Dueling Memoirs-- Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton; Hillary Rodham Clinton's Memoirs: Living History (Political Satire/Commentary at PoliSat.Com TM since 1999)

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First drafts of memoirs of Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton released without Hillary's permission by archivist at Clinton Liebrary (to be confused with Clinton Library) reveal bawdy poetry.·

By Jim Wrenn,

Editor and Washington Bureau Drawer Chief at PoliSat.Com.

December 18, 2007--

·Dueling Memoirs of Bill & Hillary Clinton·

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Amidst the still-raging , sometimes acrimonious and often comical but seemingly never-ending controversy over Hillary Clinton's refusal to authorize public access to all archives in the Clinton Library (also known as the Clinton Presidential Center), the unauthorized release of the first drafts of her and Bill's memoirs by the archivist at the Clinton Liebrary are generating political shock-waves. One of the most unusual things about those drafts is that on instructions from their first prospective publisher, the Clintons wrote them in the form of poetry rather than prose with each of them writing alternating stanzas. Bill wanted the title to be "The Billary/Hillary Dueling Memoirs," but Hillary wanted it to be "The Hillary/Billary Dueling Memoirs." Regarding the current controversy over the archives, a prominent talking-point disseminator for the Hillary Clinton campaign, Media Matters.Org, expresses the view that the archives controversy is much ado about nothing except in the mind of the Darth Vader of the Right, Karl Rove, and thus tacitly and preemptively implies that if Barack Obama were to criticize Hillary's handling of the "archives" issue he would simply be acting as a stooge for Rove.

But, due to conflicts between them in their first collaborative effort, Hillary instructed Bill to have the drafts destroyed back in 2001. However, when those drafts inexplicably reappeared, the Clinton Liebrary archivist included them in a Clinton Liebrary Book. Even more shocking, the release by the archivist also includes a video tape of Bill and Hillary dictating their respective stanzas. (The video can be viewed in either WMV or YouTube/Flash format in a variety of size/connection-speed configurations using the image links on this page. The best-quality version in the original WMV format is here-- isn't it better to view it on its creator's advertisement-supported page than to give the traffic to YouTube?)

Since the Clintons wrote the first drafts in the form joint memoirs in poetic stanzas as suggested by their first prospective publisher, the archivist composed a poetic introduction for the drafts:

At first, for their memoirs, the Clintons were told
that sales would be better if both of them told
their Memoirs in rhyme
in "his" and "her" lines
with nothing exciting remaining untold.

So, drafts they began in the way they were told
in alternate stanzas not stodgy or cold.
But Hillary quit
and threw quite a fit
'cause Bubba so often went AWOL to troll.

"Destroy them," did Hillary firmly decree.
However, those "his" and "hers" drafts of their screeds
she thought disappeared
have now reappeared
through magic like records of Rose law-firm fees.

And here's what they'd written as first they were told
in alternate stanzas not stodgy or cold:
Their Memoirs in rhyme
in "his" and "her" lines
with Bill's in italics and Hill'ry's in bold:

Before they begin to read drafts of their memoirs,
remember the year when they drafted these memoirs.
'Twas 2001
when these drafts were done.
Their publisher called them the "Dueling Memoirs."

01. Regarding those Presidents, Adams,
the first ones to bear the name Adams,
mistaken by many as
John and John Quincy,
were John and his Abigail Adams.

02. Historian, David McCollough
reviewed John and Abigail's letters,
and said it's self-evident
they worked as Co-Presidents,
and also were passionate lovers.

03. You owed me more power than Abigail
for saving campaigns like a Nightingale
by swallowing pride
to stay by your side
when bimbos erupted with spicy-tales

04. Your'e right that the First-Lady Adams
was first as Co-President Adams,
but Abigail's druthers
for John as a lover
meant John had no need for a madam.

05. Though Abigail Adams was tough,
in sex John did not treat her rough,
but you thought it hip
to bite on my lips,
and so I said once was enough.

06. From my point of view it ain't right
to claim you abstained 'cause I bite.
Your claim was a ruse
that forced me to choose
to find some Jane Doe's I could bite.

07. So what if my claim was a ruse!
I simply refused to be used
or practice submission,
so you went on missions
for fun with your pants at your shoes.

08. I never embarked on such mission--
the fun always came to fruition
'cause so many babes
aspired to be slaves
to me as my Alpha Male minions.

09. My point I will have to repeat:
If you would have just been discreet,
not once would Jim Lehrer
have asked on the air
if interns gave sexual treats.

10. Although you contend I'm a boor,
a truth that you cannot ignore:
Had I not behaved
so much as a knave,
the POTUS today would be Gore.

11. You're right, but I hate to admit it!
I'm really quite lucky you did it,
'cause I can beat Gore
in Two Thousand Four
and be the first POTUS with t_____s

12. With hist'ry don't be so enthralled
'cause you won't make hist'ry at all!
It's well-known, you see,
you simply will be
the forty-fourth POTUS with b___s

13. I'll tell you what's really well-known:
When Flowers made her affair known,
't'was clear right away,
if I didn't stay,
you'd find your election was blown.

14. There's one thing you cannot debate
my book will pay more than your rate!
More people will buy
my book full of lies,
so I'll get twelve million-- not eight.

15. So what if my book-advance rate
in millions is just a mere eight!
I'll get retribution
from court distribution
of ev'ry red cent that you make.

16. You're smart but you don't understand
the A-D-A law of the land
protects the disabled
like husbands unable
to get expert treatment for glans.

Of course everyone knows that the Clintons ultimately published separate memoirs. Hillary's book is titled Living History, and Bill's book is titled "My Life." She published her book a year before Bill finished his. Everyone remembers being shocked by Hillary's assertion in her memoirs, Living History, that she remembered feeling "shocked" when she learned that Bill really did "have sex" with interns. As is the case with most things involving the Clintons, she gave a poetic explanation as a "teaser" several days before the official release of her book:

I titled my book "Living Hist'ry."
The reason, of course, is no myst'ry.
I'm "living," of course,
and also, per force,
I'm quite a great figure in "hist'ry."

For all, the big news of the day
are excerpts of what I did say
about my reaction
to Bubba's retraction
of claiming "no sex" with that babe.

It tells of my shock and dismay
when Bubba approached me to say
his statements were not
the truth-- he did not
abstain from an intern a day.

Soon after Hillary published her book, reporters began asking Bill why he hadn't yet completed his book. His answer was, of course, poetic:

You ask what's the cause of my plight
delaying the book I'm to write--
My writing is shot
because I have NOT
had syntax with interns who write.

With twelve-million reasons for hype,
my publisher's hoping I'll write
a book not refraining
from chapters explaining
the things that went hump in the night.

Twill tell how I kept my morale
despite "kiss and tell" by my gals.
Although they implied
my penchant to lie,
I always stood up for the gals.

To hear an audio recording of Bill Clinton providing the explanation above, use the above-right image link. There are many other questions about Billl's memoirs. For example, why did he entitle it, "My Life"? The answer is quite poetic:

Says Bill "My Life" Hist'ry is Living With Hyst'ry.

I'm Bubba, whose book ends the mystery
of how I've entitled my history:
My book that's entitled
My Life is sub-titled
My Life I Spent Living with Hystery.

My book on my terms and elections
assures my complete resurrection
as history buff
on hystery buffs
whose monument merits erection.

When he appeared on "60 Minutes" to promote the release of his book in June, 2004, he faced questions not only about his memoirs but also Hillary's memoirs published in June, 2003. And in answering those questions, he also spoke poetically:

My Life, My Wife, My Strife.

My memoirs I titled "My Life"
to supplement tales of my strife
as Lord of the Lies
and source of surprise
in memoirs of me by my wife.

In memoirs she named "Living Hist'ry"
she claimed like a reader of myst'ries
'twas "shock" that she felt
in learning who knelt
before me to lessen my mis'ry.

Of course I would never dispute
her claim she went suddenly mute
from shock when my lips
conceded that Tripp,
not I, was the speaker of truth.

To showcase my role as a paver
of progress instead of a craver
of pleasure so lawless,
I nixed Bradley/Wallace,
'cause, frankly, with Rather, I'm Safer.

However, to help 60 Minutes
at top of the ratings to finish
and not bust or bomb,
to soccer-type Moms
they'll tout it as "Bill's Sexy Minutes."

To complement Hillary's memoirs
devoted to women-v-men wars,
to no one's surprise
"My Life" will comprise
Part Deux of the Dueling Memoirs.

The end of this stanza foregoes
the rhythm a limerick should show.
My book is so groovy
'twill make a cult-movie:
The Clinton Horror Picture Show.

The explanations above (in 2004) are not in the Clinton Liebrary Book, but it contains many other poetic insights. One example is Bill Clinton's explanation of why he pardoned Susan McDougal but not his life-long friend, Webster Hubbell. It's best explained in this video (use video links to the right of this text) in the Archives at the Clinton Liebrary illustrating the poetic explanation in the Clinton Liebrary Book.

April 27, 2004: #01 Political Satire/Commentary where satire is always commentary but commentary isn't always satire™
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Permanent Link to this installment in PoliSat.Com's Archives Google-News list of recent updates About author, Jim Wrenn.

Bill Clinton's Memoirs, "My Life," feature chapter titled "Living With Hystery" answering questions and questioning answers in Hillary Clinton's "Living History"; Publicity renews interest in "Billary/Hillary Dueling Memoirs" chapter of "Clinton Liebrary Book"; John Kerry says Clinton memoirs shift media spotlight from his campaign; Kerry plans own book, "Full Medal Jacket"; Clinton says "writer's block" delayed completion of memoirs; Clinton disputes PoliSat.Com's report that they were originally titled "My Lie." ·

Unprecedented interest in Bill Clinton's memoirs, "My Life", continues rising unabated. Subliminally subtitled "My Life with Living Hystery," his book "answers questions unanswered" and "questions answers unquestioned" in Hillary Clinton's memoirs, "Living History," subliminally subtitled "Living Hystery." Anonymous spokes-beings for both Clintons disputed the authenticity of the "Billary/Hillary Dueling Memoirs" chapter in the unauthorized mini-biography, "Clinton Liebrary Book" (see Clinton Liebrary Book) publishes under the auspices of the Clinton Liebrary (see Clinton Liebrary).

Although Clinton conceded he had claimed "writer's block" delayed completion of his memoirs, he adamantly denied the authenticity of PoliSat.Com's surreptitious recordation of Clinton's own voice explaining of his writer's block. (Full text version is here.) He also denied the authenticity of PoliSat.Com's recordation of Clinton's shortest speech, which, by surpassing the brevity and succinctness of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, became Clinton's greatest speech. (Full text version is here.)

John Kerry, resentful that media focus on Clinton's memoirs diverts attention from his campaign, is frantically working to complete his own book, Full Medal Jacket. (As a preview of Full Medal Jacket, an illustrated version is here and the text version is here.) Speculation continued to spread that Clinton's desire to maximize Hillary's political clout in 2004 and 2008 motivated his timing for publishing his book notwithstanding his claims that protracted delays in filling all his intern spots prevented him from completing the book in 2003. (However, a September 13, 2002, report exposed the phallacy of such claims.)

Kerry's top advisors remain evenly divided on whether Hillary's real strategy for 2004 focuses more on success in 2008 than in 2004. They are likewise equally divided regarding whether Bill Clinton timed publication of his memoirs to impair the Democratic ticket's chances for success in 2004 in order to enhance Hillary's strategy for 2008. Some are convinced her strategy is to covertly subvert while overtly serving the Democratic ticket in 2004. Others are convinced she's genuinely changed her strategy to focus on 2012 rather than 2008 and thereby seeks success for the 2004 ticket as a tactical element of her 2012 strategy. However, Kerry's top advisors all agree that the Clintons' strategies are always far more complex than they appear on the surface.

Publicity surrounding Bob Woodward's recent claim (in promoting his book, "Plan of Attack") that George W. Bush with Saudi Prince Bandar has refocused attention on a May 15, 2002, report indicating that Clinton was far more simpatico with Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah than is Bush with any of the Saudi leaders. That report arose from the fact that during Crown Prince Abdullah's May, 2002, visit with Bush in Texas, he actually spent more time in an "all-night bull session" with Bill Clinton, who happened to be staying in the same hotel in Texas at the same time to give a fund-raising speech, than he spent with George Bush.

The question uppermost in the minds of the entire publishing industry is whether Bill's memoirs will outsell Hillary's memoirs. It's an open secret that Bill took great satisfaction from the fact that the twelve-million-dollar advance he received for his memoirs exceeded the eight-million-dollar advance for Hillary's memoirs. Regardless of which one wins the battle for royalties, there's no doubt that Bill Clinton wants his memoirs to create a legacy to eclipse the Monica Lewinsky scandal. He sincerely believes his real legacy, like that of George Washington, warrants a monument recognizing his instinctive skills for governance.

One of PoliSat.Com's highly unreliable sources has obtained a copy of Clinton's most recent articulation of how publication of his memoirs will serve his long-term strategy for a monument to his legacy. Whether Clinton will succeed in doing so remains to be seen. However, his most ardent supporters expect his legacy to be most solidly established by the opening of his Presidential Library, which he named the "Clinton Presidential Center" rather than "Clinton Library" to avoid using a name sounding the same as Clinton Liebrary. It's also unclear whether the Clinton Presidential Center will comply with OSHA requirements for the protection of women and children visitors.

Says Bill "My Life" Hist'ry is Living With Hyst'ry.

I'm Bubba, whose book ends the mystery
of how I've entitled my history:
My book that's entitled
My Life is sub-titled
My Life I Spent Living with Hystery.

My book on my terms and elections
assures my complete resurrection
as history buff
on hystery buffs
whose monument merits erection.

--Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.

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