·support our troops, support Bush, support Cheney, support victory in Iraq, support victory in Afghanistan,  Clinton Liebrary, http://PoliSat.Com , PoliSatDOTcom, Salute America's Heroes, Fallen Heroes Fund, oppose Gore's Global Warming theory, support milblogs, Michael Yon, Pat Dollard, BlackFive, MilBlogs, MilBlogging, Michael Yon, Mudville Gazette, HotAir.Com, JawaReport, PajamasMedia , VictoryCaucus , VetsForFreedom , FreedomsWatch , DayByDayCartoon , WrennCom.Com , Video , Political Satire, Politics, News, oppose MoveOn.Org, oppose Code Pink, oppose DailyKos, oppose ANSWER, support PoliSat.Com, support WrennCom.Com, ·

 

WWW PoliSat.Com 

  First Things First:  Salute America's Heroes · Fallen Heroes Fund · Frequent-Flyer-Miles for Troops · Thanks to Troops · Military News ··  MilBlogs ·

  Home · Posts:  Current /Recent · Videos/Toons/Songs:  Latest · Embed-Codes · Text Index · Images Index · Archives:  Old · New · About · Contact · Syndication · Affiliates ·

News  Sources/Papers/Magazines   Pundits  Blogs   ThinkTanks   What is "property"?   Pantheopians   Global Climate   Asteroids/Comets Hitting Earth--Risks/Predictions    Science   GlobalWeb  

 

PeTA.

Honoring the Anti-Specieism Nobility of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PeTA) In Their Heroic Struggles Against .People Eating Tasty AnimalsLearn the Truth about the Inhumanity of Man by experiencing the Exhilarating Wisdom of PeTA.

PeTA Index:.
Anderson,PamelaAnimals-Are-People-Too.(no kiddingAnts-In-My-PantsApes--PersonhoodArthur,BeaAsk-An-AnimalAsk-Little-Red-HenAsk-Mr.-LobsterAsk-Mr.-SteerAsk-Ms-ChickenAsk-Ms-Cow.   Back-To-NatureBaldwin,AlecBrown-Recluse-SpidersCockroachesCrab-LiceCrotch-Hair-Ad-by-PeTAFashion-UpdateFliesFungus-Atleticus-PodusFungus-Jockus-ItchusGot-Beer?Got-Better-Milk?Glossary/TerminologyJust-Ask-An-AnimalMartha-Stewart-Menace.   MaggotsMitesMoral-DilemmaNavratilova,Martina.   People-Are-Animals-TooPersonhoodPhilosophyRhymes about PeTASegal,StevenSharksSnakes-Are-People-TooStewart,MarthaTax-MeatTicks.   Wasps'-Honoraria. 

.
Animals Are People Too!. back to PeTA Index..
antsbrown-recluse-spiderschickenscockroachescowscrab-licefliesfungus-atleticus-podusfungus-jock-itchusgrizzlieshenslobstersmaggotsmitessnakessteerstickswasps.
Fashion Updates:. back to PeTA Index..
Crotch-Hair-On-Parade.
People Are Animals Too:. back to PeTA Index..
Anderson, Pamela.  Arthur, Bea.   Baldwin, Alec.   Navratilova, Martina.   Segal, StevenStewart, Martha
Philosophy:. back to PeTA Index..
Ending enslavement of animals for foodGlossary & TerminologyHuman Rights Versus Animal Rights
Just-Ask-An-Animal:.. back to PeTA Index.
Ask-Ms-Cow.   Ask-Ms-Chicken.   Ask-Little-Red-Hen.   Ask-Mr.-Lobster. Ask-Mr.-Steer

Cockroaches:.
The Pain of Being Stepped-On by Humans-- How humans should learn to respect a species that evolved long before the dinosaurs and will long outlast the earth-plundering humans.  Order this eye-opening book at  AmAZombie.com. or Barns-Ain't-Noble.  © 1999
Flies:. back to PeTA Index.
High-Tech Hidden-Cameras/Hidden-Microphones reveal the excruciating suffering of ordinary houseflies being swatted in restaurants for the frivolous purpose of satisfying their customers' anti-fly .specieism.  Order this two-hour, surround-sound video-tape at AmAZombie.com. or Barns-Ain't-Noble. © 1999
Maggots (the real ones, not federal bureaucrats):. back to PeTA Index..
Habitat Destruction-- Learn how humans' narcissistic practice of embalming and burying their dead loved ones deprives maggots of countless habitats that nature intended them to have.  Learn how the funeral industry, a typical profit-hungry capitalist form of exploitation, has brainwashed otherwise well-meaning people into having their loved ones buried (or cremated or, God forbid, frozen for possible re-animation with future technology) rather than letting them rot on the ground to provide needed habitats for maggots.  Order  How to Be An Organ-Donor for Maggots, a time-lapse video tape compressing the decay of a human body into two hours to reveal the miracle of life for maggots.  Available at .AmAZombie.com. or .Barns-Ain't-Noble© 1999
Crab-Lice:.
The Anti-STD Holocaust-- Learn how the American obsession with cleanliness leads otherwise well-meaning people to prevent the use of their pubic-hair regions as natural habitats for crab-lice.  Order Crabs-R-US, a captivating video-tape using a microscopic lens to show crab-lice frolicking in the pubic hair of a nature-loving, non-speciesist human.  Available at .AmAZombie.com.
Back To Nature-- Ending Enslavement of Animals for Food:.

The Loving Ways of Mother Nature-- In stark contrast to the horrible slaughter-house deaths faced by cattle, pigs, chickens, and turkeys to satisfy humans' lust for meat, this video shows the forms of death lovingly provided by Mother Nature for such animals if allowed to live in the wild as intended by Mother Nature.  See the soothing death of a pig being eaten alive by a pack of hyenas; See a comforting time-lapse movie compressing a cow's death by starvation into two hours; See chicken being lovingly suffocated by the ever-tightening grasp of a boa constrictor and then swallowed; See a wide variety of cattle, pigs, chickens and turkeys enjoying being frozen to death in loving winters, dying of thirst during merciful droughts, and dying of disease from caring microbes and natural carcinogens. This comprehensive video collection is available at .AmAZombie.com. or .Barns-Ain't-Noble.
Brown-Recluse-Spiders Honoraria:.
To honor those courageous, non-speciesist PeTA followers who willingly sacrificed themselves to Brown-Recluse bites rather than trying to drive those wonders of nature from their flower beds, window-casements, picnic tables, sleeping bags, etc., we list the names of those selfless individuals in green denoting their belief in their equality with all animals under Mother Nature:
Ima Fahlowere   Juan Bahyeetduzit   Ayem B. Tenondeeass   E. Twaseenmashu
Will DaVenumhert    Shirley E. Twill   Sid  Dingondaprivy   May Kenluvowtdor Wiley
Satondapordapahdy    Wright Ondapecker 
© 1999
Ants-In-My-Pants Award:. back to PeTA Index..
At an "Ants Are Civilized Too!" press conference, noted celebrity-follower of the PeTA philosophy, "Aunt"* Bea Arthur, described a heart-warming anecdote typifying the exciting lives of followers of the PeTA philosophy:  "While sitting on a blanket at an all-veggie, back-to-nature picnic enjoying the aroma of soy-dogs being cooked over a camp-fire, I felt ants crawling into my panties.  The old me would have jumped up, run screaming to my car, removed my panties and squashed those ants, but the PeTA-me knew better.  Instead of panicking, I relaxed and enjoyed the sensation of the colony of ants constructing a habitat in my special area.  I'm sure they'll be considerate enough to move-out in a few weeks."   (*Pronounced "ant" by  sophisticates.) © 1999
Moral-Dilemma-Solution Award:  Human Rights Can Be No Higher Than Animal Rights:. back to PeTA Index..
    In an astonishing recording, Ahaid Phullamusch, Ph.D., MD, HCLD, MTV, renowned philosopher and moralist, described the cathartic incident giving him insight into the morally proper way to reconcile animal rights and human rights on a basis of equality rather than specieism.  While hiking through a wilderness area armed only with a rifle for self-protection from gun-loving survivalists,  he suddenly encountered a mother grizzly on the verge of charging a young man in camouflage frozen in fear with a jammed hunting rifle (the standard 50-calibre machine gun typically used by hunting enthusiasts).
    Being an expert marksman, Dr. Phullamusch instinctively raised his rifle and aimed at the bear, but just as he was on the verge of squeezing the trigger he suddenly realized he was about to thoughtlessly and callously make a decision requiring keen moral insight.  With the lightning-fast mind typical of virtually all PhD's with an MD, he suddenly realized the hunter was threateningly trespassing in the grizzly's habitat, and that were the grizzly threateningly "trespassing" on the hunter's property, the law (and morality) would allow the hunter to kill the grizzly.  Simultaneously (as often occurs with great intellect), Dr. Phullamusch astutely realized that only by elevating human rights above animal rights could he justify shooting the grizzly, which (he really meant "who"), after all, was only defending herself and her cubs from a threateningly trespassing human.
    In the exhilaration of this cathartic realization, he dropped his rifle as he tried to remain objectively dispassionate while watching the grizzly's vivisection of the hunter.  While writhing in intellectual delirium as he dictated this morally historic moment into his hand-held recorder, he failed to notice that the bear had turned her attention to him.  As she charged toward him, he reflexively reached for his rifle, but then, in a moment of perfect moral insight, he realized that the bear was entitled to perceive him as being just as threatening as the hunter and that, therefore, it would be morally wrong for him to kill the bear.
    He courageously continued dictating as the bear began devouring him, and his last, barely (no pun intended) audible words were:  "Please, not THERE!"  Of course, the bear replied with a highly-sophisticated grunting sound, which, when translated, meant "But that's the best part." © 1999
Snakes-Are-People Too!. back to PeTA Index..
Pamela Anderson, intellectual powerhouse from "Baywatch" and strong supporter of PeTA, explains how she overcame her phobia of snakes:  "Like everyone, I was always very afraid of all snakes.  They're so long!  I was shocked when I was told that some people even eat them as delicacies!   I was always afraid of going camping because I was afraid I'd encounter one in my sleeping bag.  When I was told that some are harmless, it was hard to swallow, but when I finally opened-up to the idea, I was quite surprised.  I even got one of my own.  To overcome my phobia against camping, I started keeping one in my bed.  Of course, I had to take a lot of anti-venom shots, but now, I don't fear snakes at all except the really big ones that might try to swallow me." © 1999
Ask Mr. Lobster:. back to PeTA Index..
Mr. Lobster, do you like being killed instantly by being dropped into boiling water to be eaten by a human?  Mr. Lobster says:  "Oh, no! I much prefer being left to the tender mercies of Mother Nature, who designed a special fish with very powerful jaws that crack-open our shells but kindly let us live as they're eating the soft meat inside so our brains can enjoy the sensations of being eaten until they finish." © 1999
Ask Mr. Steer:. back to PeTA Index..
Mr. Steer, do you like being slaughtered to become hamburger or steak for humans?  Mr. Steer says, "Of course not!  I would prefer the choices Mother Nature provided to my ancestors before we were enslaved by humans:  Death by starvation, disease or slaughter by a noble wild animal.  The luckiest ones experienced slow, agonizing deaths by starvation or disease, but most of them experienced the death of being eaten alive by a noble predator such as a tiger, lion, bobcat, etc." © 1999
Ask Ms. Cow:. back to PeTA Index..
Ms. Cow, do you like having your milk sucked from your teats by men?  Ms. Cow says, "Of course not!  If they don't have cold hands, they have sharp teeth!" © 1999
Ask the Little Red Hen:. back to PeTA Index..
Little Red Hen, do you like being forced to produce eggs to be stolen by humans? Little Red Hen says, "Of course not!  Those eggs are my property.  If you ask any egg, it would say it would prefer to be a chicken rather than an omelet-- Just ask any chicken. © 1999
Ask Ms Chicken:. back to PeTA Index..
Ms. Chicken, do like the sudden death of being beheaded to become Sunday dinner for cruel humans?  "Of course not!  People think we're so stupid-- why do you think they use the phrase, 'running around like a chicken with its head cut-off'?  If humans are so smart, how come they can't run around after having their heads cut-off? Was Marie Antionette able to run around after the cut-off her head?   We much prefer death at the hands of the noble chicken-hawk, which swoops down majestically from the sky, grabs us with its sharp claws, and carries us to its nest where it lets us live while it uses its sharp beak to slice us open and feed our innards to its charming baby hawks."

Wasps' Honoraria:. back to PeTA Index..
To honor those brave PeTA followers who endure painful wasp-stings rather than removing their nest-habitats from unwanted places (i.e.-- on porch lights, picnic tables, lawn furniture, garages, automobiles headliners, bathroom vents, attics, closets, shower stalls, etc.),  we list the names of those selfless individuals in green denoting their belief in their equality with all animals under Mother Nature:
Arl Waizeondenoce    Arnie Zbuttwice   Vin Numeenmahpeckar   Annie Hoytsmahteets
Rett Owndabawls   Ron Meeawfdarode    Steve Enomdathoits   Mae Kamaboobswell
© 1999
The Martha Stewart Menace:  Extermination of Mites. back to PeTA Index..
Responsible PeTA members are now trying to organize a boycott of all Martha Stewart programs and products to protest the inanimane *  and anal practice of obsessive house-dusting, which destroys an important habitat for the dust-mite and threatens with extinction those mites who Nature intended to inhabit naturally-occurring dusty surfaces on bookshelves, coffee tables, end tables, husbands, and other inanimate objects.

Fungus, Atleticus Podus. back to PeTA Index..
In an eye-opening video-tape, Steven Segal, famed kickboxing expert and follower of the PeTA philosophy, provides persuasive demonstration that allowing the space between one's toes to serve as a habitat for the fungus atleticus podus (rather than exterminating the fungus with environmentally dangerous chemicals such as Dessenex) actually enhances the self-defense effectiveness of kickboxing-- especially when performed barefooted.  Order Stinky-Feet 'R' US (two-hour video-tape) at AmAZombie.com or Barns-Ain't-Noble. © 1999
Fungus, Jockus Itchus.
In this two-hour educational video-tape compellingly demonstrating that it's unnecessary to use dangerous chemicals such as Tinactin to cruelly and needlessly kill, rather than gently subdue, the fungus jockus itchus, tennis-great and PeTA follower, Martina Navratilova and a partner show how the gentle aplication of acidus salivus can relieve the itching without killing the fungus.  Order (a tastefully produced, two-hour video-tape) at .AmAZombie.com. or .Barns-Ain't-Noble. (Proceeds to be donated to the Jockus Itchus Fungus Foundation) © 1999
Ticks:  Tiny Voices Pleading for Understanding:. back to PeTA Index..
Alec Baldwin, critically acclaimed actor and PeTA follower, narrates this eye-opening video-tape exposing the myths about ticks propagated by anti-PeTA fanatics.  His powerful narration inspires humans to display compassion toward ticks by emulating the passive tolerance that highly intelligent whales exhibit toward barnicles and other small parasitic creatures that lovingly attach themselves to whales' bodies.  In a stunning finale, an extreme close-up of Baldwin's face shows that his facial mole is actually a tick nestled comfortably on the facial habitat tolerantly provided by Baldwin.
Tax-Meat.Com:. back to PeTA Index..
In yet another stroke of enlightenment, the wise folks at PeTA are courageously demanding that the Government protect us from ourselves by taxing meat to discourage us from eating it.  For enlightenment, visit Tax-Meat.Com., which will give you insight into the benefits of dietary practices that are morally superior to eating the flesh of animals enslaved for human food.  For example, you'll probably see the wisdom of  the vegetarian recipe.
Crotch-Hair On Parade:. back to PeTA Index..
With what all knowledgeable and cultured people in the arts community know to be artistically bold panache, PeTA's bikini-bottom-with-crotch-hair advertisement shows how tacky it is to wear "fur trim" -- especially when the shapely female is being forced by our puritanical culture to wear a bikini bottom at all.  All right-thinking people know that modern women's desire to wear fur is the product of thousands of years of conditioning by men beginning with the pre-historic, patriarchal, animal-hating societies in which the cave men forced their mates to wear fur solely to prevent competing males from seeing their most attractive features.
Got Beer?. back to PeTA Index.
In response to outrage by MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving), PeTA graciously withdrew its March, 2000, "Got Beer" ad campaign despite its noble purpose of drawing attention to the deadly dangers of dairy milk and the cruelty of the dairy industry in keeping dairy cows engorged.  (However, the most-recent Zogby poll of dairy cows indicated that 78% of them prefer engorgement over udder-augmentation as a way of attracting mammary-fixated bulls, and only 22% preferred saline-solution implants.)   Undeterred by the apparent willingness of such a large percentage of dairy cows to permit themselves to be exploited in such a degrading way just to satisfy a typical bull's concept of an ideal cow, PeTA launched a new, wholly humanitarian campaign to wean America from dairy milk while enrolling as many brainwashed dairy cows as possible in re-education camps to teach them that "less is more" with respect to udders.  PeTA's new campaign will be called, "Got-Better-Milk?"
Got Better Milk?. back to PeTA Index.
This "Got Better Milk?" campaign by PeTA won't make sense unless you first learn how PeTA's March, 2000, "Got Beer" campaign against the dairy industry backfired, so click here if you haven't already studied the "Got Beer" campaign.  In a true stroke of genius following withdrawal of the "Got Beer" campaign, PeTA devised a new nationwide campaign designed dramatically reduce the demand for dairy milk by quickly gaining widespread support among American males.  Despite PeTA's effort to keep the plan a closely guarded secret until the yet-to-be-determined date for publicly launching the campaign, key elements of the plan have leaked out.  Currently, a large number of the top Super-Models (who are among PeTA's most ardent supporters) are attending special classes to give them a keen understanding of how the dairy industry's cruel, lactation-stimulation practices keep dairy cows in an udderly painful state of over-engorgement to maximize production.  Soon after completion of that phase of the program, PeTA will launch a "Got-Better-Milk?" campaign nationwide by simultaneously issuing local-media press-releases in all major cities throughout the country identifying a Super-Model who will appear in front of the local city hall in a dairy-cow costume to draw attention to the udderly cruel engorgement forced upon dairy cows by the evil dairy industry.  To be sure to attract large numbers of males as well as the media, the announcement will hint that the Super-Model might expose her breasts to show her solidarity with dairy cows and her sympathy for their udder exploitation.  Since it's widely known that many PeTA-supporting Super Models have undressed at PeTA events to draw attention to PeTA's anti-fur campaign, it's a certainty such announcement will draw large numbers of males.  Speaking at first as "Ms Dairy Cow" in a hands-and-knees position in a costume depicting a dairy cow with the head of a beautiful woman, the Super-Model will explain that since Mother Nature wisely endowed human females with the ability to produce breast-milk containing all ingredients needed for human health, she didn't intend for humans to ingest cows' milk.  Then, after explaining that she had received extensive training about lactation-stimulation to achieve udder "solidarity" with exploited dairy cows, she will stand, remove the top half of the costume and expose her fully-engorged breasts while explaining how a highly-dedicated male partner applied time-tested techniques to stimulate her lactation capabilities to enable her to dramatically illustrate the effects of engorgement.  Then, after describing the udder discomfort of her engorged condition, she will invite males to form a line so that each one can participate briefly in relieving her engorgement while a PeTA spokesperson explains the nutritional value of human breast-milk and distributes literature on time-tested, wet-nurse techniques for stimulating lactation in the absence of pregnancy.  The literature will also explain the numerous benefits lactation provides for a female-- e.g. loss of calories through lactation prevents weight-gain; lactation-induced engorgement is superior to all other forms of breast augmentation, and regular lactation virtually eliminates the natural urge of boyfriends/husbands to dine at Hooters.  Publicity from this "Got-Better-Milk" campaign will inspire virtually all women to feel solidarity with the udderly exploited dairy cows while also providing better nutrition to at least half the population.   back to PeTA Index.
Glossary & Terminology:. back to PeTA Index..
Inaminane:  The animalized equivalent of "inhumane."
Specieism:  The uncivilized and unethical view by any human that humans are superior to any other species