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Political Satire Daily Update © 2000
This page contains Daily Updates for
September, 2000.  To go to our current Daily Updates page, click here.  To go to our Archives of Daily Updates, click here.  To go to an Index of PoliSat Rhymes, click here.

2000-09-30 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Satirical brain drain (limerick)
    Sometimes a satirist's brain
    becomes like a sink that has drained,
    and so he must take
    a much-needed break
    before playing hardball again.
© 2000

2000-09-29 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Who reconnoiters those campaign supporters?  (limericks)
    All candidates want to be pleasers
    to all senior-citizen geezers.
    They often don't peep
    'til after they leap
    in bed with beguilers of geezers.
    A Journal on human Longevity
    proclaims ways to lengthen life's brevity
    and raises the hope
    of those who are old
    with products to give them longevity.

    'Though some natural products are good,
    they often claim more than they should.
    Too many profess
    results without tests
    and don't tell the bad with the good.
    When Jeb Bush, the Gov'nor of Florida,
    agreed that he'd author an article
    on medical care
    and natural care,
    he first should have checked-out the oracle.

    Longevity's publisher's record
    could best be described as quite checkered.
    So Jeb should have said
    "I won't get in bed
    with someone with such a bad record."
    However, Jeb Bush ain't alone--
    Just go to Longevity's home,
    and check the archives
    for how many times
    it's featured a person well-known.

© 2000 --Inspired by Michael Isikoff's 09-29-00 article indicating that Jeb Bush authorized an article with his byline on traditional and natural health care to be published in the Journal of Longevity magazine, whose publisher/owner has served time in federal prison for perjury and mail fraud, and who subsequently made sizeable contributions to gubernatorial campaigns for both Jeb and Dubya Bush.  The home-page of the Journal of Longevity is: http://www.journaloflongevity.com/JOLWeb/journal.html, which appears to be a publication of Gero Vita International at http://www.gvi.com/gviweb/iaam/.  In checking the on-line version of the Journal of Longevity, I was unable to find the article by Bush to which Isikoff's article refers.  Journal of Longevity issues often include articles by or about older celebrities who remain in good health and/or have overcome debilitating ailments, such as Janet Leigh (August, 2000); Lee Meriwether (April, 2000); Gary Collins and Mary Ann Mobley (February, 2000); Dawn Wells (December, 1999); June Wilkinson (October, 1999); Red Buttons (June, 1999); James Coburn (January, 1999); Barbara Eden (November, 1998); and John Glenn (September, 1998); 

2000-09-28 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The "wisdom" of Sheen as star of "West Wing" (limerick)
    I'm Handgun Control's Martin Sheen,
    and dolts who are fans of West Wing
    perceive me to be
    as smart as can be
    'cause that's what I play on TV.
    To generate anti-Bush zeal
    for laws letting guns be concealed
    I surely won't tell
    that murder rates fell
    with growth of permits to conceal.

    How best could his name I besmirch?
    I said he's for totin' in church,
    and then with my guile
    implied that he's wild--
    it's some of my best-acting work!
© 2000 --Inspired by 09-28-00 Washington Post story about Martin Sheen's anti-Bush commercials for Handgun Control.

2000-09-27 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The focus-group follies (limerick)
    Advisors put principles last
    when peasants they put under glass.
    Their goal is to learn
    for what peasants yearn,
    then candidates alter their stance.
© 2000

2000-09-26 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Soft-headed fools want soft-money rules.  (limerick)
    Now Ricky and Hill'ry agree
    to not have a soft-spending spree
    "It's great" says McCain
    and Feingold, "The same,"
    and ask all the PAC's to accede.
    How dumb in the land of the free
    to only have candidates speak
    as if those in PAC's
    should not speak the facts
    or go on their own spending spree.

© 2000

2000-09-25 Daily Update-01 © 2000
ABC News has standards for views:
Rats get exposure but moles get enclosure.
(limerick below)
    Our new name for ABC News:  
    Avoid Balanced Campaigning News!
    Expose a rat found,
    keep moles underground
    when we think they're ugly to view.
    The rat-story made us quite fearful
    and so we gave viewers an ear-full.
    The mole found by Judd
    as news is a dud
    because it does not make us fearful.

    Gore's worker who claimed there's a mole
    now says it's a gag that he told,
    and Gore's folks berate
    the prank as third-rate.
    (But where have we heard that before?)
© 2000  --Inspired by ABC News' apparent editorial decision that Jackie Judd's 09-24-00 report about an alleged Gore-campaign mole in the Bush campaign is newsworthy enough to be posted on its website but not newsworthy enough to be included in its broadcast news, which recently accorded a four-and-a-half-minute lead to Gore-campaign allegations that a Republican commercial's sequential fragmentation of the word "bureaucrats" constituted an effort to subliminally identify Democrats as "rats."

2000-09-24 Daily Update-01 © 2000
A diet that's balanced keeps Earth in the balance
(and saves fossil fuels to boot)
    Al Gore said in Earth in the Balance ...
    that gas should cost two-bucks a gallon,
    so why does he whine
    that prices have climbed
    to merely a buck sixty-seven?

    The answer is reasonably clear:  
    He's up for election this year.
    But what is expected
    if he is elected?
    More taxes per gallon, my dear!
    What need will those new taxes fill?
    Promoting the Al-Gore-Mobile!
    To end oil-dependence
    Al Gore has invented
    a new way to power the wheel !

    Since scientists recently made
    a way to refine human waste,
    the Al-Gore-Mobile
    will power the wheel
    with fuel from humanoid waste.
    This quite inexhaustible source
    will free us from imports, of course !
    And Gore saved the day
    inventing a way
    to use it for horsepower force.

    His car has a tank that will boil it.
    However, one problem might spoil it:
    the method is rank
    for filling the tank:
    The driver's seat must be a toilet.
    For health, this will lead to improvement
    'cause drivers will learn to fine-tune-it
    by eating more grain
    to not have to strain
    to get fifty miles to the movement.

© 2000 -- Inspired by Gore's flip-flop on what he claims is a proper price for gasoline and by a BBC report that scientists have devised a way to refine fossil-fuels from human waste.

2000-09-23 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Olympic-campaigning strategy:
To go for the gold, you must have a mole.
    Since Bush used subliminal rats
    to claim that we love bureaucrats,
    we went for the gold
    by sending a mole
    to Bush-camp to spy on those rats.
    At first we just simply denied it
    and felt quite assured we could hide it,
    but during this flap
    our flakker was trapped
    by someone to whom he'd confided.

    We simply used standard procedure:  
    A sworn statement shown to the media,
    but that was a dud,
    because Jackie Judd
    knew more than what she'd been revealing.
© 2000  --Inspired by ABC News report on 09-23-00 about inconsistencies between an affidavit prepared by the Gore campaign for, and signed by, a Gore campaign worker about whether the Gore campaign has a "mole" in the Bush campaign and information that same worker confided to a confidential source.

2000-09-22 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Much ado about nothing or nothing about much ado?  (limerick)
    The White-House and Camp-David "visitors"
    most surely would still be contributors
    regardless of whether
    political tethers
    allowed them to stay there as visitors.
    It's silly to simply pretend
    they gave money just to get in.
    And campaign reform
    to alter such norm
    would make folks afraid to be friends.

    To me it just wouldn't be right
    to limit a First-Fam'ly's right
    to simply invite
    whomever they like--
    non-donors and donors alike.
© 2000  If I were lucky enough to be President, I'd want to give everyone I know a chance to stay at the White House.  Assuming that such friends would have have contributed to my campaigns, I would think it unfair for critics to then view such visits as payoffs.  I also recognize that whoever happens to be president might (for the wrong reason) invite people who contributed despite their not having previously been friends, but it would require the mind of a Puritan for a critic to attempt to fairly draw such distinctions.  It's just another case in which the desired cure would be worse than the disease just as would be nearly every proposal for campaign "reform."

2000-09-21-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The unabridged list of Alpha-Gore myths or
The what's and the why's of Alpha-Gore lies.
    In childhood, my lullaby heaven--
    a song Mom composed for our brethren,
    which said when you're able,
    demand union labels,
    was found when I reached twenty-seven.

    I'm proud that I bravely faced danger
    in going to 'Nam as a ranger,
    where some rode the air,
    but I rode a chair
    with wheels for elite chair-borne rangers.
    While friends were out living it up,
    my service in 'Nam was quite rough,
    'cause right at the start
    I won purple hearts
    for two really bad paper cuts.

    My intellect's something to tout
    'though enemies claim I flunked-out,
    but in my short journey
    to be an attorney,
    I quit, so I didn't flunk-out.
    Remember that Love Story gripper--
    inspired by yours-truly and Tipper?
    'Though Segal denied
    that him we inspired,
    you can't trust a writer of fiction.

    Maintaining my brain in good in order
    I stayed an inhaler not snorter,
    which gave me the vision
    to start a new mission 
    as anti-pollution reporter.
    'Though some called my stories banal,**   .
    't'was I who exposed Love Canal.
    Although there were prior
    reports that were dire,
    that's simply a minor detail.

    I said I invented the net
    and no one's disproved it quite yet.
    If you're on your toes,
    you already know
    as web-weaver I am the best.
    When smoking caused my sister's death
    I swore Big Tobacco I'd get.
    Why then did I cheer
    tobacco for years?,
    My plan was to get 'em with stealth.

    I said when I met Buddhist nuns
    it wasn't to raise any funds.
    I didn't believe
    that we would receive
    big checks from such poor Buddhist nuns.
    At meetings arranged for the study
    of hard-money-use of soft-money
    I had to leave
    in order to pee
    from gallons of tea in my tummy.

    I said the drug business ripped-off
    my dog and my mother-in-law,
    but don't be uncouth
    by asking for proof
    or calling my mother-in-law.
    It's not fair to say I'm a liar
    or say that my pants are on fire.
    So gimme a break
    'cause counselors say
    deluding one's self isn't lying.
© 2000  **Alternate pronunciation of banal rhymes with canal.

2000-09-20 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Fiddler on the roof now fiddles new tunes (limerick)
    Joe Lieberman, teller of truth
    tried fiddling on top of the roof,
    but then to raise funds
    from Hollywood chums,
    he learned how to fiddle new tunes.
    To not ruffle Hollywood feathers
    has quickly become his new druthers.
    When he tolerates
    their mocking of faith,
    he's slipping from roof-top to gutter.

    We don't want a gov'ment of preachers,
    but don't mind morality teachers--
    as long as they don't
    claim words of their own
    to be words of God as do preachers.
    'Though Dubya described his conversion,
    to that we should have no aversion,
    'cause he doesn't claim
    to speak in God's name
    or disrespect other folks' versions.

© 2000 
--Inspired by news report that Lieberman's disappointingly out-of-character failure to criticize the mocking of Bush's Christian beliefs at a Hollywood fundraiser attended by Lieberman.  

2000-09-19 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Drugs are quite high, but less than a bribe (limerick)
    Prescriptions that vets give to pups
    cost less than what doctors give us.
    So why is it cheaper
    for vets to be healers?
    'Cause dogs do not sue for big bucks.
    Of course this is something Gore knows,
    because in his campaigning throes
    Al Gore told a man:  
    give one hundred-grand
    for no-tort-reforming vetoes

© 2000 --Inspired by Gore's expressed amazement that the price for a drug prescribed for humans is much higher than the price of the same drug prescribed for animals.  Of course, it's not rocket science to understand that the price drug companies charge for drugs for humans must be high enough to include product liability insurance against tort suits by humans claiming to have been harmed by such drug, and juries are likely to award vastly larger amounts to humans injured by a drug than to animals injured by the same drug.

2000-09-18 Daily Update-01 © 2000
If you like H-M-O's, you'll love G-M-O's (limerick)
    In weighing the cons and the pros
    on programs we call "H-M-O's,"
    If H-M-O care
    is what you call fair,
    you'll love Gore's proposed G-M-O's!
    The plan he invented from scratch
    has something the H-M-O's lack
    To make the plan fair,
    we'll all get our care
    from gentle and kind bureaucrats!

    Just think of the G-M-O's promise
    and what they're designed to accomplish,
    but don't spill the beans
    on what the term means:  
    It simply means "Gore Maintains Office."
© 2000

2000-09-17 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Will Alec Baldwin become a Promise Keeper?  (limerick)
    For voters who long have been stallin'
    to pick Gore or Bush for installin'
    a good reason for
    George Bush and not Gore:  
    To say "Adios, Alec Baldwin."
© 2000 --Inspired by Alec Baldwin's gracious offer to leave the country if Bush were to be elected.

2000-09-16 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The next debate test will be Pee B. S. (limerick)
    Jim Lehrer will soon moderate
    the next Presidential Debate,
    but will he ask Gore
    to tell us once more
    why Bill was the greatest of great?
© 2000

2000-09-15 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Dan Rather-Not ... suspect any Democrat (limerick)
    When someone sent Downey a tape
    of George Dubya's practice debate,
    we didn't hear Dan
    proclaim to the land
    that surely Al Gore is to blame.
© 2000 --Inspired by Dan Rather's stunning loss of insight into the world of political dirty tricks by failing to assert that Democrat dirty tricks must have been the method by which Gore's speech-coach (former Representative Tom Downey) inexplicably received a tape of Dubya's practice debate, even though as recently as on 08-18-00 Rather strongly implied that on the eve of Gore's acceptance speech, Republicans had "leaked" a story that federal judges had authorized a new grand-jury to investigate whether Clinton had lied under oath.  See PoliSat's 08-18-00 limerick about that story.

2000-09-14 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Political "zealeon" becomes a chameleon (limerick)
    Buchannan had always proclaimed
    that most fed'ral spending's a shame,
    but now he just swoons
    and sings a new tune
    with "Gimme the money" refrains.
© 2000 --Inspired by FEC's 09-14-00 decision to award the $12.5 million in taxpayer funds to Buchannan's campaign.

2000-09-13-00 Daily Update-02 © 2000
You Can't Hide Those Lying Eyes (limerick)
    A program about anthropology
    (I think "TLC" or "Discovery")
    showed how people's eyes
    behave when they lie: 
    Glance-down to contrive, then recover.
    And what do they do with their eyes
    when truth they are trying to find?
    They look t'ward the sky
    or only one side,
    then answer with straight-ahead eyes.

    By watching the Hill/Rick debate
    just held in the big Empire State
    't'was Hill'ry who'd frown
    and often glance down,
    and then her response she would state.
© 2000  --Inspired by observation of the 09-13-00 debate between Rick Lazio and Hillary Clinton.

2000-09-13 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Campaign "reform" -- Don't make it the norm (limerick)
    I tire of folks tooting the horn
    for campaigning-finance "reform"
    An overnight bonus
    to one who's a donor
    does not show a need for "reform."
    If someone who's made a donation
    can't visit the boss of the nation,
    such ruling would preach:  
    "Give up your free speech"
    to stay with the boss of the nation.

    Although I will surely agree,
    abuses abound to be seen,
    but fixing such woes
    would surely impose
    a cure that is worse than disease.
© 2000  --Inspired by my anger at the continual proposals for unconstitutional campaign-finance "reform" to "ban soft money" and my anger at the gamesmanship exhibited by both Rick Lazio and Hillary Clinton about their respective positions on the "evil" of "soft money."

2000-09-12 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Dubya vu all over again. (a limerick)
    Our genes do much more than we know,
    when genes from our parents we show.
    George Herbert Walker
    was such a bad talker,
    he passed it to Dubya, you know.
    Today, press-demands were continual: 
    "Admit use of 'RATS' was subliminal."
    He said it was trivial
    and wasn't "subliminable,"
    a word they found not recognizable.

    But we who can understand Berra
    can also interpret George Dubya: 
    They both often say
    what's right the wrong way--
    It's their form of hits, runs and errors.
    We know for the word "bureaucrats,"
    a proper description is "rats."
    Since they're interchangeable,
    it can't be subliminal
    to say "rats" to mean "bureaucrats."

© 2000

2000-09-11 Daily Update-01 © 2000
The GorePrah Whiney Show (limerick)
    Since women prefer to emote
    while watching the O. Winfree show,
    it was a good place
    for old kissie-face
    to make GorePrahWhiney the show.
    So Dubya, you'd better take warning,
    so women to you will start warming!
    Tell some good lies
    with tears in your eyes,
    and you'll be the one they're adoring.

© 2000 --Today (09-11-00) Gore appeared as a guest on the Oprah Winfree Show.  It was a political love-feast.  Tune in next time when Dubya will be on the menu.

2000-09-10 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Susan Sarandon, political bantam (a limerick)
    When Susan Sarandon said Dubya
    has "blood on his hands" as a Gov'nor
    'cause he executed
    instead of commuting
    the maximum sentence for dozens,
    why didn't she also deplore
    support for such laws by Al Gore?
    Until she learns facts
    as well as she acts,
    perhaps she should say less not more.

© 2000 --Inspired by L1news' report on a press conference by Sarandon in which she said that Bush's candidacy means "We stand a chance of getting a president who has probably killed more people before he gets into office than any president in the history of the United States," and thereby further demonstrated her appalling ignorance of (or indifference to) the facts. 

2000-09-09 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Does Man play a role that widens the hole
in ozone above the south pole?
(a limerick)
    In space NASA's mission is science.
    On ozone, it's P-C compliance !
    It's blame for the hole
    above the South Pole
    is politics posing as science.
    It says that the south-polar hole
    is bigger than "ever" before,
    but there's no debating
    they mean since the eighties,
    and what went before is unknown !

    On Freon-use one thing is clear:  
    'twas in the north half of our sphere
    where most was released,
    so how it could feast
    on south-polar ozone ain't clear !
    And why should this make us so dreary?
    Because on this tenuous theory
    they've made us spend billions
    on costly refrigerants,
    and still the hole increases yearly.

    Too many don't know or don't care
    that C-F-C's weigh more than air
    and 'though in a lab,
    it's ozone they grab,
    they don't rise to Earth's upper air.
    And while countless billions we waste
    to fight bogus threats to our fate,
    we blithely ignore
    a risk that's in store
    that could end the whole human race.

    'Twas less than a cent'ry ago
    an asteroid dealt quite a blow.
    That cosmic rebuke
    like thousands of nukes
    laid waste to much land in one blow.
    We're lucky it hit in Siberia
    'cause if it was 12 hours earlier
    it had enough force
    to flatten New York
    and make it a desolate area.

    And now most astronomers know
    the risks of another big blow
    are not as remote
    as thought long ago,
    but yet our reaction is slow.
    Since ozone became folderol
    we've had several cosmic close-calls: 
    Two several years ago,
    one several weeks ago,
    that measured one-third mile across !

    We need a Manhattan-style project
    to make high-tech weapons and rockets
    to find and destroy
    the next asteroid
    or else we'll have no way to stop it.
© 2000  --Inspired by a 09-09-00 news report about a recent statement by NASA implying that recent increases in the size of the ozone-hole over the south pole is the result of man-made CFC's, which were most widely used in the northern hemisphere until the late-eighties/early-nineties.  However, with token deference to science, that same report casually mentions that "The monster hole may have been caused by a change in high-level air currents over Antarctica, which swirl around the Pole like a whirlpool, trapping air and allowing the hole to form."   In the meantime, while we waste billions on highly-expensive (and highly corrosive) replacements for Freon, we blithely ignore a very real risk of planetary catastrophe that cannot be prevented unless we allocate massive resources to develop reliable methods for early-detection of large objects headed toward earth and for reliable means to alter their paths and/or destroy them. 

2000-09-08 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Fickle-Down beats Trickle-Down
in the War between Venus and Mars
General Wolf on the march against General Bush
    The proof that so few pay attention
    and rarely make learning their mission?
    They shift o'er and o'er
    between Bush and Gore
    and most who are shifting are women.
    Naomi was right all along
    on how to change women in throngs.
    The way to prevail?
    Just be Alpha Male
    and for you they'll want to wear thongs.

    It's clear that political wars
    are now between Venus and Mars:  
    "Take care of my needs !"
    or "Just let me be !"
    Such opposites:  Venus and Mars.
© 2000 --Inspired by the sudden, massive shift among women voters after Gore French-kissed Tipper at the convention.  The philosophical differences between Bush and Gore are clear enough and wide enough that opinions of voters who keep themselves informed on political issues and base their decisions on reasoning do not shift back and forth between such clearly opposing political views.  It seems clear that a much larger percentage of women than men want security more than freedom and a much larger percentage of men than women want freedom more than security.  To the men-bashers I say this:  It's freedom that has produced the historically unprecedented security we now enjoy, not the other way around.

2000-09-07 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Alpha-Gore trap renews Gender Gap
so Bush must show grit to deal with the split
. (limerick)
    The gender gap now is a pit--
    A swell in the feminine split. 
    'Cause Alpha Gore's kiss
    put Tipper in bliss, 
    and made the gals feel he's a fit.
    So, George must take care of the split
    so women will feel he's a fit:  
    To stop looking bland,
    grow face-stubble and  
    ride Harleys on all campaign trips.
© 2000

2000-09-06 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Gore's "rainy day fund"-- From whence must it come?  (limerick)
    Al Gore says the time has now come
    for government "rainy day funds,"
    which can't be maintained
    unless taxes rain
    on taxpayers' "rainy day funds."
© 2000 --Inspired by Gore's 09-06-00 speech proposing that part of the predicted surplus be maintained as a "rainy day fund" for government on the theory that government, "like families" should have a "rainy day fund," conveniently ignoring the fact that government -- unlike families -- has the power to take funds belonging to others to satisfy its needs.

2000-09-05 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Bush mangles syntax again.  (limerick)
    I called "New York Times' big reporter
    a major league asshole reporter."
    So now they are claiming
    the language I'm maiming
    with plainly redundant word-order.
© 2000 --Inspired by 09-04-00 Reuters/Excite report that an open microphone during a Bush rally revealed a whisper from Bush to Cheney describing Adam Clymer both as a "New York Times reporter" and a "major league asshole."

2000-09-04 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Please! Just the facts without government hacks (limerick)
    So few in the media try
    to focus on issues, and why?
    They must entertain
    'cause viewers disdain
    reports on the who-what-where-why.
    Despite this quite obvious norm
    they clamor for campaign "reform"
    to limit the news
    of activists' views
    with rules to which they must conform.

    Since most voters' study of facts
    is quite indisputably lax,
    political spots
    on programs they watch
    are needed to tell them the facts.
    Empowering government hacks
    would not keep our freedom intact.
    We would be fools
    to let them make rules
    on who, when and how to state facts.

© 2000  --Inspired by the media's continuing drumbeat for campaign-finance "reform."

2000-09-03 Daily Update-01 © 2000
First-Daughters' Advice-- About Men and Mice (limerick)
    A thing Clinton needed like Carter
    is getting advice from First Daughter--
    from Amy:  "No bomb-sales,"
    from Chelsea:  "No bomb-shells,"
    but can Clinton do what he oughta?
© 2000 --Inspired by Sunday Times story on 09-03-00 about Chelsea's expanding role as "advisor" to her father.

2000-09-02 Daily Update-01 © 2000
No verbal shards on signs in your yards ! (limerick)
    Skaneateles' Mayor opines
    that yards must be free of all signs
    to state owners' views
    on political news
    while Clinton vacations nearby.
© 2000  --Inspired by a Fox News story about efforts of the mayor of Skaneateles, N.Y. to ensure a pleasant vacation for the Clintons by trying to enforce an ordinance against "political" signs in private yards.

2000-09-01 Daily Update-01 © 2000
How is it "mean" to show Al-Gore scenes? (limerick)
    Reporters say Bush has turned mean
    with ads that show goofy-Gore scenes.
    If such ads are "mean,"
    how should we perceive
    the Alpha Gore class-warfare themes?
© 2000 --Inspired by instant, virtually universal media assertion that Bush turned "mean" in approving RNC ads incorporating video of Al Gore engaging in contradictory behavior and exaggeration.

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