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Political Satire Daily Updates.©2000
This page contains Daily Updates for July, 2000.    To go to our current Daily Updates page, click here.  To go to our Daily-Update Archives, click hereFor an Index of PoliSat Rhymes, go here.

2000-07-31 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Media Anxiety (a limerick)
    On Monday, July thirty-first, 
    the media seem in a lurch
    because they're unsure
    if Powell can cure
    Republicans' black-support dearth.
© 2000

2000-07-30 Daily Update-01 © 2000
A day with news reports too weird for limericks ... 
Who is in charge of this mess?
Why did Clinton have Chelsea participate in the Mideast negotiations?  He had hope to bring- in an experienced foreign-policy adviser with gravitas, but Amy Carter was unavailable because she's still busy explaining nuclear policy to Jimmy Carter, and he couldn't use Hillary because during tough bargaining sessions, she might start calling everyone bad names.  (Inspired by 07-30-00 story by Matt Drudge that the White House continued its denial of reports that Chelsea had participated in the Mideast negotiations until photographs began circulating showing her participating in the discussions.)  Meanwhile, in Philadelphia:  Who is in charge?  The Shadow knows-- the Shadow Convention aka the Shallow convention organized by Arianna Huffing-and-Puffington.  Of course, McCain made an appearance to trash the evils of Big Money, Big Tobacco and Big Cynicism (but not Big Beer).  So the question remains, who is best suited to become the nominee of the Shadow convention?  I know who-- do you?
© 2000

2000-07-29-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The Little Rock Zoo is a Library Too (limerick)
    The Bill Clinton Library planned
    on Little Rock donating land
    but taxpayers said:
not spend our bread--
    Let Lippo Group donate some land."
    But when the discussion resumed,
    Town Council then quickly approved
    a clever new plan
    to pay for the land
    by using the funds for the zoo!

    Opponents proclaim it's nefarious,
    but they shouldn't be such contrarians
    'cause they should perceive
    Bill's Library needs
    A zookeeper not a librarian.
    And now what should zoo-lovers do?
    To protest de-funding that zoo?
    To show your disdain
    support the domain
Clinton Liebrary too !
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-29-00 Washington Post/AP story about proceedings before the Arkansas Supreme Court by taxpayers contending the funding plan was illegal.)

2000-07-28-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Judicial Viagra in Clinton's disbarment proceedings (limerick)
    This story is awkward to mention
    without breaking social conventions: 
    A new, drugless factor, 
    "Judicial Viagra,"
    can give talking-penis extensions.
© 2000  (Inspired by 07-28-00 FoxNews report that the judge in the disbarment proceedings against Clinton granted an extension for Clinton to respond by August 29, 2000 and also by PoliSat's having learned through reliable sources that Clinton's defense to the lying-under-oath charges will be that the lies were all told by his talking penis.)

2000-07-27-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Time/Warner's Levin ... slanders U.S. again ... 
as Gerald Levin ... proclaims Jiang Zemin ...
to be a good Time/Warner friend.
. (a limerick)
    For fleeing from left and right "isms"
    the bridge 'cross those human-rights schisms
    was made safe from harm
    by American arms
    and also by capitalism.
    So that makes it all the more shame
    that Time/Warner's boss has proclaimed
    American culture
    is now like a vulture
    and somehow it needs to be tamed.

    And whom does he call a "good friend"?
    He proudly proclaims " Jiang Zemin"--
    who doesn't regret
    Tienamen deaths,
    and says they would do it again.
© 2000 (Inspired by Drudge Report article dated 07-27-00 quoting Time/Warner CEO, Gerald Levin, as having recently characterized America's post-cold-war influence as "American cultural imperialism."  Maybe he's really a citizen of France.) 

2000-07-26-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
No update today due to renovation in progress..

2000-07-25-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
No update today due to renovation in progress..

2000-07-24 Daily Update-01 © 2000
An eye-popper for an aye-poppa (a limerick)
    Dubya said "My second-spotter 
    quite surely will be an eye-popper!"
    But we weren't prophetic
    predicting Bo Derek
    We now know his words were "Aye, Poppa!"
    'Though Cheney's among the good guys
    He's not quite as good for the eyes,
    but he will do fine
    to keep Bush in line,
    so voters can give him their ayes.

© 2000.

2000-07-23 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Waiting for Dubya's "eye-popping" choice. (limericks)
   The media think Bush will choose
   Dick Cheney to walk in Quayle's shoes
   Of course it's no-brainer to say no McCainer,
   But Cheney wears boots and not shoes.
   Since Dubya has said eyes would pop
   at whom he puts into the slot.
   It's said by his pals
   a Republican gal-- 
   Bo Derek will fill-out the spot.
© 2000 ---Inspired by recent news story that Bo Derek is a Republican and by Bush's prediction that his choice will make people's eyes pop.

2000-07-22 Daily Update-01 © 2000
AT&T shows touch-you/touch-me (limerick)
   Those AT&T ads now say: 
   "Reach out and touch someone today ...
   Just start every morn'  
   by watching our porn  
   and surely you'll learn the best way." 
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-22-00 Fox News report that AT&T's cable services now include a "porn" channel billed as "racier than the Playboy Channel.").

2000-07-21 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The spot for VeePee:  Last snack at a tea (limerick)
    Selection to run as VeePee 
    is like the last snack at a tea
    None will confess 
    to all of the rest 
    "I hope they'll insist it's for me." © 2000

2000-07-20 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Hillary nags ... her clandestine JAG's 
to help end her voter-poll lag
(a limerick) 
    I told those nice folks in my loop 
    (my Jewish Advisory Group)
    To tell the press denizens 
    "We're just 'concerned citizens' 
    'cause Fray just cannot tell the truth."
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-20-00 ABC News report that Hillary's campaign instructed members of her "Jewish Advisory Group" to anonymously contact members of the press and, after identifying themselves only as "concerned citizens," to express outrage at Fray's claims that Hillary called him an "F.J.B.")

2000-07-19 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Hill'ry's Retort:  Fray Lied to a Court (limericks)
    Defenders of Hillary say 
    you can't take the word of Paul Fray
    Their new retort:  
    He lied to a court, 
    and so you can't trust what he'll say.
    They point-out to no one's surprise 
    that he was disbarred for such lies.
    And yet they don't blink 
    to say they don't think 
    for Clinton the same rule applies.

    'Cause in his disbarment proceedings, 
    a brand-new defense he is pleading
    He will proclaim 
    his genes are to blame 
    'cause all lies were told by his penis.
 © 2000 (Inspired by 07-18-00 Fox News publication of AP story questioning Fray's credibility by reciting, amon other things, Fray's having surrendered his license to practice law rather than defend charges that he submitted false documents to a court.  See also the following Daily Updates related to disbarment proceedings against Clinton:  2000-06-30 Daily Update-01 and 2000-06-30 Daily Update-02.).

2000-07-18 Daily Update-
01 (revised 07-19-00) © 2000
Hillary's lament:  "Some of my worst friends are ex-campaign managers".
    Today when Paul Fray told Fox News
    that Hill'ry said
: "You [blanking] Jew..." .
    He said he'd profess 
    for polygraph tests 
    and then he'll take truth-serum too!
    So now how will Hillary prove 
    she only says kind things to Jews?
    To make her test better 
    her polygraph tester 
    will be the one OJ will use.
© 2000 (
Inspired by 07-18-00 Fox News story about Fray's statements to Fox News on 07-18-00 and June 9, 2000 statement by F. Lee Baily and/or O.J. Simpson indicating that OJ would take a lie-detector test and submit to questioning on the internet.

2000-07-14 through 2000-07-17:  .
No Daily Update for these dates due to renovation in progress.

2000-07-13 Daily Update-
01 © 2000
Political Mau-Mauing 
by claims of price-gouging.
  (limericks) (du20000713-01)
    Said Richardson, Clinton and Gore 
    "Big Oil is price-gouging galore!"
    But they had been told 
    by memos in bold 
    that R-F-G costs so much more!
    And so there is no room for doubting ... 
    that such bogus claims of price-gouging
    were simply contrived
    and should be described 
    as nothing but campaign mau-mauing.
© 2000 (
Inspired by 07-13-00 news reports that despite Richardson's, Clinton's and Gore's allegations that high gasoline prices in the midwest were caused by "price gouging" by "Big Oil," an internal Energy Department memo to Richardson on June 5, 2000, stated that the implementation of regulations requiring new RFG in the midwest would cause substantial price increases and shortages.)

2000-07-12 Daily Update-
01 © 2000
Name is no laughing matter says comedian Dennis Miller.  (a limerick) (du20000712-01)
    A doctor of comedy claims 
    an M-D is using his name
    And so Dennis Miller 
    becomes a name killer 
    to squash the poor Doc with his fame.
© 2000 (
Inspired by 07-22-00 Fox News report that comedian Dennis Miller's lawyers sent a letter to Dennis Miller, a New York Physician, threatening legal action for the physician's use of his own name for his doctor's-office website.)

2000-07-11 Daily Update-
01 © 2000
The Nanny Boom--Motherhood by Proxy (limericks)
    Yesterday Fox News reported 
    to what proxy-moms have resorted
    It is uncanny 
    that now they hire nannies
     for kids to have proper consorting
    To teach their kids morals and charm
    and still chase careers with aplomb
    They will "invest" 
    30-grand for "the best" 
    not knowing such person is "Mom."
© 2000 (
Inspired by Fox News Channel story yesterday (07-10-00) about the exploding trend in Silicon Valley for mothers with careers to pay $30,000 to $70,000 per year to provide "the best" for their children by hiring "highly educated" nannies to raise their children, help the children feel they are important members of the family "team," and teach them "morals" and "family values."  Fortunately for my kids, the "highly educated" person who taught them "morals" and "family values" and made them feel they were the center of our family was their Mom.   Jim Wrenn, Editor.)

2000-07-10 Daily Update-
01 © 2000
Pretextual Smears. (a limerick)
    The minds of those folks at the
    have now been completely disrobed.
    Jacoby they smeared
    with pretext so clear 
they should be roundly deplored. 
© 2000 (
Inspired by 07-10-00 statement by Jeff Jacoby about the Boston Globe's suspension of his column for alleged failures to include appropriate attributions in his column on the risks undertaken and hardships endured by the signers of the Declaration of Independence..

2000-07-09 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Saga of Gore's tenants:  Scary Movie or What ? .
    Like characters in Scary Movie
    Gore's tenants are fearing entombment.
    The john overflows, 
    so each time they go, 
    they're trapped in a quite Scary Movement
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-07-00 Fox News story indicating Gore's tenants claim plumbing problems still persist despite Gore's claims to have made improvements.)

2000-07-08 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Protection from rogue-state missiles:  Trust rocket science or treaty compliance? (limericks)
    When Cosmonaut spacemen were first 
    to get to an earth-orbit perch
    We tried to catch up 
    but rockets blew up 
    and seemed to leave us in the lurch
    But we weren't deterred by such failures, 
    and just like Columbus the sailor
    We kept on trying.  
    For what were we vying?  
    A future that's brighter not paler.

    Today's test for missile defense ...  
    malfunctioned and didn't convince
    The folks who propose 
    defense against rogues 
    be diplomats' papers and pens.
    Remember way back in the Eighties, 
    the same folks said Reagan was crazy
... .
    To say we'd be stronger 
    and we would no longer 
    trust only in arms-treaty phrases
© 2000

2000-07-07 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Clintonian Fund Raising:  
Help from Riady
to get off the potty
( a rhyme)
    While on the political potty, 
    I had to get help from Riady
    because I was stuck
    in campaigning muck,
    and found my supplies were quite spotty.
    I'd run out of paper, and so, 
    I needed some more from Lippo
    He sent me John Huang 
    and it wasn't long 
    before I was back on the go.
© 2000  --Reprise of 1999-11-14 Daily Update © 1999 inspired by 07-06 Fox News report on apparent plan of the Justice Department (i.e., not Independent Counsel) to indict Riady.)

2000-07-06 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Truth stranger than fiction--Genetic defense in Clinton's disbarment case (a limerick)
    They say truth is stranger than fiction, 
    and slickness is rarer than friction
    With Clinton we've found 
    the rules upside down-- 
    especially with language and diction.
    The latest political treatise, 
    American Rhapsody
    And generates laughter 
    because the last chapter 
    proclaims Clinton talks with his penis

    Bill's heated reaction was fleeting 
    when he got his gene-mapping readings
    'Cause his genes present 
    a brand-new defense 
    against his disbarment proceedings
    And in his disbarment proceedings, 
    this brand new defense will be pleaded
    His lips will not move, 
    and that's how he'll prove 
    the lies were all told by his penis

    The judge in such case must be awesome 
    to measure such jetsam and flotsam
    That must be why 
    when this case is tried, 
    the judge in the case is a Johnson
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-06-00 Fox News story about appointment of Judge Leon Johnson in Little Rock to hear the disbarment proceedings brought against Clinton by the Arkansas Supreme Court.  See also the 2000-06-30 Daily Update-01 and 2000-06-30 Daily Update-02.)

2000-07-05 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Can sharks save great apes? (a limerick)
    An old way some lawyers got clients?  
    On rescue-squads they were reliant.
    But now what some do 
    is go to the zoo 
    and sign-up some primates as clients. 
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-05-00 Fox News story implying that Steve Ann Chambers, a Seattle attorney and President of the Animal Legal Defense Fund (ALDF) has filed, or intends to file, legal proceedings to declare that great apes and other primates are legally entitled to "personhood.")
2000-07-04 Daily Update-01 © 2000
What it means to be an "American." (limericks)
    On this July 4th celebration, 
    let's ask who we'd call "real Americans"
    Some seem to fear 
    the folks not born here and 
    don't think of them as "Americans"
    Some think the place of one's birth 
    is how we should measure one's worth
    And they seem to say 
    in subliminal ways, 
    "We better since we were here first."

    But being American means 
    much more than the source of our genes.
    It's better defined 
    by hopes in the minds 
    of those who come here to be free.  
© 2000

2000-07-03 Daily Update-01 © 2000
A nation of whiners (a limerick)
    The mental-health industry claims 
    one-third of America's brains
    Perceive modern life 
    as so full of strife, 
    they're stressed-out again and again.
    We don't face oppression or slav'ry, 
    and rarely we need to show brav'ry.
    So those who profess 
    they have too much stress 
    should go to see Brave Heart or Patriot.
© 2000 (
Inspired by 07-03-00 Fox News report that a 1996 "study" by mental-health "experts" shows that one-third of Americans "felt close to a nervous breakdown" or "had a mental health problem."

2000-07-02 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Green Gore Oozes Again. (a set of limericks)
    My tenants described on TV 
    the clogs in their toilets and sinks,
    So I told the man 
    in charge of my land:  
    "Be sure to get rid of that stink."
    That manager's in Tennessee, 
    and I speak like those in DeeCee,
    So he was misled 
    and thought that I said, 
    "Be sure to get rid of that zinc."
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-02-00 report in the Sunday Times that a zinc-mining operation on Gore's land is endangering wildlife by polluting a nearby river and by a 06-04-00 FoxNews report about Gore's response to news reports in which his tenants complained his rental manager had ignored their repeated pleas for their clogged sinks and toilets to be fixed; See also our 2000-06-04 Daily Update-01 regarding the Green Gore problem exposing Gore's tenants to hazardous dumps.

2000-07-01 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Impression of the new movie, Patriot. (a limerick)
    I just saw the new movie Patriot
    a movie I found quite audacious.
    It clearly reveals:   
    excesses in zeal 
    compete with our more noble nature.
    The son of the man played by Gibson 
    quite strongly resisted temptation.
    Because he knew hate 
    would stand in the way 
    of goals for a noble, new nation.

    And likewise, the slave who joined with 'em, 
    whose first goal was gaining his freedom--
    Then used his new rights 
    to risk his own life 
    with hopes to give other slaves freedom.  
© 2000 

This page contains Daily Updates for July, 2000.    To go to our current Daily Updates page, click here.  To go to our Daily-Update Archives, click hereFor an Index of PoliSat Rhymes, go here.