Nov. 7, 2004 #01:  Political Satire/Commentary where satire is always commentary but commentary isn't always satire™ (but we're confident you'll know the difference)  Search PoliSat.Com Home  Tell a friend about PoliSat.Com    Subscribe   Permanent link to this installment in PoliSat.Com's Archives    Google-News list of recent updates    About author, Jim Wrenn.

Jacques Chirac meets Yasser Arafat but snubs Iraqi Interim Prime Minister Allawi-- Chirac's Traps for the Stance of France against America.

            Jacques Chirac proves yet again his Vichy-French instincts.  On Thursday (Nov. 4, 2004), Chirac was willing to make time to fit into his schedule a visit to Yasser Arafat's bedside [source], yet on Friday (Nov. 5, 2004) he was unwilling to merely remain at a European Union (EU) summit in Brussels for a scheduled luncheon meeting between 25 EU leaders and Iraqi Interim Prime Minister Iyad Allawi-- instead, he left the meeting early to travel to the United Arab Emirates to "pay his respects to the new president of the United Arab Emirates, who took over following the death of his father on Tuesday [Nov. 2, 2004]."  [Source A; Source B]   Perhaps he had an urgent need to redeem some oil vouchers before their becoming invalidated whenever (if ever) the United Nations finally gets around to revealing the truth about the pre-Operation-Iraqi-Freedom Oil for Food welfare system for his political confidantes.

            PoliSat.Com's high-tech, remote-sensing equipment has intercepted electronic transmissions containing the audio and video signals for a speech by Jacques Chirac to be broadcast to the world to explain his "Principled Stance" as the 21st Century de Gaulle in opposing American hegemony by rejecting requests from the interim Iraqi government for France to contribute economically, politically and militarily to the efforts of reformers in Iraq efforts to establish a democracy respecting human rights.  PoliSat.Com's highly unreliable sources inside Chirac's inner-circle indicate that he envisions a stance for France in traps against American hegemony.  Here's the transcript of Chirac's soon-to-be-released speech explaining his "Principled Stance Against American Hegemony," a doctrine he expects to become popularly known as "Chirac's Traps":

            It's I, Jacques Chirac, head of France, committed to do all I can on keeping my schedule or changing my schedule to further my principled stance.  On learning that Yasser, my chum, for treatment by doctors had come to Paris, I changed my plans to arrange to meet with, and comfort, my chum.

            The next day at meetings in Brussels I flexed my political muscles by skipping the meeting at which Iraq pleaded for France to contribute some muscle. We're smarter than Dubya, who's itchy for planting democracy's niches so Mid-Eastern hate t'ward Jews can abate-- So-what if, again, we are Vichy?

            When help from the French Iraq seeks, my "no" I've expressed with great pique.  This principled stance saves face for my France-- obscuring the fact we're so weak.  Our stance here in France features traps for Bush called "diplomacy flaps" obscuring the signs of France's decline-- A doctrine I'm naming "Chirac's Traps."

Here's the text reformatted for clarity:

Jacques Chirac's Traps for the Stance of France against American "Hegemony":   

It's I, Jacques Chirac, head of France,
committed to do all I can
on keeping my schedule
or changing my schedule
to further my principled stance.

On learning that Yasser, my chum,
for treatment by doctors had come
to Paris, I changed
my plans to arrange
to meet with, and comfort, my chum.

The next day at meetings in Brussels
I flexed my political muscles
by skipping the meeting
at which Iraq pleaded
for France to contribute some muscle.

We're smarter than Dubya, who's itchy
for planting democracy's niches
so Mid-Eastern hate
t'ward Jews can abate--
So-what if, again, we are Vichy?

When help from the French Iraq seeks,
my "no" I've expressed with great pique.
This principled stance
saves face for my France--
obscuring the fact we're so weak.

Our stance here in France features traps
for Bush called "diplomacy flaps"
obscuring the signs
of France's decline--
A doctrine I'm naming "Chirac's Traps."

However, the transmission intercepted by PoliSat.Com seems to have been surreptitiously modified by additional audio and video content appended as the final segment:

Excuse me, I'm Bush, whom you'll not trap
in what you've described as "Chirac's Trap."
'Cause rather than me,
it's Frenchmen like thee
instead who've been captured in Jacques' Traps.

--Jim Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com.

Installment immediately preceding the one above, go here.

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