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Political Satire Daily Update © 2001
This page contains Daily Updates
for January, 2001 in reverse chronological order.  Updates for other time periods are in our Archives of Daily Updates.

January 31, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
When lights were still on, there was nobody "home" (PoliSat Limerick)

    The left-coasters, happy as larks
    in their pantheopian park,
    will save Mother Earth
    with a power-plant dearth,
    'til Mother leaves
them in the dark.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010131-01) Inspired by current news reports about California's severe power shortage caused by cessation of construction of new power plants many years ago as a result of pantheopian activism.

January 30, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
An offer by Bubba to send help to Dubya.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    Bill Clinton proclaimed his ex-staffers
    were "sorry" for acting like vandals
    and said they'd come back
    to put "dubyas" back,
    and fix things they broke as Bush-whackers.

    When Dubya sent Clinton a note
    that said, "Please identify   ho
    you'd send me today
    to do as I say,"
    Bill answered, "Lewinsky won't go."

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010130-01) Inspired by 01-30-01 Fox News report that Clinton offered to have his former aides return to the White House and repair damage they did as pranks before leaving, such as removing all the "w" characters from the keyboards.

January 29, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
He dealt with Iran, then to Switzerland ran. (PoliSat Limerick)

    Jack Quinn, who was counsel for Clinton,
    proclaims that Marc Rich was a victim: 
    In breaking the ban
    against trade with Iran,
    he suffered by making more millions.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010129-01)  Inspired by 01-29-01 Fox News report about Jack Quinn's assertions that Rich had been victimized by overzealous prosecutors for having illegally dealt with Iran and Iraq at a time when Iran was still holding American hostages.

January 28, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Dubya's bad syntax beats Bill Clinton's sintax. (PoliSat Limerick)

    We've now had a day plus a week
    to learn what Bush means when he speaks.
    But mangled syntax
    beats Clinton's sintax
    about trousers dropped to his feet.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010128-01)

January 27, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The secret tooth-fairy funds Clinton's Library (PoliSat Limerick)

    The donors to Clinton's Library
    do not want to sing like canaries.
    When money comes in
    the Fund just pretends
    it came from the secret tooth-fairy.

    We know that his Library's books
    won't show all the crannies and nooks,
    so how can you save
    the truth from the grave?
Clinton Liebrary Books !

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010127-01)

January 26, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
I only gave money and wasn't his honey.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    Denise says "I wasn't Bill's honey.
    Those rumors about me are crummy.
    I didn't give sex
    to help-out my 'ex"
    I just gave his Library money."

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010126-01) Inspired by 01-26-01 Fox News report in which Denise Rich denies there was anything wrong with her being among those petitioning Clinton to pardon her ex-husband.

January 25, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
A pardon for money or just for a honey?
Hillary knows the way the wind blows.
  (PoliSat Limerick)

    My husband, not I, pardoned Rich.
    It's surely not something I fixed.
    Although he got money
    for Library funding,
    that's not why he pardoned Marc Rich.

    My husband did things that were crummy,
    but woudn't trade pardons for money,
    So maybe Denise
    got down on her knees,
    and gave what he likes more than money.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010125-01) Inspired by suspicions aroused by 01-25-01 Fox News report  that Bill and Hillary denied that financial contributions from Denise Rich constituted a quid-pro-quo for Clinton's pardon of Marc Rich.  

January 24, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The pardons Bill grants are just happenstance
says Hill'ry, who still wears the pants.
  (PoliSat Limerick)

    Some quite ugly rumors have flared
    on how I beat Rick in New Square
    It's unfair to claim
    donations I gained
    bought pardons for crooks from New Square.

    It's happenstance funds came to me;
    then all New-Square votes went for me;
    then Bill did commute
    the sentence of two
    New-Squarers who swindled with glee.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010124-01) Inspired by 01-24-01 Fox News report about Hillary's denial that there is (was?) no connection between contributions from New Square residents, the town's almost unanimous voting for her, and Bill's commuting the sentences of two New Square residents serving prison sentences for defrauding the government.  Gee, maybe that bridge in Brooklyn is still for sale.

January 23, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The helpers for Bubba kept keys for the dubya (PoliSat Limerick)

    To Dubya from Cheney, Vee Pee-- 
    A note about Clintonite deeds:  
    A transition lo  : 
    A Clintonite   ho  
    kept keys for the dubya, it seems.

    To Cheney re "helpers" for Bubba
    Please give them this message from Dubya:  
    I say "Heavens, no !
    I'm keeping my oath
    to not keep a ho as did Bubba."

© 2001 ( 20010123-01) Inspired by 01-23-01 Fox News report that Clinton-workers at the White House removed all the "w's" from the typewriter and computer keyboards.

January 22, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Putting the "me" in memoirs. (PoliSat Limerick)

    The bids for Slick-Willie's memoirs
    will come from both near and afar.
    The type of edition?
    Political fiction--
    Not memoirs but Willie's ME-moirs.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010122-01)

January 21, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
George Dubya is starting with new carpet balming (PoliSat Limerick)

    Goodbye to that two-for-one bargain!
    Now what is George Dubya's first target?
    This President novice
    said "My Oval Office
    must have a replacement of carpet."

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010121-01)

January 20, 2001 Daily Update-
02 © 2001
Inaugurate Dubya who speaks flubba-dubba. (PoliSat Limerick)

    Today we inaugurate Dubya,
    whose syntax is sometimes like flubba.
    Although he bends words
    and speaks like a nerd,
    he won't get an intern in trouble.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010120-02)

January 20, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Bill pardons McDougal but not Webster Hubbell. (PoliSat Limerick)

    Since Susan McDougal earned fame
    by learning to walk in those chains
    as I walked around
    with trousers pulled down,
    I surely must pardon that dame.

    But Hubbell, who never wore chains
    and often showed feelings of shame,
    will not get a pardon !
    To use prison jargon: 
    I'll let him roll over again.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010120-01)  Inspired by Clinton's 1-20-01 pardon of Susan McDougal but not Webster Hubbell.

January 19, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The plea-bargain's in and so here comes the spin.  (PoliSat Limerick 20010119-01)

    "We've settled," proclaimed Robert Ray,
    'cause Clinton consented today:  
    His license is toast
    for swearing false oaths,
    and twenty-five grand he must pay.

    He said that he knowingly tried
    to violate orders by Wright.
    The term for such gumption
    is justice obstruction,
    but this is the spin he contrived: 

    I'm still the best parser you'll find
    who knows how to walk the fine line
    admitting I knew
    that my words were untrue
    while claiming I never did lie.

    Judge Wright clearly said that I must
    say whether my deeds rhyme with duck.
    My purpose was sort-of
    to violate orders,
    but justice I didn't obstruct.
    Although I have also consented
    to have my law-license suspended,
    I did not admit
    that I am unfit--
    They're just ethics-rules I offended.

    I never experience shame,
    'cause others are always to blame.
    If you want to find
    who did all that lyin'
    click here to discover that name.

© 2001 (PoliSat 20010119-01) Inspired by Fox News report on 01-19-01 about the agreement between Independent Counsel Robert Ray and Bill Clinton's official statement about it. and the subsequent statement later in the day by Clinton's lawyer, David Kendall, to the effect that Clinton's official statement did NOT constitute an admission that he "lied."  Of course, the
Clinton Liebrary has inside sources revealing the real liar-- to find out, go here and here.

January 18, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
"I've learned," proclaims Jackson, "the right kind of action."  (PoliSat Limerick)

    I'm Jesse, the man who advised
    Bill Clinton, who's known for his lies,
    that husbands should not
    get into a spot
    unless it belongs to their wives.

    But one who gives moral advice,
    must first be an expert on vice,
    and so that is why
    I parted some thighs
    that did not belong to my wife.

    But now I have learned my own lesson: 
    Avoid all that wond'ring and guessin' ! 
    I've learned what is best:  
    Clintonian sex
    will not let your mistress get pregnant.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010118-01) (Inspired by 01-18-01 report about Jackson's mistress and out-of-wedlock daughter)

January 17, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Show us the chad (PoliSat Limerick)

    By hand-count conducted in Miami-Dade
    of ten-thousand-six-hundred "undervotes" made,
    those "undervote" picks
    made a net-change of six,
    and Bush was the one who had gained.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010117-01)   Inspired by 01-17-01 news report that a hand-counting of the 10,600 "undervotes" in Miami-Dade by counters employed by the Palm Beach Post produced a net change of six votes in favor of Bush.

January 16, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Says Young, "Stop the rants and give Dubya a chance." (non-satirical limerick)

    When King marched for rights to be won,
    a man by his side was named Young
    and now that same man
    says give Bush a chance
    to show we can all overcome.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010116-01)  Inspired by news report on 01-16-01 that Andrew Young, former Mayor of Atlanta, who was Martin Luther King, Jr.'s closest aide, said that despite his having preferred for Gore to have been elected, he thinks black Americans should give Bush a chance to be a uniter.

January 15, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Tribute to a Dream (reprise of a non-satirical limerick first published on 01-17-00)

    A far-sighted man with a dream 
    assembled a non-violent team
    His message was great:  
    Don't tolerate hate; 
    the man with the message was King.

    Like Jefferson, King has his flaws, 
    but both served the most noble cause: 
    Advance human freedom 
    and challenge old kingdoms 
    when lesser men thought all was lost.

    The legacies left by those two 
    have given us all much to do:
    For brotherhood strive, 
    keep freedom alive 
    to help their great dreams to come true 

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010115-01 reprising 20000117-01)

January 14, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The Yin and Yang sides or just Jeckyll & Hyde? (PoliSat Limerick)

    Tim Russert asked guests to provide
    perspectives on Bill Clinton's lies.
    Though some seem to think
    he's both Yang and Yin,
    he's mostly not Jeckyll but Hyde.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010114-01) Inspired by discussions of Clinton's "legacy" on Meet the Press on January 14, 2001.

January 13, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Sauce for the goose is  ... ... sauce for the goose.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    A dumb thing conservatives do: 
    They speak at that school, Bob Jones U
    but don't say the U
    should promptly eschew
    its backward and bigoted views.

    And lib'rals don't act any smarter
    in speaking to Reverends like Sharpton
    without a demand
    that he should recant
    the bigoted views he's been carpin'

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010113-01) 

January 12, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Delay for Judge Proctor to study Bill's whopper (PoliSat Limerick)

    The latest on Bill's Juris Doctor: 
    The Judge in the case, Willard Proctor,
    has chosen to mention
    Bill gets an extension
    to say why he told such a whopper.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010112-01) Inspired by 01-12-01 FoxNews report that with concurrence of the prosecutor in the disbarment case against Clinton, Judge Willard Proctor granted requests by Clinton's lawyers for the deadline for Clinton's response to be extended to January 22, 2001-- two days after the inauguration of Bush.

January 11, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
New gene-marker findings can show us who's lying (PoliSat Limerick)

    This story is true and not specious: 
    Put jellyfish genes in a rhesus
    to make its genes glow
    and help science know
    congenital traits of the rhesus.

    The rhesus is good for the mission
    of mod'ling the human condition,
    and jellyfish genes
    can always be seen
    in spines of 'most all politicians

    This offers a method to free-us
    from those who would try to deceive us: 
    Require politicians
    to have such additions
    to glow when their speeches are specious.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010111-01)  Inspired by 01-11-01 news report that geneticists spliced fluorescent jellyfish genes into rhesus monkeys to study effects of particular genetic traits.

January 10, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The S-U-V-haters' alarm conceals greater dangers of harm.  (PoliSat Limerick)

    The S-U-V-haters decry
    the ones which are higher than wide
when people die
    in S-U-V rides,
    it's rollovers most of the time.

    Statistics are useful for lying: 
    Among folks who die while they're flying,
    the cause of most dying
    is crashing while flying,
    yet flying is safer than driving.

    The S-U-V-haters' alarm
    conceals greater dangers of harm
    'cause dangers of dying
    from S-U-V-riding
    are much less than riding in cars.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010110-01) Inspired by the 1-10-01 issuance of federal "guidelines" designed to discourage purchases of SUV's (sport utility vehicles) on demonstrably false theory that the greater "rollover" risk posed by their higher-from-the-road design makes the overall risks of death while riding in an SUV higher than while riding a car.

January 9, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Chalk-up a win for Hype-Ocracy*
Mislabel good deeds as hypocrisy
. (PoliSat Limerick)

    What's real is eclipsed by perception;
    Hype-Ocracy buries correction,
    so no-no-nannee
    means no refugee.
    Correction's perceived as deception.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010109-01) Inspired by Chavez's withdrawal in the wake of the inability/unwillingness of the media and chattering class to substantively distinguish between the charitable act of giving shelter and assistance to a refugee in need and the employment of an illegal alien for the purpose of serving as a nanny. 
*Hype-Ocracy is defined in the Editor's note following the January 8, 2001 Daily Update.

January 8, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The Hypocrisy of Hype-Ocracy* (PoliSat Limerick)

    Bill Clinton proclaimed that his staff
    refused to let
him make us laugh
    at Dubya's selection
    for Labor's direction
    implying Chavez had a hypocrite-past.

    It's true Linda ridiculed Zöe
    for illegal nannies employed,
    but unlike Ms. Baird
    she simply took care
    of one needing shelter from storms.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010108-01)
*Hype-Ocracy is a term I've coined to describe the phenomenon of emotional characterization of things superficially similar but substantively different as though they were substantive equivalents.  With respect to one sheltering a refugee in her own home and expending time and money in an effort to enable the refuge to establish a new life, one's incidental compensation of the refugee for minor chores that any long-term house guest would perform is neither the moral or legal equivalent of employing an illegal alien to work as a nanny.

January 7, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
When good deeds must not go unpunished (PoliSat Limerick)

    Whenever Chavez known as Caesar
    gave aliens comfort and shelter,
    the lib'rals all chimed,
    "That's so very kind," 
    but not when Chavez is named Linda.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010107-01) Inspired by harsh view of Linda Chavez for having given an illegal alien shelter in her home plus financial and personal assistance the same way she had previously housed and helped refugees as though such actions were even remotely comparable to one purposely employing an illegal alien as a nanny. 

January 6, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Gore swallows pride and politely presides (PoliSat Limerick)

    Pursuant to laws for election
    with Senate and House in Joint Session,
    Gore swallowed his pride
    and chose to preside
    to certify Dubya's election.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010106-01) Inspired by the dignified, classy manner in which Gore presided over the joint-session certification of Bush as President.

January 5, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
Clinton and Carville go paddlin' while Dubya gives power to Matalin (PoliSat Limerick)

    While lame-duck Bill Clinton's still paddlin'
    and still for a legacy battlin'
    George Bush takes a draft-from
    the much-better half of
    the team known as Carville and Matalin.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010105-01)  Inspired by 01-05-01 report that Bush appointed Mary Matalin to serve as Assistant to the President and Counselor to the Vice President.

January 4, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The symbols of Bill Clinton's Era Error are frescos of half-naked cherubs (PoliSat Limerick)

    To help Clinton better to serve-us,
    Pope John tried to warn him of Eros,
    but while he was trying
    Bill Clinton kept eyeing
    the frescos of half-naked cherubs.

© 2000 (PoliSat Limerick 20010104-01) Inspired by 01-04-01 news report that Pope John said that during Clinton's meetings with him, Clinton was paying attention to the frescos rather than listening to his advice. 

January 3, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
A glimmer of hope we can educate dopes (PoliSat Limerick)

    Our hope springs eternal indeed
    that knowledge of math becomes keen
    'cause Fox News reports
    today's Congress sworn
    is first in Millennium Three.

© 2001(PoliSat Limerick 20010103-01)  Inspired by the fact that the Jan. 3, 2001, story by Fox News describes the Congress being sworn-in on Jan. 3, 2001 as the "New Millennium's First Congress."

January 2, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001
The hope that Rod Paige starts a new learning-age. (PoliSat Limerick)

    We hope that Rod Paige can do more
    to bring learning back to the fore,
    so students distinguish
    a start from a finish ...
    at least by Millennium Four.

© 2001 (PoliSat Limerick 20010102-01) Inspired by 01-02-01 story about Bush's nomination of Rod Paige to be Secretary of Education.

January 1, 2001 Daily Update-
01 © 2001 
Reporters can't pass the Millennium math (A Dr. PoliSat Rhyme)

    Millennium Three we begin on this day,
    yet one year ago on this very same day
    we heard all the twits in the media say
    Millennium Three had begun on that day.

    And yet when those twits give the news to the nation
    that students cannot perform math computations,
    it's clear that the twits just do not understand
    they set bad examples for all in the land

    when last year they said the year one-nine-nine-nine
    was Second Millennium's last one in line.
    So how can we teach what the twits ought to know?
    We'll ask them to count all their fingers and toes.

    The first one they count will be counted as "one,"
    and when they reach twenty, they'll say that they're done.
    Not even a twit, not even a weirdo
    will count the first finger or toe as a zero.

    Not even a weirdo, not even a twit
    would stop at nineteen and say, "That is it."
    And maybe this lesson will help them begin
    to learn to discern the beginning from end.

© 2001 (A Doctor PoliSat Rhyme 20010101-01)

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