Dec. 14, 2004 #01:  Political Satire/Commentary where satire is always commentary but commentary isn't always satire™ (but we're confident you'll know the difference)  Search PoliSat.Com Home  Tell a friend about PoliSat.Com    Subscribe   Permanent link to this installment in PoliSat.Com's Archives    Google-News list of recent updates    About author, Jim Wrenn.

George W. Bush awards Medals of Freedom to Tommy Franks, Paul Bremer and George Tenet for service in war on terror, in Afghanistan and in Iraq; He who dunks slams, slam-dunks.

            Some political observers seemed perplexed that today George W. Bush awarded Medals of Freedom to Ret. General Tommy Franks, Ambassador Paul Bremer and retired CIA Director George Tenet at a special White House ceremony.  However, Bush was quite eloquent in explaining his actions:  

            "This Medal of Freedom I'm hanging with thanks on Tommy for service as General Franks, whose troopers and tanks dispatched Saddam's ranks with speed that was swifter and faster than 'flank.'º¹  This Medal of Freedom I'm hanging on Bremer, for leaving employment where danger was slimmer to serve in Iraq where risks of attacks by killers made odds for his safety much slimmer.  To honor my Tenet, my chum, a Medal of Freedom I've hung on you 'cause you stood with me, so I should dunk slams of your promised slam-dunks.  Though critics perceive me as dumb, they're claiming I've tried by my dunk of slams against Tenet to make it his tenet that I not by him be debunked.  Like oxymoronic Orwellians, they claim I'm a "dumb" Machiavellian advancing with verve a Tenet I serve so memoirs of me are Boswellian."

Not only was Bush's statement eloquent, it was also quite poetic, which may be discerned by parsing the language into rhythm and rhyme:

Slam Dunk Dunks Slams.

This Medal of Freedom I'm hanging with thanks
on Tommy for service as General Franks,
whose troopers and tanks
dispatched Saddam's ranks
with speed that was swifter and faster than "flank."º¹ 

This Medal of Freedom I'm hanging on Bremer,
for leaving employment where danger was slimmer
to serve in Iraq
where risks of attacks
by killers made odds for his safety much slimmer.

To honor my Tenet, my chum,
a Medal of Freedom I've hung
on you 'cause you stood
with me, so I should
dunk slams of your promised slam-dunks.

Though critics perceive me as dumb,
they're claiming I've tried by my dunk
of slams against Tenet
to make it his tenet
that I not by him be debunked.

Like oxymoronic Orwellians,
they claim I'm a "dumb" Machiavellian
advancing with verve
a Tenet I serve
so memoirs of me are Boswellian.

Could the "dumb" George Bush be so Machiavellian rather than merely intensely loyal to those he believes to have had the best interests of the country at heart?  His critics oxymoronically believe the former rather than the latter.  Remember Occam's Razor?  If so, then you probably know the latter is more likely correct.  What would Tenet say?  What should Tenet say?

I need not Boswellian be
to rightly and truly concede
we honestly thunk
'twould be a slam-dunk
to find all those WMD's.

Nevertheless, one suspects that in Washington, where it is said that a "good friend stabs you in the chest," Tenet's memoirs may seek to characterize "slam dunk" as a full-court shot.

--Jim Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com.

º¹.According to Naval terminology, "flank speed" is "faster than full speed."

Installment immediately preceding the one above, go here.

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Donate your frequent-flier miles to military personnel to return home from port of reentry on leave:  www.HeroMiles.Org.

Questions for Americans:

Shouldn't we be at least as generous in supporting the families of our troops killed or injured while serving our country in Afghanistan, Iraq, in America and throughout the rest of the world as we were for the families of the victims of 9-11?  Here are some suggestions:

*Salute American Heroes*  *Support Fallen Heroes Fund*

Shouldn't we recognize that many, if not most, instances of foreign anti-Americanism in the late 20th Century (like most of the foreign anti-Americanism today) focused reactionary rage against maintenance of, and willingness to use, human-rights-respecting power against forces that oppose liberty and favor the "stability" of the status quo?   See a retrospective on Ronald Reagan.   Shouldn't we recognize that despite arguments to the contrary by devotees of the United Nations that the world remains a yet-to-be-civilized place in which the wise exercise of human-rights-respecting power more than intellectual sophistry can best assure the survival of liberty?

Shouldn't we recognize that "property rights" are among the most fundamental of "human rights" and are therefore vital to the survival of liberty?  See "'Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness' versus 'Life, Liberty [and] Property.'"

Questions for secular thinkers:

Shouldn't secular thinkers be at least as respectful towards ordinary people of faith as George Bush is towards ordinary secular thinkers, and shouldn't ordinary secular thinkers repudiate fanatical secular fundamentalists at least as firmly as Bush repudiates fanatical religious fundamentalists?  Shouldn't secular fundamentalists learn to recognize the unscientific nature of their own leaps of faith before throwing stones at unscientific leaps of faith by ordinary people of faith?  See satire/commentary about Secular Fundamentalists and Religious Fanatics.

Shouldn't people professing to be secular thinkers learn to understand the difference between science and political science (i.e., politicized science)?  Shouldn't radical environmentalists learn to understand that their views are little more than modern forms of pantheism?  See Satire/Commentary about Pantheopians.  Shouldn't they learn to objectively and scientifically scrutinize theories such as Global Warming at least as rigorously as they scrutinize "creationism"?  See "Global Warming or Scientific Flatulence?"  See also the commentary on proposed "climate stewardship" legislation and the animated illustration, "Goblins of Globalized 'Warming.'" 

Shouldn't people professing to be secular thinkers learn to understand that what science reveals about human evolution supports, rather than undermines, the sensibility of a rebuttable presumption that monogamous, heterosexual marriage best serves the interests of children notwithstanding the sensibility of recognizing civil unions to accord comparable (but not identical) privileges to mutual-support partnerships?   See  commentary "Evolution versus Revolution" and the animated illustration, "Devolution versus Evolution."

Questions for people of faith:

Shouldn't people with faith that a Deity created free will recognize that compulsory piety would be offensive to such Deity?

Shouldn't people with faith that a Deity created free will recognize that political compromises limiting the power of government to compel conformity with theocratic doctrines over which other people of faith, as well as secular thinkers, can reasonably disagree would not be offensive to such Deity?  See commentary about our Founding Documents, the Constitution and the Creator.

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