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Political
Satire
Daily
Updates.©2000
This page contains
Daily Updates for July, 2000.
To go to our current
Daily Updates page, click here. To go to
our Daily-Update
Archives, click here. For an
Index of
PoliSat
Rhymes,
go here.
2000-07-31 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Media Anxiety (a limerick)
On Monday, July thirty-first,
the media seem in a lurch
because they're unsure
if Powell can cure
Republicans' black-support dearth.
© 2000
2000-07-30 Daily Update-01 © 2000
A day with news reports too weird for limericks
...
Who is in charge of this mess? ...
Why did Clinton have Chelsea participate in the Mideast negotiations? He
had hope to bring- in an experienced foreign-policy adviser with gravitas, but
Amy Carter was unavailable because she's still busy explaining nuclear policy to
Jimmy Carter, and he couldn't use Hillary because during tough bargaining
sessions, she might start calling everyone bad names. (Inspired by
07-30-00 story by Matt Drudge that the White House continued its denial of
reports that Chelsea had participated in the Mideast negotiations until
photographs began circulating showing her participating in the
discussions.) Meanwhile, in Philadelphia: Who is
in charge? The
Shadow knows-- the Shadow Convention aka the Shallow convention organized by
Arianna Huffing-and-Puffington. Of course, McCain made an appearance to
trash the evils of Big Money, Big Tobacco and Big Cynicism (but not Big
Beer). So the question remains, who
is best suited to become the nominee of the Shadow convention? I know who--
do you?
© 2000
2000-07-29-00
Daily Update-01
© 2000
The Little Rock Zoo is a
Library Too (limerick)
The Bill Clinton Library planned
on Little Rock donating land
but taxpayers said:
"Do not
spend our bread--
Let Lippo Group donate some land."
But when
the discussion resumed,
Town Council then quickly approved
a clever new plan
to pay for the land
by using the funds for the zoo!
Opponents proclaim it's nefarious,
but they shouldn't be such contrarians
'cause they should perceive
Bill's Library needs
A zookeeper not a librarian.
And now
what should zoo-lovers do?
To protest de-funding that zoo?
To show your disdain
support the domain
pronounced Clinton
Liebrary
too !
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-29-00
Washington Post/AP story about proceedings before the Arkansas Supreme Court
by taxpayers contending the funding plan was illegal.)
2000-07-28-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Judicial Viagra in Clinton's disbarment proceedings
(limerick)
This story is awkward to mention
without breaking social conventions:
A new, drugless factor,
"Judicial Viagra,"
can give talking-penis extensions.
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-28-00
FoxNews report that the judge in the disbarment
proceedings against Clinton granted an extension for Clinton to respond by
August 29, 2000 and also by PoliSat's
having learned through reliable sources that Clinton's
defense to the lying-under-oath charges will be that the lies were all told by
his talking penis.)
2000-07-27-00 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Time/Warner's Levin ... slanders U.S. again
...
as Gerald Levin ... proclaims Jiang Zemin ...
to be a good Time/Warner friend.. (a limerick)
For fleeing from left and right "isms"
the bridge 'cross those human-rights schisms
was made safe from harm
by American arms
and also by capitalism.
So that makes it all the more shame
that Time/Warner's boss has proclaimed
American culture
is now like a vulture
and somehow it needs to be tamed.
And whom does he call a "good friend"?
He proudly proclaims " Jiang Zemin"--
who doesn't regret
Tienamen deaths,
and says they would do it again.
© 2000 (Inspired by Drudge
Report article dated 07-27-00 quoting Time/Warner CEO, Gerald Levin, as
having recently characterized America's post-cold-war influence as "American cultural imperialism."
Maybe he's really a citizen of France.)
2000-07-26-00 Daily Update-01
© 2000
No update today due to renovation in progress..
2000-07-25-00 Daily Update-01
© 2000
No update today due to renovation in progress..
2000-07-24 Daily Update-01
© 2000
An eye-popper for an aye-poppa (a limerick)
Dubya said "My second-spotter
quite surely will be an eye-popper!"
But we weren't prophetic
predicting Bo Derek!
We now know his words were "Aye, Poppa!"
'Though Cheney's among the good guys
He's not quite as good for the eyes,
but he will do fine
to keep Bush in line,
so voters can give him their ayes.
© 2000.
2000-07-23 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Waiting for Dubya's "eye-popping" choice.
(limericks)
The media think Bush will choose
Dick Cheney to walk in Quayle's shoes
Of course it's no-brainer to say no McCainer,
But Cheney wears boots and not shoes.
Since Dubya has said eyes would pop
at whom he puts into the slot.
It's said by his pals
a Republican gal--
Bo Derek will fill-out the spot.
© 2000 ---Inspired by recent news story
that Bo Derek is a Republican and by Bush's prediction that his choice will make
people's eyes pop.
2000-07-22 Daily Update-01
© 2000
AT&T shows touch-you/touch-me (limerick)
Those AT&T ads now say:
"Reach out
and touch someone today ...
Just start every morn'
by watching
our porn
and surely you'll learn the
best way."
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-22-00
Fox News report that AT&T's cable services now
include a "porn" channel billed as "racier than the Playboy
Channel.").
2000-07-21 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The spot for VeePee: Last snack at a tea
(limerick)
Selection to run as VeePee
is like the last snack at a tea
None will confess
to all of the rest
"I hope they'll insist it's for
me." © 2000
2000-07-20 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Hillary nags ... her clandestine JAG's
to help end her
voter-poll lag (a limerick)
I told those nice folks in my loop
(my Jewish Advisory Group)
To tell the press denizens
"We're just 'concerned citizens'
'cause Fray
just cannot tell the truth."
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-20-00
ABC News report that Hillary's campaign instructed members of her
"Jewish Advisory Group" to anonymously contact members of the press
and, after identifying themselves only as "concerned citizens," to
express outrage at Fray's claims that Hillary called him an "F.J.B.")
2000-07-19 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Hill'ry's Retort: Fray Lied to a Court
(limericks)
Defenders of Hillary say
you can't take the word of Paul Fray
Their new retort:
He lied to a court,
and so you can't trust what he'll
say.
They point-out to no one's surprise
that he was disbarred
for such lies.
And yet they don't blink
to say they don't think
for Clinton the same rule
applies.
'Cause in his disbarment proceedings,
a brand-new defense he is pleading
He will proclaim
his genes are to blame
'cause all lies were told by his penis.
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-18-00
Fox News publication of AP story questioning Fray's credibility by reciting,
amon other things, Fray's having surrendered his license to practice law rather
than defend charges that he submitted false documents to a court. See also
the following Daily Updates related to disbarment proceedings against
Clinton: 2000-06-30 Daily
Update-01 and 2000-06-30 Daily
Update-02.).
2000-07-18 Daily Update-01
(revised 07-19-00) © 2000
Hillary's lament: "Some of my
worst friends are ex-campaign managers".
Today when Paul Fray told Fox News ...
that Hill'ry said: "You
[blanking] Jew..." .
He said he'd profess
for polygraph tests
and then he'll take truth-serum too!
So now how will Hillary prove
she only
says kind things to Jews?
To make her test better
her polygraph tester
will be the one OJ will use.
© 2000 (Inspired by
07-18-00 Fox
News story about Fray's statements to Fox News on 07-18-00 and June 9, 2000
statement by F. Lee Baily and/or O.J. Simpson indicating that OJ would take a
lie-detector test and submit to questioning on the internet.
2000-07-14 through 2000-07-17: .
No Daily Update for these dates due to
renovation in progress.
2000-07-13 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Political Mau-Mauing
by claims of
price-gouging. (limericks)
(du20000713-01)
Said Richardson, Clinton and Gore
"Big Oil is price-gouging galore!"
But they had been told
by memos in bold
that R-F-G costs so much more!
And so there is no room for doubting ...
that such bogus claims of price-gouging
were simply contrived
and should be described
as nothing but campaign mau-mauing.
© 2000 (Inspired
by 07-13-00 news reports that despite Richardson's, Clinton's and Gore's
allegations that high gasoline prices in the midwest were caused by "price
gouging" by "Big Oil," an internal Energy Department memo to
Richardson on June 5, 2000, stated that the implementation of regulations
requiring new RFG in the midwest would cause substantial price increases and
shortages.)
2000-07-12 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Name is no laughing matter says comedian Dennis
Miller. (a limerick)
(du20000712-01)
A doctor of comedy claims
an M-D is using his name
And so Dennis Miller
becomes a name killer
to squash the poor Doc with his fame.
© 2000 (Inspired by
07-22-00 Fox News report
that comedian Dennis Miller's lawyers sent a letter
to Dennis Miller, a New York Physician, threatening legal action for the
physician's use of his own name for his doctor's-office website.)
2000-07-11 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The Nanny Boom--Motherhood by Proxy
(limericks)
Yesterday Fox News reported
to what proxy-moms have resorted
It is uncanny
that now they hire nannies
for kids to have proper consorting
To teach their kids morals and charm
and
still chase careers with aplomb
They will "invest"
30-grand for "the best"
not knowing such
person is "Mom."
© 2000 (Inspired by
Fox News Channel story yesterday (07-10-00) about the exploding trend in Silicon Valley
for mothers with careers to pay $30,000 to $70,000 per year to provide "the
best" for their children by hiring "highly educated" nannies to
raise their children, help the children feel they are important members of the
family "team," and teach them "morals" and "family
values." Fortunately for my kids, the "highly educated"
person who taught them "morals" and "family values" and made
them feel they were the center
of our family was their Mom. Jim Wrenn, Editor.)
2000-07-10 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Pretextual Smears.
(a limerick)
The minds of those folks at the
Globe
have now been completely
disrobed.
Jacoby they smeared
with pretext so clear
that
they
should be roundly deplored.
© 2000 (Inspired by
07-10-00
statement
by Jeff Jacoby about the Boston Globe's
suspension of his column for alleged failures to include appropriate
attributions in his column on the risks undertaken and hardships endured by the
signers of the Declaration of Independence..
2000-07-09 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Saga of Gore's tenants: Scary Movie or What
? .
Like characters in Scary Movie,
Gore's tenants are fearing entombment.
The john overflows,
so each time they go,
they're trapped in a quite Scary
Movement.
© 2000 (Inspired by
07-07-00
Fox News story indicating Gore's tenants claim
plumbing problems still persist despite Gore's claims to have made improvements.)
2000-07-08 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Protection from rogue-state missiles: Trust
rocket science or treaty compliance? (limericks)
When Cosmonaut spacemen were first
to get to an earth-orbit perch
We tried to catch up
but rockets blew up
and seemed to leave us
in the lurch
But we weren't deterred by such failures,
and just like Columbus the sailor
We kept on trying.
For what were we vying?
A future that's brighter
not paler.
Today's test for missile defense ...
malfunctioned and didn't convince
The folks who propose
defense against rogues
be diplomats' papers and pens.
Remember way back in the Eighties,
the same folks said Reagan was crazy ...
.
To say we'd be stronger
and we would no longer
trust only in arms-treaty phrases.
© 2000
2000-07-07 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Clintonian Fund Raising:
Help from Riady to get off the potty ( a
rhyme)
While on the political potty,
I had to get help from Riady
because I was stuck
in campaigning muck,
and found my supplies were quite spotty.
I'd run out of paper, and so,
I needed some more from Lippo
He sent me John Huang
and it wasn't long
before I was back on the go.
©
2000 --Reprise of 1999-11-14 Daily Update
© 1999 inspired by 07-06
Fox News report on apparent plan of the Justice
Department (i.e., not Independent Counsel) to indict Riady.)
2000-07-06 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Truth stranger than fiction--Genetic defense in
Clinton's disbarment case (a limerick)
They say truth is stranger than fiction,
and slickness is rarer than friction
With Clinton we've found
the rules upside down--
especially with language and
diction.
The latest political treatise,
American Rhapsody
teases
And generates laughter
because the last chapter
proclaims Clinton talks with his
penis
Bill's heated reaction was fleeting
when he got his gene-mapping readings
'Cause his genes present
a brand-new defense
against his disbarment proceedings
And in his disbarment proceedings,
this brand new defense
will be pleaded
His lips will not move,
and that's how he'll prove
the lies were all told by his
penis
The judge in such case must be awesome
to measure such jetsam and flotsam
That must be why
when this case is tried,
the judge in the case is a Johnson.
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-06-00
Fox News story about appointment of Judge Leon
Johnson in Little Rock to hear the disbarment proceedings brought against
Clinton by the Arkansas Supreme Court. See
also the 2000-06-30
Daily Update-01 and 2000-06-30 Daily Update-02.)
2000-07-05 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Can sharks save great apes? (a limerick)
An old way some lawyers got clients?
On rescue-squads they were reliant.
But now what some do
is go to the zoo
and sign-up some primates as clients.
©
2000 (Inspired by 07-05-00
Fox News story implying that Steve Ann
Chambers, a Seattle attorney and President of the Animal Legal Defense Fund (ALDF)
has filed, or intends to file, legal proceedings to declare that great apes and
other primates are legally entitled to "personhood.")
.
2000-07-04 Daily Update-01
© 2000
What it means to be an "American."
(limericks)
On this July 4th celebration,
let's ask who we'd call "real Americans"
Some seem to fear
the folks not born here and
don't think of them as
"Americans"
Some think the place of one's birth
is how we should
measure one's worth
And they seem to say
in subliminal ways,
"We better since we were here
first."
But being American means
much more than the source of our genes.
It's better defined
by hopes in the minds
of those who come here to be
free.
© 2000
2000-07-03 Daily Update-01
© 2000
A nation of whiners (a limerick)
The mental-health industry claims
one-third of America's brains
Perceive modern life
as so full of strife,
they're stressed-out again and again.
We don't face oppression or slav'ry,
and rarely we need to
show brav'ry.
So those who profess
they have too much stress
should go to see Brave Heart
or Patriot.
© 2000 (Inspired
by 07-03-00
Fox News report that a 1996 "study" by mental-health
"experts" shows that one-third of Americans "felt close to a
nervous breakdown" or "had a mental health problem."
2000-07-02 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Green
Gore
Oozes Again. (a set of limericks)
My tenants described on TV
the clogs in their toilets and sinks,
So I told the man
in charge of my land:
"Be sure to get
rid of that stink."
That manager's in Tennessee,
and I speak like those in DeeCee,
So he was misled
and thought that I said,
"Be sure to get rid of that
zinc."
© 2000 (Inspired by 07-02-00
report in the Sunday Times that a zinc-mining operation on Gore's land is
endangering wildlife by polluting a nearby river and by a 06-04-00
FoxNews report about Gore's response to news reports in which his tenants
complained his rental manager had ignored their repeated pleas for their clogged
sinks and toilets to be fixed; See also our 2000-06-04
Daily Update-01 regarding the Green Gore problem exposing Gore's tenants to
hazardous dumps.
2000-07-01 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Impression of the new movie, Patriot.
(a limerick)
I just saw the new movie Patriot,
a
movie I found quite audacious.
It clearly reveals:
excesses in
zeal
compete with our more noble nature.
The son of the man played by Gibson
quite strongly
resisted temptation.
Because he knew hate
would stand in the way
of goals for a noble, new nation.
And likewise, the slave who joined with 'em,
whose first goal was gaining his
freedom--
Then used his new rights
to risk his own life
with hopes to give other slaves
freedom.
© 2000
This page contains
Daily Updates for July, 2000.
To go to our current
Daily Updates page, click here. To go to
our Daily-Update
Archives, click here. For an
Index of
PoliSat
Rhymes,
go here.
