Media seeks to learn who's raising questions about whether John Kerry has an heretofore unexposed Achilles Heel.

Feb. 12, 2004 : PoliSat .Com's Political Satire/ Commentary* Daily Update # 02·· ™©·2004·(Home)·
*Where the satire is always commentary, but the commentary isn't always satire (but you'll know the difference)·
(Permanent, direct link to this Daily Update: http://polisat.com/du2004/du040229.htm#20040212-01.)
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Media seeks to learn who's raising questions about whether John Kerry has an heretofore unexposed Achilles Heel.·

Questions emerge about whether John Kerry has a heretofore unexposed Achilles' Heel. Whom do those raising such questions hope to be perceived as the sources for raising them? At present, it's an unraveling mystery, but there are a number of potential suspects as sources for such questions being raised in the wake of Kerry's victories in Virginia and Tennessee.

Political Clues on Who's in the Queues.·

Why did Howard Dean make a sudden about-face in the last several days from his recent statement that if he were to not win in Wisconsin, he would withdraw from the race? Is Dean expecting a sudden turnabout in Kerry's status as frontrunner? According to PoliSat.Com's highly unreliable sources, a Dean spokesman said, "Real Democrats are Real Democrats."

Who was the "anonymous" source quoted earlier today by the Associated Press in reporting that tomorrow (Friday, February 13-- I'm not really superstitious, but it's an odd coincidence) Wesley Clark will "endorse" John Kerry? Does that square with disparaging remarks about Kerry recently attributed to Clark? According to the Associated Press, one of Clark's campaign officials said-- on the record-- that Clark will be campaigning "with" Kerry in Wisconsin. Later in the day, today, Fox News also reported that Fox News "has learned" that Clark will endorse Kerry tomorrow. Thus, if Clark were the source, it would certainly seem contradictory except that Clark made a practice of making contradictions the rule rather than the exceptions in his campaign. According to PoliSat.Com's highly unreliable sources, Clark said, "If I'm chosen to endorse Kerry, I guarantee no one will raise any more questions about Kerry."

Would those most ardently hoping for Hillary to be "drafted" by a "deadlocked" convention be likely sources? However, Hillary's political ambitions certainly are not a "heretofore unexposed" Achilles Heel of Kerry, and surely Kerry would genuflect to Hillary's wing of the party by making her the first person to whom he would offer the spot as his running mate. PoliSat.Com was unable to reach even a "highly unreliable" source, much less any "reliable" source, for anyone in this crowd.

Would ardent supporters of John Edwards be the likely sources? Would Edwards, whose sole asset is campaigning as a "nice guy," risk his only asset by taking such a calculated risk? On the other hand, he's a lawyer, and you know what people think about lawyers-- especially "trial lawyers."

Would ardent supporters of Joe Lieberman be likely sources? No, because Lieberman's most ardent supporters are, as Lieberman is, too genteel.

Would ardent supporters of Dennis Kucinich be likely sources? It's hard to gage the likely motives of such a self-delusional bunch. It's hard to believe they'd stop drinking ideological Kool-Aid long enough to spread rumors. However, according to PoliSat.Com's highly unreliable sources, a Kucinich spokesman said that if Kucinich were elected President, he would establish a Department of Questions.

Would Al Gore lend support to reckless questions about anyone-- especially a fellow Democrat. Do wild bears fertilize the woodlands rather than using the Portable Gorinal? PoliSat.Com was unable to reach Gore for an official comment, but according to our highly unreliable sources, he was too busy trying to find a reliable plumber to fix the still-overflowing toilet of tenants at the Gore Estates.

Who's left? Ardent Bush supporters would be the favorite suspects of the most ardently-anti-Bush Democrats, which is why it's unlikely that ardent Bush supporters are the sources of such questions.

Apparently, as we near the end of the day today, no one in the media has obtained any official, unofficial or even anonymous response from Kerry or anyone in a position of authority in his campaign. However, according to PoliSat.Com's most unreliable sources, John Kerry said "Anyone who raises any question about me is questioning my patriotism, my heroism, my wisdom, my faith, my family, my dog, and my UN."

Says Kerry, "I'm angered and peeved
when questions are raised about me,
a genuine hero
whose flaws equal zero,
by folks less courageous than me."

Since Kerry contends he's abused
by questions implied in the news,
we promptly perused
political queues,
our source for political clues.

We asked the ex-candidate Clark,
who fell 'cause his horse was too dark,
and Wesley replied
the "questions" were lies
to answers I heard in the dark.

With Hillary next on our list,
our call must by her have been missed,
but ardent supporters
are claiming reporters
will soon be reporting the gist.

When Edwards we reached to entice
a comment on questions not nice,
he smiled and replied
while blinking his eyes,
"I'm sure ya'll are sure I'm too nice.

The next likely suspect was Dean,
who graciously stopped amid-scream,
to tell us "Get lost,
or out you'll be tossed,
unless you need treatment for spleen."

But while we're awaiting from Drudge
the name of his source for the sludge,
announcements are warning
on Imus next Morning
that John will give answers to Drudge.

Who is/are the source(s) of such "questions"? Stay tuned to PoliSat.Com, "Where all the news is printed to fit."

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