031209-01 · ™©2003 .
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Nov. 20, 2003:  PoliSat .Com's Political Satire/ Commentary   Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2003 ·(posted Nov. 24)·
The Ozone Faux Zone... ·

In ozone, the seasonal hole
in 2003 was as bold
as 2000's summer.
Oh, my what a bummer!
So, what was enlarging the hole?

By ozone alarmists we're told
the sizes of seasonal holes
are linked to logistics
revealed by statistics
on gases men spread 'round the globe.

Though science shows greater infection
from Massive Coronal Ejections, 
the hottest of gases
emitted in masses
are Massive Goronal Ejections.

Regarding when gases were more,
the latest statistics report:  
Like 2000's Summer,
Oh-Three was a Summer,
with many more speeches by Gore.·
···
Inspired by news reports that in the last few years, the holes in the ozone, which alarmists claim to be caused by gases expelled into the atmosphere by men, were largest in the summers of 2000 and 2003. Could it be mere coincidence that tose time periods statistically correlate with increases
in the number of speeches by Gore?·--Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.·
Direct link for this Update: · http://polisat.com/du2003/du031130.htm#20031120-01 · ™©2003 .
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Nov. 17, 2003:  PoliSat .Com's Political Satire/ Commentary   Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2003 ·(posted Nov. 18)·
Political Journal:  The Portable Gorinal... ·


"Despite my political funeral," 
says Gore, "my career isn't terminal
'cause now I've agreed
that henceforth I'll be
the Spokesman for Waterless Urinals."

"To guarantee sales are phenomenal,
I'm coining a name that's cognominal
like Crapper, whose fame
for toilets remains,
by naming it 'Portable Gorinal.' "

"And like Thomas Crapper of yore,
my fame would extend evermore
'cause people in need
politely will plead,
'Excuse me, I must take a Gore.' "

You ask if this lim'rick's confirmable
that Gore speaks for Waterless Urinals.
The news that I speak
was sourced as a leak
that flowed from his Portable Journal.

Alternate title:
The Portable Gorinal Waterless Urinal·
···
Inspired by a November 16, 2003, report that Gore has agreed to become the spokesman for a company that manufactures "waterless urinals."  (As Dave Barry would say, "I'm not making this up.") --Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.·
Direct link for this Update: · http://polisat.com/du2003/du031130.htm#20031117-01 · ™©2003 .
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Nov. 10, 2003:  PoliSat .Com's Political Satire/ Commentary   Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2003 · (posted Nov. 12) ·
The Citizen Gore, Inventor of Lore. .. ·

I'm Al, the Vice-POTUS¹ of yore,
and now I give speeches to roar: 
If I were the POTUS
and Tipper were FLOTUS,² 
our risks would be fewer, not more.

I've now with respect to Iraq
invented a way to redact
support that I gave
in Nineteen-Nine-Eight
to change the regime in Iraq.

Although I'm a person of principles,
I'm never from pressure invincible,
and so I confess
support I expressed
was merely a statement of principle.


I'm busy as Citizen Gore
inventing redactions galore
emerging from stasis
to prove that I'm greatest
as "Al, the Inventor of Lore."
···
Inspired by:  (a) the transparently self-serving revisionism manifest in Gore's speech to "MoveOn.Org" about the nature of the threat posed by Saddam Hussein's regime remaining in power, (b) his specious claims that the pre-911 "dots" (which began appearing during the tenure of the Clinton/Gore administration) could have been connected despite the pre-911 laws limiting domestic intelligence activities by the FBI, banning such activities by the CIA, and barring FBI/CIA collaboration in such activities, (c) his demagogic language implying Bush has established a police state, and (d) his specious claim we are in greater danger today than before 9-11.
¹·Pronounce "POTUS," the acronym for President of the United States, to rhyme with "sodas."
²·Pronounce "FLOTUS," the acronym for First Lady of the United States, to rhyme with "sodas."
  --Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.·
Direct link for this Update: · http://polisat.com/du2003/du031130.htm#20031110-01 · ™©2003 .
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 Oct.1, 2003:  PoliSat.Com's Political Satire/ Commentary  Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2003 ··
Coming soon from Gore:  the Bore Casting Network...

Believing the news is bereft
of views of the news from the left,
Al Gore is acquiring
a network aspiring
to broadcast with views from the left.

Fatigued from attempting to gild
the ring in the tub left by Bill,
at least he's moved up
'cause now he can scrub
the ring in the tub left by Phil.
····
Inspired by news reports that Al Gore and other investors are planning to buy News International from Vivendi (before completion of GE/NBC's acquisition of Vivendi) in order to run it as a "liberal" news network to counterbalance what Gore perceives as the right-wing views of other news media.  He seems not to understand that with the sole exception of Fox, the existing news networks are liberal.  However, given the intensifying activism of ideological groups such as MoveOn.Org, a leftist news network could be supported by zealots of the left.  --Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.·
Direct link for this Update: · http://polisat.com/du2003/du031031.htm#20031001-01 · ™©2003 .
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··
 Sept. 14, 2003:  PoliSat.Com's Political Satire/ Commentary  Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2003 ··

The Half-Right Albright.·  (Half-Right about Gore)
(Red quotation marks denote paraphrasing.)

"If Gore were our POTUS," said Albright
"the things in Iraq would be all right,"              ·
instead of the "mess"
at present possessed
'cause "war in Iraq was the wrong fight." ·


Okay, Madeline, we accept your challenge
to play the "What if Gore were President?"
game-- Read on below.   The "what-if's?"
begin below:


Assume, arguendo, that Gore
were President rather than George,
Iraq would be "neat"--
No "messy" defeat
of Saddam if POTUS were Gore:   ·


If Gore would have not taken action
for keeping Hussein under sanctions,
Saddam would've soon
his program resumed
for nukes with a reckless abandon.

For giant-size leaps in his pay-scale
his neighbors Saddam would've blackmailed,
who then would've sent
their money to him
and also included some fan-mail.

The man who without inhibition
covertly sent goons on a mission
to murder George H.,
covertly by freight
would soon send us gadgets that fission.       ·

If Gore would instead have prevented
decisions that sanctions be ended,
it would have, of course,
required that our force
in Arabic lands be extended.

The EU and Arabs would shill
Saddam's claim that "children" are killed
by sanctions enforced
by presence in force
of Yanks wanting sanctions fulfilled.

Remember the top of the list
which Arabs deemed grounds to enlist
for entry to "Heaven"
September Eleven?
Our Middle-East presence was it.           ·

And thus the contentions of Albright
if Gore were the POTUS are half-right:      ·
Iraq would have "less"
of what she calls "mess,"
'cause more would be here with a half-life.
····
Inspired by a Sept. 14, 2003, on-line excerpt from an interview of Madeline Albrignt in Time for it's "September 22, 2003" dateline issue, in which Albright contended the dangers in Iraq had not yet become sufficiently "imminent" to warrant toppling Saddam and contended further that "if there was [sic] a President Gore, we wouldn't be in this particular mess."  (Italics added by PoliSat.Com's Editor.)  As our strategies for the last several decades (under both parties) have shown, ad-hoc, case-by-case, police-work-type responses to terrorism are totally ineffective.  Now that we're playing chess (and quite well at that) with a unified, worldwide strategy, it's not surprising that checkers experts find it too challenging.   --Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.·
Direct link for this Update: · http://polisat.com/du2003/du030930.htm#20030914-01 · ™©2003 .
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··
The dopes at the polls who punched Patrick's hole
but meant to punch Alpha Gore's hole.  (limerick 20001109-01)
    When voters make careless mistakes
    in marking their votes in a race
    we cannot reverse
    the ways that they erred
    by putting new votes in their place.
    The word Gore is trying to preach--
    that ballots designed by Palm Beach
    caused voters for Gore
    to punch the wrong hole--
    is such a ridiculous reach.
    The arrow for Gore on the ballot
    did not mark the hole for Buchannan.
    It pointed right at
    the hole made for Al
    and not at the hole for Buchannan.
    But those careless voters now whine
    that we should put them back in line
    to punch Alpha's hole
    to give him the role
    or else he will whimper and whine.
    But who was the one who designed
    the ballot about which they whine?
    It wasn't George Dubya,
    or even his brother--
    A Democrat made the design.
© 2000


Today Alpha Gore will learn "less" is "more."  (limerick 20001107-01)
    Al Gore, you proclaim you know best
    and claim that George Dubya knows less.
    To think you know best
    for ev'ryone else
    is really a sign you know less.
© 2000 (Election Day 11-07-00)

What Homeless Folk Need is a Free Pack of Weeds (limerick 20001105-01)
    We know what the homeless folks need
    to help them to vote absentee: 
    A pack at the door
    to vote for Al Gore
    and then smoke those wonderful weeds.
© 2000 --Inspired by 11-05-00 Report by "The Milwaukee Channel" (WISN, Channel 12) that Gore-campaign volunteers in Milwaukee were transporting homeless people to vote absentee and then rewarded them with free cigarettes. By the way, I'm a smoker who's really tired of the anti-tobacco Gestapo, so I find it quite amusing that volunteers for the self-appointed Commander in Chief of the War Against Tobacco were furnishing free cigarettes to homeless people to vote by absentee ballot.

Bill states his own view:  Al Gore's "#2" (limerick 20001103-02)
    When Joyner told Clinton, "It's true,
    I'm sad that I can't vote for you,"
    Bill told him the score: 
    "The next-best is Gore,"
    which means that Al Gore's "number-two".
© 2000  --Inspired by 11-03-00 FoxNews report that when talk-radio host Tom Joyner told Clinton he wished Clinton could serve four more years, Clinton described Gore as the "next best" thing.

The King nearly died on Larry King Live (limerick 20001102-01)
    Frank Luntz, where are you when we need you?
    Last night Larry King gave us his views.
    He sputtered his words
    and prob'ly made turds
    when Ross endorsed Bush on the King shew**
    If King had been wired to your meter
    when Ross described Bush as a leader
    the lines on your chart
    would show Larry's heart
    quite nearly became a non-beater.
    King's panic was clear the whole time,
    but when was the funniest time?
    The end of the show,
    when King asked Perot: 
    "You think that you might change your mind?"
**Fellow Boomers will remember that "shew" was Ed Sullivan's pronunciation of "show."  
© 2000 --Inspired by my observation of King's obvious panic (on Larry King Live on 11-02-00) when-- contrary to everyone's expectations and the implications of CNN's promos that Perot would make an important presidential "endorsement" on Larry King Live-- Perot endorsed Bush and castigated Gore rather than vice-versa.

People Who Need People or People Who Knead People (limerick 20001030-01)
    In paeans to Clinton and Gore,
    interpreting Streissand's a chore.
    The language she sings
    is called Clintonese
    which makes understanding a chore.
    Says Streissand, the expert on People, 
    "The best are the ones who need people."
    Such words are ironic
    because in Clinphonics 
    it means the best people knead people.
© 2000 --Inspired by observation of people who knead people.

A good raison d'être:  Orevoir Barb the Diva (limerick 20001029-01)
    Remember the promise by Streissand
    to travel beyond the horizon
    if Gore doesn't win?
    It's why Dubya grins--
    for d'être 'tis such a good raison.
© 2000 --Inspired by reports that Barbara Streissand attacks Bush and praises Gore in an interview by Barbara Walters to be broadcast this coming Friday and by prior reports of Streissand's prior promise to emigrate to another country if Gore were to not be elected.  

The cause of "green-house"?  It's Alpha Gore's mouth! (limerick 20001025-01)
    When Gore says there's now a green-house,
    of one thing there's simply no doubt: 
    We know the best source
    of warming, of course,
    is hot-air from Alpha Gore's mouth.
© 2000 --Inspired by the unrelenting assertion of bogus science repeated uncritically as an article of faith by the scientifically illiterate media, who routinely and uncritically report press-release "findings" by pantheopians as scientific fact rather than speculative opinions .

The Eco-Darth-Nader says Alpha's a Beta (limerick 20001024-01)
    It's strange that Ralph Nader has challenged
    The man who wrote Earth in the Balance 
    since both share the view
    that new C-0-2
    ain't eaten by plants on our planet.
© 2000 --Inspired by the inter-pantheopian rhetorical warfare between Gore and Nader .

Alpha-Gore's lock-box proposal ...
Keeps taxpayers at his disposal (limerick 20001022-01)
    Al Gore says his lock-box will stop
    all Social-Security hocks,
    but his plan retains
    the keys to the chains
    in government's hands-- does it not?
    It ain't rocket-science to see
    why Gore touts his plan with such glee: 
    The Alpha Gore plan
    quite simply demands
    the locks be on you and on me.
© 2000 --Inspired by common sense.

Leave it to Beaver to stop Dubya fever?  (limerick 20001021-01)
    Bill wants to be Gore's eager-beaver
    to log-jam that growing Bush fever,
    but Alpha Gore's friends
    fear Bill will again
    just gnaw-down their tree like a beaver.
© 2000 --Inspired by news reports indicating Clinton is eager to assume a high-profile role campaigning for Gore, but Gore's supporters seem somewhat less than eager for such help.

Does Gore now approve Bill's blame-others ruse?  (limerick 20001019-01)
    Bill said that he's no longer reticent
    to say in the South white, male protestants
    conspired with some preachers
    to find some impeachers
    and that shows impeachment was partisan.
    The press should now ask Alpha Gore
    what he thinks of this Clinton lore
    to spread some more lies
    to now demonize
    those southern while male protest-ors.
© 2000 --Inspired by 10-19-00 ABC News report that Clinton claims impeachment was a "persecution" of him by "southern white male protestants."  Thank goodness he's opposed to stereotyping and demonizing people.  ..

Some sly lion-beardin' by Vik Chernomyrdin (limerick 20001016-01)
    We now know that Vik Chernomyrdin
    saw Gore as a lion for beardin'.
    It seems he was right
    that Gore wouldn't bite
    Iran-helping hands we were fearin'
© 2000 --Inspired by 10-16-00 Washington Times on-line story for 10-17-00 stating that "Vice President Al Gore, at the urging of Russian Prime Minister Viktor Chernomyrdin, agreed to keep secret from Congress details of Russia's nuclear cooperation with Iran beginning in late 1995."

Too proud to take help from son but not too proud 
to get it by mugging taxpayers! (limerick 20001005-01 while waiting for the VP debate to start)
    The "can" lady Winifred Skinner
    won't take help her son says he'd give her
    she says she has pride
    but thinks that it's fine
    to get it by force from taxpayers!
© 2000 --Inspired by news interview of Winifred Skinner and her wealthy son, who says he's offered to take care of her prescription drug bills, let her live in a house on his ranch, etc. but that she has "too much pride" to accept such help from her son-- Isn't it odd that it doesn't hurt her "pride" to support a proposal by Al Gore to have the government give to her money taken by coercion from other taxpayers so her "pride" won't be hurt by taking help from her son?

The unabridged list of Alpha-Gore myths or
The what's and the why's of Alpha-Gore lies:  2nd Edition (limerick 20001004-01)
    For my first debate against Bushie
    advisors had said "Don't be pushy,'
    and said I should try
    to stop telling lies,
    and just try to be goody-goody.
    They said when I got on the stage
    class-warfare is what I should wage
    but I couldn't hide
    my need to tell lies
    'cause that's how class-warfare is waged.
    When Dubya gave FEMA high marks
    in battling those high-water marks,
    In order to share
    such kudos for care,
    I claimed I was there at the start.
    Because he's a mean so-and-so
    Bush later said I didn't go.
    Reporters asked Witt
    then made me admit
    the story I told wasn't so.
    To show I'm a man with great verve
    and how with great foresight I serve
    I claimed I had joined
    in decisions to form
    our country's strategic reserve.
    Of course, I hoped none would perceive
    that happened in Seventy-Three--
    two years before
    as Congressman Gore
    I entered the House in DeeCee.
    To show my ideas are the "bestest"
    I talked about poor Kailey Ellis
    not having a desk
    to help her do best
    and called her school worse than the rest.
    Then someone who knew what was there
    described what I said as hot air!
    She first had to stand
    'cause one-hundred-grand
    in unpacked equipment was there!
    Now critics point-out that my plans
    for Skinner, collector of cans
    took so little time,
    but tenants of mine
    sat long on their overflowed cans.
© 2000 --Inspired by 10-04-00 reports of patent falsehoods in claims made by Gore in the course of his debate with George Bush on 10-03-00.  For the First Edition of "The unabridged list of Alpha-Gore myths (and) The what's and the why's of Alpha-Gore lies" go here.

Eleventh Hour Citizenship (limerick 20001003-01)
    To those who just watched the debate
    to learn about issues I say:
    You injure us all
    by waiting 'til Fall
    'cause your votes determine our fate.
    Like last-minute crammers for tests,
    you think you can quickly learn best.
    That's why I'm confessing
    I find it depressing
    that your votes will count with the rest.
© 2000  --Inspired by the depressing thought at the end of the 10-03-00 debate between Gore and Bush that a large percentage of people watching the debate did not yet know enough about the relative positions of the two candidates and parties to already know how they will vote and that their votes might well be influenced by a merely theatrical or stylistic mistake or "accomplishment" during the course of the debate.

ABC News has standards for views:
Rats get exposure but moles get enclosure. (limerick below)(20000925-01)
    The new name for ABC News:
    Avoid Balanced Campaigning News:  
    Expose a rat found,
    keep moles underground
    when we think they're ugly to view.
    The rat-story made us quite fearful
    and so we gave viewers an ear-full.
    The mole found by Judd
    as news is a dud
    because it does not make us fearful.
    Gore's worker who claimed there's a mole
    now says it's a gag that he told,
    and Gore's folks berate
    the prank as third-rate.
    (But where have we heard that before?)
© 2000  --Inspired by ABC News' apparent editorial decision that Jackie Judd's 09-24-00 report about an alleged Gore-campaign mole in the Bush campaign is newsworthy enough to be posted on its website but not newsworthy enough to be included in its broadcast news, which recently accorded a four-and-a-half-minute lead to Gore-campaign allegations that a Republican commercial's sequential fragmentation of the word "bureaucrats" constituted an effort to subliminally identify Democrats as "rats."

A diet that's balanced keeps Earth in the balance
(and saves fossil fuels to boot) (limerick 20000924-01)
    Al Gore said in Earth in the Balance ...
    that gas should cost two-bucks a gallon,
    so why does he whine
    that prices have climbed
    to merely a buck sixty-seven?
    The answer is reasonably clear:  
    He's up for election this year.
    But what is expected
    if he is elected?
    More taxes per gallon, my dear!
    What need will those new taxes fill?
    Promoting the Al-Gore-Mobile!
    To end oil-dependence
    Al Gore has invented
    a new way to power the wheel !
    Since scientists recently made
    a way to refine human waste,
    the Al-Gore-Mobile
    will power the wheel
    with fuel from humanoid waste.
    This quite inexhaustible source
    will free us from imports, of course !
    And Gore saved the day
    inventing a way
    to use it for horsepower force.
    His car has a tank that will boil it.
    However, one problem might spoil it:
    the method is rank
    for filling the tank:
    The driver's seat must be a toilet.
    For health, this will lead to improvement
    'cause drivers will learn to fine-tune-it
    by eating more grain
    to not have to strain
    to get fifty miles to the movement.
© 2000 -- Inspired by Gore's flip-flop on what he claims is a proper price for gasoline and by a BBC report that scientists have devised a way to refine fossil-fuels from human waste.

Olympic-campaigning strategy:
To go for the gold, you must have a mole.  (limerick 20000923-01)
    Since Bush used subliminal rats
    to claim that we love bureaucrats,
    we went for the gold
    by sending a mole
    to Bush-camp to spy on those rats.
    At first we just simply denied it
    and felt quite assured we could hide it,
    but during this flap
    our flakker was trapped
    by someone to whom he'd confided.
    We simply used standard procedure:  
    A sworn statement shown to the media,
    but that was a dud,
    because Jackie Judd
    knew more than what she'd been revealing.
© 2000  --Inspired by ABC News report on 09-23-00 about inconsistencies between an affidavit prepared by the Gore campaign for, and signed by, a Gore campaign worker about whether the Gore campaign has a "mole" in the Bush campaign and information that same worker confided to a confidential source.

The unabridged list of Alpha-Gore myths or
The what's and the why's of Alpha-Gore lies. (limerick 20000921-01)
    In childhood, my lullaby heaven--
    a song Mom composed for our brethren,
    which said when you're able,
    demand union labels,
    was found when I reached twenty-seven.
    I'm proud that I bravely faced danger
    in going to 'Nam as a ranger,
    where some rode the air,
    but I rode a chair
    with wheels for elite chair-borne rangers.
    While friends were out living it up,
    my service in 'Nam was quite rough,
    'cause right at the start
    I won purple hearts
    for two really bad paper cuts.
    My intellect's something to tout
    'though enemies claim I flunked-out,
    but in my short journey
    to be an attorney,
    I quit, so I didn't flunk-out.
    Remember that Love Story gripper--
    inspired by yours-truly and Tipper?
    'Though Segal denied
    that him we inspired,
    you can't trust a writer of fiction.
    Maintaining my brain in good in order
    I stayed an inhaler not snorter,
    which gave me the vision
    to start a new mission 
    as anti-pollution reporter.
    'Though some called my stories banal,**   .
    't'was I who exposed Love Canal.
    Although there were prior
    reports that were dire,
    that's simply a minor detail.
    I said I invented the net
    and no one's disproved it quite yet.
    If you're on your toes,
    you already know
    as web-weaver I am the best.
    When smoking caused my sister's death
    I swore Big Tobacco I'd get.
    Why then did I cheer
    tobacco for years?,
    My plan was to get 'em with stealth.
    I said when I met Buddhist nuns
    it wasn't to raise any funds.
    I didn't believe
    that we would receive
    big checks from such poor Buddhist nuns.
    At meetings arranged for the study
    of hard-money-use of soft-money
    I had to leave
    in order to pee
    from gallons of tea in my tummy.
    I said the drug business ripped-off
    my dog and my mother-in-law,
    but don't be uncouth
    by asking for proof
    or calling my mother-in-law.
    It's not fair to say I'm a liar
    or say that my pants are on fire.
    So gimme a break
    'cause counselors say
    deluding one's self isn't lying.   .
© 2000  **Alternate pronunciation of banal rhymes with canal.


Drugs are quite high, but less than a bribe (limerick 20000919-01)
    Prescriptions that vets give to pups
    cost less than what doctors give us.
    So why is it cheaper
    for vets to be healers?
    'Cause dogs do not sue for big bucks.
    Of course this is something Gore knows,
    because in his campaigning throes
    Al Gore told a man: 
    give one hundred-grand
    for no-tort-reforming vetoes
© 2000 --Inspired by Gore's expressed amazement that the price for a drug prescribed for humans is much higher than the price of the same drug prescribed for animals.  Of course, it's not rocket science to understand that the price drug companies charge for drugs for humans must be high enough to include product liability insurance against tort suits by humans claiming to have been harmed by such drug, and juries are likely to award vastly larger amounts to humans injured by a drug than to animals injured by the same drug.

If you like H-M-O's, you'll love G-M-O's (limerick 20000918-01)
    In weighing the cons and the pros
    on programs we call "H-M-O's,"
    If H-M-O care
    is what you call fair,
    you'll love Gore's proposed G-M-O's!
    The plan he invented from scratch
    has something the H-M-O's lack
    To make the plan fair,
    we'll all get our care
    from gentle and kind bureaucrats!
    Just think of the G-M-O's promise
    and what they're designed to accomplish,
    but don't spill the beans
    on what the term means:  
    It simply means "Gore Maintains Office."
© 2000

Will Alec Baldwin become a Promise Keeper?  (limerick 20000917-01)
    For voters who long have been stallin'
    to pick Gore or Bush for installin'
    a good reason for
    George Bush and not Gore:  
    To say "Adios, Alec Baldwin."
© 2000 --Inspired by Alec Baldwin's gracious offer to leave the country if Bush were to be elected.

Dan Rather-Not ... suspect any Democrat (limerick 20000915-01)
    When someone sent Downey a tape
    of George Dubya's practice debate,
    we didn't hear Dan
    proclaim to the land
    that surely Al Gore is to blame.
© 2000 --Inspired by Dan Rather's stunning loss of insight into the world of political dirty tricks by failing to assert that Democrat dirty tricks must have been the method by which Gore's speech-coach (former Representative Tom Downey) inexplicably received a tape of Dubya's practice debate, even though as recently as on 08-18-00 Rather strongly implied that on the eve of Gore's acceptance speech, Republicans had "leaked" a story that federal judges had authorized a new grand-jury to investigate whether Clinton had lied under oath.  See PoliSat's 08-18-00 limerick about that story.

The GorePrah Whiney Show (limerick 20000911-01)
    Since women prefer to emote
    while watching the O. Winfree show,
    it was a good place
    for old kissie-face
    to make GorePrahWhiney the show.
    So Dubya, you'd better take warning,
    so women to you will start warming!
    Tell some good lies
    with tears in your eyes,
    and you'll be the one they're adoring.
© 2000 --Today (09-11-00) Gore appeared as a guest on the Oprah Winfree Show.  It was a political love-feast.  Tune in next time when Dubya will be on the menu.

Fickle-Down beats Trickle-Down
in the War between Venus and Mars
General Wolf on the march against General Bush (limerick 20000908-01)
    The proof that so few pay attention
    and rarely make learning their mission?
    They shift o'er and o'er
    between Bush and Gore
    and most who are shifting are women.
    Naomi was right all along
    on how to change women in throngs.
    The way to prevail?
    Just be Alpha Male
    and for you they'll want to wear thongs.
    It's clear that political wars
    are now between Venus and Mars: 
    "Take care of my needs !"
    or "Just let me be !"
    Such opposites:  Venus and Mars.
© 2000 --Inspired by the sudden, massive shift among women voters after Gore French-kissed Tipper at the convention.  The philosophical differences between Bush and Gore are clear enough and wide enough that opinions of voters who keep themselves informed on political issues and base their decisions on reasoning do not shift back and forth between such clearly opposing political views.  It seems clear that a much larger percentage of women than men want security more than freedom and a much larger percentage of men than women want freedom more than security.  To the men-bashers I say this:  It's freedom that has produced the historically unprecedented security we now enjoy, not the other way around.

Alpha-Gore trap renews Gender Gap, 
so Bush must show grit to deal with the split. (limerick 20000907-01)
    The gender gap now is a pit--
    A swell in the feminine split. 
    'Cause Alpha Gore's kiss
    put Tipper in bliss, 
    and made the gals feel he's a fit.
    So, George must take care of the split
    so women will feel he's a fit:  
    To stop looking bland,
    grow face-stubble and  
    ride Harleys on all campaign trips.    .
© 2000

Gore's "rainy day fund"-- From whence must it come?  (limerick 20000906-01)
    Al Gore says the time has now come
    for government "rainy day funds,"
    which can't be maintained
    unless taxes rain
    on taxpayers' "rainy day funds."
© 2000 --Inspired by Gore's 09-06-00 speech proposing that part of the predicted surplus be maintained as a "rainy day fund" for government on the theory that government, "like families" should have a "rainy day fund," conveniently ignoring the fact that government -- unlike families -- has the power to take funds belonging to others to satisfy its needs.

How is it "mean" to show Al-Gore scenes? (limerick 20000901-01)
    Reporters say Bush has turned mean
    with ads that show goofy-Gore scenes.
    If such ads are "mean,"
    how should we perceive
    the Alpha Gore class-warfare themes?
© 2000 --Inspired by instant, virtually universal media assertion that Bush turned "mean" in approving RNC ads incorporating video of Al Gore engaging in contradictory behavior and exaggeration.

The Gore-Bot (a rhyme 20000831-02) 
    A robot-reproducing-"Dad" 
    thought he was first but then was sad
    to learn that he was really not 
    the first to reproduce a "bot."
    It's long been known across the land, 
    this first was done by Al Gore's Dad.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-31-00 BBC report about a scientist claiming to have invented a robot capable of reproducing itself.

Fiddler on the Roof (limerick 20000828-01)
    Joe Lieberman, known for the truth,
    became second-fiddle for soothe.
    So, what is his chore
    in running with Gore?
    To fiddle on top of the roof !
© 2000

Back by request:  The Gore Rangerettes (limerick 20000827-01)
    Since Gore would now have us believe,
    a quite-noble soldier was he,
    it's time to explore
    the exploits of Gore,
    so study this drill-song reprise:
© 2000

How to get more without "Al For More" (new, improved limerick 20000825-01)
    To those who support "Al For More,"
    because he will promise you more: 
    To you should be said: 
    "Just cut overhead
    by mugging your friends who have 'more.' "
© 2000

This is the chore:  Expose "Al For More" (limerick 20000824-01)
    To those who will vote for Al Gore
    Because he will promise them more,
    to them should be said:
    "Reduce overhead
    just knock-down your rich neighbors' doors."
© 2000

Errors in form versus divisive intent (limerick 20000823-01)
    We know Dubya takes after Dad
    'cause often his syntax is plaid
    and some words he bends,
    but Alpha intends
    rhetorical warfare by class.
© 2000  --Inspired by media criticism focusing on errors in form in Bush's expressions in contrast to the relative absence of criticism of Gore's intentional use of class-warfare rhetoric.  A good idea expressed poorly is still a good idea; likewise, a bad idea expressed well is still a bad idea.

Gore's Alpha-Male Moment:
The stiff upper-lipper, who's surely no Gipper, 
gets distance from Zipper by French-kissing Tipper. (limerick 20000821-01)
    To some it seemed quite out of place
    to French-kiss my Tipper on stage,
    but why the commotion
    about such emotion
    from one who is wooden on stage.
    The one who gave Soccer Moms thrills
    has been the young POTUS named Bill,
    He's an unzipper,
    but I've got my Tipper
    for Soccer Mom's surrogate thrills.
    Slick Willie would have to hit bottom
    to give such a French-kiss to Rodham,
    but unlike The Zipper,
    my cheerleader Tipper
    has kept me from prowling for madams.
© 2000  --Inspired by continuing media discussion of Gore's passionately kissing Tipper before commencing his speech as a way to further distance himself from Slick Willie while also trying to create a subliminal Alpha Male Moment to give Soccer Moms a vicarious thrill.

2000-08-19 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Al For More gets a bounce with programs unbound (limerick)
    At last I have quite a big bounce
    so Dubya I surely will trounce.
    I dropped Alpha Gore,
    to be "Al For More"
    with promises knowing no bounds.
© 2000

The "old" Alpha Gore becomes Al For More. (limerick 20000817-01)
    From Wolf I got pointers galore
    and tried to become Alpha Gore,
    but I'm on the ropes
    and need to buy votes,
    so now I've become "Al For More."
© 2000 --Inspired by Al Gore's acceptance speech on 08-17-00.


Senator Lieberman/Political "veetamin" (limerick 20000807-01)
    Today's pick by Gore is Joe Lieberman,
    'cause Gore needs integrity "veetamins."
    He's somewhat a lefty
    but otherwise hefty,
    and honor's a hallmark of Lieberman.
    Although this selection by Gore
    brings quite good man to the fore.
    If we wrote the plot,
    we'd put at the top
    Joe Lieberman rather than Gore.
© 2000

Political Mau-Mauing 
by claims of price-gouging.  (limericks) (du20000713-01)
    Said Richardson, Clinton and Gore 
    "Big Oil is price-gouging galore!"
    But they had been told 
    by memos in bold 
    that R-F-G costs so much more!
    And so there is no room for doubting ... 
    that such bogus claims of price-gouging
    were simply contrived
    and should be described 
    as nothing but campaign mau-mauing.  
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-13-00 news reports that despite Richardson's, Clinton's and Gore's allegations that high gasoline prices in the midwest were caused by "price gouging" by "Big Oil," an internal Energy Department memo to Richardson on June 5, 2000, stated that the implementation of regulations requiring new RFG in the midwest would cause substantial price increases and shortages.)

Saga of Gore's tenants:  
Scary Movie or Scary What ? .( limerick) (du20000709-01)
    Like characters in Scary Movie, 
    Gore's tenants are fearing entombment.
    The john overflows, 
    so each time they go, 
    they're trapped in a quite Scary Movement. 
© 2000
---Inspired by 07-07-00 Fox News story indicating Gore's tenants claim plumbing problems still persist despite Gore's claims to have made improvements..

Green Gore Oozes Again. (limerick) (du20000702-01)
    My tenants described on TV 
    the clogs in their toilets and sinks,
    So I told the man 
    in charge of my land:  
    "Be sure to get rid of that stink."
    That manager's in Tennessee, 
    and I speak like those in DeeCee,
    So he was misled 
    and thought that I said, 
    "Be sure to get rid of that zinc." 
© 2000 --Inspired by 07-02-00 report in the Sunday Times that a zinc-mining operation on Gore's land is endangering wildlife by polluting a nearby river and by a 06-04-00 FoxNews report about Gore's response to news reports in which his tenants complained his rental manager had ignored their repeated pleas for their clogged sinks and toilets to be fixed; See also our 2000-06-04 Daily Update-01 regarding the Green Gore problem exposing Gore's tenants to hazardous dumps.

Genome-Mapping Leads to ...
Genetically-Improved Al Gore (du20000626-01)
--Click here for more information about this ground-breaking development.

The Road to Damascus. (limerick 20000625-01)
    For years we heard Nader and Gore 
    proposing that gas should cost more !
    But now that it's high, 
    they suddenly cry 
    that surely the price should be lower !
    So what is the reason that both  
    now say that the price should be low?
    Of course it is rude 
    for us to conclude 
    they're simply competing for votes. 
© 2000

Gasoline Prices:  Gouging for Votes  (limerick 20000621-01)
    Since gasoline prices have risen, 
    Al Gore takes a puzzling position.
    His book said we need  
    high prices indeed  
    to save us from cars run by pistons.
    Yet now he has started espousing 
    that high prices constitute gouging,
    But it ain't the money, 
    it's who gets it, honey, 
    just "profits" not taxes are "gouging." 
© 2000

British Empire reborn as British E-empire (limerick 20000620)
(British Telecom seeks royalties for hyperlink patent.)
    The Twentieth Cent'ry's last half ...  
    saw Great Britain's Empire collapse
    But now like a phoenix, 
    it rises to greet us 
    and subjugate us to a tax.
    Of course, it's not really a tax-- 
    just fees under patent-law acts.
    You've prob'ly been thinking 
    that web-hyperlinking 
    was something that Al Gore begat,    But soon we will hear Gore admitting 
    that British chaps did the inventing.
    Who now with great pluck 
    demand that so much 
    be paid to so few by so many !  
© 2000.

Hard-drives found at Los Alamos (limerick 20000616-02)
    Bill Richardson said with relief, 
    the hard-drives are not with a thief
    He says they were found 
    still-on secure ground, 
    and maybe that is his belief.
    But PoliSat has a good source 
    as good as the mouth of the horse.
    We know they were found 
    on far-away ground:
    in toilets for tenants of Gore !  
© 2000 (Inspired by:  Fox News report on 06-16-00;  See also WashPost/AP report on 06-16-00.)

Bridging the Digital Divide, Part II .
(limerick 20000615-01; for Part I, click here.)
    Both Clinton and Gore take great pride 
    in closing the digital divide
    We know Foggy Bottom 
    has helped the downtrodden 
    by leaving their doors open wide.
    But who has helped close it the most?  
    Those kind folks at Los Alamos!
    They say to their guests, 
    "Please sample our best-- 
    we hope you won't turn us to toast." 
© 2000

Los Alamos hard-drives-- 
Where did they go? (limerick 20000613-01)
    Los Alamos hard-drives are key 
    to stopping a Nuke-'Em-High spree.
    So back in late April, 
    a Richardson cable 
    said keep 'em as safe as can be !
    And what did they see as the danger?  
    A fire set by fed'ral park rangers.
    'Cause ev'ryone knows 
    how strong the wind blows 
    except of course fed'ral park rangers.
    And this gave the scientists jitters 
    'cause rangers just care about critters
    So scientists hired  
    an expert on fire, 
    but sadly he was the low bidder.
    To save things from fire on the way, 
    it's best to just move them away.
    The next best protection 
    is water convection 
    for things that are not moved away.
    And so the low-bidder proposed  
    to use not just one way but both
    For safety through distance 
    and water resistance, 
    he code-named his plan "flush-and-go."
    He stationed a worker beside  
    the room with the hard-drives inside
    His recommendation 
    required simulation 
    to be sure the drives would survive.
    But on that poor worker's first day, 
    he heard the words "Fire's on the way!"
    He thought it was real 
    and not just a drill, 
    and so he just flushed them away.
    They searched for them thirty-some days 
    'til driven away by a blaze
    Then there were leaks 
    that prospects were bleak 
    and searchers were panicked and dazed.
    But miracles happen each day, 
    and now all the hard-drives are safe,
    It's hard to believe, 
    but they were retrieved 
    from toilets at Al Gore Estates. 
© 2000

Al Gore's latest invention:   The AlGoreMobile--  Al Gore uses his knowledge of science and politics to invent an innovative, environmentally friendly way to improve transportation while at the same time reducing hazardous dumps, dependence on foreign oil, fossil-fuel depletion,  and poverty.  Al Gore explains  the inspiration for his latest invention:  (limerick 20000612-01).
    Without even slight condescension, 
    I must say I make good inventions
    And how do I do it? 
    There ain't nothin' to it, 
    'cause nothin' escapes my attention !
    On learning my tenants' conditions 
    don't satisfy plumbing conventions
    Since each time they flush, 
    they're wading in slush, 
    I thought of a brand-new invention.
    I always stay right up to date 
    on ev'rything science can make
    So I knew of course a new fuel source:  
    We now can refine human waste
    And what gives my Green heart a thrill?  
    To get it we don't have to drill
    My tenants can "go," 
    then sell overflow, 
    and soon their accounts will be filled.
    The profit we'll take from the till 
    to make a new automobile
    Then we will hype a new prototype 
    and call it the AlGoreMobile
    This auto will please the whole nation, 
    'cause no one will need service stations
    And if you ask me  
    just how this can be, 
    I'll give you a quick explanation: 
    The obsolete gasoline tank 
    will yield to a nice septic tank
    And old drivers' seats 
    become toilet seats 
    so drivers can fill their own tanks. 
    Of course there's a need for improvement, 
    and clearly it's in our behoovement
    That models display 
    their mileage CAFE 
    at fifty-six miles to the movement !
    For drivers a danger is plain:  
    To get extra mileage they'll strain
    To them we'll repeat, 
    just be sure to eat 
    the foods with high fibre and grain.  
© 2000  (Inspiration:  05-20-00 BBC report about scientists having discovered how to convert human waste into fossil fuel and a 06-06-00 FoxNews report about complaints by Gore's Tennessee tennants complaining about toilet backups in Gore's rental property; see also a Weekly Standard article on the same story.)  (See also our 20000530-01 Daily Update and our 20000604-01 Daily Update.)

What's Behind the Green Gore? ( limerick by Gore 20000604-01)
    Some bad news has come to the fore 
    disputing that I'm a Green Gore
    But clearly it's false 
    to say it's my fault 
    or that I don't care for the poor.
    My tenants have called me slum-Goring 
    and claim I invented slum-lording
    They claim I don't care 
    and don't do repair 
    'cause rent-money I have been hording
    I swear that I just didn't know 
    that each time my tenants would "go,"
    They suffered in slush 
    'cause after each flush, 
    the toilet would soon overflow.
    And then as though that ain't enough, 
    the cleanup was always so tough,
    'Cause when they got up 
    to clean up the muck, 
    they found that the sink had backed up.
    When E-P-A checked-out the lumps, 
    and OSHA examined their rumps,
    The experts opined 
    that I should be fined 
    for causing such hazardous dumps.  
© 2000 (Inspired by 06-04-00 FoxNews story about Gore's tenants accusing him of being a slumlord.)

Spending our wealth on our inner-selves (limerick 20000602-01)
    Al Gore says our nation of wealth 
    should cure us of bad mental health
    and not charge a fee 
    to those with such needs 
    until they have no troubles left.
    'Though he thinks we have enough wealth 
    to cure all that bad mental health.
    Our surplus would fade 
    if government paid 
    the cost of the cure for himself.  
© 2000 (Inspired by 05-31-00 FoxNews report on Gore's proposal to require insurers to provide for mental-health treatment.)

More Gore Lore (limerick) (20000510-01)
    Yesterday, Gore laid a bomb 
    with typically reckless aplomb
    He tried to imply 
    Dubya's such a dumb guy 
    to call Bosniacs "Bosnians"
    So often Al Gore makes attacks 
    without having read his own tracts
    And he would be sad  
    to learn that he has  
    said "Bosnians" not "Bosniacs"  
© 2000

Al Gore Mapping Tour  (20000509-01)
    The White House was surely displeased 
    at what seemed to be a reprise
    When mapping done wrong 
    had led us to bomb 
    the embassy of the Chinese 
© 2000 --See story on White House map for Clinton's "School Reform Tour" (Drudge 05-09-00)

Closing the "Digital Divide" 
(with a little help from the State Dept.) (limerick)(20000506-01)
    Since Clinton and Gore now decry 
    a digital high-tech divide
    Isn't it great 
    that workers at State 
    now leave all their doors open wide?
    Others in need just can't wait 
    to get their new laptops from State
    They''ll get in line 
    and say "This one's mine" 
    then "Thanks" as they run for the gate. 
© 2000 --Inspired by news reports of laptops disappearing from the State Department.

Gore to the rescue--No guns in the church-pew.
(Limerick on Gore's proposal to ban guns in church)(20000415-01).
    Thank goodness for candidate Gore
    to warn us of danger in store
    It ain't Chinese funds 
    from kind Buddhist nuns, 
    it's gun-toting Texas church-goers 
© 2000 --Inspired by 04-14-00 Fox News report about Gore's proposal for a federal ban against guns in churches.
du20000415-01.

Cheats & Chung or GoreCheats & Chung or Gore ! (limerick about In-White-House Solicitations)(20000321-01)
    In raising more funds by the ton 
    by on-fed'ral-property duns,
    controlling authority
    did not apply to me ... 
    when I was just dialing for funds.
    But now there's a claim by John Chung 
    that I made some in-White-House duns.
    I fear that I can't 
    make-up a new chant 
    refuting the claims of John Chung.
    And since there's no way to dodge blame, 
    I must try to minimize shame.
    I'll try to sound stern 
    and claim that I've learned 
    from errors just like John McCain  
© 2000 --Inspired by 03-20-00 NewsMax article.

Wayne LaPierre says things that ain't "fair".
(limerick 20000318-01)
    Those harsh words from Wayne LaPierre 
    described by the press as unfair
    were almost as mean 
    as tactics we've seen 
    by Clinton and his buddy Al.
    The record of Clinton and Gore 
    shows often they said worse and more  ... 
    'cause when someone dies 
    from gunfire they cry, 
    "N-R-A would just tolerate more." 
© 2000

Gore defends Zipper; Impersonates Gipper 
(limerick 20000313-01)
    A shameless campaigner named Gore 
    now mimics the Gipper of yore.
    With hairdo retread 
    and tilting his head, 
    he tries to invoke Gipper's lore.
    Subliminal efforts like that 
    make fiction seem like it's a fact,
    but sooner or later 
    while playing debater 
    his scheme will become his own trap.
    His mimicking Reagan that way 
    will give Bush a good chance to say: 
    "Your hairdo retread 
    and tilting your head 
    don't equal his good-natured way."
    "You mimic the style of the Gipper 
    with help from Naomi and Tipper."
    "I knew Reagan then; 
    he was my good friend, 
    and Gore, you are surely no Gipper."  
© 2000 --Inspired by Gore's recent, obvious efforts to adopt Reagan's hair-style and his mannerisms in answering questions.

Gore wins among hard-core Democrats (limerick 20000202)
    As Granite-heads went to the polls, 
    they almost left Gore in the cold
    But he said with glee, 
    "Unlike Tennessee, 
    I didn't fall short of the goal."
    He got almost no independents, 
    which left him with Clinton's "descendents."
    It soon became plain 
    they went for McCain 
    and Bradley was left with the remnants.
    But even in that shrunken field, 
    Bill Bradley was hot on Gore's heels.
    The lesson for Gore:  
    he won't get more 
    than those slaves in dependency fields 
© 2000

Smoke Marijuana/Forget What You Wanna (2000-01-22)
    Gore has confessed he smoked pot, 
    but said it was not a whole lot,
    and since marijuana 
    is like a brain sauna, 
    we know he'll just say he forgot 
© 2000 --Inspired by report that close Gore friend has stated that Gore smoked pot quite a lot throughout the '70's.

GoreSpeak Response to Town-Hall Question About Juanita Brodderick (1999-12-20)
(Gore is a Magna Cum Laude graduate of the Sandy Berger School of Verbal Cryptology.)
Oooo, eeeee, oooo, aahhh, aahhh, teeng, tang, walla-walla bing-bang
Oooo, eeeee, oooo, aahhh, aahhh, teeng, tang, walla-walla bang-bang.
(1999-12-20-01).

The "Debate" Debate Between 
Elbow Bradley & Alpha Gore on "Meet the Press" 
(To the tune of I can do anything better than you.)
    I think your ads are much meaner than mine are !  
    Oh, no, it's yours that are meaner than mine !
    No, they're not ! Yes, they are !  No, they're not !  
    Yes, they are !  Yes, they are !  Yes, they are ! 
    I think your ads are much meaner than mine are !  
    Oh, no, it's yours that are meaner than mine !
    No, they're not ! Yes, they are !  No, they're not !  
    Yes, they are !  Yes, they are !  Yes, they are ! 
© 1999

Bradley/Gore Debate--Dueling Promises
    I can do anything you can do better, 
    I can do anything better than you.
    I'll have the gov'ment grant all voters' wishes, 
    I'll promise more to all voters than you.
    No, you can't !  Yes, I can !  No, you can't !  
    Yes, I can !  Yes, I can !  Yes I can !
    I'll make sure no one must sneeze without tissues;  
    No one should have to have snot on his face
    I'll have the gov'ment prevent constipation;  
    I'll make sure no one has strain on his face
    No, you can't !  Yes, I can !  No, you can't !  
    Yes, I can !  Yes, I can !  Yes I can !
    I'll have a program to stop runny noses, 
    this will give parents more quality time
    I'll give protection from all of life's bruises, 
    I'll make sure there are no mountains to climb.
    No, you can't !  Yes, I can !  No, you can't !  
    Yes, I can !  Yes, I can !  Yes I can !
    I'll make sure no one gridlocked in traffic, 
    Going to work should be fun, not a chore
    I've just invented a fix for that problem, 
    I'll call them bikes, an invention by Gore
    No, you can't !  Yes, I can !  No, you can't !  
    Yes, I can !  Yes, I can !  Yes I can !
© 1999

Renaissance Man:  The Amazing Alpha Gore--  
Inventor, Discoverer, Originator (1999-12-15)
    There was a Vee-POTUS named Gore, 
    a Renaissance Man and much more
    We'd all be broke 
    if not for this bloke, 
    'cause saving the world is a chore
    Inventor of our internet, 
    the Web he did surely beget
    He rallied the Hill 
    while flaking for Bill 
    for having the best intern yet.
    He's from Tennessee but no bumpkin; 
    his mission is saving the country.
    He found Love Canal, 
    but so did his pal 
    way back in that old White-House pantry.
    He fathered the earned-income credit 
    a year before being elected.
    He does deeds sublime 
    by traveling in time 
    'cause EMC-square he perfected.
© 1999

Alpha Gore's Billboard Score (1999-11-23)
    The billboard of me hugging Willie 
    just shows my opponents are trickey.
    Exceeding their reach, 
    they tried to impeach 
    'cause Monica played with his ______
    That billboard's just meant to mislead 
    and tarnish me with his misdeeds.
    He gave me a tug 
    and forced me to hug 
    before I had time to retreat. 
© 1999.  --Inspired by Gore campaign's complaint that Republicans posted a billboard near Gore's Tennessee headquarters featuring a picture of Gore and Clinton hugging.

.Ranger Gore's Army Drill Song: (19991121-01)

    Ranger Gore (GoreRanger) Sings
        Echo by GoreRangerettes

    I don't know but I've been told
        You don't know but you've been told
    Alpha Males are on a roll
        Alpha Males are on a roll
    Wolfie Baby, please help me
        Wolfie Baby, please help you
    Show the Alpha Male in Me
        Show the Alpha Male in you
    Sound-off
        Sound-off, 
    One, Two
        Three, Four
    One, Two, Three, Four
        One-Two... Three-Four
    Back when I was in my prime
        Back when you were in your prime
    Canada was on my mind
        Canada was on your mind
    I said Daddy please help me
        You said Daddy please help me
    He said, Son, you cannot flee
        He said, Son, you cannot flee
    Sound-off
        Sound-off,  
    One, Two
        Three, Four
    One, Two, Three, Four
        One-Two... Three-Four
    He said fighting's not for me
        You said "Fighting's not for me"
    Chairborne ranger I would be
        Chairborne ranger you would be
    They gave me a Remington
        They gave you a Remington
    Typewriter but not a gun
        Typewriter but not a gun
    Chair-Borne
        Chair-Borne,
    Ranger
        Ranger
    Chair-Borne Ran-ger
        Chairborne ... Ranger
    That was many years ago
        That was many years ago
    I thought no one else would know
        You thought no one else would know
    My old buddies spilled the beans
        Your old buddies spilled the beans
    Told the press I stayed real clean
        Told the press you stayed real clean
    Chair-Borne
        Chair-Borne, 
    Ranger
        Ranger
    Chair-Borne Ran-ger
        Chairborne ... Ranger
    Now they'll think that I'm like Bill
        Now they'll think that you're like Bill
    Hide behind the nearest hill
        Hide behind the nearest hill
    It's not fair for me to lose
        It's not fair for you to lose
    He's the one the intern blew
        He's the one the intern blew
    Air-blown
        Air-blown
    Danger
        Danger
    Air-blown danger
        Air-blown ...  Danger
    What should I say to the press?
        What should you say to the press?
    Save me from this awful mess
        Save you from this awful mess
    Please Naomi do tell me
        Please Naomi do tell thee
    How to get out of this tree
        How to get him from this tree
    Dog in
        Dog in
    manger
        manger
    Dog in manger
        Dog-in ...  man-ger   .
© 1999

Alpha Gore attacks Bill Bradley's Joe Camel (19991117)
    While he masquerades as old Dollar Bill, 
    his buddy, Joe Camel, is filling his till.
    So I, Alpha Gore, 
    remind you once more 
    "Tobacco's an evil that kills."
  © 1999 --Inspired by Gore's claim that Big Tobacco was supporting Bradley.

Naomi Wolf morphs Al Gore into Alpha Gore  
(drill-song rhythm)(19991105-02)
    Folks who checked this lone-Wolf's trail 
    claim Gore paid me over scale.
    He said "Naomi, please don't fail, 
    change me into Alpha Male."
    I admit I used my wiles 
    teaching Gore just how to smile.
    And I spent a little while 
    teaching him to dress in style.
    He has fam'ly-man appeal ---
    not the type to make girls squeal.
    He must learn their pain to feel,
    Then they all will want to kneel.
    I can teach him how to show 
    the darker side they want to know.
    And when I'm done you all will know 
    I've shown him how to make them glow.
© 1999 (revised 2000)

She-Wolf changes Beta Gore to Alpha Gore(limerick 19991103)
    As VP I'm sure I've been greater 
    than he who had misspelled potatoe.
    I have all the data 
    to prove I've been greater 
    but soccer moms think I'm a beta
    So how can I get them to see 
    the alpha male hidden in me?
    I'm wearing Old Spice, 
    but need some advice 
    from someone who thinks like a "she."
    I don't know how 
    I'm seen as a cow 
    when I should be seen as a bull.
    But I've fixed it now 
    'cause soon I'll learn how 
    with help from a feminine Wolf. 
© 1999

Gorey, Borey Hallelujah
    My name is Al Gore 
    and I make you snore 
    but you shouldn't I'm a bore.
    I'm really alive
    and I can contrive 
    like all politicians of yore 
© 1999.

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