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Political
Satire
Daily Update ©
2001
This page contains Daily Updates for March, 2001
in reverse chronological order.
Updates for other time periods are in our Archives of Daily Updates.
See also Election 2000 Ballad of the Battle
for Ballots, a PoliSat Rhyme spanning the events from November 7, 2000
to December 31, 2000.
March 31, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
George Dubya tells how to eschew the
cause of too-much C-O-2.
(PoliSat Limerick)
They say I just want to pollute
and want to have more C-O-2.
They don't understand
my top-secret plan
will sharply reduce C-O-2:
My top-secret plan is quite deft:
I'll tell our good friends on the left,
"Since humans exhale
with C-O-2 trails,
we'll rule that you must hold your breath."
© 2001 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010331-01. Inspired by the 03-30-01
shrill depiction of Bush as a menace to the planet by the dominant media,
foreign governments and the rest of the scientifically
uninformed but politically correct
"experts" on political
science, such as Chris
Matthews' 03-14-01 assertion on Hardball
that "no one" could "deny" we're experiencing "global
warming" after seeing the "[disappearing snow cap] on Mount
Kilimanjaro," which statement he based on his gullible
acceptance of the demonstrably bogus claim by "scientists" that the
Mt. Kilimanjaro snow-cap has almost disappeared just in the last few years-- See
illustration at http://polisat.com/du2001/du010228.htm#20010225-01.)
(Indeed, the Kyoto Protocol is yet another manifestation of such gullible
acceptance of bogus, politicized science.)
March 30, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
A
timely reprise on the Gipper's good deeds.
(PoliSat Limerick)
Today marks the twentieth year
since Hinkley caused national fear
by shooting the Gipper,
who somehow stayed chipper,
and calmed all the other folks' fears.
We're lucky that Hinkley's bad aim
did not take Ron out of the game,
who rose like a Phoenix
to do what was needed
and put all his critics to shame.
The folks who said Ron's brain was small
were quick to just laugh and guffaw
especially when
he said in Berlin
to Gorbechev, "Tear down this wall."
Those same folks were also aghast
and claimed he'd returned to the past
the time that he said
when speaking of Reds,
"The Soviet Empire won't last."
They called him a man of the past
and made him the butt of their laughs,
but when the Wall fell,
then Empire as well,
I'm thankful he had the last laugh
© 2001 (PoliSat
Limerick 20010330-01 including a reprise of PoliSat
Limerick 20010206-01)
March 29, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © PoliSat.Com.
George Dubya was funny and won Ben
Stein's money. (PoliSat Limerick)
The speech Bush gave media chummies
was self-deprecatingly funny.
He brought back the era
of ole Yogi Berra,
and clearly he won Ben Stein's money.
© PoliSat Limerick
20010329-01. Inspired by watching Dubya and Ben Stein address the
White House Correspondents' Dinner 0n 03-29-01.
March 28, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © PoliSat.Com.
How Hillary hopes to achieve higher
polls. (PoliSat Limerick)
When Hill'ry asks what the polls say
she learns that they drop ev'ry day
so how will she try
to get poll numbers high?
Attend Wednesday Breakfasts and pray!
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010328-01. Insipred by 03-28-01
Fox News report about Hillary joining Senatorial prayer-breakfasts.
March 27, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
A new elocution for redistribution.
(PoliSat Limerick)
When Social Security started
't'was pay-as-we-go but imparted
entitlement dreams
in a pyramid scheme
for the soon-to-be nearly departeds.
With worker-force numbers much higher
than numbers of people retired,
the pyramid scheme
paid entitlement dreams
and the benefits kept getting higher.
Recipients seemed not to know
the funding was pay-as-we-go,
and so they would yearn
for better "returns"
on what they had "paid" long ago.
So candidates learned to buy votes
by making those benefits grow.
They called them investments
instead of divestments
from workers on pay-as-they-go.
When experts on numbers then said
it soon would go into the red,
they raised FICA taxes
while claiming such taxes
were just "contributions" instead.
When taxes on incomes were lowered
to raise the no-income-tax floor
the payments for FICA
were often quite higher
than income-tax paid by the poor.
And all through the years of Bill Clinton
the FICA was called "contribution"
or called an investment
that needed protection
described as a "lockbox" solution.
But later when Bush said we must
have cross-the-board income-tax cuts,
"Such cuts," said his critics,
"would go to the richest
and give others none or not much."
Then Bush pointed-out the plain-fact is
tax-cuts
go to folks who pay taxes,
so now ev'ry day
about FICA they say,
"They're not 'contributions,' they're 'taxes.'
"
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010327-01. If proponents of Social Security were to have ab
initio described Social Security
in an honest way, they would have described it as a welfare system for the
elderly supported by taxes on workers, but instead, they portrayed it to an
easily beguiled populace as a system under which funds that could otherwise be
paid to workers would be "invested" on their behalf by the all-wise
government for their "retirement." Now, in an effort to
counter the obvious fact that people who pay no income tax cannot receive a
"cut" in such tax, the very people who spent decades saying that FICA
payments were "contributions" or "investments" for
"retirement" now finally admit they're taxes, but they still deny the
benefits paid from such taxes on current workers are in fact a form of
inter-generational welfare for the elderly. Although it may be reasonable
for society to decide to tax current workers to support the elderly, it's always
been unreasonably to deny the obvious fact that such payments are
inter-generational taxes and to instead pretend they were
"investments" or "contributions" to go into a
"lockbox" for future benefits of those currently in the workforce.
March 26, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
What's campaign financing
"reform"? Big Brother controlling the horns.
(PoliSat Limerick)
Political speech isn't free
if speakers are regulatees.
Candidates want
to have rules that will daunt
all unruly critics they see.
I'll stipulate "Money corrupts,"
and PACs donate more than enough
to get the attention
of government minions
so bureaucrats won't beat 'em up.
"Reformers" exhibit such fright
at PACs from the left and the right
As "bad" as they are,
what's "worser"
by far?
Control via government might !
So what
if a PAC shows its face
in every political race?
Freedom of speech
is what we must preach
'cause that is America's Ace.
James Madison never would be
for licensing critics, you see?
It wouldn't be right
needing legal advice
for speech in the land of the free.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010326-01 by Jim Wrenn.
March 25, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Says Hill'ry, "I may be in stocks,
but Bush would just turn back the clock."
(PoliSat Limerick)
Demurely, I stayed in the Rose Garden
while Bill gave those infamous drug pardons,
and 'though all the cash
went to Hugh Rodham's stash,
my poll-numbers went to the bottom.
I said that "a crook I am not,"
but slides in my polls didn't stop,
and 'though I'm entitled
to never be bridled,
I'm stuck in these public-square stocks.
But now I know how to unlock
my arms and my head from these stocks:
To make a diversion
I'll cast the aspersion
that "Bush wants to turn back the clock."
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010325-01 by Jim Wrenn.
Inspired by 03-25-01
N.Y. Post report on Hillary's claim that Dubya wants to "turn the clock
back."
March 24, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01 by
Jim
Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Will ending of Mir lessen mutual fear?
(PoliSat Limerick)
We joined with the Russians in tears
in watching the flame-out of Mir,
and hope the new station
will help our two nations
get over our mutual fear.
© 2001 PoliSat Limerick 20010324-01 by
Jim Wrenn. Inspired by the end
of Mir. See coverage at Space.Com.
March 23, 2001 Daily Update-01
by Jim
Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
The health-care profession's political
medicine. (PoliSat Limerick)
Some doctors proclaim it's outrageousness
to just treat our hurts and contagiousness.
They tell us to shun
the possession of guns--
'cause their specialty now is officiousness.
© 2001 PoliSat Limerick 20010323-01
by Jim Wrenn. Inspired by a NewsMax
report by Neal Boortz about a proclamation by "Doctors Against Handgun
Violence" (in contrast to all other doctors who must be "for"
handgun violence) that doctors should urge patients to abjure gun
ownership.
March 22, 2001 Daily Update-01
by Jim
Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
What if McCain/Feingold were already
the law? (reprise of PoliSat
Limerick 20000316-01)
Most who want campaign "reform"
don't know how it would
change the norm
They don't understand
its terms or its plans--
on that they are quite uninformed.
They think it will only impose
restrictions on those they oppose.
They don't understand
that all through the land
such laws won't just silence their foes.
But we who have read them, you see,
have learned what effects there would be.
They won't just impose
restrictions on foes--
they'll also restrict you and me !
But those who don't try to keep up
are likely to mutter "So what?"
They won't be concerned
'til too late they learn
such laws can force them to shut up !
When candidates say things misleading
to those who don't spend much time reading,
there will be no PACs
to show the real facts
to those who decide without thinking. (©
2000 original PoliSat Limerick 20000316-01)
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010322-01)
March 21, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
Reform rope-a-dope; free speech on the ropes.
(reprise of PoliSat Limerick 20000611-01)
Proponents
of campaign "reform"
must think we were yesterday born.
We hear them insist
the laws that exist
have loopholes that must be reformed.
Whenever they pass more reform,
more business for lawyers is born.
Already complex,
more laws just beget
more lawyers in charge of our horns !
Since campaign "reform" was divined,
involvement by voters declined !
The legalese text
became too complex
on when, where and how to opine !
So what do "reformers" now preach?
That more laws will give us more speech !
But if that is done,
the lawyers become
the priests of political speech !
So what's their proposal this time
to stop the corruption and crime?
Delimit debate
and just regulate
our property, money and time. (© 2000 original
PoliSat Limerick 20000611-01)
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010321-01) For more limericks and rhymes about
campaign finance "reform," go here.
March 20, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
Patent tautology serves as theology.
(PoliSat Limerick)
Where householders must
be gun-owners
the crime-rate is quite a lot lower
than where they define
owning guns as a crime,
so what say the gun-law proponents?
They say that in households with guns
more accidents happen with guns.
Such patent tautology
serves as theology
for those who would ban private guns.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010320-01) Inspired by 03-20-01
Fox News report about findings that crime rates are lower in communities in
which non-felon heads of households are required (subject to conscientious
objection) to own a firearm but that the rate of injuries from accidental
discharge of firearms in homes is higher in that community than in communities
not requiring heads of households to own firearms. Gee, I bet the rate of
injury in one's own automobile is higher among automobile owners than among
those not owning automobiles.
March 19, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
I've known all along I'm entitled
to not be politic'ly bridled.
(PoliSat Limerick)
I'm Hill'ry, who's sent by the people
to pass through the eye of the needle
and into the Senate,
and so I have rented
an office that's suitably regal !
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010319-01) Inspired by 03-19-01
Fox News report about the cost of Senator Clinton's New York offices.
March 18, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
Demands for inventions recording
intentions. (PoliSat Limerick)
For voters demanding inventions
to show their intent in elections,
we need some designs
to enable their minds
to comply with quite simple directions.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010318-01) Inspired by 03-18-01
Fox News report that experts on voting machines agree that the best
technologies available for voting machines would only marginally-- if at all--
reduce the voter-error phenomenon.
March 17, 2001 Daily Update-01 © 2001
Petty Woman (sung
by Slick Willie to Julia Roberts).
(PoliSat Parody of "Pretty Woman")
Petty woman, speaking Clintonese,
Petty woman, callin' Bush a freak
Petty woman ... since fans adore you, they'll think it's
true.
No one can bash Bush like you do--- Mercy!
Petty woman, defend my pardoning
Petty woman, support my Libraryee,
Petty woman, I like you bet-ter than Denise
I hope you're horny just like me!
Petty woman make me smile
Please an intern pedophile
Petty woman give your wiles to me
Petty woman, yea, yea, yea
do that ho-oker thing my way
Petty woman say you'll play with me-eee
Cuz I need you-- Hill-ree's a fright!
Stay with me baby, up-town toni-i-ight!
Petty woman, for-get my lies
Petty woman, show me your thighs
Petty woman, you know the way, hey-- OK
Just come with me up-town, it's late
so I won't need to find jail-bait.
What do I need?
Will you come up-town with me?
Yes, you'll come up-town with me!
Oh, oh, petty woman.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010317-01) Inspired by 03-16-01
Drudge report that Julia Roberts (aka Pretty Woman), speaking of George
Bush, said, "He's embarrassing ... He's not my president. He will
never be my president," and that last year she told an audience:
"Republican comes in the dictionary just after reptile and just above
repugnant... I looked up Democrat. It's of the people, by the people, for the
people."
March 16, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
The news-team at Fox should hire
Ingraham, a fox. (PoliSat Limerick)
When "Watch It" with Ingraham was seen
on cable's MSNBC,
the network was vying
for right-wing opining
to balance it's left-lib'ral lean.
But since Laura Ingraham departed,
the network is back where it started.
Though Russert and Imus
and Matthews seek balance,
the network has otherwise farded*.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010316-01) *Not a typo. A word-search at
www.webster.com reveals that
"fard" means "to paint (the face) with cosmetics"
March 15, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
Here's a short rhyme to tell Rosie
goodbye. (PoliSat Limerick)
I've never watched Rosie O'Donnell
however I know that she wallows
in air-head ideas,
and so I give cheers
her program is soon down the toilet.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010315-01) Inspired by NewsMax
report on 03-14-01 that Rosie O'Donnell's show will soon be off the
air.
March 14, 2001 Daily Update-01 © 2001
Avoid elevation of Flag-desecration.
(PoliSat Limerick)
The folks who commit desecration
by burning the flag of our nation
deserve to be banished
from social advantage,
but jail ain't the proper location.
To send such offenders to jail
comports with their twisted avail
to garner attention
for twisted dissension
most likely to otherwise fail.
The best way to punish such jerks?
Prevent free-publicity perks!
Refusing to treat
their behavior as speech
shows best just how little they're worth.
And that's why it's not a solution
to change the U.S. Constitution.
To ban desecration
would cause elevation
of jerks into national attention.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010314-01) Inspired by 03-14-01
Fox News report about the proposal for a constitutional amendment to
authorize Congress to enact legislation to criminalize desecration of the
American Flag.
March 13, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
Theresa LePore teaches voters the
score. (PoliSat Limerick)
Instructions for voters have come to the fore.
designed by the famous Theresa LePore.
To voters she's showing
the method for voting
to punch all the way through the hole for Al Gore.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010313-01) Inspired by 03-13-01
Fox News report that Theresa LePore has designed a voter-education campaign
to instruct voters on the importance of punching the chad completely through the
hole.
March 12, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
A place for Slick Willie to harbor some
fillies. (PoliSat Limerick)
The Library built for Slick Willie
will have an apartment for Willie.
He secretly pleaded
that what will be needed
is somewhere to take all his fillies.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010312-01) Inspired by 03-12-01
Washington Times report about plans for the official
Clinton Library to have living quarters for Clinton in furtherance of his
plans as far back as May 8, 2000.
March 11, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
The Butterfly Voters were Alpha Gore
Voters. (PoliSat Limerick)
The Palm Beach reporters have put-on their glasses
to count cards thrown-out in computer-count passes
to say that the Butterfly Voters
intended to be Alpha Gore Voters!
If bullfrogs had wings they would not bump their asses!
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010311-01) Inspired by Palm
Beach Post report that its recount of the Palm Beach "over-vote"
and "under-vote" ballots shows Gore would have won if Palm Beach
voters had not misunderstood the Butterfly Ballot.
March 10, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
It's hard work, we knew it, but someone
must do it. (PoliSat Limerick)
The great tennis player, Bjoern Borg,
hopes all in the West get the word:
There's not enough sex,
but Clinton, our "Ex"
already has gotten the word.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010310-01) Inspired by AsiaDailyNews-Yahoo
report on 03-09-01 that Bjoern Borg purchased a full-page advertisement published in
Sweden's main financial daily Dagens Industri urging Europeans to have sex more
often because "there aren't enough babies being born [in the Western
world]."
March 9, 2001 Daily Update-01 © 2001
If "Library" means "Liebrary,"
does "Center" mean "Sinner"
?
(PoliSat Limerick)
The High Court of Arkansas ruled
that Little Rock followed the rules
in lending a hand
to buy Library land
with funds from the Little Rock Zoo.
He renamed the Library "Center"
'cause "Library" has the wrong tenor:
"The
reason I'm
wary:
It rhymes with Lie-brary."
But "Center," to us,
sounds like "Sinner.")
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010309-01) Inspired by Fox
News report on 03-08-01 about the Arkansas Supreme Court decision rejecting
a Little Rock taxpayer's challenge to the procedures for funding land for the
Clinton Library aka Clinton Presidential Center by reallocating recreational
funds otherwise allocated to the Little Rock Zoo.
March 8, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
Organ donation would earn an ovation.
(PoliSat Limerick)
A new law rewards organ donors,
and Clinton should be a supporter
and earn an ovation
by special donation
to Bobbit, who needs a new boner.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010307-01) Inspired by 03-07-01
Fox News report on Congress' legislative proposal to encourage organ
donations by "helping pay donors' travel and other expenses."
March 7, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
Beware when you enter Bill Clinton's
new Center. (PoliSat Limerick)
Bill Clinton has named his library
a "center" instead of library.
Of course we know why
in the blink of an eye:
because "library" rhymes with "Liebrary."
But why did he choose the word "center"?
It's not 'cause the sound rhymes with "enter."
The idea was his,
so we know that it "is"
subconscious
Clinphonics© for "sinner" !
But OSHA made safety-rules clear
to which tourists have to adhere:
For women they're here;
For children, they're here;
For Bill's protégés they are here.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010307-01) Clinphonics© is a term I coined and explained in the
Clinton
Liebrary Book in the chapter on
Translating Clintonese. See also "Hookered on Chinphonics." You can
also find this limerick at clintonliebrary.com/sacb.html.
March 6, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
What Jackson would say to O'Reilly and
also about Don the Imus. (PoliSat
Limerick)
My just-released audit of Push
was mocked by O'Reilly, that tush;
Then Imus defamed
our quite excellent name,
when he said it should be "Rainbow bush."
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010306-01) Inspired by 03-06-01
Fox News report about Jesse Jackson's release of financial information about
Rainbow Push, O'Reilly's criticism of it, and Don Imus' description of the
organization as "Rainbow bush."
March 5, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
The H-B-O story of Monica's whoring.
(PoliSat Limerick)
A good documentary show
should tell us the things we should know,
But H-B-O's story
of Monica's whoring
should not
tell it all blow by blow.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010305-01) Inspired by 03-05-01
Fox News report that Monica Lewinsky "has agreed to take part in
an HBO documentary about her affair with former President Bill Clinton."
March 4, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
A new Gipper carrier makes bad-guys
much warier. (PoliSat Limerick)
To make all our enemies warier,
the Gipper knew how to be scarier.
So mem'ries won't fade,
it's right that we made
his namesake the name of a carrier.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010304-01) Inspired by 03-04-01
christening of the new super-carrier as the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan to be
completed in 2003.
March 3, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
Longevity's greater in high-smoking
nations. (PoliSat Limerick)
Political scientist hacks
ignore many obvious facts
and leave 'em untold
for political goals
to change nicotine into fat.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010303-01) Inspired by comparisons
of longevity projections for residents of Japan, France and the U.S., which
indicate longevity expectations are higher in Japan and France, where smokers
comprise 35% and 59% of the population, respectively, than in the U.S., where
smokers comprise only 25% of the population. Regarding the
politically-correct response (i.e., "the strange USA laws on gun control leading to more violent deaths of the young can be cited as a more likely cause for this association")
immediately
following the preceding observation, see the following in observation:
"You can't save the young twice. If nobody ever died again before their 51st birthday, you
would still add only about 3.5 years to the average life expectancy."
What's the more likely culprit? Obesity is dramatically higher among
non-smokers than among smokers, and the still-suppressed World Health
Organization study on 30,000 families shows that passive smokers (non-smokers
living in households with smokers) are healthier than non-passive-smokers
apparently because trace amounts of nicotine boost the immune system.
March 2, 2001 Daily Update-01
© 2001
Design of a ray-gun inspired by Bill
Clinton. (PoliSat Limerick)
We've made for our soldiers and cops
a ray-gun that makes the skin hot.
Researchers began it
when Clinton demanded
a new way to get women hot.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010302-01) Inspired by Fox
News report on 03-02-01 about the military's development of a
"non-lethal" weapon using milli-wavelenght microwaves to cause
non-injurious sensations of heat on a target's skin.
March 1, 2001 Daily Update-01 © 2001
Ergonomics or internomics?
(PoliSat Limerick)
Slick Willie had said he was pleased
by new rules that OSHA released
for office equipment
to be ergonomic
like pads for those interns on knees.
But Congress had said all along
those OSHA rules went much too far.
It favors repealing
what ceased to be needed
as soon as Bill Clinton was gone.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010301-01) Inspired by a Fox
News report on 03-01-01 about the Bush administration's plans to reverse
OSHA regulations requiring an "ergonomic" workplace made effective
01-16-01 by the outgoing Clinton administration.
This page
contains Daily Updates for March, 2001.
Updates for other time-periods are in our Archives of Daily Updates.
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