John Kerry announces "VeePee Apprentice" as "reality" TV show to select VP running mate in style of Donald Trump's "The Apprentice."

Mar. 4, 2004 (see note) : Poli Sat.Com's Political Satire/ Commentary* Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2004·(Home)·
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John Kerry announces "VeePee Apprentice" as "reality" TV show to select VP running mate in style of Donald Trump's "The Apprentice."·

John Kerry's Super Tuesday victory ignited instantaneous world wide speculation about whom he will select as his running mate for Vice President. John Edwards' concession speech Tuesday evening and following-day endorsement of Kerry seemed calculated to appeal to Kerry to select Edwards as his running mate. A law professor has even suggested that Bill Clinton could, and should, run as Kerry's Vice Presidential running mate. What about Sore Al Gore? What about Joe Lieberman?

PoliSat.Com has learned from anonymous but highly unreliable sources within John Kerry's campaign that Kerry is on the verge of initiating a bold, unprecedented method for selecting his Vice Presidential running mate: He will launch a new "reality" TV program to be called "VeePee Apprentice" emulating Donald Trump's popular "reality" program "The Apprentice." Applications are flooding into Kerry's campaign headquarters.

Some Kerry campaign officials strenuously objected to the "VeePee Apprentice" approach as inconsistent with "traditional values" about the Vice Presidency. On conditions of anonymity, several officials expressed strong preferences for the John Nance Gardener system, under which applicants must stand ten feet from a large bucket and attempt to fill it with "warm spit." Although some historians believe the winner was determined by who was able to first fill his bucket with warm spit, that is the more humane method adopted to replace the original method under which filling the bucket merely placed the applicant into the final round, which required the applicant to then drink the bucket of spit. In those days, once elected, Vice Presidents were thereafter rarely seen and never heard.

However, better senses prevailed within the Kerry camp by rejection of such traditional approach in favor of the "VeePee Apprentices" show as being more consistent with modern pop-culture. Aides are already negotiating licensing rights for syndication of the program and marketing licenses for talking dolls and the like.

Through political skullduggery, PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer News Chief has obtained highly confidential information from those applications. Thus far, we've been able to study only a few of the applications that began flooding into Kerry's campaign headquarters starting immediately after his Super-Tuesday victory.

In the interest of the public's "right to know," our Washington Bureau Drawer News Chief will continue tirelessly studying the applications on a 24/7 basis to keep our readers abreast of new developments. Here's what we know so far:

Click image below for a PoliSat.Com "Flashback" about Hillary:

Click image below for a PoliSat.Com "Flashback" about Edwards:

Click image below for a PoliSat.Com "Flashback" Sharpton bait/switch:

Click images below for PoliSat.Com "Flashbacks" about Clark:

Click images below for PoliSat.Com "Flashbacks" about Dean:

Click image below for a PoliSat.Com "Flashback" about Nader:

John Kerry presenting: "The VeePee Apprentice"·

Reality shows on TeeVee
show how I should pick my VeePee:
Like Trump, I'll select
the one that is best
on "VeePee Apprentice TeeVee."

Like Trump, I'll demand they compete
with all whom they'd hope to defeat
by showing they're best,
surpassing the rest,
at bowing and kissing my feet.

The one faring best as contriver
is whom I will name as survivor
entitled to be
my choice as VeePee
on low roads to serve as my driver.

Hillary·

I'm Hill'ry, the best in the field.
Though now like Achilles you feel,
to fail to pick me
to run as VeePee
would prove your Achilles-type heel.

The Prince of the two Carolinas,
believes he, not me, would be finer,
but monologue lines
to Cheney we'd find
are best to calm fears of anginas.

John Edwards·

For VeePee no choice could be finer
than Prince of the New Carolinas,
Though Hill'ry'd be fine
for monologue lines,
I'm better at soothing anginas.

Charisma and hairdo by Breck
will not make the voters forget
in childhood I divvied
my time on the privies
on land not below schooner decks.

Al Sharpton·

You told the AP on March Two,
you're sure you'd like Bill be construed
a virtual "black"
as POTUS¹ whose acts
reveal you as "black" number two.

If I'm not selected by you
as VeePee for running with you,
you'd thereby redact
your status as "black"
and merely become "number two."

Wesley Clark·

Because for success it's emphatic
that choice of VeePee be thematic,
the scope of my vision
for war-winning missions
makes me as your choice emblematic.

Choose me 'cause you know it's emphatic
to pick a VeePee skilled in tactics
opponents will deem
erratic when seen,
because most of all I'm erratic.

Howard Dean·

VeePees by tradition vent spleen
so they, not their boss, appear mean--
I'll limit my screams
as Doctor of Spleen
to show your best choice to be Dean.

P.S., I'm attempting to wean
myself from that actor named Sheen
'cause ev'ryone's seen
how list'ning to Sheen
drives even the saintly to scream.

Ralph Nader·

Though some think my name is Darth Nader,
and others have dubbed me Ralph Vader,
selection of me
by you for VeePee
would change me from raider to savior.

But if I'm not picked, do not worry,
Although I'll still run 'stead of scurry,
in polls if you rise,
"October surprise"
they'll name my endorsement of Kerry.

We're still in the process of wading through the piles of applications by other would-be candidates for Kerry's VeePee Apprentice program. Other applicants include Dennis Kucinich, Dennis the Menace, Diane Feinstein, Gray Davis, Howard Hughes (yes, we know he's dead), Harold Ford, Bob Graham, Evan Bayh, Elvis, and many, many more. We'll keep you posted.

--Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com on special assignment as PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer News Chief.

¹·"POTUS" (pronounced poat-us) is the Secret Service acronym for President Of The United States.

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