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Political
Satire
Daily
Updates.© 2000
This page
contains Daily Updates for
August, 2000.
To go to our
current
Daily Updates page, click
here. To go to our
Archives
of Daily Updates, click
here. To go to an
Index
of
PoliSat
Rhymes, click
here.
2000-08-31 Daily Update-02
© 2000
The Gore-Bot (a rhyme)
A robot-reproducing-"Dad"
thought he was first but then was sad
to learn that he was really not
the first to reproduce a "bot,"
It's long been known across the land,
this first was done by Al Gore's Dad.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-31-00
BBC report about a scientist claiming to have invented a robot capable of
reproducing itself.
2000-08-31 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Election Smack-Down: The Dubya-Gore Round
(limerick)
The Double-U Double-U Eff
will show us whom we should elect:
Election Smack-Down--
The Dubya-Gore Round
will let us just vote for who's left.
© 2000 --Inspired by the World Wrestling
Federation (WWF) invitation (yesterday) to Bush and Gore to appear in the ring
at a "Smack Down" to criticize and defend each other's positions on
issues for the edification of the Smack-Down fans.
2000-08-30-01 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Predictable Nader calls business Darth Vader
(limerick)
I have just one question for Nader:
Please tell me where freedom is greater
than in the U.S.
where all can invest
in business for self-preservation.
© 2000 --Inspired by Nader's
anti-corporation diatribe earlier today telling "a U.N. meeting of grass-roots
organizations ... that multinational corporations are the biggest threat to democracies today."
Washington
Post/Associated Press 80-30-00.
2000-08-29-01 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Clinton philanders then wants double-standards
(limerick)
Slick Willie says lies that he told
in front of Judge Wright under oath
deserve admonition
and not revocation,
because only sex-lies were told.
Such argument misses the point.
The case doesn't spring from his groin.
He signed laws with zeal
to make men reveal
affairs with the gals they employ.
Since Clinton apparently feels
a dad should not have to reveal
a dalliance at work,
then he should assert:
"Such laws should be promptly repealed !".
But if he's unwilling to say
"Repeal all those laws right away,"
Then he should admit
that he is unfit
and give-up his license today.
© 2000 (see also "Disbarment
is Par for Lies at the Bar.")
2000-08-28 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Fiddler on the Roof (limerick)
Joe Lieberman, known for the truth,
became second-fiddle for soothe.
So, what is his chore
in running with Gore?
To fiddle on top of the roof !
© 2000
2000-08-27 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Back by request: The Gore
Rangerettes (limerick)
Since Gore would now have us believe,
a quite-noble soldier was he,
it's time to explore
the exploits of Gore,
so study this drill-song reprise:
.Ranger
Gore's Army Drill Song: (drill-song
rhythm) (19991121-01)
.
Ranger Gore (GoreRanger) Sings
Echo by
GoreRangerettes
I don't know but I've been told
You
don't know but you've been told
Alpha Males are on a roll
Alpha
Males are on a roll
Wolfie Baby, please help me
Wolfie
Baby, please help you
Show the Alpha Male in Me
Show the
Alpha Male in you
Sound-off
Sound-off,
One, Two
Three,
Four
One, Two, Three, Four
One-Two... Three-Four
Back when I was in my prime
Back
when you were in your prime
Canada was on my mind
Canada
was on your mind
I said Daddy please help me
You said
Daddy please help me
He said, Son, you cannot flee
He said,
Son, you cannot flee
Sound-off
Sound-off,
One, Two
Three,
Four
One, Two, Three, Four
One-Two... Three-Four
He said fighting's not for me
You said
"Fighting's not for me"
Chairborne ranger I would be
Chairborne ranger you would be
They gave me a Remington
They
gave you a Remington
Typewriter but not a gun
Typewriter but not a gun
Chair-Borne
Chair-Borne,
Ranger
Ranger
Chair-Borne Ran-ger
Chairborne ... Ranger
That was many years ago
That was
many years ago
I thought no one else would know
You
thought no one else would know
My old buddies spilled the beans
Your old
buddies spilled the beans
Told the press I stayed real clean
Told the
press you stayed real clean
Chair-Borne
Chair-Borne,
Ranger
Ranger
Chair-Borne Ran-ger
Chairborne ... Ranger
Now they'll think that I'm like Bill
Now
they'll think that you're like Bill
Hide behind the nearest hill
Hide
behind the nearest hill
It's not fair for me to lose
It's not
fair for you to lose
He's the one the intern blew
He's the
one the intern blew
Air-blown
Air-blown
Danger
Danger
Air-blown danger
Air-blown ... Danger
What should I say to the press?
What
should you say to the press?
Save me from this awful mess
Save you
from this awful mess
Please Naomi do tell me
Please
Naomi do tell thee
How to get out of this tree
How to
get him from this tree
Dog in
Dog in
manger
manger
Dog in manger
Dog-in
... manger ©
1999
© 2000 (reprise of 11-21-99 Daily
Update-01 in light of Gore's renewed emphasis on himself as one who
"volunteered" to serve in the army in Vietnam.)
2000-08-26 Daily Update-01
© 2000
A new mindless tactic by PeTA fanatics
(limerick)
PeTA proclaims that the answer
why Rudy has "Got Prostate Cancer"
is those of his ilk
were wrong to drink milk
'cause PeTA thinks soy is the answer.
The PeTA crowd long has been sinking
to acts of bad taste without blinking.
With tactics so crude
they simply have proved
the cancer is in their own thinking.
© 2000 --Inspired by PeTA's posting of anti-dairy-industry billboards featuring
a picture of Rudy Giuliani with a "milk" moustache and the caption
"Got Prostate Cancer?" as part of PeTA's fanatical, bogus campaign
against the dairy industry's "Got Milk" advertising campaign as a
contributor to prostate cancer.
2000-08-25 Daily Update-01
© 2000
How to get more without "Al For More"
(new, improved limerick)
To those who support "Al For More,"
because he will promise you more:
To you should be said:
"Just cut overhead
by mugging your friends who have 'more.' "
© 2000
2000-08-24-01 Daily Update-01
© 2000
This is the chore: Expose "Al For More" (limerick)
To those who will vote for Al Gore
Because he will promise them more,
to them should be said:
"Reduce overhead
just knock-down your rich neighbors' doors."
© 2000
2000-08-23 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Errors in form versus divisive intent
(limerick)
We know Dubya takes after Dad
'cause often his syntax is plaid
and some words he bends,
but Alpha intends
rhetorical warfare by class.
© 2000 --Inspired by media criticism
focusing on errors in form in Bush's expressions in contrast to the relative
absence of criticism of Gore's intentional use of class-warfare rhetoric.
A good idea expressed poorly is still a good idea; likewise, a bad idea
expressed well is still a bad idea.
2000-08-22 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Hillary's Retort: He lied to a court !
(Part II**)
(limerick)
The man Hill'ry called a "Jew ... bastard"
has shown he's a polygraph passer
So, what is her plea?
She says don't believe
a man who's been shown as a liar.
So Rick should adopt her retort:
Don't trust men who've lied to a court.
So when you hear Willie
say good things for Hill'ry,
You'll know they are lies to ignore.
© 2000 --Inspired by an August
22, 2000, report in the New York Post Online stating that Paul Fray passed a
lie-detector test (administered by an examiner selected by the NY Post) with
respect to his statement that Hillary called him a "f___ing Jew
bastard." According to the same NY Post story, Hillary's campaign
spokesman Howard Wolfson respond to that report by saying that "[since]
Paul Fray is an admitted liar [i.e., one who admitted having presented false
documents to a court], ... we're not going to be responding to his lies
anymore." Therefore, shouldn't Hillary make the same
don't-believe-anything-he-says assertion about Bill Clinton in light of his
demonstrated pattern of lying to the Judge (and everyone else) in the Paula
Jones case?
**For Hillary's
Retort, Part I, go here.
or here.
2000-08-21 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Gore's Alpha-Male Moment:
The stiff upper-lipper, who's surely no Gipper,
gets distance from Zipper by French-kissing Tipper. (limerick)
To some it seemed quite out of place
to French-kiss my Tipper on stage,
but why the commotion
about such emotion
from one who is wooden on stage.
The one who gave Soccer Moms thrills
has been the young POTUS named Bill,
He chases unzippers,
but I've got my Tipper
for Soccer Moms' surrogate thrills.
Slick Willie would have to hit bottom
to give such a French-kiss to Rodham,
But unlike that critter,
my cheerleader, Tipper,
has kept me from prowling for madams.
© 2000 --Inspired
by continuing media discussion of Gore's passionately kissing Tipper
before commencing his speech as a way to further distance himself from Slick
Willie while also trying to create a subliminal Alpha Male Moment to give Soccer
Moms a vicarious thrill.
2000-08-20 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The Who? Me-dia? (a limerick)
How many media mavens
condemned their untrue speculation
that Dubya's campaign
had smeared Clinton's name?
Say "None," and you've earned an ovation.
© 2000 --Inspired by absence of any serious self-criticism by news media
sources who initially implied the Bush Campaign was the source of the leak about
the new grand jury being impaneled to investigate Clinton's lies in the Paula
Jones case. See also our Daily
Update for 08-18-00.
2000-08-19 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Al For More gets a bounce with programs unbound
(limerick)
At last I have quite a big bounce
so Dubya I surely will trounce.
I dropped Alpha Gore,
to be "Al For More"
with promises knowing no bounds.
© 2000
2000-08-18 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Dan Rather-Blather falsely smears Independent
Counsel,
Republicans and the Bush Campaign. (a limerick)
The CBS News and Dan Rather
engaged in their typical blather
and falsely portrayed
the lawyer, Bob Ray,
as leaker of grand-jury matters.
Rather quite smugly proclaimed
Republicans must be to blame
for leaks of a probe
of lies Clinton sowed
denying the Paula-Jones claims.
'Twas well-orchestrated said Dan
by right-wing-conspiracy hands
to taint Alpha Gore
with scandal once more
while speaking to all in the land.
Before blaming Ray for this perfidy
It's clear Rather owed him the courtesy
to check with the court
and learn that the source
was Democrat Judge Richard Cudahy. .
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-18-00
Associated Press report demonstrating the falsity of Dan
Rather's un-sourced assertion on 08-17-00 blatantly implying that an August
17, 2000, report that the three-judge court supervising Independent Counsel
Robert Ray had granted his request for a new grand jury to be impaneled to
investigate lies told by Clinton in the Paula Jones case was a "carefully
orchestrated, politically motivated leak ... [by Republicans to embarrass Gore
just] ... hours before [he was] set to accept his party's nomination in the most
important speech of his political life...." We've preserved the text
of Rather's false, un-sourced assertion in PoliSat's archives as an example of Rather-Blather
followed by the text of the Associate Press story demonstrating its falsity.
2000-08-17 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The "old" Alpha Gore becomes Al For More.
(limerick)
From Wolf I got pointers galore
and tried to become Alpha Gore,
but I'm on the ropes
and need to buy votes,
so now I've become "Al For More."
© 2000 --Inspired by Al Gore's acceptance speech on 08-17-00.
2000-08-16-00 Daily Update-01
© 2000
We beg you Joe, please say it ain't so.
(limerick)
Joe Lieberman has a good heart.
Civility's what he imparts.
He tries to be deft
in leaning more left
than how he had stood at the start.
Of course we know VeePees must lean
t'wards those who control the machines,
but we say to Joe
please say it ain't so
you'll parrot the class-warfare theme.
© 2000 (Inspired by listening to Lieberman's acceptance speech on 08-16-00)
...2000-08-12
through 20000815 Daily Updates.
Too much renovation; too little innovation.
Due to the unexpected scope of gliches we encountered in renovating PoliSat.Com,
we were unable to bring you daily updates on August 12 through 15.
2000-08-11 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Lieberman's Rhyming Slogan
for Campaign 2000 as Gore's VP running mate: .
Although the word lie's
in my name,
it's never been part of my game.
Like Biblical Ruth,
I'm known for the truth,
and I'll pretend Alpha's the same.
This chance is as good as it gets,
However, I'm hedging my bets.
I'll still run for Senate,
which Al Gore invented,
(or was it just internet sex?)
My gosh, did I slip and say "sex"?
It's just a mistake I'll correct:
sometimes I still
confuse him with Bill--
inventor of intern et
sex.
© 2000. (To visit PoliSat's
page about Lieberman, go here.)
2000-08-10 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Clinton's profuseness in moral obtuseness
(limerick)
Today Clinton did it again
in claiming recov'ry from sin.
He still tries to plead
his scope of misdeeds
was just "a"
mistake once again.
He still will not say that he's sorry,
yet claims that he said that he's sorry.
He still won't concede
the scope of his deeds.
'cause parsers are not his real quarry.
Professing a feeling of grief,
he wants to make voters believe
he didn't intend
to do any sin,
but just for a moment was weak.
He thinks that his only offense
was leaving his DNA prints
and we should excuse him
and say she seduced him
and that's all he needs to repent.
But bad as it was that he used
an intern quite willing to flooze,
his biggest offenses
were crim'nal pretenses
in swearing those things were not true.
Perhaps we'd be more understanding,
but laws against sexual harassing
that he signed with zeal
said men must reveal
such use of employees for passion.
Such perjury wasn't the worst
and surely he wasn't the first
to lie to save face,
but he set the pace
suborning such lies by the girl.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-10-00
Washington Post story about Clinton's August 10,
2000, remarks in a satellite broadcast to "Christian leaders
worldwide" about his conduct with Lewinsky. Clinton said, inter
alia, "I'm in the second year of a
process of trying to totally rebuild my life from a
terrible mistake I made ...." (emphasis added) .
2000-08-09 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Still-Missing Laptop at State--
What the meaning of "laptop" is (a limerick)
Because the Department of State
has not yet determined the fate
of laptop computers
or names of the looters,
they've said a reward will be paid.
The laptop still missing from State
has data for which we can't wait!
It has Chelsea's plans
for Middle East lands,
so peace really hangs on its fate.
They gave Secret Service the word
to learn how this deed had occurred.
But they thought
"lap-top"
for stuff that is hot,
referred to Bill's place for interns.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-09-00
Fox News report that the State Department has now posted a $25,000 reward
for information leading to the recovery of a still-missing laptop computer; also
inspired by 07-30-00 story by Matt Drudge that the White House continued its
denial of reports that Chelsea had participated in the Mideast negotiations
until photographs began circulating showing her participating in the discussions.
2000-08-08 Daily Update-01
© 2000
No update-- renovation gliches.
© 2000
2000-08-07 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Senator Lieberman-- Political "veetamin"
(limerick)
Today's pick by Gore is Joe Lieberman,
'cause Gore needs integrity "veetamins."
He's somewhat a lefty
but otherwise hefty,
and honor's a hallmark of Lieberman.
Although this selection by Gore
brings quite good man to the fore.
If we wrote the plot,
we'd put at the top
Joe Lieberman rather than Gore.
© 2000
2000-08-06 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Guinness dies; Col. Nicholson & Obi Wan still live
(limerick)
The man who portrayed Obi Wan,
the great Alec Guinness, is gone.
Already a Knight,
his karma was right
to play the good knight, Obi Wan.
© 2000 (Alex Guinness, Knighted in 1959 by Queen Elizabeth, died on
08-06-00 in England at age 86.)
2000-08-05 Daily Update-01
© 2000
No update today due to renovation gliches.
2000-08-04 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Ron Reagan Junior says: "Bush, I impugn ya"
(a limerick)
We know that the Junior Ron Reagan
considered his dad a Darth Vader,
and so it's no puzzler
that he trashes Dubya
and pledges allegiance to Nader.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-04-00
"Reliable Source" column in the Washington Post
stating that Ron Reagan, son of President Reagan, called George W. Bush
"unqualified" to be president and also expressed his intention to
support Nader. .
2000-08-03 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Give us democracy-- not a theocracy (a
limerick)
Since Keyes has a mind that's adept
you'd think he would learn to accept
that we want democracy*
--
not a theocracy,
and that's why behind he was left.
And Falwell, it's your right to say
just how you think folks should behave.
It's okay to teach,
but not smart to preach
while on a political stage.
And Robertson, give us a break.
Your preaching is quite hard to take.
When we want your views,
we'll sit in your pews
to learn all the things you berate.
And lib'rals who claim they don't
preach
adore ev'ry left-leaning priest
and do not berate
the church mixed with state
by bishops with whom they agree.
'Though Dubya professes his strengths
derive from religious beliefs,
he seems to eschew
intolerant views
and says that for God he can't speak.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-02-00
Washington Post/AP story that Alan Keyes claims the party
"snubbed" him by not providing him a visible role at the
convention. Also inspired by the belief that although preachers have
free-speech rights to express their theological views in political contexts,
they should be wise enough to realize that doing so can easily be
counterproductive since most Americans today fear theocracy as much as did our
founders. Although many of our founders often alluded (in political
settings) to the value of religious faith in general, they did not express their
religious views in an us-versus-them or holier-than-thou manner. To
satirize religiosity is
not
to mock sincere religious faith. *I
know we have a democratic republic rather than a democracy, but republic doesn't
rhyme with theocracy. .
2000-08-02 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Campaign "Reforms" ignore all the norms.
(limerick)
The Media kick-up a storm
for Campaigning Finance "Reform,"
and say campaigns spend
so much from their friends,
it makes all the people forlorn.
And what's the "reform" that
is wanted
for people no more to be daunted?
A campaign reform-tax
to fund public broadcasts
so people can be self-informed.
To test a proposal for feeding,
the proof of the pudding's in eating.
Since ratings are low
on campaign-news shows,
the people are somewhere else feeding.
Since most folks won't watch a
convention,
and candidates need their attention,
they must pay for spots
on programs they watch
or else they won't get their attention.
© 2000 --Inspired by these facts:
(1) The broadcast
"news" media are not
providing any extensive coverage of the Republican Convention (and surely will
likewise not provide any extensive coverage of the upcoming Democratic
Convention), which virtually any interested citizen could watch "for
free," and the reason the broadcast "news" media are not
providing any extensive coverage is that they know that their rating would
plummet because only the small percentage of people who are political junkies
would watch; (2) Although some of the cable
"news" media are providing extensive coverage, comments by anchors and
pundits on virtually every such cable-news program have made it clear that the
ratings for such coverage are at rock-bottom.
2000-08-01 Daily Update-02 © 2000
Laugh of the Day
.
Clinton, commenting on what he characterized as his
enemies' anger at him being transferred to Hillary, said:
"I spend a lot more time worrying about
her than I ever
did worrying about myself ...."
This comment prompts the question:
Where was such level
of "worry" about "her" (or about his
daughter) during his
countless escapades of sexually harassing, or seeking
to
take sexual liberties with, females in subordinate
positions
as paid or voluntary workers?? Give us a break!
.
© 2000 (Source: August
1, 2000, Reuters report by Randall Mikkelsen about an interview of Clinton
by a Fox TV affiliate in Tampa, Florida, "released" on August 1.)
2000-08-01 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Unwelcome news for media views .(a limerick).
Powell surprised all the pundits
and so did the my-way-or-none-ists
All showed respect
and did not beget
rebirth of the moral chest-thumping.
© 2000
Archives of Daily Updates: Go
here.
This page
contains Daily Updates for August, 2000.
To go to our current
Daily Updates page, click here. To go to our
Daily-Update Archives,
click here. For an Index
of PoliSat
Rhymes, go
here.
