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Political
Satire
Daily Update ©
2001 by Jim Wrenn.
These are Political Satire Daily Updates for
April, 2001 in reverse
chronological order. For other time periods, see Archives of Daily Updates.
April 30, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Confucius proclaims man who hacks
will soon by his victim be hacked.
(PoliSat Limerick)
Although we make hackers pariahs,
when hackers attacked us from China,
American hackers
have found many backers
for hacking the hacks who run China.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010430-01. Inspired by news reports of Chinese hackers
posting political propaganda on U.S. government and news websites and reports of
retaliatory hacking by American hackers against the Chinese government sites.
April 29, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Tim wants to be seen as a man who is Green.
(PoliSat Limerick)
'Though Russert tries not
to show leanings,
he seems to have blind-faith in Greenies
and seems to believe
one could not
disagree
with the Greenies unless one's a meanie.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010429-01. On Sunday, April 29, 2001, on Meet the Press,
Tim Russert played the DNC's ad featuring a young girl requesting "more
arsenic" in her glass of drinking water and a young boy requesting
"more salmonella" in his cheeseburger, and then asked Carl Rove to
"comment" on it. Later, when Rove characterized the ad as
"false," Russert actually said (believe it or not), " But there’s nothing inaccurate in that ad."
Given the fact that Russert surely knows the regulation promulgated by Clinton
at the eleventh hour to "reduce" the tolerance level for arsenic in
drinking water from 50 parts per billion to 10 parts per billion would not
become effective for several more years and that all Bush did was to rescind the
finding pending further study to determine a level that could be set without
being counter-productive (i.e., people ceasing using municipal water rendered
extremely costly and using private wells instead thereby exposing themselve to
even higher levels of natural arsenic.) Russert's assertion was not that
of a reporter but instead had a partisan tone by his categorical but
demonstrably incorrect statement that "there's nothing inaccurate in that
ad." The quotation is from the MSNBC transcript of NBC News' Meet the
Press on Sunday, April 29, 2001.
April 28, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Where Has All Our Power Gone?
(PoliSat Song-Parody of "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?")
Where has all our power gone?
Don't use nuclear.
Where has all our power gone?
It makes us glow.
Where has all our power gone?
Fossil fuels we must burn.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have fossil fuels gone?
Long time drilling.
Where have fossil fuels gone?
Earn Nature's scorn.
Where have fossil fuels gone?
Fossil fuels must be shunned.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have fossil fuels gone?
OPEC countries.
Where have fossil fuels gone?
OPEC alone.
Where have fossil fuels gone?
Dams are left with fossils gone.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have dams for power gone?
Earth Day monuments.
Where have dams for power gone?
Snail-darter homes.
Where have dams for power gone?.
Dams to windmills we have gone.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the windmills gone?
Hoping winds will come.
Where have all the windmills gone?
Windmills are gone.
Where have all the windmills gone?
Stopped to save birds one by one.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where has all our power gone?
Conservation.
Where has all our power gone?
Earth Day for all.
Where has all our power gone?
Back to rubbing sticks we've gone.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
© 2001 PoliSat
Song-Parody 20010428-01.
April 27, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
No media hassle of Senator Daschle.
(PoliSat Limerick)
I'm Daschle, who claims Dubya thinks
that kids should have arsenic to drink....
Why demonize Dubya?
So no one discovers
I voted to do the same thing.
Of course all the media know,
I recently cast my own vote
to ask E-P-A
for an arsenic delay,
but reporters won't tell those who vote.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010427-01. Inspired by news-media obliviousness to patent
hypocrisy by Daschle castigating Bush for delaying implementation of Clinton's
eleventh-hour promulgation of the rule requiring a dramatically lower tolerance
level (to become effective in six years) despite the fact that Daschle had
previously voted to extend the time limit for making such implementation
decision. See 04-27-01
National Review OnLine article by Rich Lowery and 04-27-01
article on RushLimbaugh.Com.
April 26, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Celebrities' need to have do-gooder
creeds. (PoliSat Limerick)
We're famous, so we know the cure:
Support Mother Earth con
amour.
To show we're concerned
we simply affirm
political science de
jour.
© PoliSat Limerick
20010426-01.
April 25, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01 by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
A moral proctologist plays a geologist.
(PoliSat Limerick)
Thank goodness for Redford, the man-star,
demanding we not drill in ANWAR.
This moral proctologist ...
is not
a geologist ...
but surely will play one in ad-wars.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010425-01. Inspired by a 04-24-01 Washington Post
I-love-you interview of Robert Redford in which he portrays himself as a morally
righteous defender of the Alaskan wilderness against those "evil" oil
companies seeking to drill in a tiny portion of ANWAR to make profits (and
reduce our dependence on foreign oil).
April 24, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01 by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Their static solution is
redistribution.
(PoliSat Limerick)
We all know the econopians **
proclaim they are for the plebeians.
Their fav'rite solution
is redistribution
from folks who earn more than they're needin'
In contrast, the tax-cutters say
that theirs is a much better way:
For earners to keep
more rewards that they reap
for their spending, investments and play.
Sam Walton's now richer than
Gates.
What's common in both of their fates?
Their billions, they got 'em
from starts at the bottom--
't'was hard work and no piece of cake.
** Econopians (ech-uh-no-pee-uns)
is a term I coined to describe those whose political philosophies favor
collectivist
redistribution of earnings based on their perceptions of
"need." Among their favorite tools are inheritance taxes,
"progressive" income-tax schedules, "pay equity,"
"economic justice," and other utopian notions contrary to basic human
nature, fundamental human rights, and the concepts of free speech and labor our
founders designed the Constitution to protect-- For elaboration, go to "Freedom
of Speech and Labor."
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010424-01.
April 23, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
The greenhouse and ozone-hole blather
distract from the science that matters.
(PoliSat Limerick)
We know pantheopians**
think
we're pushing the Earth to the brink.
Their faith is the fable
that keeping it stable
will save us from going extinct.
But few of them seem to have learned
what serious science discerns:
The greatest of dangers
is from Mother Nature:
An asteroid striking the Earth.
The most
recent threat to our fate ...
occurred back in nineteen-oh-eight.
A comet blew high
in Siberian skies--
a thousand-square miles laid to waste.
A thousand Hiroshima bombs
we'd need for a blast just as strong,
and since we know more
such things are in store,
we must sound a world-wide alarm.
Instead of expending more billions
to please pantheopian minions,
we need a crash project
to find all those objects
that threaten to cause our extinction.
It must be priority first
to find each that's headed for Earth
to send out a rocket
to blast it or sock it
to keep it from striking the Earth.
We must ignore junk-science chatter
like greenhouse and ozone-hole blather,
and make it our mission
to stop such collision,
or none of those theories will matter.
**
Pantheopians
(pan-thee-oh-pee-uns
or
pan-thee-oh-pee-uns)--
For elaboration, go
here.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010423-01.
April 22, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
On this Sunday Morning it's fairness
I'm mourning
'cause Tim Russert's brain has gone suddenly lame.
(PoliSat Limerick)
Tim Russert 'most always takes pride
in showing the views of both sides
to nurture his fame
for his fair-minded brain,
but today Russert's brain must have fried.
It's not that he challenged decisions
of E-P-A's boss, Christie Whitman--
It's how he displayed
in a one-sided way
a belief in extreme Earth-Day-isms.
He asked her about C-O-2
as if there were only one view
and seems not to know
that it won't overflow
because green things consume it as food.
His questions conveyed a blind faith:
We're making a greenhouse our fate.
He seems not to know
that good science won't show
global warming to be under way.
They say that a few recent years
were hottest in six hundred years
but few take the task
to simply just ask
about all those long-ago years.
Perhaps we should consider revising
the hist'ry of humankind's rising:
Since Renaissance Man
must have heated the land ...
he must have been S-U-V driving.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010422-01. Inspired by Tim Russert's disappointing
performance this morning on Meet The Press in questioning Christie Whitman on
environmental issues. Although he almost always tries to present both
sides of an issue, his questioning of Whitman this morning exhibited
fundamentalist fervor in uncritically articulating the political-science
claims of "global warming," etc. by the pantheopian
movement and Kyoto zealots.
April 21, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
When wisdom is dearth, use a
writers'-block verse. (PoliSat
Limerick)
It seems I've encountered a dearth
of wisdom this day twenty-first.
I can't make a rhyme
to be wise or sublime
and so this is a writers'-block verse.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010421-01.
April 20, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
The folks who work cheap ain't the ones
in the street. (PoliSat Limerick)
The anti-free-traders are lathered,
and all of them spout the same blather:
They say they're for all,
but their goal is to saw
all the lower-rungs off of the ladder.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010420-01.
April 19, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
There's no greater virtue than motherly
nurture. (PoliSat Limerick)
A study found facts we should mention
to moms with careerist intentions:
That kids who must share
in collectivist care
will aggressively seek more attention.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010419-01. Inspired by 04-19-01 news reports of a study
showing that children spending pre-school years in childcare centers are more
aggressive and unruly as first-graders than children who had full-time moms
during their pre-school years.
April 18, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Just what will they say with their
writers away? (PoliSat Limerick)
The Writers' Guild talks under way
could turn to a strike any day.
We all would be gainers
because entertainers
no longer would know what to say.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010418-01.
April 17, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Still off for Easter.
© 2001 PoliSat
20010417-01
April 16, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Off for Easter.
© 2001 PoliSat 20010416-01
April 15, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Off for Easter
© 2001 PoliSat
20010415-01.
April 14, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
A hell-of-a-flier at flying by wire.
(PoliSat Limerick)
We hope China won't force an encore
of skill by our pilot, Shane Osborn--
a hell-of-a-flier,
whose flying by wire
could land with the props and the nose torn.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010414-01.
April 13, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
George Dubya's word-ology coins the
appall-ogy. (PoliSat Limerick)
Zemin thinks he got an apology,
but Bush gave instead an appall-ogy
by saying "We're sorry
you made our plane quarry
and broke mayday-rules methodology."
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010413-01. Inspired by the debate over whether Bush
"apologized" for our surveillance plane landing on the Chinese island
despite China not having given it permission to do so in response to its mayday.
April 12, 2001 Political Satire Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Nothing could be finer than to say it's
made in China. (PoliSat Limerick)
The most brilliant comment on China
was made by Ms. Ingraham on Imus:
They'll learn that our plane
was totally made
with parts manufactured in China.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010412-01. (Inspired by Laura Ingraham's comments on Imus in the
Morning to explain why we needn't worry that the Chinese will learn valuable
secrets by disassembling our surveillance plane forced to land on Chinese
territory on April 1, 2001, after a Chinese fighter plane crashed into it over
international waters.)
April 11, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
We're sorry that China's ignoring the rules
for a clear mayday warning. (PoliSat Limerick)
This morning George Dubya announced
our crew on whom China did pounce,
did not get permission
with mayday transmissions
for landing on China's own ground.
T'was China who made us their quarry,
but Bush has proclaimed that "We're sorry"
our plane didn't wait
for China's okay
to land after mayday-call warnings.
He says that the problem is fixed.
I hope we conveyed the true gist.
We don't speak Chinese
but they should perceive
a proper translation is this:
We're sorry that you disobeyed
the rules saying mayday's okay
for landing a plane
on foreign terrain
when lives of the crew are at stake.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010411-01. This morning, Bush said "[w]e're very sorry
[our plane landed on Chinese territory without receiving permission in response
to their calls of 'mayday']"
April 10, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
It's more propaganda from Jiang the Mad
Hatter. (PoliSat Limerick)
There is an old man from Beijing,
a leader named Jiang the Zemin,
demanding his quarry
proclaim they are sorry
for being attacked by his men.
In China, its "press" is "reporting"
its China in Wonderland story.
Of course the Chinese
speak Mad-Hatter-ese:
"The victims must say that they're sorry."
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010410-01.
April 9, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Confucius say gimmicks could end
Chinese limericks. (PoliSat Limerick)
Zemin must invent a good gimmick--
a face-saving way to just end-it
by letting them out
before I run out
of things I can say in a limerick.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010409-01.
April 8, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
For one who's at fault, saving face
should be naught. (PoliSat Limerick)
You know what Confucius would say
when fast plane cross slower plane's way
with such imprecision
to cause a collision?
That fast plane can't save its own face.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010408-01.
April 7, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Suspend pong and ping for the thugs in Beijing.
(PoliSat Limerick)
Perhaps we must tell Jiang Zimen
that trade we will have to suspend
'til thugs in Beijing
decide they will bring
their kidnapping scheme to an end.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010407-01.
April 6, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
The truth's a defense when Zemin takes
offense. (PoliSat Limerick)
Just how can we tell Jiang we're "sorry"?
Send Clinton to say "I am sorry,"
and then right away
we'd truthfully say
"He's right when he says he's sorry."
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010406-01 regarding the continuing diplomatic standoff
created by Chinese detention of our surveillance-plane crew.
April 5, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
We're terribly sorry you viewed us as
quarry. (PoliSat Limerick)(corrected)
The left-center drum-beat has started
for us to tell Jiang that we're sorry.
Perhaps we should use
an old Clintonesque ruse--
Pretending we're saying we're sorry:
Though surely you ought to feel shame
for keeping our fliers detained,
we'll say that we're sorry
you viewed us as quarry
and made that attack on our plane.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010405-01. This is an adaptation of Clinton's having said
he was "sorry" that Ken Starr was picking on him-- it worked for
Clinton with soccer moms despite its untruth, so maybe the fact that in this
case the statement is true (i.e., that the smaller, faster, more maneuverable
Chinese fighter plane struck our slow, propeller-driven surveillance plant) will
work for us with the Chinese leadership .... Naaa.
April 4, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
To say that "We're sorry"
would compound the folly. (PoliSat
Limerick)
Zemin says we must say we're "sorry"
but China's at fault for the folly.
Let's imitate Clinton:
Display false conviction
and claim that we said we were sorry.
We'd just be compounding this folly
to say to Zemin "We're so sorry."
Perhaps we should use
a Clintonesque**
ruse
by telling Zemin "We're faux
sorry."
© 2001 Polisat
Limerick 20010404-01. Inspired by Washington
Post report on 04-04-01 circa 10:24am EDT that China's President, Jiang
Zemin, demands that the U.S. "apologize" for the incident in which a
Chinese fighter bumped an American surveillance plane in international waters
causing sufficient damage to force the American plane to make an emergency
landing on a Chinese island in the South China Sea and to cause the Chinese
fighter plane to crash and (apparently) cause the death of the Chinese
pilot. (**However,
it's doubtful that Zemin-- unlike a large portion of the American electorate--
could be fooled by such faux
apology because if he didn't learn to translate Clintonese during the Chinese
government's strategic partnership with Clinton for campaign-funding, he
probably has learned to do so since then by reading How
to Translate Clintonese in the Clinton
Liebrary Book.)
April 3, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
How Rather speaks news with the Mad
Hatter's views. (PoliSat
Limerick)
I'm CBS Anchor Dan Rather.
When critics contend that I blather
my left-center views
and portray 'em as news,
it's right-wing conspiracy chatter.
To quote the quite famous Mad Hatter,
"It's simply an 'unbirthday' matter,"
for me to be speaking
at Democrat meetings
to fill-up their fundraising platters.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010403-01. Inspired by a report in the Washington
Post on 04-03-01 about Dan Rather serving as a fundraiser for the
Democrats. For other examples of Dan Rather's "objectivity," go
here.
April 2, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01 by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
The Dummy Girl roars at the
second-place bores. (PoliSat
Limerick)
I'm Streisand, the Queen of the World
and since I'm a quite brilliant girl,
the Democrats need
some instructions from me,
so here is a batch of my pearls:
To Daschle and Gephardt and Gore:
Stop being such second-place bores
and stop putting distance
between you and Clinton
for using an intern to score.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010402-01. Inspired by 04-02-01
Fox News report about Barbara Streisand's letter
to Democrats criticizing them for "distancing" themselves from
Clinton .
April 1, 2001 Political Satire Daily Update-01
by Jim Wrenn © 2001 PoliSat.Com.
Youngsters in baseball beat interns in
face-offs. (PoliSat Limerick)
The White House was Bill Clinton's play-stall
for youngsters to intern in face-offs,
but Dubya will make
the White House a place
where youngsters play only with baseballs.
© 2001 PoliSat
Limerick 20010430-01. Inspired by Fox
News report about Bush's 03-30-01 hosting of members of the Baseball
Hall-of-Fame at the White House and his statement that he'll have a T-ball field
constructed on the White House back lawn and invite T-ball teams from various
parts of the country to play there to revitalize interest in youth-baseball.
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