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Political
Satire
Daily
Update.
Updates start below in reverse chronological order-- i.e., most-recent
first.
.
December 23, 2001
through December 31, 2001: Jim Wrenn on Christmas vacation.
December
22, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011222-01
© 2001.
We're learning a
9-1-1 lesson: We all must exert self-protection.
We're learning a 9-1-1 lesson:
a good way for terror to lessen
is shown when the masses
refuse to be passive
and bravely exert self-protection.
Today in a plane on a flight to Miami,
the stewardess/passengers putting the whammy
on him with the fuse
to bombs in his shoes
no doubt saved the lives of quite many.
By them a good lesson is told:
Preventing such murderous tolls
means victims must not
just wait for the cops,
but emulate Beamer's "Let's roll !"
.
Inspired by the alert and courageous stewardess and nearby passengers on a
December 22, 2001, American Airlines flight from Paris to Miami who prevented a
horrific tragedy by attacking and subduing a passenger attempting to detonate
explosives hidden in his shoes. Direct URL for this particular
Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011222-01.
..
December
21, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011221-01
© 2001.
Said Clinton to all
his advisors: "We must make my legacy nicer".
Today Clinton told his advisors:
"Make views of my legacy nicer
as Man of Great Deeds
not merely perceived
as not needing products by Pfizer."
.
Inspired by a December
21, 2001, Washington Times story about Clinton's meeting with his advisors
to plan a strategy to rehabilitate his image.
Direct URL for this particular
Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011221-01.
..
December
20, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011220-01
© 2001.
The death of the
stimulus package for Bush ain't political baggage.
Says Daschle: "No stimulus package."
Says Dubya: "For me that ain't baggage--
I only need mention
I'm no William Clinton
in search of a stimulus package."
.
Direct URL for this particular
Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011220-01.
.
December
19, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011219-01
© 2001.
Each forward-step
taken by Yassir is followed by steps taken backward.
Regarding the PLO's Yassir:
It's clear that in guile he's a master--
Beguiling reporters,
he takes a step forward,
then two steps he promptly takes backward.
.
Inspired by a December
18, 2001, World Tribune report that in a speech to Palestinians in Ramallah
(later broadcast repeatedly on Palestinian radio) two days after his speech
denouncing terrorism (see our 12-16-01
Update), Arafat said he was willing to sacrifice 70 Palestinian lives for
the death of one Israeli and that "We [the Palestinians] are all martyrs in
Paradise." Direct URL for this particular
Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011219-01.
..
December
18, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011218-01
© 2001.
The Sun says Rivera
fudged facts, and pots proclaim kettles are black.
The CBS News says Rivera
is filing reports full of errors
in claiming he found
the spot on the ground
where three died from friendly-fire errors.
"Such errors," responded Rivera,
"were simply my fog-of-war errors,"
but as he explained,
it soon became plain
they seemed to be purposeful errors.
And then N-P-R's Jeffrey Dvorkin,
that Ombudsman guy who's so boring,
called such an offense
a "firing offense"
for ending Rivera's reporting.
C-B-S, since you've made the decision
to ride the high-horse of derision,
you ought to explain
why Rather remains
since he states as news his opinions.
We've long known that often Dan Rather's
opinions as "news" have been blathered.
To see one of many
described in a lim'rick,
go here
for some Rather-bad blather.
N-P-R, you are also a slow-learner
for not having "fired" Mary Sojourner.
So what was her "error"?
She praised
eco-terror,
yet N-P-R
still employs Sojourner.
To N-P-R first and then C-B-S,
Fox-News should propose the solution that's
best:
"We'd start a new era
by firing Rivera--
if your firing Mary and Rather were next."
.
Inspired by December
17, 2001, CBS News Story captioned "Where's Geraldo?" accusing
Geraldo Rivera of falsely claiming (as a Fox News war correspondent in
Afghanistan) to have been near the area in which three American Special Forces
soldiers died as unintended targets of a guided bomb from an American bomber on
December 5, 2001. This CBS story relied heavily on a December
15, 2001, story in the Baltimore Sun, which, inter alia, quoted NPR's
Jeffrey Dvorkin as having described such inaccurate reporting as "a
firing offense." Direct URL for this particular
Political Satire Daily Update at PoliSat.Com: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011218-01.
..
December
17, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011217-01
© 2001.
Don Rumsfeld should
say to those media farders**:
"We'll capture bin Laden before you get smarter."
.
Remember three weeks after bombing began
to topple those thugs in Afghanistan?
We heard from the hand-wringing crowd in the media
that surely success should be happening speedier.
Then Rumsfeld, at whom those reporters were poking,
replied to reporters, "Ground zero's still smoking!"
And soon after that it was clear to them all
our tactics were causing the Taliban's fall.
And now the same crowd is proclaiming we're failin'
because as of yet we ain't captured bin Laden.
So Rumsfeld should say to those media farders**:
we'll capture bin Laden before they get smarter.
.
Inspired by media hand-wringing over the capture of Tora Bora without also
capturing Bin Laden.
Direct URL for today's daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011217-01.
**Farder:
wearer of makeup--
see http://www.dictionary.com/cgi-bin/dict.pl?term=fard.
Back.
.
December
16, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011216-01
© 2001.
The Arafat speech
is a thriller-- Like Oh-Jay, he'll find the real killer.
Now Arafat claims he's a tiller
uprooting the terrorist killers.
He wants us to think
he's joining our team---
Like Oh-Jay, he'll find the real killer.
.
Inspired by Arafat's December 16, 2001, speech promising to find and arrest the
terrorists. Direct URL for today's daily update:
http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011216-01.
.
December
15, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011215-01
© 2001.
Reporters call
censorship evil, but some won't say terror is evil.
The ones in the press who get febrile
when colleagues say terror is evil
do not seem to hesitate
to quickly pontificate
that censorship clearly is evil.
Since terror's designed to deter
our conduct including our words,
then all in the press
should sternly profess
that "evil" is just the right word.
Direct URL for today's daily update:
http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011215-01.
.
December
14, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011214-01
© 2001.
The female
attendants who fly ... want health-care the same as the guys.
For female attendants the claim is made:
The health-plans for airlines discriminate--
denying provisions
to fertilize women
while men get Viagra erection-aid.
The pilots deny that such treatment
equates with men-only appeasement
by claiming such clause
is equal because
Viagra's a two-for-one treatment.
.
Inspired by December
14, 2001, Reuters story about a sex-discrimination suit on behalf of female
airline attendants for the airline's health-care coverage providing Viagra for
male attendants but not infertility treatments for female attendants.
Noting that the health-care provider's defense asserted that the plan provided
benefits for treatments "medically necessary to sustain life," the
female attendants' lawyer, Gloria Allred, said, "To our knowledge, no man
has ever died because he couldn't get an erection." Direct URL for today's daily update:
http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011214-01.
.
December
13, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011213-01
© 2001.
The tape open minds
will believe ... won't open closed-minds in "the street".
The camcorder movie retrieval
revealing beliefs so medieval
leaves rational minds
no choice but to find
Bin Laden, et al, killed our people.
But soon we will hear "in the street"
the tape is a "trickery" feat
'cause facts don't persuade
the minds that are made
with hate that's as blind as it's deep.
So what kind of choice does that leave us
in battling such blind-faith believers?
Ignore what they're pleading
and fight them if needed,
or else we will often be grievers.
Modernity ought to be grateful
the pow'r to destroy what is hateful
arose in a land
where freedom of Man
is that to which power is faithful.
.
Inspired by viewing the
videotape of Usama Bin Laden's admissions of, and rejoicing over, his complicity
in the barbaric acts of September 11, 2001. For a description of the
current struggle, a prediction of its outcome, and links to animations
illustrating same, go to www.polisat.com/PSWAT2001/PSWAT20010911etseq.htm#20011025-01.
Direct URL for today's daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011213-01.
.
December
12, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011212-01
© 2001.
A first in the
new-warfare annals: The new kamikazes are camels:
Will PeTA send special-ops troopers ... to battle those camel abusers?
.
Bin Laden, et al, have used camels
as weapons-- just read this example:
Explosives are strapped
from stomach to back,
and wired for a camel-back ramble.
Controllers then scare the poor camel
at nighttime to go on a ramble,
and when it gets close
to infidel folks,
they set-off the bomb on the camel.
By PeTA*
this ought to be seen (*pee-tuh:
People
for the Ethical
Treatment
of Animals)
as not just a threat to marines.
Since terrorists trample
the rights of the camels,
then PeTA should join the marines.
Since PeTA has often used tactics
to terrorize people who practice
consumption of meat
or milking of teats,
there's
now
a good
role
for such fascists.
The PeTA crowd ought to comprise
replacements for special-ops guys,
in hopes veggie troopers
find camel-abusers
and bravely throw pies in their eyes.
Inspired by Reuters'
"Kamikaze Camel" story on 12-12-01 based on Reuters' interview of
Marine Lance Corp. Jesse Mendoza in Afghanistan about the marines firing on a
camel heading toward their positions at night. Mendoza explained that the
terrorists' known tactic of strapping to a camel explosives controlled by a
remote detonator is what necessitated the marines treating a camel wandering
toward their position at night as a hostile event. Surely PeTA's
dedication to the welfare of animals will motivate large numbers of its members
to volunteer to form special-ops teams to go to Afghanistan to hunt-down and
stop those terrorist who abuse camels in this way. For more about those
noble PeTA activists, go here. Direct URL for this daily update:
http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011212-01.
.
December
11, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011211-01
© 2001.
For 9-1-1 terror
bin Laden delivered, it's justice to him we are sure to deliver.
(NSC)
Today it's three months since our shudders and shivers
at Nine-One-One terror bin Laden delivered,
but just as the Brits
avenged Hitler's blitz,
where justice is needed, we're sure to deliver.
Direct URL for this daily update:
http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011211-01.
.
December
10, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011210-01
© 2001.
A wife of bin Laden
proclaims she's au fait and knows how bin Laden will settle his fate.
.
A wife of bin Laden proclaims she's au fait
and knows how bin Laden will settle his fate:
She says he'll arrange
his sons to take aim
and shoot him to death on a video-tape.
We're sure Al Jazeera would swallow the bait
and promptly would show such a "suicide" tape.
Though seeming Third-Reichie,
we're sure it's more likely
the tape would be real but the death would be fake.
.
Inspired by 12-10-01 report
in the Mirror (UK) that one of bin Laden's wives claims to know he plans
to furnish Al Jazeera a video tape of his being killed by his sons to prevent
his capture. Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011210-01.
.
December
9, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011209-01
© 2001.
Tim should've asked
why ... the F-D-N-Y ... described Hill'ry's speeches as "claptrap".
Though Hill'ry faced Tim without flak-packs,
his questions were mostly just backslaps.
He should've asked why
the F-D-N-Y
described all her speeches as "claptrap."
.
Inspired by Russert's interview of
Hillary on Meet the Press today. Russert's questioning is usually quite
rigorous and even-handed towards guests across the political spectrum, but I
think that if Dubya were to have been "booed" by firefighters at an
event designed to honor them, and if Dubya's appearance on Meet the Press were
to occur only a few weeks after that event, I have no doubt that Tim would have
asked him about the political implications of such event. Try
harder, Tim. Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011209-01.
.
December
8, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011208-01
© 2001.
Omar read his prophecy
backward-- It's he who will join the hereafter.
The mullah in language fanatical,
who prophesied "End of America,"
read prophecy backward
and learned soon thereafter,
it's
he
who now needs a
viatical**.
Despite his medieval orations
inciting his terrorist "nation,"
quite soon his distinction
will be his extinction
predicted by our
animation.***
(***See
Extinction 101:
gif-version or Flash-version).
**Viatical: See definition #2
at http://www.dictionary.com/cgi-bin/dict.pl?term=viatical.
Inspired by the current
circumstance of Mullah Omar in light the November
15, 2001, Washington Post story reporting his prediction that a
worldwide jihad would bring about the "extinction of America."
Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011208-01.
.
December
7, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011207-01
© 2001.
This 60th-year
anniversary since FDR's speech, "Day of Infamy
suppose Carter then were our POTUS: Could saboteur/spies have been bolder?
.
This 60th-year annivers'ry
since FDR's speech, "Day of Infamy,"
reminds us we can
preserve our great land
to orchestrate liberty's symphony.
However, it's puzzling indeed
on this anniversary's eve
that Carter, ex-POTUS
rebuked us and told us:
"Tribunals are not what we need."
Does that mean back then he would try
the networks of saboteur/spies
in regular courts
or would he resort
to war-time procedures for spies?
Inspired by December 6,
2001, AP story in the Sacramento Bee
reporting Jimmy Carter's criticism of Dubya's order for trial of foreign
terrorists before military tribunals. In a war against a world-wide
network of alien terrorists, it would be as foolish to accord them the
constitutional rights and procedures applicable to ordinary criminal trials as
it would have been to accord such rights and procedures to networks of saboteurs
and spies in World War II. Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011207-01
.
.
December
6, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011206-01
© 2001.
Will Clinton's
defense of his Sudanese mission consist of asserting Clintonian diction?.
A law-suit just filed by a Sudanese man
sues Clinton for bombing his medicine plant.
The suit-papers filed by the pill-fact'ry owner
alleges the strike wasn't merely a boner.
The purpose, he claims, was diverting attention
from infamy caused by an intern's contentions,
but Clinton's defense is Clintonian
diction:
"The claims in this suit are a
self-contradiction
'cause motives alleged in this suit by the owner
conclusively show the root cause
was
a
boner."
.
Inspired by a December 6,
2001, news report that Salah Idris, owner of the Sudanese medicine factory
bombed by Clinton in 1998 several days after his admission of an "inapprorpiate"
relationship with Lewinsky, has filed suit against Clinton seeking damages for such bombing by
claiming that Clinton's cruise-missile attack on his medicine factory was
not a "mistake"*
and that instead of a sincere belief that the plant was a terrorist-run
chemical-warfare plant having been the basis for the decision, Clinton's
desire to divert attention from the Lewinsky scandal was the root-cause**
of such action.
*Mistake--See definition
#1 at Dictionary.Com. **Root
cause--See definition
#2 at Dictionary.Com. A scholarly guide for understanding Clintonian Diction is explained in
the Hookered on Clinphonics section of the Translating Clintonese chapter in
the Clinton Liebrary
Book 2001 Edition, which can be ordered toll-free at 1-866-BILL-LIES or by
fax or on-line at
www.clintonliebrarybook.com.
Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011206-01.
.
December
5, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011205-01
© 2001.
A story just
recently published by Reuters ...
shows Taliban ways for enforcing their orders.
The Taliban ruled by incitement of fear.
They punished the muslims who shaved-off their beards.
To scare other men
from copying them
they cut-off their noses and cut-off their ears.
So terrorists' wives ought to follow their lead.
If so they could quickly end terror indeed
by first simulating
and then emulating
what Bobbit's wife did while he lay sound asleep.
Inspired by a December
4, 2001, Reuters/Yahoo news story about Taliban zealots cutting-off the
noses and ears of muslims who dared to shave off their beards. Direct URL for this daily update:
http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011205-01.
.
December
4, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011204-01
© 2001.
Proclaiming the view that all values are equal
...
makes
kids easy prey for the brainwashing people.(NSC)
One wishes that Walker, the Taliban "boy"
had been secret agent, not
Taliban's toy.
His parents proclaim he's "a really good boy,"
and don't know what
made him a Taliban toy.
They say that the Taliban brainwashed their son;
more likely,
by them the first damage was done.
A clue is the way they selected his name
as "John" for "John
Lennon," of Beatle-band fame.
Such name gives a clue to political values
that tol'rance be viewed as an absolute
value.
To raise kids as prey for the brainwashing people,
teach tol'rance proclaiming
all values are equal.
Like clay in the hand of fanatic believers
their minds can be shaped to think
freedom is evil.
If only they taught him the wise form of tol'rance:
that freedom must battle the creeds of intol'rance.
Inspired by Newsweek's
12-03-01 on-line report of interviews of the parents of John Walker, the
American who joined the Taliban, fought against Americans, and proclaimed upon
capture that he thought the 9-11 destruction of the World Trade Centers was the
"right thing." Reading that article diminished my puzzlement on
how one born and raised as an American could embrace such barbaric
nonsense. Parents having sufficient admiration for the vacuous and naive
"Give Peace a Chance" philosophy espoused by Lennon to name their
child for him must surely have also been adherents to the equally vacuous
philosophy valuing absolute tolerance over common-sense, genuine
values. Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011204-01.
.
December
3, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011203-01
© 2001.
The pee-wee, pee-cee S-U-V
cannot
beat the Al-Gore-Mobile.
Will folks want the new S-U-V
debuting today on T.V.?
The G-M-A*
hype
presumes we will like
a
pee-wee, pee-cee**
S-U-V.
Since rumors on "It" have been flying;
the sandal/bead crowd has been dying
to see this pee-wee
pee-cee
S-U-V
for standing or squatting while riding.
They say "It" will please urban planners
and send Mother Earth to Nirvana,
however we feel
the
Al Gore Mobile
will
better
keep Earth in the Balance:
.
What follows from Gore, the Inventor,
whom all great inventors call "Mentor,"
is Gore's brief description
of how his invention
for Earth and for people is gentler:
.
On learning my tenants' conditions
did not meet with plumbing conventions,
since each time they flushed,
they waded in slush,
I thought of a brand-new invention.
I always stay right up to date
on ev'rything science can make,
so I knew, of course,
a new fuel source:
We now can refine human waste.
And what gave my Green heart a thrill?
To get it we don't have to drill
My tenants can "go,"
then sell overflow,
and soon their accounts will be filled.
The profit we took from the till
and made a new automobile
So now we must hype
this new prototype:
Its name is the
AlGoreMobile.
This auto will please the whole nation,
'cause no one will need service stations
And if you ask me
just how this can be,
I'll give you a quick explanation:
The obsolete gasoline tank
will yield to a nice septic tank,
and old drivers' seats
become toilet seats,
so drivers can fill their own tanks.
Of course there's a need for improvement,
and clearly it's in our behoovement
that models display
their mileage CAFE
at fifty-six miles to the movement !
For drivers a danger is plain:
To get extra mileage they'll strain,
and so we'll repeat:
"Be sure that you eat
the foods with high fiber and grain."
This is a reprise/adaptation of PoliSat.Com limerick about the Al Gore Mobile in June, 2000,
inspired by the convergence of three historic circumstances: (1) a May, 2000, report that
scientists had invented a way to produce renewable fossil fuels by "refining" human waste; (2)
the June, 2000, news reports about the clogged-toilet problems experienced by tenants on the
Al Gore Estates, and (3) Gore's legendary skills as an inventor. That limerick is included
among the numerous satirical/humorous items about the Clinton Era
Error in the Clinton
Liebrary Book
2001 Edition.
*"GMA" means
"Good Morning America," a daily infomercial for celebrities, pee-cee authors, etc..
Direct URL for this daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011203-01.
.
December
2, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011202-01
© 2001.
Though Arafat's
words seek a state, his deeds seek a haven for hate.(NSC)
To Arafat, wise men would say,
"We carefully hear what you say.
Despite what you preach
your
deeds
are what speak
so loud we can't hear what you say."
Your
conduct
says, "Give us a state--
on that there's no room for debate,
but please don't demand
and end to our land
as haven for terror and hate."
A people demanding de jure
statehood must first demonstrate de facto statehood by exhibiting the
will and power to make their territory totally inhospitable to, rather than a
haven for, terror and hate. Direct URL for this
daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011202-01.
.
December
1, 2001--PoliSat.Com's
Political Satire Daily Update
20011201-01
© 2001.
If Gore were to
open a feast-house, we're certain he'd make it a Green
House.
We're glad Reuters, Leno and Letterman
were wrong about Gore, VeePee Veteran
when they said he claimed
his new route to fame
was family-restaurant caterin'
If Gore were to open a feast-house
we're sure it would be a pee-cee*
hauss.
(*PC--
i.e., politically-correct).
Of course he would serve
just soy-food and curd
and surely wound name it the Green House.
He'd say the best dieting classes
call soy-food the best for the masses,
but Gore's Green House would
for Earth not be good
when patrons expel greenhouse gasses.
Inspired by a
Reuters/Yahoo Daily News correction at 6:21pm on 11-30-01 retracting its
11-29-01 story that Al Gore told a Nigerian audience he and his family were
operating a "family restaurant" in Tennessee. Of course, this
story was fodder for Leno and Letterman. The Reuters/Yahoo correction-story
on 11-30-01 says, "According to a transcript provided by a
representative for Gore, the former vice president said, '... we stopped at a
little family restaurant in Tennessee. We were eating by ourselves.
It was a low-cost restaurant called Shoney's.'" Direct URL for this
daily update: http://polisat.com/du2001/du011231.htm#20011201-01.
..
"NSC" identifies a particular Daily-Update as an
exercise of the editorial privilege to express non-satirical commentary-- Jim
Wrenn, Editor.
"pee-cee" means "politically correct."
.
Archives
for Daily Updates: Click
Here..
