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Political Satire Daily Update © 2001
This page contains Daily Updates for
February 2001 in reverse chronological order.  Updates for other time periods are in our Archives of Daily Updates.

February 28, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Can Clinton eschew getting into the news? (PoliSat Limerick)

    When Clinton expressed a new view:  
    "I want to get out of the news,"
    Clinphonically speaking,
    we know his real meaning: 
    He wants to "get out of the noose."

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010228-01) Inspired by a 02-28-01 Fox News report that Clinton, in his 02-28-01 speech to media executives sponsored by Variety magazine, said, "I want to get out of the news."

February 27, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
To start a new era, reprise Yogi Berra.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    Tonight Bush began a new era:  
    'Though critics expected more errors,
    Chris Matthews said, "Gosh,
    he displayed gravitas
    by quoting that sage, Yogi Berra."

    In making this speech Dubya gave it
    the way Yogi Berra would say it.
    "When what you've approached
    is a fork in the road,
    then the right thing to do is to take it."

    When Bush asked for civil debating,
    and offered political mating,
    Congressional toads
    were like forks in the road
    who clearly by Dubya were taken.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010227-01) Inspired by watching Bush's speech tonight to the joint session of Congress and the post-speech commentary on Fox News and on MSNBC.

February 26, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
With hand-counts completed, Gore still is defeated.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    Two newspapers made an announcement today:  
    Their "undervote" hand-count in Miami-Dade
    made Gore forces glum
    because Dubya still won
    when hand-counts were finished in Miami-Dade.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010226-01)  Inspired by 02-26-02 Fox News report that on Feb. 26, 2001, the Miami Herald, Knight-Ridder and USA Today announced that they had conducted a complete hand-count of the "undervote" ballots in Miami-Dade using the "most liberal" standard and that such total gave Gore a net increase of only 49 votes, which were insufficient to make him the winner.

February 25, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
To claim global warming, they'll skew what is normal. (PoliSat Limerick)

    The folks who proclaim global warming
    say Kilimanjaro shows warming.
    To "prove" what they fear,
    they compare the wrong years
    and conceal that they've skewed what is normal.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010225-01) Inspired by article in JunkScience on 02-25-01 explaining how global-warming proponents skewed the data by contrasting the 1997 Kilimanjaro ice cap with the 1983 ice cap rather than the 1976 ice cap to support their claims.  See the illustration below, which I
adapted from pictures showing the ice caps in 1976, 1983 and 1997 to illustrate the scientifically bogus nature of the claim that "global warming" is melting the Kilimanjaro ice cap.

February 24, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Says Hill'ry, "I'm shocked" there were deals on the block. (PoliSat Limerick)

    I'm shocked that my husband, Slick Willie
    commuted the terms of Hasidics.
    I cannot be blamed
    'cause I merely arranged
    and attended the meeting with Willie.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010224-01) Inspired by 02-23-01 Fox News report that Hillary Clinton said she "did not play any role whatsoever" in Bill Clinton's granting of clemency to the New Square con men on request of their representatives because she "only" arranged, and attended, a special meeting with him for their representatives to plead for clemency for the con men.  What "is" the meaning of "whatsoever"?

February 23, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
George Dubya tells how to avoid foot 'n' mouth.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    When Duya was questioned on how
    it's best to avoid foot 'n' mouth,
    he sounded quite breezy
    in saying it's easy:  
    "From England don't buy any cows."

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010223-01)  Although Bush did not make the statement attributed to him by this limerick, the 02-23-01 Fox News report about the Bush/Blair press conference following their joint meeting at Camp David reminded me that England, like Dubya, is struggling with foot 'n' mouth.

February 22, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Straddles on cattle beat post-pardon battles. (PoliSat Limerick)

    I'm shocked that my brother, Hugh Rodham
    got fees for that drug-dealer pardon.
    I told him that straddles
    on futures in cattle
    go straight to the top from the bottom.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010222-01)  Inspired by Hillary Clinton's official statement expressing shock that her brother, Hugh Rodham, received contingent fees for the granting of presidential pardons to a drug dealer and con artist.

February 21, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Slick Willie denies it's disgraceful for pardons to show that he's grateful.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    I heard former President Carter
    describe as "disgraceful" my pardons,
    but I thought it graceful
    to show I was grateful
    for good-money paid for those pardons.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010221-01)  Inspired by 02-21-01 Fox News report that Jimmy Carter described as "disgraceful" Clinton's issuance of pardons not recommended by the Justice Department.

February 20, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Please save our tress so that wild-fires can feed.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    We hear pantheopeans scream
    that Bush will let bus'ness clear trees
    on federal lands
    and mess-up their plans
    for wildfires to clear 'em for free.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010220-01)  Inspired by 02-20-01 Fox News report that pantheopeans such as The Wilderness Society strenuously object to Bush's plans to allow logging, which will reduce overgrowth and conditions of the type that fed the huge wildfires that burned hundreds of thousands of acres and homes and buildings in Los Alamos in 1999 and 2000. 

February 19, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Are too many limericks about William Clinton? (PoliSat Limerick)

    Each day when I author a limerick,
    I try not to write about Clinton,
    but limericks like elves
    appear by themselves,
    and most spring from conduct by Clinton.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010219-01)

February 18, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Pardons for sale or rent, Lincoln Bedroom is no longer for rent. (PoliSat Limerick)

    To prove the Rich pardon a sale,
    they'll prove through a Swiss money-trail
    the gift to my fund
    was a real smoking gun,
    but that doesn't prove I inhaled.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010218-01)  Inspired by 02-18-01 Fox News report about Clinton's New York Times article explaining why donations by Denise Rich did not influence his decision to pardon her ex-husband, Marc Rich.

February 17, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The lib'rals like stats so much better than facts.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    The lib'rals are stressed to the max
    that census-counts only state facts.
    They'd rather add guessing
    by people professing
    that stats are much better than facts.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010217-01) Inspired by 02-17-01 Fox News report that some politicians object to Commerce Secretary Don Evans' stripped the Census Bureau of authority to adjust the census count by making statistical adjustments.

February 16, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Will Hill'ry soon gripe about Mary Jo White? (PoliSat Limerick)

    We're waiting for Hill'ry to gripe
    that Clinton's appointee named White
    by checking his pardons
    is leading an ardent
    conspiracy run from the right.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010216-01) Inspired by 02-15-01 Fox News report about Manhattan U.S. Attorney, Mary Jo White, whom Clinton appointed, commencing a criminal investigation of whether bribes elicited pardons by Clinton, 

February 15, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The Senate approves the eight-million for Hill'ry's book to be written. (PoliSat Limerick)

    Eight-million from Simon & Shuster
    for Hill'ry got Senate approval.
    Eight-million's quite rare,
    but clearly it's fair,
    'cause liers sell better than truthers.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010215-01) Inspired by 02-15-01 Fox News report that the Senate approved the $8 million advance to Hillary for her yet-to-be-written book about her 8 years at the White House.  (A million-a-year?)

February 14, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Will Clinton's "Good Fellas" become his "protectors"?  (PoliSat Limerick)

    My pard'ning of many Good Fellas
    made cowardly folks at Pain-Webber
    refuse to hire
    to give them a speech,
    but maybe they'll buy some "protection."

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010214-01)  Inspired by 02-14-01 Fox News report that UBS Warburg, the parent company of Paine-Webber, reversed its prior decision to hire Clinton for a speech.

February 13, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
My new college course as Professor Green Gore:   (PoliSat Limerick)

    The college-type lectures I've given,
    "Community-Building Intentions,"
how to be "fair"--
say that you "care,"
    the same way I cared for my tenants.

    I always have helped the downtrodden,
    but my tenants acted so rotten.
    They dared to complain
    about clogs in their drains,
    so, read-on in case you've forgotten

        Some bad news has come to the fore 
        disputing that I'm a Green Gore
        But clearly it's false 
        to say it's my fault 
        or that I don't care for the poor.
        My tenants have called me slum-Goring 
        and claim I invented slum-lording
        They claim I don't care 
        and don't do repair 
        'cause rent-money I have been hording.
        I swear that I just didn't know 
        that each time my tenants would "go,"
        They suffered in slush 
        'cause after each flush, 
        the toilet would soon overflow.
        And then as though that ain't enough, 
        the cleanup was always so tough,
        'Cause when they got up 
        to clean up the muck, 
        they found that the sink had backed up.
        When E-P-A checked-out the lumps, 
        and OSHA examined their rumps,
        The experts opined 
        that I should be fined 
        for causing such hazardous
**We originally published this set of limericks titled, "Green Gore," on June 4, 2000.)

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010213-01)  Inspired by 02-13-01 Fox News report that Al Gore has now begun a series of college lectures in Tennessee on "Community Building," which reminded me of my previous limerick on June 4, 1000, extolling his role as landlord.for tenants on his Tennessee property.

February 12, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Bill Clinton knows as a con he's a pro.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    I'll say that I knew all along
    a high-dollar penthouse was wrong.
    I know I can con 'em
    by claiming that Harlem
    had been my first choice all along.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010212-01) Inspired by 02-12-01 Fox News report that in response to a public outcry over Clinton's first choice to rent the penthouse floor of a Manhattan office building with a view of Central Park for $800,000 per year, Clinton abandoned those plans and announced that his first choice all along had been to rent an office suite in Harlem.

February 11, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Chairman Purcell takes the blame for hiring the Man with No Shame. (PoliSat Limerick)

    Today Morgan Stanley Dean Witter
    found customers changing to quitters,
    because Morgan Stanley
    had thought it was dandy
    to have as a speaker Bill Clinton.

    To stop all those letters from Hell,
    proclaimed Chairman Philip Purcell,
    "You're right to complain
    that the Man with No Shame
    was hired by yours truly, Purcell." 

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010211-01)  Inspired by 02-11-01 Fox News report that Morgan Stanley Dean Witter's chairman, Philip Purcell, apologized to its customers for having hired Bill Clinton to speak to a company conference.

February 10, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
To Clinton says Dubya, "I won't interruptcha."  (PoliSat Limerick)

    The press wonders why I'm so mum
    about things the Clintons have done.
    When foes self-destruct,
    I don't interrupt
    until it is clear that they're done.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010210-01)

February 9, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The Clintons proclaim that the butler's to blame.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    Our critics proclaimed we did take
    some gifts that did not bear our names.
    We're victims because
    't'was the butler at fault--
    it's he who made all those mistakes.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010209-01) Inspired by 02-09-01 Fox News report that at the request of the National Park Service, the Clinton's returned gifts they took from the White House, which they claim the butler said were for them rather than for the White House.

February 8, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
That wily br'er rabbit has not changed his habits. (PoliSat Limerick)

    While Duby is mangling his views,
    Bill Clinton still dominates news.
    We can't break the habit
    of throwing br'er rabbit
    again into briar-patch news.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010208-01)

February 7, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Dueling Limericks between Gore and Clinton.

    You claim that the reason I lost
    was not letting you be the boss
    of how I campaigned
    and dealt with your name,
    but you were a big albatross.

    You call me a big albatross
    and claim I'm the reason you lost,
    but your type of speech
    put your list'ners to sleep
    as though they had watched growing moss

    Although I'm incredibly boring,
    and most of my list'ners are snoring,
    at least they are sure
    I'm not immature
    and not still obsessed about scoring.

    You claim my obsession with scoring
    restrained your political whoring,
    but single moms needed
    vicarious dreaming--
    they're doormats for guys who are scoring

© 2001 (Dueling Limericks 20010207-01) Inspired by a 02-07-01 Fox News story reporting leaks about a post-election meeting between Clinton and Gore involving heated exchanges about who was at fault for Gore's lost to Bush.

February 6, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
A limerick for Reagan's birthday. (PoliSat Limerick)

    The folks who said Ron's brain was small 
    were quick to just laugh and guffaw 
    especially when 
    he said in Berlin 
    to Gorbechev, "Tear down this wall." 

    Those same folks were also aghast 
    and claimed he'd returned to the past 
    the time that he said 
    when speaking of Reds, 
    "The Soviet Empire won't last." 

    They called him a man of the past 
    and made him the butt of their laughs, 
    but when the Wall fell, 
    then Empire as well, 
    I'm thankful he had the last laugh 

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010206-01)

February 5, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Bill says he helped Marc just to please the Mossad.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    I gave a full pardon to Marc
    to please the ex-head of Mossad.
    It also was nice
    of Rich's ex-wife
    to give lots of money in wads.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010205-01) Inspired by 02-05-01 Fox News report that the former head of the Mossad asked Clinton to pardon Marc Rich for his having furnished invaluable services to the Mossad.

February 4, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Says Dubya, "Tax-cutting is just an un-mugging."  (PoliSat Limerick)

    Though lib'rals like spending not cutting,
    a tax-cut is still what I'm plugging.
    Their plan to get rid of it?
    They call it a benefit,
    but tax-cuts are just an un-mugging.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010204-01)

February 3, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Slick Willies tells why office rent is so high.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    So what if my penthouse costs more
    than Bush, Reagan, Carter and Ford?
    All four are such duds,
    but I'm such a stud,
    I need fancy digs for my whores.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010203-01) Inspired by the continuing controversy about Clinton's plan to rent a $600,000 per year penthouse suite in Manhattan overlooking Central Park, which led him to say that half of that amount will be paid by his Library foundation according to a 02-03-01 Fox News report.

February 2, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
George Bush at his finest-- He kills 'em with kindness..  (PoliSat Limerick)

    So what if my speech is bereft
    of great oratorical depth?
    I still can defeat
    the foes that I meet,
    because I can nice-'em to death.

© 2001 (20010202-01)  Inspired by 02-02-01 Fox News report that Dubya's press secretary, Ari
Fleischer, described Dubya's strategy in meeting so many Democrats as the "hug-a-Democrat-a-day" strategy.

February 1, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Gore serves as a teacher for pay that is meager.  (PoliSat Limerick)
    At U-C-L-A I'm a hero
    where I will be teaching for zero.
    They asked me to work
    for the pay that I'm worth
    and that's why my pay will be zero.
© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010201-01) Inspired by 02-01-01 Fox News report that Gore will be teaching "community building" at UCLA  without pay.

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