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Political
Satire
Daily Update ©
2000
This page contains Daily Updates for September,
2000. To go to our current
Daily Updates page, click here. To go to
our Archives of Daily
Updates, click here. To go to an Index
of PoliSat
Rhymes, click here.
.
2000-09-30 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Satirical brain drain (limerick)
Sometimes a satirist's brain
becomes like a sink that has drained,
and so he must take
a much-needed break
before playing hardball again.
© 2000
2000-09-29 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Who reconnoiters those campaign supporters?
(limericks)
All candidates want to be pleasers
to all senior-citizen geezers.
They often don't peep
'til after they leap
in bed with beguilers of geezers.
A Journal on human Longevity
proclaims ways to lengthen life's brevity
and raises the hope
of those who are old
with products to give them longevity.
'Though some natural products are good,
they often claim more than they should.
Too many profess
results without tests
and don't tell the bad with the good.
When Jeb Bush, the Gov'nor of Florida,
agreed that he'd author an article
on medical care
and natural care,
he first should have checked-out the oracle.
Longevity's publisher's record
could best be described as quite checkered.
So Jeb should have said
"I won't get in bed
with someone with such a bad record."
However, Jeb Bush ain't alone--
Just go to Longevity's home,
and check the archives
for how many times
it's featured a person well-known.
© 2000 --Inspired by Michael
Isikoff's 09-29-00 article indicating that Jeb Bush authorized an article
with his byline on traditional and natural health care to be published in the
Journal of Longevity magazine, whose publisher/owner has served time in federal
prison for perjury and mail fraud, and who subsequently made sizeable
contributions to gubernatorial campaigns for both Jeb and Dubya Bush. The
home-page of the Journal of Longevity is: http://www.journaloflongevity.com/JOLWeb/journal.html,
which appears to be a publication of Gero Vita International at http://www.gvi.com/gviweb/iaam/.
In checking the on-line version of the Journal of Longevity, I was unable to
find the article by Bush to which Isikoff's article refers. Journal of
Longevity issues often include articles by or about older celebrities who remain
in good health and/or have overcome debilitating ailments, such as Janet Leigh
(August, 2000); Lee Meriwether (April, 2000); Gary Collins and Mary Ann Mobley
(February, 2000); Dawn Wells (December, 1999); June Wilkinson (October, 1999);
Red Buttons (June, 1999); James Coburn (January, 1999); Barbara Eden (November,
1998); and John Glenn (September, 1998);
2000-09-28 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The "wisdom" of Sheen as star of "West
Wing" (limerick)
I'm Handgun Control's Martin Sheen,
and dolts who are fans of West Wing
perceive me to be
as smart as can be
'cause that's what I play on TV.
To generate anti-Bush zeal
for laws letting guns be concealed
I surely won't tell
that murder rates fell
with growth of permits to conceal.
How best could his name I besmirch?
I said he's for totin' in church,
and then with my guile
implied that he's wild--
it's some of my best-acting work!
© 2000 --Inspired by 09-28-00
Washington Post story about Martin Sheen's anti-Bush commercials for Handgun
Control.
2000-09-27 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The focus-group follies (limerick)
Advisors put principles last
when peasants they put under glass.
Their goal is to learn
for what peasants yearn,
then candidates alter their stance.
© 2000
2000-09-26 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Soft-headed fools want soft-money rules.
(limerick)
Now Ricky and Hill'ry agree
to not have a soft-spending spree
"It's great" says McCain
and Feingold, "The same,"
and ask all the PAC's to accede.
How dumb in the land of the free
to only have candidates speak
as if those in PAC's
should not speak the facts
or go on their own spending spree.
© 2000
2000-09-25 Daily Update-01
© 2000
ABC News has standards for views:
Rats get exposure but moles get enclosure. (limerick
below)
Our new name for ABC News:
Avoid Balanced Campaigning News!
Expose a rat found,
keep moles underground
when we think they're ugly to view.
The rat-story made us quite fearful
and so we gave viewers an ear-full.
The mole found by Judd
as news is a dud
because it does not make us fearful.
Gore's worker who claimed there's a mole
now says it's a gag that he told,
and Gore's folks berate
the prank as third-rate.
(But where have we heard that before?)
© 2000 --Inspired by ABC News'
apparent editorial decision that Jackie
Judd's 09-24-00 report about an alleged Gore-campaign mole in the Bush
campaign is newsworthy enough to be posted on its website but not newsworthy
enough to be included in its broadcast news, which recently accorded a
four-and-a-half-minute lead to Gore-campaign allegations that a Republican
commercial's sequential fragmentation of the word "bureaucrats"
constituted an effort to subliminally identify Democrats as "rats."
2000-09-24 Daily Update-01
© 2000
A diet that's balanced keeps Earth in the balance
(and saves fossil fuels to boot) (limerick)
Al Gore said in Earth in the Balance
...
that gas should cost two-bucks a gallon,
so why does he whine
that prices have climbed
to merely a buck sixty-seven?
The answer is reasonably clear:
He's up for election this year.
But what is expected
if he is elected?
More taxes per gallon, my dear!
What need will those new taxes fill?
Promoting the Al-Gore-Mobile!
To end oil-dependence
Al Gore has invented
a new way to power the wheel !
Since scientists recently made
a way to refine human waste,
the Al-Gore-Mobile
will power the wheel
with fuel from humanoid waste.
This quite inexhaustible source
will free us from imports, of course !
And Gore saved the day
inventing a way
to use it for horsepower force.
His car has a tank that will boil it.
However, one problem might spoil it:
the method is rank
for filling the tank:
The driver's seat must be a toilet.
For health, this will lead to
improvement
'cause drivers will learn to fine-tune-it
by eating more grain
to not have to strain
to get fifty miles to the movement.
© 2000 -- Inspired
by Gore's flip-flop on what he claims is a proper price for gasoline
and by a BBC
report that scientists have devised a way to refine fossil-fuels from human
waste.
2000-09-23 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Olympic-campaigning strategy:
To go for the gold, you must have a mole. (limerick)
Since Bush used subliminal rats
to claim that we love bureaucrats,
we went for the gold
by sending a mole
to Bush-camp to spy on those rats.
At first we just simply denied it
and felt quite assured we could hide it,
but during this flap
our flakker was trapped
by someone to whom he'd confided.
We simply used standard procedure:
A sworn statement shown to the media,
but that was a dud,
because Jackie Judd
knew more than what she'd been revealing.
© 2000 --Inspired by ABC
News report on 09-23-00 about inconsistencies between an affidavit prepared
by the Gore campaign for, and signed by, a Gore campaign worker about whether
the Gore campaign has a "mole" in the Bush campaign and information
that same worker confided to a confidential source.
2000-09-22 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Much ado about nothing or nothing about much ado?
(limerick)
The White-House and Camp-David "visitors"
most surely would still be contributors
regardless of whether
political tethers
allowed them to stay there as visitors.
It's silly to simply pretend
they gave money just to get in.
And campaign reform
to alter such norm
would make folks afraid to be friends.
To me it just wouldn't be right
to limit a First-Fam'ly's right
to simply invite
whomever they like--
non-donors and donors alike.
© 2000 If I were lucky enough to be President, I'd want to give everyone
I know a chance to stay at the White House. Assuming that such friends
would have have contributed to my campaigns, I would think it unfair for critics
to then view such visits as payoffs. I also recognize that whoever happens
to be president might (for the wrong reason) invite people who contributed
despite their not having previously been friends, but it would require the mind
of a Puritan for a critic to attempt to fairly draw such distinctions.
It's just another case in which the desired cure would be worse than the disease
just as would be nearly every proposal for campaign "reform."
2000-09-21-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The unabridged list of Alpha-Gore myths or
The what's and the why's of Alpha-Gore lies. (limerick)
In childhood, my lullaby heaven--
a song Mom composed for our brethren,
which said when you're able,
demand union labels,
was found when I reached twenty-seven.
I'm proud that I bravely faced danger
in going to 'Nam as a ranger,
where some rode the air,
but I rode a chair
with wheels for elite chair-borne
rangers.
While friends were out living it up,
my service in 'Nam was quite rough,
'cause right at the start
I won purple hearts
for two really bad paper cuts.
My intellect's something to tout
'though enemies claim I flunked-out,
but in my short journey
to be an attorney,
I quit, so I didn't flunk-out.
Remember that Love Story gripper--
inspired by yours-truly and Tipper?
'Though Segal denied
that him we inspired,
you can't trust a writer of fiction.
Maintaining my brain in good in order
I stayed an inhaler not snorter,
which gave me the vision
to start a new mission
as anti-pollution reporter.
'Though some called my stories banal,**
.
't'was I who exposed Love Canal.
Although there were prior
reports that were dire,
that's simply a minor detail.
I said I invented the net
and no one's disproved it quite yet.
If you're on your toes,
you already know
as web-weaver I am the best.
When smoking caused my sister's death
I swore Big Tobacco I'd get.
Why then did I cheer
tobacco for years?,
My plan was to get 'em with stealth.
I said when I met Buddhist nuns
it wasn't to raise any funds.
I didn't believe
that we would receive
big checks from such poor Buddhist nuns.
At meetings arranged for the study
of hard-money-use of soft-money
I had to leave
in order to pee
from gallons of tea in my tummy.
I said the drug business ripped-off
my dog and my mother-in-law,
but don't be uncouth
by asking for proof
or calling my mother-in-law.
It's not fair to say I'm a liar
or say that my pants are on fire.
So gimme a break
'cause counselors say
deluding one's self isn't lying. .
© 2000 **Alternate
pronunciation of banal rhymes with canal.
2000-09-20 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Fiddler on the roof now fiddles new tunes
(limerick)
Joe Lieberman, teller of truth
tried fiddling on top of the roof,
but then to raise funds
from Hollywood chums,
he learned how to fiddle new tunes.
To not ruffle Hollywood
feathers
has quickly become his new druthers.
When he tolerates
their mocking of faith,
he's slipping from roof-top to gutter.
We don't want a gov'ment
of preachers,
but don't mind morality teachers--
as long as they don't
claim words of their own
to be words of God as do preachers.
'Though Dubya described
his conversion,
to that we should have no aversion,
'cause he doesn't claim
to speak in God's name
or disrespect other folks' versions.
© 2000 --Inspired by
news report that Lieberman's
disappointingly out-of-character failure to criticize the mocking of Bush's
Christian beliefs at a Hollywood fundraiser attended by Lieberman.
2000-09-19 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Drugs are quite high, but less than a bribe
(limerick)
Prescriptions that vets give to pups
cost less than what doctors give us.
So why is it cheaper
for vets to be healers?
'Cause dogs do not sue for big bucks.
Of course this is something Gore knows,
because in his campaigning throes
Al Gore told a man:
give one hundred-grand
for no-tort-reforming vetoes
© 2000 --Inspired by Gore's expressed
amazement that the price for a drug prescribed for humans is much higher than
the price of the same drug prescribed for animals. Of course, it's not
rocket science to understand that the price drug companies charge for drugs for
humans must be high enough to include product liability insurance against
tort suits by humans claiming to have been harmed by such drug, and juries are
likely to award vastly larger amounts to humans injured by a drug than to
animals injured by the same drug.
2000-09-18 Daily Update-01
© 2000
If you like H-M-O's, you'll love G-M-O's
(limerick)
In weighing the cons and the pros
on programs we call "H-M-O's,"
If H-M-O care
is what you call fair,
you'll love Gore's proposed G-M-O's!
The plan he invented from scratch
has something the H-M-O's lack
To make the plan fair,
we'll all get our care
from gentle and kind bureaucrats!
Just think of the G-M-O's promise
and what they're designed to accomplish,
but don't spill the beans
on what the term means:
It simply means "Gore Maintains Office."
© 2000
2000-09-17 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Will Alec Baldwin become a Promise Keeper?
(limerick)
For voters who long have been stallin'
to pick Gore or Bush for installin'
a good reason for
George Bush and not Gore:
To say "Adios, Alec Baldwin."
© 2000 --Inspired by Alec Baldwin's
gracious offer to leave the country if Bush were to be elected.
2000-09-16 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The next debate test will be Pee B. S.
(limerick)
Jim Lehrer will soon moderate
the next Presidential Debate,
but will he ask Gore
to tell us once more
why Bill was the greatest of great?
© 2000
2000-09-15 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Dan Rather-Not ... suspect any Democrat
(limerick)
When someone sent Downey a tape
of George Dubya's practice debate,
we didn't hear Dan
proclaim to the land
that surely Al Gore is to blame.
© 2000 --Inspired by Dan Rather's stunning
loss of insight into the world of political dirty tricks by failing to assert
that Democrat dirty tricks must have been the method by which Gore's
speech-coach (former Representative Tom Downey) inexplicably received a tape of
Dubya's practice debate, even though as recently as on 08-18-00 Rather strongly
implied that on the eve of Gore's acceptance speech, Republicans had
"leaked" a story that federal judges had authorized a new grand-jury
to investigate whether Clinton had lied under oath. See PoliSat's 08-18-00
limerick about that story.
2000-09-14 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Political "zealeon" becomes a chameleon
(limerick)
Buchannan had always proclaimed
that most fed'ral spending's a shame,
but now he just swoons
and sings a new tune
with "Gimme the money" refrains.
© 2000 --Inspired by FEC's 09-14-00
decision to award the $12.5 million in taxpayer funds to Buchannan's campaign.
2000-09-13-00 Daily Update-02
© 2000
You Can't Hide Those Lying Eyes (limerick)
A program about anthropology
(I think "TLC" or "Discovery")
showed how people's eyes
behave when they lie:
Glance-down to contrive, then recover.
And what do they do with their eyes
when truth they are trying to find?
They look t'ward the sky
or only one side,
then answer with straight-ahead eyes.
By watching the Hill/Rick debate
just held in the big Empire State
't'was Hill'ry who'd frown
and often glance down,
and then her response she would state.
© 2000 --Inspired by observation of
the 09-13-00 debate between Rick Lazio and Hillary Clinton.
2000-09-13 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Campaign "reform" -- Don't make it the norm
(limerick)
I tire of folks tooting the horn
for campaigning-finance "reform"
An overnight bonus
to one who's a donor
does not show a need for "reform."
If someone who's made a donation
can't visit the boss of the nation,
such ruling would preach:
"Give up your free speech"
to stay with the boss of the nation.
Although I will surely agree,
abuses abound to be seen,
but fixing such woes
would surely impose
a cure that is worse than disease.
© 2000 --Inspired by my anger at the
continual proposals for unconstitutional campaign-finance "reform" to
"ban soft money" and my anger at the gamesmanship exhibited by both
Rick Lazio and Hillary Clinton about their respective positions on the
"evil" of "soft money."
2000-09-12 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Dubya vu all over again. (a limerick)
Our genes do much more than we know,
when genes from our parents we show.
George Herbert Walker
was such a bad talker,
he passed it to Dubya, you know.
Today, press-demands were continual:
"Admit use of 'RATS' was subliminal."
He said it was trivial
and wasn't "subliminable,"
a word they found not recognizable.
But we who can understand Berra
can also interpret George Dubya:
They both often say
what's right the wrong way--
It's their form of hits, runs and errors.
We know for the word
"bureaucrats,"
a proper description is "rats."
Since they're interchangeable,
it can't be subliminal
to say "rats" to mean "bureaucrats."
© 2000
2000-09-11 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The GorePrah Whiney Show (limerick)
Since women prefer to emote
while watching the O. Winfree show,
it was a good place
for old kissie-face
to make GorePrahWhiney the show.
So Dubya, you'd better take warning,
so women to you will start warming!
Tell some good lies
with tears in your eyes,
and you'll be the one they're adoring.
© 2000 --Today (09-11-00) Gore appeared as a guest on the Oprah Winfree
Show. It was a political love-feast. Tune in next time when Dubya
will be on the menu.
2000-09-10 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Susan Sarandon, political bantam (a
limerick)
When Susan Sarandon said Dubya
has "blood on his hands" as a Gov'nor
'cause he executed
instead of commuting
the maximum sentence for dozens,
why didn't she also deplore
support for such laws by Al Gore?
Until she learns facts
as well as she acts,
perhaps she should say less not more.
© 2000 --Inspired by L1news'
report on a press conference by Sarandon in which she said that Bush's
candidacy means "We stand a chance of getting a president who has probably killed more people before he gets into office than any president in the history of the United
States," and thereby further demonstrated her appalling ignorance of (or
indifference to) the facts.
2000-09-09 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Does Man play a role that widens the hole
in ozone above the south pole? (a limerick)
In space NASA's mission is science.
On ozone, it's P-C compliance !
It's blame for the hole
above the South Pole
is politics posing as science.
It says that the south-polar hole
is bigger than "ever" before,
but there's no debating
they mean since the eighties,
and what went before is unknown !
On Freon-use one thing is clear:
'twas in the north half of our sphere
where most was released,
so how it could feast
on south-polar ozone ain't clear !
And why should this make us so dreary?
Because on this tenuous theory
they've made us spend billions
on costly refrigerants,
and still the hole increases
yearly.
Too many don't know or don't care
that C-F-C's weigh more than air
and 'though in a lab,
it's ozone they grab,
they don't rise to Earth's upper air.
And while countless billions we waste
to fight bogus threats to our fate,
we blithely ignore
a risk that's in store
that could end the whole human race.
'Twas less than a cent'ry ago
an asteroid dealt quite a blow.
That cosmic rebuke
like thousands of nukes
laid waste to much land in one blow.
We're lucky it hit in Siberia
'cause if it was 12 hours earlier
it had enough force
to flatten New York
and make it a desolate area.
And now most astronomers know
the risks of another big blow
are not as remote
as thought long ago,
but yet our reaction is slow.
Since ozone became folderol
we've had several cosmic close-calls:
Two several years ago,
one several weeks ago,
that measured one-third mile across !
We need a Manhattan-style project
to make high-tech weapons and rockets
to find and destroy
the next asteroid
or else we'll have no way to stop it.
© 2000 --Inspired by a 09-09-00
news report about a recent statement by NASA implying that recent increases
in the size of the ozone-hole over the south pole is the result of man-made
CFC's, which were most widely used in the northern hemisphere until the
late-eighties/early-nineties. However, with token deference to science,
that same report casually mentions that "The monster hole may have been caused by a change in high-level air currents over Antarctica, which swirl around the Pole like a whirlpool, trapping air and allowing the hole to form."
In the meantime, while we waste billions on highly-expensive (and highly
corrosive) replacements for Freon, we blithely ignore a very real
risk of planetary catastrophe that cannot be prevented unless we allocate
massive resources to develop reliable methods for early-detection of large
objects headed toward earth and for reliable means to alter their paths and/or
destroy them.
2000-09-08 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Fickle-Down beats Trickle-Down
in the War between Venus and Mars
General Wolf on the march against General Bush (limerick)
The proof that so few pay attention
and rarely make learning their mission?
They shift o'er and o'er
between Bush and Gore
and most who are shifting are women.
Naomi was right all along
on how to change women in throngs.
The way to prevail?
Just be Alpha Male
and for you they'll want to wear thongs.
It's clear that political wars
are now between Venus and Mars:
"Take care of my needs !"
or "Just let me be !"
Such opposites: Venus and Mars.
© 2000 --Inspired by the sudden, massive
shift among women voters after Gore French-kissed Tipper at the
convention. The philosophical differences between Bush and Gore are clear
enough and wide enough that opinions of voters who keep themselves informed on
political issues and base their decisions on reasoning do not shift back and
forth between such clearly opposing political views. It seems clear that a
much larger percentage of women than men want security more than freedom and a
much larger percentage of men than women want freedom more than security.
To the men-bashers I say this: It's freedom that has produced the
historically unprecedented security we now enjoy, not the other way around.
2000-09-07 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Alpha-Gore trap renews Gender Gap,
so Bush must show grit to deal with the split.
(limerick)
The gender gap now is a pit--
A swell in the feminine split.
'Cause Alpha Gore's kiss
put Tipper in bliss,
and made the gals feel he's a fit.
So, George must take care of the
split
so women will feel he's a fit:
To stop looking bland,
grow face-stubble and
ride Harleys on all campaign trips.
.
© 2000
2000-09-06 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Gore's "rainy day fund"-- From whence must it
come? (limerick)
Al Gore says the time has now come
for government "rainy day funds,"
which can't be maintained
unless taxes rain
on taxpayers'
"rainy day funds."
© 2000 --Inspired by Gore's 09-06-00 speech
proposing that part of the predicted surplus be maintained as a "rainy day
fund" for government on the theory that government, "like
families" should have a "rainy day fund," conveniently ignoring
the fact that government -- unlike families -- has the power to take funds
belonging to others to satisfy its needs.
2000-09-05 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Bush mangles syntax again. (limerick)
I called "New York Times'
big reporter
a major league asshole
reporter."
So now they are claiming
the language I'm maiming
with plainly redundant
word-order.
© 2000 --Inspired by 09-04-00
Reuters/Excite report that an open microphone during a Bush rally revealed a
whisper from Bush to Cheney describing Adam Clymer both as a "New York
Times reporter" and a "major league asshole."
2000-09-04 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Please! Just the facts without government hacks
(limerick)
So few in the media try
to focus on issues, and why?
They must entertain
'cause viewers disdain
reports on the who-what-where-why.
Despite this quite obvious norm
they clamor for campaign "reform"
to limit the news
of activists' views
with rules to which they must conform.
Since most voters' study of facts
is quite indisputably lax,
political spots
on programs they watch
are needed to tell them the facts.
Empowering government hacks
would not keep our freedom intact.
We would be fools
to let them make rules
on who, when and how to state facts.
© 2000 --Inspired by the media's
continuing drumbeat for campaign-finance "reform."
2000-09-03 Daily Update-01 © 2000
First-Daughters' Advice-- About Men and Mice
(limerick)
A thing Clinton needed like Carter
is getting advice from First Daughter--
from Amy: "No bomb-sales,"
from Chelsea: "No bomb-shells,"
but can Clinton do what he oughta?
© 2000 --Inspired by Sunday
Times story on 09-03-00 about Chelsea's expanding role as
"advisor" to her father.
2000-09-02 Daily Update-01 © 2000
No verbal shards on signs in your yards !
(limerick)
Skaneateles' Mayor opines
that yards must be free of all signs
to state owners' views
on political news
while Clinton vacations nearby.
© 2000 --Inspired by a Fox
News story about efforts of the mayor of Skaneateles, N.Y. to ensure a
pleasant vacation for the Clintons by trying to enforce an ordinance against
"political" signs in private yards.
2000-09-01 Daily Update-01 © 2000
How is it "mean" to show Al-Gore scenes?
(limerick)
Reporters say Bush has turned mean
with ads that show goofy-Gore scenes.
If such ads are "mean,"
how should we perceive
the Alpha Gore class-warfare themes?
© 2000 --Inspired by instant, virtually
universal media assertion that Bush turned "mean" in approving RNC ads
incorporating video of Al Gore engaging in contradictory behavior and
exaggeration.
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