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Political Satire
Daily Update
Updates start below in reverse chronological order-- i.e., most-recent first.

December 23, 2001 through December 31, 2001:  Jim Wrenn on Christmas vacation.

December 22, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011222-01 ™© 2001.
We're learning a 9-1-1 lesson:  We all must exert self-protection.

    We're learning a 9-1-1 lesson:  
    a good way for terror to lessen
    is shown when the masses
    refuse to be passive
    and bravely exert self-protection.

    Today in a plane on a flight to Miami,
    the stewardess/passengers putting the whammy
    on him with the fuse
    to bombs in his shoes
    no doubt saved the lives of quite many.

    By them a good lesson is told: 
    Preventing such murderous tolls
    means victims must not
    just wait for the cops,
    but emulate Beamer's "Let's roll !"
Inspired by the alert and courageous stewardess and nearby passengers on a December 22, 2001, American Airlines flight from Paris to Miami who prevented a horrific tragedy by attacking and subduing a passenger attempting to detonate explosives hidden in his shoes.   Direct URL for this particular Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com:  http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011222-01.

December 21, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011221-01 ™© 2001.
Said Clinton to all his advisors:  "We must make my legacy nicer".

    Today Clinton told his advisors:    
    "Make views of my legacy nicer
    as Man of Great Deeds
    not merely perceived
    as not needing products by Pfizer."
Inspired by a December 21, 2001, Washington Times story about Clinton's meeting with his advisors to plan a strategy to rehabilitate his image.  Direct URL for this particular Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com:  http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011221-01.

December 20, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011220-01 ™© 2001.
The death of the stimulus package for Bush ain't political baggage.

    Says Daschle:  "No stimulus package."
    Says Dubya:  "For me that ain't baggage--
    I only need mention
    I'm no William Clinton
    in search of a stimulus package."
Direct URL for this particular Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com:  http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011220-01.

December 19, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011219-01 ™© 2001.
Each forward-step taken by Yassir is followed by steps taken backward.

    Regarding the PLO's Yassir:  
    It's clear that in guile he's a master--
    Beguiling reporters,
    he takes a step forward,
    then two steps he promptly takes backward.
Inspired by a December 18, 2001, World Tribune report that in a speech to Palestinians in Ramallah (later broadcast repeatedly on Palestinian radio) two days after his speech denouncing terrorism (see our 12-16-01 Update), Arafat said he was willing to sacrifice 70 Palestinian lives for the death of one Israeli and that "We [the Palestinians] are all martyrs in Paradise."   Direct URL for this particular Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com:  http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011219-01.

December 18, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011218-01 ™© 2001.
The Sun says Rivera fudged facts, and pots proclaim kettles are black.

    The CBS News says Rivera
    is filing reports full of errors
    in claiming he found
    the spot on the ground
    where three died from friendly-fire errors.

    "Such errors," responded Rivera,
    "were simply my fog-of-war errors,"
    but as he explained,
    it soon became plain
    they seemed to be purposeful errors.

    And then N-P-R's Jeffrey Dvorkin,
    that Ombudsman guy who's so boring,
    called such an offense
    a "firing offense"
    for ending Rivera's reporting.

    C-B-S, since you've made the decision
    to ride the high-horse of derision,
    you ought to explain
    why Rather remains
    since he states as news his opinions.

    We've long known that often Dan Rather's
    opinions as "news" have been blathered.
    To see one of many
    described in a lim'rick,
    go here for some Rather-bad blather.

    N-P-R, you are also a slow-learner
    for not having "fired" Mary Sojourner.
    So what was her "error"?
    She praised eco-terror,
    yet N-P-R still employs Sojourner.

    To N-P-R first and then C-B-S,
    Fox-News should propose the solution that's best:  
    "We'd start a new era
    by firing Rivera--
    if your firing Mary and Rather were next."
Inspired by December 17, 2001, CBS News Story captioned "Where's Geraldo?" accusing Geraldo Rivera of falsely claiming (as a Fox News war correspondent in Afghanistan) to have been near the area in which three American Special Forces soldiers died as unintended targets of a guided bomb from an American bomber on December 5, 2001.  This CBS story relied heavily on a December 15, 2001, story in the Baltimore Sun, which, inter alia, quoted NPR's Jeffrey Dvorkin as having described such inaccurate reporting as "a firing offense."   Direct URL for this particular Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com:  http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011218-01.

December 17, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011217-01 ™© 2001.
Don Rumsfeld should say to those media farders**:  
"We'll capture bin Laden before you get smarter."

    Remember three weeks after bombing began
    to topple those thugs in Afghanistan?
    We heard from the hand-wringing crowd in the media
    that surely success should be happening speedier.
    Then Rumsfeld, at whom those reporters were poking,
    replied to reporters, "Ground zero's still smoking!"
    And soon after that it was clear to them all
    our tactics were causing the Taliban's fall.
    And now the same crowd is proclaiming we're failin'
    because as of yet we ain't captured bin L
    So Rumsfeld should say to those media farders
    we'll capture bin Laden before they get smarter.
Inspired by media hand-wringing over the capture of Tora Bora without also capturing Bin Laden.  Direct URL for today's daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011217-01.
**Farder:  wearer of makeup-- see http://www.dictionary.com/cgi-bin/dict.pl?term=fard. Back.

December 16, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011216-01 ™© 2001.
The Arafat speech is a thriller-- Like Oh-Jay, he'll find the real killer.

    Now Arafat claims he's a tiller
    uprooting the terrorist killers.
    He wants us to think
    he's joining our team---
    Like Oh-Jay, he'll find the real killer.
Inspired by Arafat's December 16, 2001, speech promising to find and arrest the terrorists.  Direct URL for today's daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011216-01.


December 15, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011215-01 ™© 2001.
Reporters call censorship evil, but some won't say terror is evil.

    The ones in the press who get febrile
    when colleagues say terror is evil
    do not seem to hesitate
    to quickly pontificate
    that censorship clearly is evil.

    Since terror's designed to deter
    our conduct including our words,
    then all in the press
    should sternly profess
    that "evil" is just the right word.

Direct URL for today's daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011215-01.

December 14, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011214-01 ™© 2001.
The female attendants who fly ... want health-care the same as the guys.

    For female attendants the claim is made
    The health-plans for airlines discriminate--
    denying provisions
    to fertilize women
    while men get Viagra erection-aid.

    The pilots deny that such treatment
    equates with men-only appeasement
    by claiming such clause
    is equal because
    Viagra's a two-for-one treatment.
Inspired by December 14, 2001, Reuters story about a sex-discrimination suit on behalf of female airline attendants for the airline's health-care coverage providing Viagra for male attendants but not infertility treatments for female attendants.  Noting that the health-care provider's defense asserted that the plan provided benefits for treatments "medically necessary to sustain life," the female attendants' lawyer, Gloria Allred, said, "To our knowledge, no man has ever died because he couldn't get an erection."  Direct URL for today's daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011214-01.

December 13, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011213-01 ™© 2001.
The tape open minds will believe ... won't open closed-minds in "the street".

    The camcorder movie retrieval
    revealing beliefs so medieval
    leaves rational minds
    no choice but to find
    Bin Laden, et al, killed our people.

    But soon we will hear "in the street"
    the tape is a "trickery" feat
    'cause facts don't persuade
    the minds that are made
    with hate that's as blind as it's deep.

    So what kind of choice does that leave us
    in battling such blind-faith believers?
    Ignore what they're pleading
    and fight them if needed,
    or else we will often be grievers.

    Modernity ought to be grateful
    the pow'r to destroy what is hateful
    arose in a land
    where freedom of Man
    is that to which power is faithful.
Inspired by viewing the videotape of Usama Bin Laden's admissions of, and rejoicing over, his complicity in the barbaric acts of September 11, 2001.  For a description of the current struggle, a prediction of its outcome, and links to animations illustrating same, go to   www.polisat.com/PSWAT2001/PSWAT20010911etseq.htm#20011025-01.  Direct URL for today's daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011213-01.

December 12, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011212-01 ™© 2001.
A first in the new-warfare annals:  The new kamikazes are camels:  
Will PeTA send special-ops troopers ... to battle those camel abusers?

    Bin Laden, et al, have used camels
    as weapons-- just read this example
    Explosives are strapped
    from stomach to back, 
    and wired for a camel-back ramble.

    Controllers then scare the poor camel
    at nighttime to go on a ramble,
    and when it gets close
    to infidel folks,
    they set-off the bomb on the camel.

    By PeTA
* this ought to be seen   (*pee-tuh:  People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)
    as not just a threat to marines.
    Since terrorists trample
    the rights of the camels,
    then PeTA should join the marines.

    Since PeTA has often used tactics
    to terrorize people who practice
    consumption of meat
    or milking of teats,
now a good role for such fascists.

    The PeTA crowd ought to comprise
    replacements for special-ops guys,  
    in hopes veggie troopers
    find camel-abusers
    and bravely throw pies in their eyes.

Inspired by Reuters' "Kamikaze Camel" story on 12-12-01 based on Reuters' interview of Marine Lance Corp. Jesse Mendoza in Afghanistan about the marines firing on a camel heading toward their positions at night.  Mendoza explained that the terrorists' known tactic of strapping to a camel explosives controlled by a remote detonator is what necessitated the marines treating a camel wandering toward their position at night as a hostile event.  Surely PeTA's dedication to the welfare of animals will motivate large numbers of its members to volunteer to form special-ops teams to go to Afghanistan to hunt-down and stop those terrorist who abuse camels in this way.  For more about those noble PeTA activists, go hereDirect URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011212-01.

December 11, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011211-01 ™© 2001.
For 9-1-1 terror bin Laden delivered, it's justice to him we are sure to deliver. (NSC)

    Today it's three months since our shudders and shivers
    at Nine-One-One terror bin Laden delivered,
    but just as the Brits
    avenged Hitler's blitz,
    where justice is needed, we're sure to deliver.

Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011211-01.

December 10, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011210-01 ™© 2001.
A wife of bin Laden proclaims she's au fait and knows how bin Laden will settle his fate.
    A wife of bin Laden proclaims she's au fait  
    and knows how bin Laden will settle his fate
    She says he'll arrange
    his sons to take aim
    and shoot him to death on a video-tape.

    We're sure Al Jazeera would swallow the bait
    and promptly would show such a "suicide" tape.
    Though seeming Third-Reichie,
    we're sure it's more likely
    the tape would be real but the death would be fake.
Inspired by 12-10-01 report in the Mirror (UK) that one of bin Laden's wives claims to know he plans to furnish Al Jazeera a video tape of his being killed by his sons to prevent his capture.  Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011210-01.

December 9, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011209-01 ™© 2001.
Tim should've asked why ... the F-D-N-Y ... described Hill'ry's speeches as "claptrap".

    Though Hill'ry faced Tim without flak-packs,
    his questions were mostly just backslaps.
    He should've asked why
    the F-D-N-Y
    described all her speeches as "claptrap."
Inspired by Russert's interview of Hillary on Meet the Press today.  Russert's questioning is usually quite rigorous and even-handed towards guests across the political spectrum, but I think that if Dubya were to have been "booed" by firefighters at an event designed to honor them, and if Dubya's appearance on Meet the Press were to occur only a few weeks after that event, I have no doubt that Tim would have asked him about the political implications of such event.   Try harder, Tim.  Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011209-01.

December 8, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011208-01 ™© 2001.
Omar read his prophecy backward-- It's he who will join the hereafter.

    The mullah in language fanatical,
    who prophesied "End of America,"
    read prophecy backward
    and learned soon thereafter,
he who now needs a viatical**.

    Despite his medieval orations
    inciting his terrorist "nation,"
soon his distinction
    will be his extinction
    predicted by
our animation.***     (***See Extinction 101:  gif-version or Flash-version).

**Viatical:  See definition #2 
at http://www.dictionary.com/cgi-bin/dict.pl?term=viaticalInspired by the current circumstance of Mullah Omar in light the November 15, 2001, Washington Post story reporting his prediction that a worldwide jihad would bring about the "extinction of America."    Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011208-01.

December 7, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011207-01 ™© 2001.
This 60th-year anniversary since FDR's speech, "Day of Infamy
suppose Carter then were our POTUS:  Could saboteur/spies have been bolder?

    This 60th-year annivers'ry
    since FDR's speech, "Day of Infamy,"
    reminds us we can
    preserve our great land
    to orchestrate liberty's symphony.

    However, it's puzzling indeed
    on this anniversary's eve
    that Carter, ex-POTUS
    rebuked us and told us:  
    "Tribunals are not what we need."

    Does that mean back then he would try
    the networks of saboteur/spies
    in regular courts
    or would he resort
    to war-time procedures for spies?

Inspired by December 6, 2001, AP story in the Sacramento Bee reporting Jimmy Carter's criticism of Dubya's order for trial of foreign terrorists before military tribunals.  In a war against a world-wide network of alien terrorists, it would be as foolish to accord them the constitutional rights and procedures applicable to ordinary criminal trials as it would have been to accord such rights and procedures to networks of saboteurs and spies in World War II.   Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011207-01 .

December 6, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011206-01 ™© 2001.
Will Clinton's defense of his Sudanese mission consist of asserting Clintonian diction?.

    A law-suit just filed by a Sudanese man 
    sues Clinton for bombing his medicine plant.
    The suit-papers filed by the pill-fact'ry owner 
    alleges the strike wasn't merely a boner.
    The purpose, he claims, was diverting attention
    from infamy caused by an intern's contentions,
    but Clinton's defense is Clintonian diction:  
    "The claims in this suit are a self-contradiction
    'cause motives alleged in this suit by the owner
    conclusively show the root cause
was a boner."
      Inspired by a December 6, 2001, news report that Salah Idris, owner of the Sudanese medicine factory bombed by Clinton in 1998 several days after his admission of an "inapprorpiate" relationship with Lewinsky, has filed suit against Clinton seeking damages for such bombing by claiming that Clinton's cruise-missile attack on his medicine factory was not a "mistake"* and that instead of a sincere belief that the plant was a terrorist-run chemical-warfare plant having been the basis for the decision, Clinton's desire to divert attention from the Lewinsky scandal was the root-cause** of such action. 
*Mistake--See definition #1 at Dictionary.Com.    **Root cause--See definition #2 at Dictionary.Com.  A scholarly guide for understanding Clintonian Diction is explained in the Hookered on Clinphonics section of the Translating Clintonese chapter in the Clinton Liebrary Book 2001 Edition, which can be ordered toll-free at 1-866-BILL-LIES or by fax or on-line at www.clintonliebrarybook.com.  Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011206-01.

December 5, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011205-01 ™© 2001.
A story just recently published by Reuters ... 
shows Taliban ways for enforcing their orders

    The Taliban ruled by incitement of fear.
    They punished the muslims who shaved-off their beards.
    To scare other men
    from copying them
    they cut-off their noses and cut-off their ears.

    So terrorists' wives ought to follow their lead.
    If so they could quickly end terror indeed
    by first simulating
    and then emulating
    what Bobbit's wife did while he lay sound asleep.

Inspired by a December 4, 2001, Reuters/Yahoo news story about Taliban zealots cutting-off the noses and ears of muslims who dared to shave off their beards.  Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011205-01.

December 4, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011204-01 ™© 2001.
Proclaiming the view that all values are equal ... 
makes kids easy prey for the brainwashing people

    One wishes that Walker, the Taliban "boy" 
    had been secret agent, not Taliban's toy.
    His parents proclaim he's "a really good boy," 
    and don't know what made him a Taliban toy.
    They say that the Taliban brainwashed their son; 
    more likely, by them the first damage was done.
    A clue is the way they selected his name 
    as "John" for "John Lennon," of Beatle-band fame.

    Such name gives a clue to political values 
    that tol'rance be viewed as an absolute value.
    To raise kids as prey for the brainwashing people, 
    teach tol'rance proclaiming all values are equal.
    Like clay in the hand of fanatic believers 
    their minds can be shaped to think freedom is evil.
    If only they taught him the wise form of tol'rance:  
    that freedom must battle the creeds of intol'rance.

Inspired by Newsweek's 12-03-01 on-line report of interviews of the parents of John Walker, the American who joined the Taliban, fought against Americans, and proclaimed upon capture that he thought the 9-11 destruction of the World Trade Centers was the "right thing."  Reading that article diminished my puzzlement on how one born and raised as an American could embrace such barbaric nonsense.  Parents having sufficient admiration for the vacuous and naive "Give Peace a Chance" philosophy espoused by Lennon to name their child for him must surely have also been adherents to the equally vacuous philosophy valuing absolute tolerance over common-sense, genuine values.    Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011204-01.

December 3, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011203-01 ™© 2001.
The pee-wee, pee-cee S-U-V
cannot beat the Al-Gore-Mobile.
    Will folks want the new S-U-V
    debuting today on T.V.?
    The G-M-A
* hype
    presumes we will like
pee-wee, pee-cee** S-U-V.

    Since rumors on "It" have been flying;
    the sandal/bead crowd has been dying
    to see this pee-
cee S-U-V
    for  standing or squatting while riding.

    They say "It" will please urban planners
    and send Mother Earth to Nirvana,
    however we feel
Al Gore Mobile   
better keep Earth in the Balance:  .

    What follows from Gore, the Inventor,
    whom all great inventors call "Mentor,"
    is Gore's brief description
    of how his invention
    for Earth and for people is gentler
:  .

    On learning my tenants' conditions
    did not meet with plumbing conventions,
    since each time they flushed,
    they waded in slush,
    I thought of a brand-new invention.

    I always stay right up to date
    on ev'rything science can make,
    so I knew, of course, 
    a new fuel source:  
    We now can refine human waste.

    And what gave my Green heart a thrill?
    To get it we don't have to drill
    My tenants can "go,"
    then sell overflow,
    and soon their accounts will be filled.

    The profit we took from the till
    and made a new automobile
    So now we must hype
    this new prototype:  
    Its name is the

    This auto will please the whole nation,
    'cause no one will need service stations
    And if you ask me 
    just how this can be,
    I'll give you a quick explanation:  

    The obsolete gasoline tank
    will yield to a nice septic tank,
    and old drivers' seats
    become toilet seats,
    so drivers can fill their own tanks.

    Of course there's a need for improvement,
    and clearly it's in our behoovement
    that models display
    their mileage CAFE
    at fifty-six miles to the movement !

    For drivers a danger is plain
    To get extra mileage they'll strain,
    and so we'll repeat:  
    "Be sure that you eat
    the foods with high fiber and grain."

This is a reprise/adaptation of PoliSat.Com limerick about the Al Gore Mobile in June, 2000, inspired by the convergence of three historic circumstances: (1) a May, 2000, report that scientists had invented a way to produce renewable fossil fuels by "refining" human waste; (2) the June, 2000, news reports about the clogged-toilet problems experienced by tenants on the Al Gore Estates, and (3) Gore's legendary skills as an inventor. That limerick is included among the numerous satirical/humorous items about the Clinton Era Error in the Clinton Liebrary Book 2001 Edition.

*"GMA" means "Good Morning America," a daily infomercial for celebrities, pee-cee authors, etc..
Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011203-01.


December 2, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011202-01 ™© 2001.
Though Arafat's words seek a state, his deeds seek a haven for hate.(NSC)

    To Arafat, wise men would say,
    "We carefully hear what you say.
    Despite what you preach
deeds are what speak
    so loud we can't hear what you say."

conduct says, "Give us a state--
    on that there's no room for debate,
    but please don't demand
    and end to our land
    as haven for terror and hate."

A people demanding de jure statehood must first demonstrate de facto statehood by exhibiting the will and power to make their territory totally inhospitable to, rather than a haven for, terror and hate.  Direct URL for this daily update:  http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011202-01.

December 1, 2001--PoliSat.Com's Political Satire Daily Update 20011201-01 ™© 2001.
If Gore were to open a feast-house, we're certain he'd make it a Green House.

    We're glad Reuters, Leno and Letterman
    were wrong about Gore, VeePee Veteran
    when they said he claimed
    his new route to fame
    was family-restaurant caterin'

    If Gore were to open a feast-house
    we're sure it would be a pee-
cee* hauss.       (*PC-- i.e., politically-correct).
    Of course he would serve
    just soy-food and curd
    and surely wound name it the Green House.

    He'd say the best dieting classes
    call soy-food the best for the masses,
    but Gore's Green House would
    for Earth not be good
    when patrons expel greenhouse gasses.

Inspired by a Reuters/Yahoo Daily News correction at 6:21pm on 11-30-01 retracting its 11-29-01 story that Al Gore told a Nigerian audience he and his family were operating a "family restaurant" in Tennessee.  Of course, this story was fodder for Leno and Letterman.  The Reuters/Yahoo correction-story on 11-30-01 says, "According to a transcript provided by a representative for Gore, the former vice president said, '... we stopped at a little family restaurant in Tennessee.  We were eating by ourselves.  It was a low-cost restaurant called Shoney's.'"  Direct URL for this daily update:  http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011201-01.

"NSC" identifies a particular Daily-Update as an exercise of the editorial privilege to express non-satirical commentary-- Jim Wrenn, Editor.

"pee-cee" means "politically correct."


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