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Political Satire Daily Updates.© 2000
This page contains Daily Updates for August, 2000.  To go to our current Daily Updates page, click here.  To go to our Archives of Daily Updates, click here.  To go to an Index of PoliSat Rhymes, click here.

2000-08-31 Daily Update-02 © 2000
The Gore-Bot (a rhyme) 
    A robot-reproducing-"Dad" 
    thought he was first but then was sad
    to learn that he was really not 
    the first to reproduce a "bot,"
    It's long been known across the land, 
    this first was done by Al Gore's Dad.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-31-00 BBC report about a scientist claiming to have invented a robot capable of reproducing itself.

2000-08-31 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Election Smack-Down:  The Dubya-Gore Round (limerick)
    The Double-U Double-U Eff
    will show us whom we should elect:  
    Election Smack-Down--
    The Dubya-Gore Round
    will let us just vote for who's left.
© 2000 --Inspired by the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) invitation (yesterday) to Bush and Gore to appear in the ring at a "Smack Down" to criticize and defend each other's positions on issues for the edification of the Smack-Down fans.

2000-08-30-01 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Predictable Nader calls business Darth Vader (limerick)
    I have just one question for Nader:
    Please tell me where freedom is greater
    than in the U.S.
    where all can invest
    in business for self-preservation.
© 2000 --Inspired by Nader's anti-corporation diatribe earlier today telling "a U.N. meeting of grass-roots organizations ... that multinational corporations are the biggest threat to democracies today."  Washington Post/Associated Press 80-30-00.

2000-08-29-01 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Clinton philanders then wants double-standards (limerick)
    Slick Willie says lies that he told
    in front of Judge Wright under oath
    deserve admonition
    and not revocation,
    because only sex-lies were told.
    Such argument misses the point.
    The case doesn't spring from his groin.
    He signed laws with zeal
    to make men reveal
    affairs with the gals they employ.

    Since Clinton apparently feels
    a dad should not have to reveal
    a dalliance at work,
    then he should assert:
    "Such laws should be promptly repealed !".
    But if he's unwilling to say
    "Repeal all those laws right away,"
    Then he should admit
    that he is unfit
    and give-up his license today.

© 2000 (see also "Disbarment is Par for Lies at the Bar.")

2000-08-28 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Fiddler on the Roof (limerick)
    Joe Lieberman, known for the truth,
    became second-fiddle for soothe.
    So, what is his chore
    in running with Gore?
    To fiddle on top of the roof !
© 2000

2000-08-27 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Back by request:  The Gore Rangerettes (limerick)
    Since Gore would now have us believe,
    a quite-noble soldier was he,
    it's time to explore
    the exploits of Gore,
    so study this drill-song reprise:

.Ranger Gore's Army Drill Song: (drill-song rhythm) (19991121-01)

    Ranger Gore (GoreRanger) Sings
        Echo by GoreRangerettes

    I don't know but I've been told
        You don't know but you've been told
    Alpha Males are on a roll
        Alpha Males are on a roll
    Wolfie Baby, please help me
        Wolfie Baby, please help you
    Show the Alpha Male in Me
        Show the Alpha Male in you
    One, Two
        Three, Four
    One, Two, Three, Four
        One-Two... Three-Four
    Back when I was in my prime
        Back when you were in your prime
    Canada was on my mind
        Canada was on your mind
    I said Daddy please help me
        You said Daddy please help me
    He said, Son, you cannot flee
        He said, Son, you cannot flee
    One, Two
        Three, Four
    One, Two, Three, Four
        One-Two... Three-Four
    He said fighting's not for me
        You said "Fighting's not for me"
e ranger I would be
e ranger you would be
    They gave me a Remington
        They gave you a Remington
    Typewriter but not a gun
        Typewriter but not a gun
    Chair-Borne Ran-ger
        Chairborne ... Ranger
    That was many years ago
        That was many years ago
    I thought no one else would know
        You thought no one else would know
    My old buddies spilled the beans
        Your old buddies spilled the beans
    Told the press I stayed real clean
        Told the press you stayed real clean
    Chair-Borne Ran-ger
        Chairborne ... Ranger
    Now they'll think that I'm like Bill
        Now they'll think that you're like Bill
    Hide behind the nearest hill
        Hide behind the nearest hill
    It's not fair for me to lose
        It's not fair for you to lose
    He's the one the intern blew
        He's the one the intern blew
    Air-blown danger
        Air-blown ...  Danger
    What should I say to the press?
        What should you say to the press?
    Save me from this awful mess
        Save you from this awful mess
    Please Naomi do tell me
        Please Naomi do tell thee
    How to get out of this tree
        How to get him from this tree
    Dog in
        Dog in
    Dog in manger
        Dog-in ...  manger
  © 1999
© 2000 (reprise of 11-21-99 Daily Update-01 in light of Gore's renewed emphasis on himself as one who "volunteered" to serve in the army in Vietnam.)

2000-08-26 Daily Update-01 © 2000
A new mindless tactic by PeTA fanatics (limerick)
    PeTA proclaims that the answer
    why Rudy has "Got Prostate Cancer" 
    is those of his ilk
    were wrong to drink milk
    'cause PeTA thinks soy is the answer.
    The PeTA crowd long has been sinking
    to acts of bad taste without blinking.
    With tactics so crude
    they simply have proved
    the cancer is in their own thinking.

© 2000 --Inspired by PeTA's posting of anti-dairy-industry billboards featuring a picture of Rudy Giuliani with a "milk" moustache and the caption "Got Prostate Cancer?" as part of PeTA's fanatical, bogus campaign against the dairy industry's "Got Milk" advertising campaign as a contributor to prostate cancer.

2000-08-25 Daily Update-01 © 2000
How to get more without "Al For More" (new, improved limerick)
    To those who support "Al For More,"
    because he will promise you more: 
    To you should be said: 
    "Just cut overhead
    by mugging your friends who have 'more.' "
© 2000

2000-08-24-01 Daily Update-01 © 2000
This is the chore:  Expose "Al For More" (limerick)
    To those who will vote for Al Gore
    Because he will promise them more,
    to them should be said:
    "Reduce overhead
    just knock-down your rich neighbors' doors."
© 2000

2000-08-23 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Errors in form versus divisive intent (limerick)
    We know Dubya takes after Dad
    'cause often his syntax is plaid
    and some words he bends,
    but Alpha intends
    rhetorical warfare by class.
© 2000  --Inspired by media criticism focusing on errors in form in Bush's expressions in contrast to the relative absence of criticism of Gore's intentional use of class-warfare rhetoric.  A good idea expressed poorly is still a good idea; likewise, a bad idea expressed well is still a bad idea.

2000-08-22 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Hillary's Retort:  He lied to a court ! (Part II**) (limerick)
    The man Hill'ry called a "Jew ... bastard"
    has shown he's a polygraph passer
    So, what is her plea?
    She says don't believe
    a man who's been shown as a liar.
    So Rick should adopt her retort:  
    Don't trust men who've lied to a court.
    So when you hear Willie
    say good things for Hill'ry,
    You'll know they are lies to ignore.

© 2000  --Inspired by an August 22, 2000, report in the New York Post Online stating that Paul Fray passed a lie-detector test (administered by an examiner selected by the NY Post) with respect to his statement that Hillary called him a "f___ing Jew bastard."  According to the same NY Post story, Hillary's campaign spokesman Howard Wolfson respond to that report by saying that "[since] Paul Fray is an admitted liar [i.e., one who admitted having presented false documents to a court], ... we're not going to be responding to his lies anymore."  Therefore, shouldn't Hillary make the same don't-believe-anything-he-says assertion about Bill Clinton in light of his demonstrated pattern of lying to the Judge (and everyone else) in the Paula Jones case?
**For Hillary's Retort, Part I, go here. or here.

2000-08-21 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Gore's Alpha-Male Moment:
The stiff upper-lipper, who's surely no Gipper, 
gets distance from Zipper by French-kissing Tipper
. (limerick)
    To some it seemed quite out of place
    to French-kiss my Tipper on stage,
    but why the commotion
    about such emotion
    from one who is wooden on stage.
    The one who gave Soccer Moms thrills
    has been the young POTUS named Bill,
    He chases unzippers,
    but I've got my Tipper
    for Soccer Moms' surrogate thrills.

    Slick Willie would have to hit bottom
    to give such a French-kiss to Rodham,
    But unlike that critter,
    my cheerleader, Tipper,
    has kept me from prowling for madams.
© 2000  --Inspired by continuing media discussion of Gore's passionately kissing Tipper before commencing his speech as a way to further distance himself from Slick Willie while also trying to create a subliminal Alpha Male Moment to give Soccer Moms a vicarious thrill.

2000-08-20 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The Who? Me-dia? (a limerick)
    How many media mavens
    condemned their untrue speculation
    that Dubya's campaign
    had smeared Clinton's name?
    Say "None," and you've earned an ovation.
© 2000 --Inspired by absence of any serious self-criticism by news media sources who initially implied the Bush Campaign was the source of the leak about the new grand jury being impaneled to investigate Clinton's lies in the Paula Jones case.  See also our Daily Update for 08-18-00.

2000-08-19 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Al For More gets a bounce with programs unbound (limerick)
    At last I have quite a big bounce
    so Dubya I surely will trounce.
    I dropped Alpha Gore,
    to be "Al For More"
    with promises knowing no bounds.
© 2000

2000-08-18 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Dan Rather-Blather falsely smears Independent Counsel, 
Republicans and the Bush Campaign.
(a limerick)
    The CBS News and Dan Rather
    engaged in their typical blather
    and falsely portrayed
    the lawyer, Bob Ray,
    as leaker of grand-jury matters.
    Rather quite smugly proclaimed
    Republicans must be to blame
    for leaks of a probe
    of lies Clinton sowed
    denying the Paula-Jones claims.

    'Twas well-orchestrated said Dan
    by right-wing-conspiracy hands
    to taint Alpha Gore
    with scandal once more
    while speaking to all in the land.
    Before blaming Ray for this perfidy
    It's clear Rather owed him the courtesy
    to check with the court
    and learn that the source
    was Democrat Judge Richard Cudahy.
© 2000  --Inspired by 08-18-00 Associated Press report demonstrating the falsity of Dan Rather's un-sourced assertion on 08-17-00 blatantly implying that an August 17, 2000, report that the three-judge court supervising Independent Counsel Robert Ray had granted his request for a new grand jury to be impaneled to investigate lies told by Clinton in the Paula Jones case was a "carefully orchestrated, politically motivated leak ... [by Republicans to embarrass Gore just] ... hours before [he was] set to accept his party's nomination in the most important speech of his political life...."  We've preserved the text of Rather's false, un-sourced assertion in PoliSat's archives as an example of Rather-Blather followed by the text of the Associate Press story demonstrating its falsity.

2000-08-17 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The "old" Alpha Gore becomes Al For More. (limerick)
    From Wolf I got pointers galore
    and tried to become Alpha Gore,
    but I'm on the ropes
    and need to buy votes,
    so now I've become "Al For More."
© 2000 --Inspired by Al Gore's acceptance speech on 08-17-00.

2000-08-16-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
We beg you Joe, please say it ain't so. (limerick)
Joe Lieberman has a good heart.
Civility's what he imparts.
He tries to be deft
in leaning more left
than how he had stood at the start.
Of course we know VeePees must lean
t'wards those who control the machines,
but we say to Joe
please say it ain't so
you'll parrot the class-warfare theme.
© 2000 (Inspired by listening to Lieberman's acceptance speech on 08-16-00)

...2000-08-12 through 20000815 Daily Updates.
Too much renovation; too little innovation.
Due to the unexpected scope of gliches we encountered in renovating PoliSat.Com, we were unable to bring you daily updates on August 12 through 15.  

2000-08-11 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Lieberman's Rhyming Slogan for Campaign 2000 as Gore's VP running mate: .
    Although the word lie's in my name,
    it's never been part of my game.
    Like Biblical Ruth,
    I'm known for the truth,
    and I'll pretend Alpha's the same.
    This chance is as good as it gets,
    However, I'm hedging my bets.
    I'll still run for Senate,
    which Al Gore invented,
    (or was it just internet sex?)

    My gosh, did I slip and say "sex"?
    It's just a mistake I'll correct:
    sometimes I still
    confuse him with Bill--
    inventor of intern et sex.
© 2000. (To visit PoliSat's page about Lieberman, go here.)

2000-08-10 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Clinton's profuseness in moral obtuseness (limerick)
    Today Clinton did it again
    in claiming recov'ry from sin.
    He still tries to plead
    his scope of misdeeds
    was just "a" mistake once again.
    He still will not say that he's sorry,
    yet claims that he said that he's sorry.
    He still won't concede
    the scope of his deeds.
    'cause parsers are not his real quarry.

    Professing a feeling of grief,
    he wants to make voters believe
    he didn't intend
    to do any sin,
    but just for a moment was weak.
    He thinks that his only offense
    was leaving his DNA prints
    and we should excuse him
    and say she seduced him
    and that's all he needs to repent.

    But bad as it was that he used
    an intern quite willing to flooze,
    his biggest offenses
    were crim'nal pretenses
    in swearing those things were not true.
    Perhaps we'd be more understanding,
    but laws against sexual harassing
    that he signed with zeal
    said men must reveal
    such use of employees for passion.

    Such perjury wasn't the worst
    and surely he wasn't the first
    to lie to save face,
    but he set the pace
    suborning such lies by the girl.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-10-00 Washington Post story about Clinton's August 10, 2000,  remarks in a satellite broadcast to "Christian leaders worldwide" about his conduct with Lewinsky.  Clinton said, inter alia, "I'm in the second year of a process of trying to totally rebuild my life from a terrible mistake I made ...." (emphasis added)  .

2000-08-09 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Still-Missing Laptop at State--
What the meaning of "laptop" is
(a limerick)
    Because the Department of State
    has not yet determined the fate
    of laptop computers
    or names of the looters,
    they've said a reward will be paid.
    The laptop still missing from State
    has data for which we can't wait!
    It has Chelsea's plans
    for Middle East lands,
    so peace really hangs on its fate.

They gave Secret Service the word
    to learn how this deed had occurred.
    But they thought "lap-top"
    for stuff that is hot,
    referred to Bill's place for interns.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-09-00 Fox News report that the State Department has now posted a $25,000 reward for information leading to the recovery of a still-missing laptop computer; also inspired by 07-30-00 story by Matt Drudge that the White House continued its denial of reports that Chelsea had participated in the Mideast negotiations until photographs began circulating showing her participating in the discussions.

2000-08-08 Daily Update-01 © 2000
No update-- renovation gliches.
© 2000

2000-08-07 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Senator Lieberman-- Political "veetamin" (limerick)
    Today's pick by Gore is Joe Lieberman,
    'cause Gore needs integrity "veetamins."
    He's somewhat a lefty
    but otherwise hefty,
    and honor's a hallmark of Lieberman.
    Although this selection by Gore
    brings quite good man to the fore.
    If we wrote the plot,
    we'd put at the top
    Joe Lieberman rather than Gore.

© 2000

2000-08-06 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Guinness dies; Col. Nicholson & Obi Wan still live (limerick)
    The man who portrayed Obi Wan,
    the great Alec Guinness, is gone.
    Already a Knight,
    his karma was right
    to play the good knight, Obi Wan.
© 2000  (Alex Guinness, Knighted in 1959 by Queen Elizabeth, died on 08-06-00 in England at age 86.)

2000-08-05 Daily Update-01 © 2000
No update today due to renovation gliches.

2000-08-04 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Ron Reagan Junior says:  "Bush, I impugn ya" (a limerick)
    We know that the Junior Ron Reagan
    considered his dad a Darth Vader,
    and so it's no puzzler
    that he trashes Dubya
    and pledges allegiance to Nader.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-04-00 "Reliable Source" column in the Washington Post stating that Ron Reagan, son of President Reagan, called George W. Bush "unqualified" to be president and also expressed his intention to support Nader.   .

2000-08-03 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Give us democracy-- not a theocracy (a limerick)
    Since Keyes has a mind that's adept
    you'd think he would learn to accept
    that we want democracy* --
    not a theocracy,
    and that's why behind he was left.
    And Falwell, it's your right to say
    just how you think folks should behave.
    It's okay to teach,
    but not smart to preach
    while on a political stage.

    And Robertson, give us a break.
    Your preaching is quite hard to take.
    When we want your views,
    we'll sit in your pews
    to learn all the things you berate.
    And lib'rals who claim they don't preach
    adore ev'ry left-leaning priest
    and do not berate
    the church mixed with state
    by bishops with whom they agree.

    'Though Dubya professes his strengths
    derive from religious beliefs,
    he seems to eschew
    intolerant views
    and says that for God he can't speak.
© 2000 --Inspired by 08-02-00 Washington Post/AP story that Alan Keyes claims the party "snubbed" him by not providing him a visible role at the convention.  Also inspired by the belief that although preachers have free-speech rights to express their theological views in political contexts, they should be wise enough to realize that doing so can easily be counterproductive since most Americans today fear theocracy as much as did our founders.  Although many of our founders often alluded (in political settings) to the value of religious faith in general, they did not express their religious views in an us-versus-them or holier-than-thou manner.  To satirize religiosity is not to mock sincere religious faith.   *I know we have a democratic republic rather than a democracy, but republic doesn't rhyme with theocracy.  .

2000-08-02 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Campaign "Reforms" ignore all the norms.  (limerick)
    The Media kick-up a storm 
    for Campaigning Finance "Reform,"
    and say campaigns spend
    so much from their friends,
    it makes all the people forlorn.
    And what's the "reform" that is wanted
    for people no more to be daunted?
    A campaign reform-tax
    to fund public broadcasts
    so people can be self-informed.

    To test a proposal for feeding,
    the proof of the pudding's in eating.
    Since ratings are low
    on campaign-news shows,
    the people are somewhere else feeding.
    Since most folks won't watch a convention,
    and candidates need their attention,
    they must pay for spots
    on programs they watch
    or else they won't get their attention.

© 2000 --Inspired by these facts:  (1) The broadcast "news" media are not providing any extensive coverage of the Republican Convention (and surely will likewise not provide any extensive coverage of the upcoming Democratic Convention), which virtually any interested citizen could watch "for free," and the reason the broadcast "news" media are not providing any extensive coverage is that they know that their rating would plummet because only the small percentage of people who are political junkies would watch; (2) Although some of the cable "news" media are providing extensive coverage, comments by anchors and pundits on virtually every such cable-news program have made it clear that the ratings for such coverage are at rock-bottom.

2000-08-01 Daily Update-02 © 2000
Laugh of the Day  .
    Clinton, commenting on what he characterized as his
    enemies' anger at him being transferred to Hillary, said:
        "I spend a lot more time worrying about her than I ever 
        did worrying about myself ...."
    This comment prompts the question:  Where was such level
    of "worry" about "her" (or about his daughter) during his 
    countless escapades of sexually harassing, or seeking to 
    take sexual liberties with, females in subordinate positions 
    as paid or voluntary workers?? Give us a break! .
© 2000 (Source:  August 1, 2000, Reuters report by Randall Mikkelsen about an interview of Clinton by a Fox TV affiliate in Tampa, Florida, "released" on August 1.)

2000-08-01 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Unwelcome news for media views .(a limerick).
    Powell surprised all the pundits
    and so did the my-way-or-none-ists
    All showed respect
    and did not beget
    rebirth of the moral chest-thumping. 
© 2000

Archives of Daily Updates:  Go here.

This page contains Daily Updates for August, 2000.  To go to our current Daily Updates page, click here.  To go to our Daily-Update Archives, click here.  For an Index of PoliSat Rhymes, go here.