Nov. 13, 2004 #01:  Political Satire/Commentary where satire is always commentary but commentary isn't always satire(but we're confident you'll know the difference)  Search PoliSat.Com Home  Tell a friend about PoliSat.Com    Subscribe   Permanent link to this installment in PoliSat.Com's Archives    Google-News list of recent updates    About author, Jim Wrenn.

John Ashcroft's retirement party features special appearance by the Spirit of Justice experiencing Wardrobe Malfunction Part Deux; Tara Reid experiences "Wardrobe-Malfunction Envy."

            PoliSat.Com's highly unreliable sources in the Justice Department have leaked details about John Ashcroft's retirement party.  Justice Department employees gave him the surprise part in the Hall of Justice to unveil the remodeled "Spirit of Justice" statue to make it "G-rated" for prime-time press conferences.  

            Even though most people think Ashcroft doesn't have a single friend in the entertainment industry (apart from Don Imus and his morning-show cast), but PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief has learned that a high-profile celebrity made a special appearance in his honor.  No, wasn't  Cher-- She's not even a celebrity anymore since being unable to draw more than a dozen derelicts to her last "gala"-- a get-out-the-vote concert for John Kerry.  Furthermore, when Kerry's daughter, Alexandra, attended the "Cannes Film Festival" that honored Michael Moore, her see-through dress propelled her far ahead of Cher in the tacky-wardrobe category.  

            PoliSat.Com's high-tech, electronic, remote-sensing equipment has intercepted a copy of the video-tape of part of Ashcroft's retirement party.  To view it, click the image to the right of the text below, which is a transcript of the tape:

Wardrobe Malfunction, Part Deux.

I'm John, who's perceived as a prude
for hiding Miss Justice from view
with curtains behind
this lecturn designed
to speak to reporters of news.

Before I complete my adieu,
I'll flash-back to 2002
allowing Miss Justice
to say why her bust is
by curtains protected from view:

My name is the "Spirit of Justice."
Though John says my firm, naked bust is
the cause of a row, he seems not to know
it shows you what justice robust-is.
Exposing my breast, John, m'-boy
is not just a sculpturing ploy.
For justice, like breasts, exposure is best
to show what's a real real-McCoy.
I know you think curtains are best,
but status-quo-ante is best.
Remove the new curtains so folks can feel certain
that Ashcroft is keeping a-breast.

To counter the claim I'm a prude, babe,
as well as the claim I'm a rude knave,
I mocked my own thinking
by joining you singing
the parody song, "I Hide You, Babe."º¹

Before I concealed her from view,
photographers always would choose
to photograph me
so viewers would see
on top of my head her bare boob.

Thus, prudishness wasn't my motive
in hiding her incomplete bodice--
Instead, I was hoping
for dignity posing
for pictures when questioned and quoted.

But now, though I'm soon to retire,
I've furnished Miss Justice attire
concealing her boob
for G-rated vews--
No longer are curtains required.

But now, just before I retire,
I've furnished Miss Justcie attire
concealing her boob
for G-rated views--
No longer are curtains required.

I'm "Spirit of Justice" whom John
concealed behind curtains too long
until he could find
a bodice designed
to hide what attracts the beau monde.

Since John has concealed my bare boob,
and since my own hands I can't move,
then like Tara Reid,
for baring I need
a "Wardrobe Malfunction, Part Deux."

            Will Alberto Gonzales remove the curtains Ashcroft installed?  What about the male statue standing beside the female "Spirit of Justice" statue?  Did Janet Reno take it with her?

--Jim Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com


º¹. To Hear and see "Johnny & Sher" sing "I Hide You, Babe" go here; For the installment of Political Satire/Commentary explaining the news report that inspired the song-parody, go to the January 29, 2002 installment at

Installment immediately preceding the one above, go here.


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