John Kerry Tells Aides to "Remind me to keep Clark beside, not behind, me."

Feb. 16, 2004 : PoliSat .Com's Political Satire/ Commentary* Daily Update # 01·· ™©·2004·(Home)·
*Where the satire is always commentary, but the commentary isn't always satire (but you'll know the difference)·
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John Kerry Tells Aides to "Remind me to keep Clark beside, not behind, me."·

According to Thomas Oliphant's February 15, 2004, column in the Boston Globe on line, the two "sins" of "omission" and "commission" were the major factors causing Wesley Clark's campaign to collapse. Says Oliphant:

"The sin of commission occurred during an astonishing, even for a rookie, judgment lapse with the gaggle of reporters covering his campaign on its final day last week. Bantering with them at length under supposedly off-the-record ground rules, Clark actually said he was still in the race because he thought Kerry's campaign was going to implode over what he inelegantly called an "intern" scandal."

Oliphant's assertions corroborate part of a February 12, 2004, report by Matt Drudge that Clark had made such prediction to a group of reporters. Other sources (in addition to the Drudge Report) attributed to the Congressional Quarterly's Craig Crawford the assertion that for several months Chris Lehane, a Clark aide who was Al Gore's press secretary in 2000, had been unsuccessfully "shopping" the rumor to various members of the media.

Pundits who seemed surprised by such amateurishness on the part of Clark must have paid little attention to the plethora of other comparably amateurish examples of Clark's willingness (inability to avoid?) to formulate judgments, and base decisions or take actions, on such thin grounds while castigating Bush for connecting dots on WMD that begged to be connected (and were connected by all but a minority of those who had viewed the dots). Of course, in such judgmental matters, pundits often exhibit the very same kind of amateurishness (to which yours truly with false humility purports to confess) they so readily attribute to Clark.

Some pundits also seemed surprised by Kerry not merely welcoming Clark's offer to "stand behind him" but rather appearing to genuflect to Clark's military rank by patronizingly insisting that Clark will be standing "beside him" in a transparent effort to convey the impression that Kerry perceives Clark to be his equal. However, as usual, PoliSat.Com's highly reliable, covert operatives have uncovered the real reason for Kerry's feigned graciousness. Here is PoliSat.Com's poetic adaptation of the gist of what our operatives discovered in what we named "Operation Stand By Me":

Operation Stand By Me·

To Kerry said Clark, "I've defined you
as best and I proudly remind you
how strongly I'll push
to help you beat Bush
by solidly standing behind you."

Said John, "I'm so proud you'll provide me
your wisdom as General to guide me,
I'd much rather see
your mission to be
to stand, not behind, but beside me."

When Clark left for meetings assigning
his duties, said Kerry, "Remind me
since Wesley's the toad
who said I'd implode,
be sure he's beside, not behind, me."

"Since Wesley throughout his campaign
made statement so plainly inane,
we must watch his mouth
or else he might spout
more rumors he learned from Lehane."

Kerry's operatives will, of course, deny this shocking evidence obtained by PoliSat.Com's covert operatives. Where is Rob Reiner when John Kerry so desperately needs him? Is he still singing the "Stand by Mean" duet with Martin Sheen as the campaign anthem for Howard the Dean of Mean and Doctor of Spleen?

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