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Archives-- Installments for  Jan. 11, 2005, through 20, 2005, starting below in reverse chronological order.

  

Jan. 19 through Jan. 20, 2005-- Editor working on special project unrelated to political satire/commentary.   

 

   

Jan. 18, 2005-- Cartoon without commentary.

 

 

 

 

 

   

Jan. 17, 2005.

Ted Kennedy says "Iraq is George Bush's 'Vietnam.'"; Bush contemplates response; CBS News unveils plan for Dan Rather as new anchor on "Face the Nation" to be re-named "Mace the Nation."

            PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief has learned how George W. Bush wishes he could counter the latest vitriolic attack from Ted Kennedy.  A highly unreliable source with direct access to high-level strategy meetings in the sub-basement of the White House described contemplation of a strategy that would have had a devastating impact on Kennedy.  Using high-tech, remote-sensing equipment envied but not possessed by the NSC, our highly unreliable source captured video images and closed-caption texts of these "brainstorming" meetings.  As a public service, PoliSat.Com presents the following closed-captions video that first documents the latest behavior of Kennedy that prompted the high-level brainstorming session and then reveals the key elements of the process by which Bush contemplated and then rejected (on grounds of avoiding cruelty to dumb animals) as a strategy (code-named the"RATEMKITKEMK* Tapes") for countering Kennedy's attacks.  (*Pronounced: rah-tem-kit-kemk.)

            Here's the transcript of the closed-captions of Part One of the"RATEMKITKEMK Tapes" documenting the latest objectionable behavior by Ted Kennedy in his tactic of describing Iraq as "George Bush's 'Vietnam'":  

I'm Ted, the political con whose improvised verbalized bombs seek unity cracked by claiming Iraq is Bush 43's "Vietnam."

            Here's the transcript of the closed-captions of Part Two of the "RATEMKITKEMK Tapes" revealing Dubya's contemplated, but ultimately rejected, counter-tactic against Kennedy's callous and reckless tactic of trying to equate "Iraq" with "Vietnam":

I'm Dubya, whom Teddy attacks for ev'rything wrong in Iraq with words that provide the terrorists' side with hope we'll withdraw from Iraq.  His caustic remarks on Iraq deserve my most caustic attack with words metaphorical on Teddy, The Oracle of Gloom and of Doom in Iraq.  The term to combat his contempt, phonetic'lly, rat-'em kit-kemk, I coined to define his low state of mind, hereafter is "RAT-EM-KIT-KEMK."  Since Ted's nom-de-plume's "E-M-K," the way to most cogently say how low Ted-the-drunk's behavior has sunk is:  "Ted's E-M-K's 'E-M-K.' "  The phrase, with which Teddy I'd tar, I coined with the acronym "R-A-T-E-M-K-I-T-E-M-K" means sinking as low as his car:  Reminding America That E-M-K Is Ted Kennedy's E-M-K's the best way to caustic'lly say his name can an epithet be. Despite arrowed words in my quiver, this speech I, of course, won't deliver because, unlike Ted, my grudges I shed to thus be a humble forgiver.

            After careful study, PoliSat.Com's cryptographer has been able to further de-code the meaning of the "RATEMKITKEMK" acronym:  Reminding America That Edward M. Kennedy is Ted Kennedy's Edward M. Kennedy-- i.e., it equates Ted Kennedy with Ted Kennedy.  PoliSat.Com's highly unreliable source inside the Bush White House indicated that Bush ultimately declined to embrace this strategy because he concluded as a "compassionate" conservative that to equate Ted Kennedy with Ted Kennedy would be almost as cruel as to equate any human being with Michael Moore.  Incredibly, PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief's careful parsing of the language in these closed-caption transcripts of the RATEKEMKITKEMK Tapes not only underscores the compassionate nature of Bush's ultimate rejection of the strategy but also reveals Bush's sentiments to be quite poetic, as shown below:

The "RATEMKITKEMK" Tapes, Part One:  Ted Kennedy's tactic describing Iraq as "George Bush's 'Vietnam.'"

I'm Ted, the political con
whose improvised verbalized bombs
seek unity cracked
by claiming Iraq
is Bush 43's "Vietnam."

The "RATEMKITKEMK" Tapes, Part Two:  Dubya's counter-tactic.

I'm Dubya, whom Teddy attacks
for ev'rything wrong in Iraq
with words that provide
the terrorists' side
with hope we'll withdraw from Iraq.

His caustic remarks on Iraq
deserve my most caustic attack
with words metaphorical
on Teddy, The Oracle
of Gloom and of Doom in Iraq.

The term to combat his contempt,
phonetic'lly, rat-'em kit-kemk,
I coined to define
his low state of mind
hereafter is "RAT-EM-KIT-KEMK."

Since Ted's nom-de-plume's "E-M-K,"
the way to most cogently say
how low Ted-the-drunk's
behavior has sunk
is:  "Ted's E-M-K's 'E-M-K.' "

The phrase, with which Teddy I'd tar,
I coined with the acronym "R-
A-T-E-M-K-
I-T-E-M-K,"
means sinking as low as his car:

Reminding America That E-
M-K Is Ted Kennedy's E-
M-K's the best way
to caustic'lly say
his name can an epithet be.

Despite arrowed words in my quiver,
this speech I, of course, won't deliver
because, unlike Ted,
my grudges I shed
to thus be a humble forgiver.

In a related matter, the CBS News' decision to provide the entirety of its Sunday morning news-program, "Face the Nation," yesterday has fueled rumors that rather than returning Dan Rather to "60 Minutes," CBS News would rather have him become the new anchor of that Sunday morning program, which, in furtherance of CBS News' new commitment to "objectivity" and "full disclosure" in the wake of MemoGate a.k.a. RatherGate will be re-named "Mace the Nation."  

            The images shown above represent additional examples of outrageously callous, partisan comments by Ted Kennedy as further proof that Ted Kennedy is Ted Kennedy's Ted Kennedy. 

--Jim Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com

For permanent links for this installment, see Links Box below.  To email these links to a friend, go here.

  

Links Box for:  

Jan. 13, 2005 #01 Daily Update at PoliSat.Com, where satire is always commentary, but commentary isn't always satire.™

Title:  The RATEMKITKEMK Tapes.

Permanent link to this Daily Update:  http://polisat.com/du2005/du0501-11--20.htm#20050117-01.

Temporary 30-day news-link:  http://polisat.com/DailyPoliticalSatire-Commentary/du20y05m01d17-01.htm.

Permanent link to animation for this Daily Update:  http://PoliSat.Com/Images/The_RATEMKITKEMK_Tapes.gif.

For links to the latest Daily Updates, Animations, Song-Parodies, Limericks, Palindromes, Archives, Site-Index/Search, go to http://PoliSat.Com.

 

 

   

Jan. 13--16, 2005.  No Update-- Editor on special assignment on another planet.

 

   

Jan. 12, 2005.

CBS News and 60 Minutes: Les Moonves, Andrew Heyward, Dan Rather and Mary Mapes officially deny RatherGate and MemoGate prove political bias at the SeeBS Casa Blacka-Rocka.

            Les Moonves, Andrew Heyward and Dan Rather held a joint press-conference today to officially inform the world that  RatherGate a.k.a. MemoGate do not show political bias against George W. Bush.  They also took this occasion to de-bunk quite a number of other myths commonly held among people existing in "red" states and even by a sizeable minority of red people (not to be confused with American Indians-- correction "Native Americans"-- correction descendents of the MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPO Culture) in blue states:  First, contrary to popular belief, extraterrestrial aliens did not land at Roswell-- they were Mexicans traveling in weather balloons.  Second, contrary to popular belief, white people have rhythm (but not rhyme).  Third, contrary to popular belief, people in fly-over country live there only because there's no room for them on the coasts.  Fourth, contrary to popular belief, most people would have preferred that we not have sought to topple Saddam Hussein until such time in the future when he would have first proven to the world his possession of operational nuclear, chemical and biological weapons.  Fifth, contrary to popular belief, most people would prefer to wait for the Social Security Pyramid Scheme to collapse before fixing it.  Sixth, contrary to popular belief, the exit polls were right and John Kerry actually won Ohio and Florida by landslides.  Seventh, contrary to popular belief, if Edward R. Murrow were to be alive to day, the person he would admire most would be Michael Moore.

            After this refreshing and educational bout of candor, Moonves, Heyward and Rather departed, but Mary Mapes suddenly appeared in their place.  She explained that Moonves and Heyward had been co-opted by the far right wing in conceding the documents she and Rather broadcast on 60 Minutes II were not shown to be authentic.  She asserted that even though Rather is continuing to honor the confidentiality of the unimpeachable source, her being fired by SeeBS had so angered the unimpeachable source that he gave her permission to identify him.  The entire Washington press corps held its collective breath as she prepared to identify the source.  Mapes took a deep breath and said, "Our unimpeachable source is Michael Moore."  Denying that she had "cut corners" to meet a deadline, she explained that she first received the unimpeachable memos at least ten years before Bush was ever in the Air National Guard.  

            When asked to explain this space-time continuum, she reminded everyone about the "smoking gun" theory about Bush 41 and the Americans held hostage in the American Embassy in Tehran until after the 1980 election of Reagan as the result of Bush 41 having flown the Blackbird to Europe to meet with Bani Sadr to make such arrangements.  Similarly, Bush 43 had learned to fly the Blackbird, which, as everyone knows, travels at Warp 23 and is thus able to travel backwards in time.  On one occasion in 1973, Bush 43 had forgotten he had his orders for a physical in his back pocket when he went AWOL by flying the Blackbird to meet with the Saudis for the Carlysle Group.  Inadvertently passing Warp 23, he landed in Texas near the home of Bill Burkette and when he got out of the plane to try to find out where he had landed, the orders for his physical fell out of his back pocket.  Fortunately for Burkett, he happened to have his camcorder handy and made a video-tape of Bush dropping the orders before getting back into the Blackbird to get back to the future by traveling at Warp Minus 23.  Hearing her explanation, the Washington press corps was stunned by her tour de force into such complicated scientific matters involving quantum physics, relativity and the rest of that stuff that had stumped lesser mortals such as Einstein.

--Jim Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com.

For permanent links for this installment, see Links Box below.  To email these links to a friend, go here.

   

  

Links Box for:  

Jan. 12, 2005 #01 Daily Update at PoliSat.Com, where satire is always commentary, but commentary isn't always satire.™

Title:  Casa Blacka-Rocka.

Permanent link to this Daily Update:  http://polisat.com/du2005/du0501-11--20.htm#20050112-01.

Temporary 30-day news-link:  http://polisat.com/DailyPoliticalSatire-Commentary/du20y05m01d12-01.htm.

Permanent link to animation for this Daily Update:  http://PoliSat.Com/Images/Casa_Blacka-Rocka.gif.

For links to the latest Daily Updates, Animations, Song-Parodies, Limericks, Palindromes, Archives, Site-Index/Search, go to http://PoliSat.Com.

 

 

   

Jan. 11, 2005-- No Update Today.

Daily Update immediately preceding the one above:  Go here or find it in the chronological Index of Archives here.


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