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The
War
Against
Tobacco (TWAT)
©
1999
The only politically-unpopular remnant of the otherwise
politically-revered MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPO
Culture.
Nomenclatural
Evolution of the MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPO Culture.
The War Against
Tobacco.
Rhymes
about Tobacco.
Nomenclatural Evolution of the MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPO culture: .
-
Indians:
Incorrect name assigned
by the cruel, bumbling fool, Columbus.
-
American
Indians: New
name assigned in an initially well-intended but insultingly patronizing and
misguided Euro-Centric effort to rectify the mistake by Columbus. This
term is now politically incorrect to the max.
-
Native
Americans:
Currently politically-correct name despite inclusion of Euro-Centric,
Post-Columbian term "Americans" to identify descendents of a
pre-Columbian culture now universally worshiped by all environmentally
enlightened people as Nature's
first truly Green
people (except, of course, those tribes running casinos or manufacturing
tobacco).
-
MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPOs:
Modern
Descendents
Of
Pre-Columbian
Inhabitants
Of
The
Post-Pangean
Continent
Between
Northern
Atlantic And Pacific
Oceans,
which is literally, historically, archaeologically and geographically
correct.
Question: If
"Native American" really means a Modern Descendent Of
the politically revered PCIOTPPCBNAAPO
Culture, what is the proper ethnic term
for an American born in the USA whose ancestors came from Europe?
Maybe such person should be called a DOPE
(Descendent
Of
Predatory
Europeans
born on the Northern Hemisphere of the Post-Pangean Continent Between
Northern Atlantic & Pacific Oceans after their Ancestors stole it from
its Pre-Columbian Inhabitants)
Proposal: Why
don't we all just call ourselves "Americans"?
TWAT
(The
War
Against
Tobacco)
©
1999
Heroic
efforts to "save our children" from "Big Tobacco" (so they'll have more
money to spend on beer)
Political lackeys for Big
Beer, Big Liquor, Big Violence in the Entertainment Industry and Little
Farmers in the Tobacco Industry wage a never-ending battle to "save our
children" from the evil, Big Tobacco executives
---
Richard Gephardt-- Top Frog in War Against
Tobacco
In
a tour-de-force demonstration of intellectual gymnastics,
guest-speaker
Richard Gephardt,
Honored
Occupant of the Bud's-Wiser Chair at
the Institute to Protect Our Children,
explains why the Tobacco industry's use of Joe
Camel constituted conclusive proof of
it's intent to lure "3,000 children a day" into a tobacco habit (that might
cause them to have a slightly lower life expectancy than people who never
smoke), but a beer company's use of animated
lizards and
frogs
in advertising on sports events popular among pre-teens and teenagers could
not reasonably be deemed to show even a slight degree of callousness about
the risk of enticing minors into drinking and thereby contribute to thousands
of young-age deaths per year in drunk-driving accidents.
McCain's
War Against Tobacco
Give me freedom from smoke, or give them jail.
Crusader
against leftist, government-knows-best philosophy now supports anti-tobacco laws
making it a crime for a private business to allow unrestricted smoking on its
premises under the common-sense assumption that private-citizen customers afraid
of being near smokers would be unable to protect themselves simply by refusing
to patronize the business. What's next-- making it illegal for restaurants
to serve steaks with too much fat? Why not ban ribeyes? Why not
criminalize the serving of meat not cooked well-done? Why not outlaw
stringent perfumes which, in high doses over decades, might cause health
problems for many people? Shouldn't all restaurants be barred from serving
peanuts since it's known that some people have severe, allergic reactions to
simply being in close proximity to peanuts? Why not just ban all
activities and then let government bureaucrats tell us what we may do that they
think will be good for us?
I Ain't Afraid
of Joe Camel
I say I'm no hero but surely no Nero like Clinton
who's also a zero
My wife's stock in beer protects me from fear from calling Joe Camel a narco
Joe Camel's a viper who's like the pied piper, but those Budweiser Lizards are
nicer
They only induce kids onto the juice, but Joe Camel makes kids into lifers ©
1999.
Updates on The
War Against Tobacco.
..
Quick! Send Joe
Camel back to the graveyard,
but send the Budweiser Frogs
& Lizards to the same
graveyard.
(du20000321-02)
Today the Supreme Court decided that the regulatory power
previously granted by Congress to the FDA was not broad enough to permit the FDA
to regulate tobacco. Before the ink had even dried on that opinion, John
McCain, Henry Waxman and Richard Gephardt were expressing their intentions to
propose legislation to confer such power on the FDA. Thus, "The War
Against Tobacco" (TWAT) resumes at full intensity
from the real
"iron triangle": (a) the Trial Lawyers, (b)
nanny-government bureaucrats, and (3) legislators luxuriating in the lap of Big
Beer (i.e., McCain and
Gephardt).
Anyone with even a modicum of common sense knows that in
comparison to the modestly lower statistical life-expectancy among those who
smoke for many decades, the misuse
of alcoholic beverages ruins far more lives, leads to the premature ending of
far more life-spans (i.e., deaths in drunk-driving accidents, criminal assaults
in alcohol-induced stupors, spousal and child abuse in alcohol-induced stupors,
etc.), and has a far more deadly "second-hand" effect (i.e., deaths of
non-drinking pesons in drunk driving accidents and non-drinking victims of
criminal activity committed by persons in an alcoholic stupor) than the combined
"evils" of tobacco. (Never mind that recent studies indicate
nicotine can be effective against brain disorders such as Parkinson's,
Terrette's (sp?) Syndrome and Alzheimers.)
Therefore, if those preparing to propose legislation to send
"Joe Camel"
to the graveyard by empowering the FDA to "regulate" tobacco are
really concerned about "the children" and the shortening of
life-expectancies, they will also include provisions to ban Budweiser's use of
its animated frogs and
lizards and all other
beer commercials using humor or other techniques to captivate the interests of
minors and will also empower the FDA to "regulate" alcoholic
beverages. Indeed, given the massive scale on which the misuse of alcohol
ruins lives, ends countless lives prematurely, and otherwise destroys families,
friendships and employment relationships, that law should also empower the FDA
to impose a 24-hour "background" check for any purchase of any
alcoholic beverage to prevent such purchase by anyone with a criminal record, a
drunk-driving record, or any record of domestic violence or child neglect.
Surely such a background check would be a minor inconvenience to law-abiding
citizens who consume alcoholic beverages responsibly. Such legislation
should also require the FDA to develop and impose standards prohibiting the sale
of any alcoholic beverage in any container that's not "child-proof"
(as has been done for cigarette lighters and prescription-medicine containers).
Next, our noble legislators determined to save us all from
our own poor judgment should direct their crusading skills against Big
Mayonnaise, Big Beef, Big Bacon, Big Sausage, Big Chicken, Big Butter, Big
Candy, Big Caffeine, Big Junk Food, Big Macs, Big Milk, Big Cheese, Big Shrimp
(especially Jumbo Shrimp), Big Pork, Big Ham, Big Sugar, Big Egg, Big Potato
Chips, Big Popcorn, etc., etc. etc. (as Ross Perot is wont to say).
At the end of such noble crusade, our lives will be so miserably dull, we'll all
wish
for shorter life-spans. © 2000
For mental relief
from the unrelenting propaganda of the anti-tobacco Gestapo, visit
.Smoker Dave, The Earl of Tobacco,
Duke of Nicotine.
Rhymes about Tobacco and
the Anti-Tobacco Zealots:
.
What
Homeless Folk Need is a Free Pack of Weeds
(limerick 20001105-01)
We know what the homeless folks need
to help them to vote absentee:
A pack at the door
to vote for Al Gore
and then smoke those wonderful weeds.
© 2000 --Inspired by
11-05-00
Report by "The Milwaukee Channel" (WISN, Channel 12) that
Gore-campaign volunteers in Milwaukee were transporting homeless people to vote
absentee and then rewarded them with free cigarettes. By the way, I'm a smoker
who's really tired of the anti-tobacco Gestapo, so I find it quite amusing that
volunteers for the self-appointed Commander in Chief of the War Against Tobacco
were furnishing free cigarettes to homeless people to vote by absentee ballot.
.Back to Top.
