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Political
Satire
Daily Update ©
2001 by Jim Wrenn.
This page contains Daily Updates for July, 2001 in
reverse chronological order. For other time periods, see Archives of Daily Updates.
For our Election 2000 Ballad of the Battle of the Ballots, go
here. For an explanation of our renovation in progress, go
here.
Editor's Note: Archives for the
remainder of July, 2001 are temporarily unavailable. Please come back
later.
July 15, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
A callous disdain for what's tragic and conduct that's sociopathic.
I don't want to write about Levy
'cause tragedy-satire displeases,
but Condit's behavior
has sinister flavor,
and shows he has moral diseases.
Apart from the fact it ain't right
he's willing to cheat on his wife,
he uses a ruse
that surely does prove
his callous disdain for a life.
What "callous disdain" do I mean?
He says, "When you go out with me,
so no one can know
your name where we go,
you never may carry I-D."
Suppose that an accident's fate
left both in an unconscious state:
The doctors won't know
the family of Doe
to contact for help with her fate.
The cause of such callousness habit
is clearly not idiopathic--
A person who uses
such patterns of ruses
is obviously sociopathic.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010715-01 by Jim
Wrenn, Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.)
July 14, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
Confucius say Chinese Olympics will
feature new game, "Tiananmenics."
.
Confucius say Chinese Olympics
will feature new game, "Tiananmenics":
.
Chinese go to Square,
say "Freedom is fair,"
then die under tanks for polemics.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010714-01 by Jim
Wrenn, Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) Inspired by news that yesterday, the International Olympic Committee awarded the 2008 Summer Games to Beijing.
July 13, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
A Twenty-First Century hopper ...
replaces protology doctors
For toilets, invented by Crapper,
improvements will help you stay dapper
with motorized proctors
installed in the hopper
to serve as your "Doc" in the trapper.
These Twenty-First Cent'ry improvements
will analyze all of your movements
to learn what you're eating,
decide what you're needing,
and give you commands and reprovements.
To keep you with Nature in harmony,
each movement it checks for anomalies.
On finding disorders
it sends needed orders
to grocers and doctors and pharmacies.
We hope the reforms by McCain
require this device in campaigns
to minimize stealth
on candidates' health,
such records they ought to explain.
When leaders' good health is a must,
these gadgets will soon be a "must"
as seats in debates
so voters can rate
who's most
full of .... well ..., you-know-what.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010713-01 by Jim
Wrenn, Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) As Dave Barry would say, "I'm not making this
up" that a British company is planning to market a toilet capable of
analyzing human waste and then issuing health warnings, contacting the doctor or
pharmacy, or ordering particular groceries when warranted by analysis of the
material in its high-tech hopper. See the July
11, 2001 BBC report on the subject.
July 12, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
It's more global-warming predictions pretending there's no contradiction.
A third-phase campaign has begun
called "Climate Change
2001,"
designed to promote
conclusions they wrote
before
recent findings were done.
The media's sure to portray
this third-phase as right-up-to-date,
so we who know better
must serve as the setters
to point-out what
they
will not say: ..
Assessment Report Number Three
just issued by I-P-C-C
this twelfth of July
was made in Shanghai
and that was in Januareee.**
Will news-networks
"science" reporters
dissect it from border to border?
Or will they just say
that "scientists say"
that man's
making Earth too much warmer?
I think it's quite safe to predict
that most, if not all, will depict
Report Number Three
from I-P-C-C
as findings one can't
contradict.
**The
report just issued today (July 12, 2001) was written and approved six months
ago
in January, 2001 on the basis of analyses completed in 2000 and does not take
into account subsequent data undermining predictions in the report. Such
subsequent
data include, for example, the atmospheric
"iris" effect contradicting atmospheric-model
predictions for
future increases in average annual temperatures. Ironically, this
"July 12,
2001" IPCC Report provides even weaker justifications for
claiming "global warming"
caused by human activity than does its
predecessor, on which the National Research
Counsel issued its "June 6,
2001" report to Bush in response to his inquiry about the
extent to which
scientists agree or disagree with such claims Regarding that "June
6,
2001" Report, see our June
9, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update. See also
"Global
Warming or Scientific Flatulence-- T Minus Seven Years and Counting."
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010712-01 by Jim
Wrenn, Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) The media adulation of the IPCC's "Climate Change
2001" report has already begun in a July
12, 2001 "report" in the UK-based pantheopian
paper, "Independent."
For a more sober analysis by a scientist, go to www.JunkScience.Com
during the next few weeks.
July 11, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
The paleontologists think ... the new
find is man's missing link.
Where humanoid ancestors roamed,
they've found a new batch of old bones
revealing a vintage
of humanoid lineage
much older than previously known.
A test was devised to determine
a link to a modern-day version,
and tests made it plain
the fossil remains
were from the great-granddad of Thurmond.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010711-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) Inspired by a July
11, 2001 Washington Post article (posted on July 11 with a July 12 date line)
and a July
11, 2001 NewsMax/UPI article (also posted on July 11 with a July 12 date line)
about a report in England on the recent discovery of fossilized humanoid bones
in Ethiopia dating back to 5.5 million years ago and predating the bones
previously believed to be the oldest by more than a million years.
Paleontologists have named the creature "Ardipithecus Ramidus Kadabba."
July 10, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
Is "Man-About-Town" a new
mission for Gotham's new socialite, Clinton?
New York Daily News says that Clinton
makes "Man-About-Town" his new mission,
but writers in Gotham
have simply forgotten
his stomping-ground changed-- not his mission.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010710-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) Inspired by a July
8, 2001 article in the New York Daily News On-Line Edition reporting that
Clinton has become the "social darling" of New York.
July 9, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
The
Marine Corps Hymn
yields to the
Marine Corps Her--
(The in's and out's of women in the
Marines.)
Out with the old:
From the Halls of Montezuma, to the
shores of Tripoli
We will fight our country's battles
on the land and on the sea.
First we fight for right and freedom
and to keep our Honor clean.
We are proud to bear the title of
United States Marines.
In with the new:
From the barracks' private showers to
the no-stand-up-latrines
We maintain and train our bodies just
to fight with dignity.
First we train for supple shapeliness
and to give our bodies sheen.
We will only join in training when we
do not feel demeaned.
(PoliSat.Com Song
Parody 20010709-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) Inspired by a July
9, 2001 Washington Times story about the Defense Department investigating a mandatory training run at a major armed forces command after a female officer complained to Washington that the weekly jog was
"demeaning."
July 8, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
A health "bill of rights" or
Big Brother's might?
Demands for a "health bill of rights"
abuse the true meaning of "rights."
Instead they demand
entitlement plans
that increase the government's might.
Such claims are a manifestation
of jargonized un-terpretation
that our Declaration
gives all in the nation
a guaranteed-happiness station.
A "right" is unlike an "entitlement,"
instead, it's a state of unbridlement--
a freedom to act
that laws can't retract--
derived from our Founders'
enlightenment.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010708-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.)
July 7, 2001 Political Satire Daily
Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
The dress proving Clinton's transgressions is back in Lewinsky's possession.
The dress proving Clinton's transgressions
is back in Lewinsky's possession,
so what should she do
with the dress that is blue
that forced such a famous confession?
The answer of course is a verity:
This proof of Lewinsky's timerity
is part of our hist'ry
that solved a great myst'ry,
and must be preserved for posterity.
The dress should be kept in a library,
but not in a regular library,
and not in the one
with pardon-gate funds
but rather the
true
Clinton Liebrary.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010707-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) Inspired by a July
6, 2001 ABC-News/Yahoo report that the Office of Independent Counsel
returned the blue dress to Lewinsky.
July 6, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
The White-House political
"war-room" is better described as a "store-room."
Bush formed
a political "war-room"
but used it instead as a store-room
to save for the future
political sutures,
which made it a bleed-on-the-floor room.
He must think the public invests
the time to discern worst and best
to recognize slander
with simply a gander
to know which proposals are best.
When ads by the pantheist barkers
said Bush wants more arsenic in water,
he failed to compose
and ad to expose
such scum on political waters.
A charge that's unanswered's "admitted,"
so people believe Bush insisted
on letting supporters
put arsenic in waters
and think that his motives are twisted.
Unless Dubya's war-room decides
to answer distortions and lies,
pantheist porters'
political waters
are all that we'll have to imbibe.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010706-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) Inspired by a July
5, 2001 article in USA Today indicating the Bush White House has a "war
room" to respond to what it considers distortions of its positions on
issues. With respect to that kind of war, they seem to me to be
pacifists-- Jim Wrenn, Editor.
July 5, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
If not "Fair and Balanced as
Always," it's always a balance to pawl-ways.
"Fox News,"
proclaims FAIR*
in its spall-ways**,
"is not
'Fair and Balanced as Always.' "
They'd know, if not arrant,
that Fox is
the balance
against other news-networks'
pawl-ways***.
* "FAIR," (www.fair.org)
an activist group describing itself as promoting
"Fairness and Accuracy In Reporting," which issued a "report"
describing Fox News as "The Most Biased Name in News."
** Metaphorically speaking, "spall-ways" describes
harsh critiques. ("Spall"
means to break up or reduce by or as if by chipping with a hammer.)
***
Metaphorically speaking, "pawl-ways" means collective adherence to
shared biases and prejudices in the
guise of objectivity. ("Pawl"
is a "pivoted
tongue ... permit[ting] motion in [only] one direction.")
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010705-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.)
July 4, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
To honor the day, July Fourth, a no-satire limerick, of course.
Our Fourth of July celebrations
extol our unique Declaration
proclaiming that "life"
and "liberty" splice
"pursuit of [one's] happiness" raisons.*
(*poetic
license for raison d'ętre)
"Pursuit of [one's] happiness" served
to fortify soldiers with verve
to risk the King's ire
and face deadly fire
so freedom would not be interred.
The words that proclaimed independence
made concepts of freedom ascendant
but didn't create
controls on the state
to guard against freedom's infringement.
The slogan, "pursuit of [one's] happiness"
displayed great political canniness.
Though such clever phrases
win sloganeer praises,
to state them as law is quite valueless.
To guard and preserve freedom's prodigy,
the Founders put limits on polity
to guaranty "life"
and liberty "rights"--
especially the rights known as "property."
The word is not simply a label
for things like a chair or a table;
Instead, its a name--
the human-rights
name
describing the fruits of one's labor.
Without owning fruits of one's labor
the promise of freedom's a failure
and so that is why
the Fourth of July
should celebrate freedom of labor.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010704-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) For an analysis of the importance
of the eclipse of the revolutionary slogan, "life, liberty and the pursuit
of happiness" by the Bill of Rights' guarantees of "life, liberty
[and] property," go
here.
July 3, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
The yardstick,"[whatever] saves lives," will lead to our freedom's
demise.
Big Brother is now using cameras
to charge those who disobey amber
But some who rejoice
in Big Brother's voice,
if caught, will be raising a clamor.
If safety is all that we tout,
it's clear there is only one route--
The plan that can't fail?
We all go to jail,
then only let good people out.*
(*This stanza
reprises the final stanza of PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010611-01.)
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010703-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) Inspired by a July
3, 2001, Wall Street Journal editorial on use of radar-activated cameras to
issue tickets for red-light violations and speeding. Says Palm Beach
County's Commissioner, Burt Aaronson, "If Big Brother saves lives, then I'm happy to be Big
Brother." Where does the whatever-might-save-lives
philosophy take us?
July 2, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
We need a new Oscar for Spielberg for
"A I" the movie from Dreamworks.
I'm quite an admirer of Spielberg
and love to see movies by Dreamworks,
but "A I" should get
an Oscar for best
Politi-Correct-Ness*
in spiel-work.
*
"PolitiCorrectNess" (po-`li-ti-cor-`rect-ness)
is a term I coined as a better term for
"political correctness" than
"PC," which more commonly refers to "personal
computer." The adjective form is PolitiCorrect; the averb form is
PolitiCorRectally;
the verb form is PolitiCorrect (same as the adjective form);
the participle form is
PolitiCorrecting; related nouns are
PolitiCorrection and PolitiCorRectum, the latter
of which should not be confused
with "PolitiCorrect'em," which is a contraction for
"PolitiCorrect
them."
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010702-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) Inspired by my having seen "A I" yesterday,
which I expected to be another masterpiece from the brilliant mind that gave us
"Saving Private Ryan," but which was as disappointing to me as was Kubrick's
"Clockwork Orange" following his masterpiece, "2001."
July 1, 2001
Political Satire Daily Update-01
(Political Satire means
PoliSat.Com)
McCain promotes moral austerity
... with form-letters feigning sincerity.
At PoliSat-Com** we've obtained the top-secret tomes of McCain.
(**PoliSat.Com)
Dear Mister/Miz X, my close friend,
I'm sure you recall that your win
occurred just because
I spoke for your cause,
so now it's my turn to cash in.
I fondly remember your saying
how eager you were for conveying
that I am the Light,
the Truth and the Right
and those who oppose me are craven.
And so I am certain you'll savor
a chance to return me the favor
and proudly anoint
my campaign reform
and me as Political Savior.
Coercion, of course, I disdain.
However, I'm sure that your brain
will tell you to sign
your name on my side.
Sincerely, your friend, John McCain
P.S., you know soft-money talks
and also that you-know-what walks.
Reform will defeat
the soft-money speech
and force your opponents to walk.
(PoliSat.Com
Limerick 20010701-01 by Jim Wrenn,
Political Satire Editor at PoliSat.Com
© 2001.) Inspired by a July
1, 2001 Washington Times report that some members of the House of
Representatives are offended by letters they received from McCain claiming they
owe it to him to support his version of campaign-finance "reform."
This page contains Daily Updates for July, 2001 in
reverse chronological order. For other time periods, see Archives of Daily Updates.
For our Election 2000 Ballad of the Battle of the Ballots, go
here. For an explanation of our renovation in progress, go
here.
Editor's Note: If
following a link to a particular Daily Update brings you here, that particular
Daily Update has probably been moved to our archives, in which case you can find
it in one of the archives listed below.
Archives
for Daily Updates: Click
Here..
