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Archives-- Installments for
Jan. 11, 2005, through 20, 2005, starting below in reverse chronological order.
Jan. 19
through Jan. 20, 2005-- Editor working on special project unrelated to political
satire/commentary.
Jan.
18, 2005-- Cartoon without commentary.
Jan.
17, 2005.
Ted
Kennedy says "Iraq is George Bush's 'Vietnam.'"; Bush contemplates response; CBS News
unveils plan for Dan Rather as new anchor on "Face the Nation" to be re-named "Mace
the Nation."
PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief has learned how George W. Bush wishes he
could counter the latest
vitriolic attack from Ted Kennedy. A highly unreliable source with direct access to high-level
strategy meetings in the sub-basement of the White House described contemplation of a strategy that
would have had a devastating impact on Kennedy. Using high-tech, remote-sensing equipment
envied but not possessed by the NSC, our highly unreliable source captured video images and
closed-caption texts of these "brainstorming" meetings. As a public service, PoliSat.Com presents the
following closed-captions video that first documents the latest behavior of Kennedy that prompted
the high-level brainstorming session and then reveals the key elements of the process by which Bush
contemplated and then rejected (on grounds of avoiding cruelty to dumb animals) as a strategy (code-named the"RATEMKITKEMK* Tapes") for countering
Kennedy's attacks. (*Pronounced: rah-tem-kit-kemk.)
Here's the transcript of the closed-captions of Part One of the"RATEMKITKEMK Tapes"
documenting the latest objectionable behavior by Ted Kennedy in his tactic of describing Iraq as
"George Bush's 'Vietnam'":
I'm
Ted, the political con whose improvised verbalized bombs seek unity cracked by claiming Iraq is Bush
43's "Vietnam."
Here's the transcript of the closed-captions of Part Two of the "RATEMKITKEMK Tapes"
revealing Dubya's contemplated, but ultimately rejected, counter-tactic against Kennedy's callous and reckless tactic of trying to equate
"Iraq" with "Vietnam":
I'm
Dubya, whom Teddy attacks for ev'rything wrong in Iraq with words that provide the terrorists' side
with hope we'll withdraw from Iraq. His caustic remarks on Iraq deserve my most caustic attack
with words metaphorical on Teddy, The Oracle of Gloom and of Doom in Iraq. The term to combat
his contempt, phonetic'lly, rat-'em kit-kemk, I coined to define his low
state of mind, hereafter is "RAT-EM-KIT-KEMK." Since Ted's nom-de-plume's
"E-M-K," the way to most cogently say how low Ted-the-drunk's behavior has sunk is:
"Ted's E-M-K's 'E-M-K.' " The phrase, with which Teddy I'd tar, I coined with the
acronym "R-A-T-E-M-K-I-T-E-M-K" means sinking as low as his car: Reminding America
That E-M-K Is Ted Kennedy's E-M-K's the best way to caustic'lly say his name can an epithet be.
Despite arrowed words in my quiver, this speech I, of course, won't deliver because, unlike Ted, my
grudges I shed to thus be a humble forgiver.
After careful study, PoliSat.Com's cryptographer has been able to further de-code the meaning of the
"RATEMKITKEMK" acronym: Reminding
America That Edward
M. Kennedy is Ted
Kennedy's Edward M.
Kennedy-- i.e., it equates Ted Kennedy with Ted
Kennedy. PoliSat.Com's highly unreliable source inside the Bush White House indicated that
Bush ultimately declined to embrace this strategy because he concluded as a
"compassionate" conservative that to equate Ted Kennedy with Ted Kennedy would be almost
as cruel as to equate any human being with Michael Moore. Incredibly, PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief's careful parsing of the language
in these
closed-caption transcripts of the RATEKEMKITKEMK Tapes not only underscores the compassionate nature
of Bush's ultimate rejection of the strategy but also reveals Bush's sentiments to be quite poetic, as shown below:
The
"RATEMKITKEMK" Tapes, Part One: Ted Kennedy's tactic describing Iraq as "George
Bush's 'Vietnam.'"
I'm
Ted, the political con
whose improvised verbalized bombs
seek unity cracked
by claiming Iraq
is Bush 43's "Vietnam."
The
"RATEMKITKEMK" Tapes, Part Two: Dubya's counter-tactic.
I'm
Dubya, whom Teddy attacks
for ev'rything wrong in Iraq
with words that provide
the terrorists' side
with hope we'll withdraw from Iraq.
His
caustic remarks on Iraq
deserve my most caustic attack
with words metaphorical
on Teddy, The Oracle
of Gloom and of Doom in Iraq.
The
term to combat his contempt,
phonetic'lly, rat-'em kit-kemk,
I coined to define
his low state of mind
hereafter is "RAT-EM-KIT-KEMK."
Since
Ted's nom-de-plume's "E-M-K,"
the way to most cogently say
how low Ted-the-drunk's
behavior has sunk
is: "Ted's E-M-K's 'E-M-K.' "
The
phrase, with which Teddy I'd tar,
I coined with the acronym "R-
A-T-E-M-K-
I-T-E-M-K,"
means sinking as low as his car:
Reminding
America That E-
M-K Is Ted Kennedy's E-
M-K's the best way
to caustic'lly say
his name can an epithet be.
Despite
arrowed words in my quiver,
this speech I, of course, won't deliver
because, unlike Ted,
my grudges I shed
to thus be a humble forgiver.
In
a related matter, the CBS News' decision to provide the entirety of its Sunday morning news-program,
"Face the Nation," yesterday has fueled rumors that rather than returning Dan Rather to
"60 Minutes," CBS News would rather have him become the new anchor of that Sunday
morning program, which, in furtherance of CBS News' new commitment to "objectivity" and
"full disclosure" in the wake of MemoGate a.k.a. RatherGate will be re-named "Mace
the Nation."
The images shown above represent additional examples of outrageously callous, partisan comments by
Ted Kennedy as further proof that Ted Kennedy is Ted Kennedy's Ted Kennedy.
For
links to the latest Daily Updates, Animations, Song-Parodies, Limericks, Palindromes, Archives, Site-Index/Search, go to http://PoliSat.Com.
Jan.
13--16, 2005. No Update-- Editor on special assignment on another planet.
Jan.
12, 2005.
CBS
News and 60 Minutes: Les Moonves, Andrew Heyward, Dan Rather and Mary Mapes officially deny
RatherGate and MemoGate prove political bias at the SeeBS Casa Blacka-Rocka.
Les Moonves, Andrew Heyward and Dan Rather held a joint press-conference today to officially inform
the world that RatherGate a.k.a. MemoGate do not show political bias against George W.
Bush. They also took this occasion to de-bunk quite a number of other myths commonly held
among people existing in "red" states and even by a sizeable minority of red people (not to
be confused with American Indians-- correction "Native Americans"-- correction descendents
of the MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPO Culture)
in blue states:
First, contrary to popular belief, extraterrestrial aliens did not land at Roswell-- they were
Mexicans traveling in weather balloons. Second, contrary to popular belief, white people have
rhythm (but not rhyme). Third, contrary to popular belief, people in fly-over country live
there only because there's no room for them on the coasts. Fourth, contrary to popular belief,
most people would have preferred that we not have sought to topple Saddam Hussein until such time in
the future when he would have first proven to the world his possession of operational nuclear,
chemical and biological weapons. Fifth, contrary to popular belief, most people would prefer
to wait for the Social Security Pyramid Scheme to collapse before fixing it. Sixth, contrary
to popular belief, the exit polls were right and John Kerry actually won Ohio and Florida by
landslides. Seventh, contrary to popular belief, if Edward R. Murrow were to be alive to day,
the person he would admire most would be Michael Moore.
After this refreshing and educational bout of candor, Moonves, Heyward and Rather departed, but Mary
Mapes suddenly appeared in their place. She explained that Moonves and Heyward had been
co-opted by the far right wing in conceding the documents she and Rather broadcast on 60 Minutes II
were not shown to be authentic. She asserted that even though Rather is continuing to honor
the confidentiality of the unimpeachable source, her being fired by SeeBS had so angered the
unimpeachable source that he gave her permission to identify him. The entire Washington press
corps held its collective breath as she prepared to identify the source. Mapes took a deep
breath and said, "Our unimpeachable source is Michael Moore." Denying that she had
"cut corners" to meet a deadline, she explained that she first received the unimpeachable
memos at least ten years before Bush was ever in the Air National Guard.
When asked to explain this space-time continuum, she reminded everyone about the "smoking
gun" theory about Bush 41 and the Americans held hostage in the American Embassy in Tehran
until after the 1980 election of Reagan as the result of Bush 41 having flown the Blackbird to
Europe to meet with Bani Sadr to make such arrangements. Similarly, Bush 43 had learned to fly
the Blackbird, which, as everyone knows, travels at Warp 23 and is thus able to travel backwards in
time. On one occasion in 1973, Bush 43 had forgotten he had his orders for a physical in his back
pocket when he went AWOL by flying the Blackbird to meet with the Saudis for the Carlysle
Group. Inadvertently passing Warp 23, he landed in Texas near the home of Bill Burkette and
when he got out of the plane to try to find out where he had landed, the orders for his physical
fell out of his back pocket. Fortunately for Burkett, he happened to have his camcorder handy
and made a video-tape of Bush dropping the orders before getting back into the Blackbird to get back
to the future by traveling at Warp Minus 23. Hearing her explanation, the Washington press
corps was stunned by her tour de force into such complicated scientific matters involving quantum
physics, relativity and the rest of that stuff that had stumped lesser mortals such as Einstein.
CBS
News and 60 Minutes: Les Moonves, Andrew Heyward, Dan Rather and Mary Mapes officially deny
RatherGate and MemoGate prove political bias at the SeeBS Casa Blacka-Rocka.
