PoliSat.Com Exposes the Secret Identity of Dan Rather; CBS 60 Minutes Seeks Academy Award Nomination for Best Fraudulent Exposé of Air National Guard Service of George W. Bush; Hollywood Moguls Plan Fete for Rather.

Sept. 10, 2004 #01: Political Satire/Commentary where satire is always commentary but commentary isn't always satire™
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Dan Rather's

Secret Identity

PoliSat.Com has learned from highly reliable sources that the facile exposé of the fraudulent nature of the latest and clumsiest "60 Minutes" attempted exposé against George W. Bush prompted Dan Rather to reluctantly schedule a news conference to reveal his "Secret Identity" so closely-guarded by him for so long (yet so transparently obvious to everyone but him, CBS, the New York Times, etc.). Baby boomers fondly remember Dan as the sycophantic son whom Uncle Walter adopted after joining the Jane Fonda Cult following the Tet Offensive. However, until 2004, only a few baby-boomers knew Dan's real identity. This came as no shock, however, to PoliSat.Com despite it's Editor being a baby-boomer poised on the precipice of geezerhood. Needless to say, however, the post-baby-boom generation will have little or no recollection of the time when Rather began undergoing his change of identity. Some think it began before birth, but others believe it began when first began craving the spot as successor to Uncle Walter soon after Uncle Walter began drinking the Jane Fonda Kool-Aid.

PoliSat.Com has covertly obtained a copy of a video recording of Dan Rather rehearsing for that news conference. Here's the transcript of Rather rehearsing for it:

As Dan I would Rather pretend of truth I am always a friend but now I must say my last exposé on Dubya may serve as my end. You've known me to never have faltered in Left-March behind Uncle Walter, the news-man you trusted until his brain rusted when washed in the Jane Fonda Psalter.

Though Bushies contend I am very unbalanced from favoring Kerry, they're wrong in contending
that John I'm befriending-- I'm just anti-Bush, not pro-Kerry. You're wondering why I was wont
to publish a letter whose fonts were structured to mime the famed New York Times' proportional typesetting font.

You ask how I failed to perceive that way back in '73 the spacing for "i" was equally wide
as "dubya" on typewriter keys. You wondering why I would push a fraudulent memo on Bush?
I simply forgot back then there were not proportional keyboards to push. The truth has now come to the fore: My secret identity stored so deep in my brain can now be explained: I'm "Michael," whose last name is "Moore."

Immediately below is the transcript reformatted in a way to reveal the poetic truth about Rather's blind inability to recognize the facile manner by which the fraudulent nature of the latest fraudulent exposé against Bush by Rather would be revealed:

Dan Rather's Secret Identity.

As Dan I would Rather pretend
of truth I am always a friend
but now I must say
my last exposé
on Dubya may serve as my end.

You've known me to never have faltered
in Left-March behind Uncle Walter,
the news-man you trusted
until his brain rusted
when washed in the Jane Fonda Psalter.

Though Bushies contend I am very
unbalanced from favoring Kerry,
they're wrong in contending
that John I'm befriending--
I'm just anti-Bush, not pro-Kerry.

You're wondering why I was wont
to publish a letter whose fonts
were structured to mime
the famed New York Times'
proportional typesetting font.

The truth has now come to the fore:
My secret identity stored
so deep in my brain
can now be explained:
I'm "Michael," whose last name is "Moore."

Although PoliSat.Com has obtained the transcript and video portion of Rather's rehearsal for the conference, we have not yet been able to convert the audio portion to an audio file playable on the internet. Be patient-- we're working on it. Meanwhile, to help you appreciate the background as well as the long track record of Swift Boat Journalism at CBS, NBC, ABC, the New York Times, Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, ad nauseum, see the August 6, 2004, installment of Political Satire/Commentary at PoliSat.Com. See also CBS News Contempt for the Troops and the final paragraph of the March 29, 2004 installment of Political Satire/Commentary at PoliSat.Com for starters. See also Damsel in Distress and Kerry Versus Kerry Versus Kerry.

--Jim Wrenn, Editor @PoliSat.Com

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