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Political
Satire
Daily Updates.©2000
Archive Page for April, 2000:.
This Page contains
Daily Updates for April, 2000. To go to our current
Daily Update Page, click here. To go to our Daily Update
Archives, click here..
2000-04-30 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Belated "thanks" to those in
the ranks (a limerick)
Some baby-boomers still cling
to views in their Sixty-Eight Spring.
They now
pay lip-service
to those who did service
in words with a quite hollow ring.
Regrets they distribute like crumbs
for
treating our soldiers like bums
They still do not see
Vietnam would be
a much better place if we'd won
With their kids not subject to draft,
they suddenly learned a new craft.
Those dads and moms
demanded we bomb
the Serbs as our new moral task.
It just goes to show more and more,
it
matters whose ox will be gored
Once they were charmed
with safety from harm,
their true colors came to the fore.
© 2000
2000-04-29 Daily Update-01
© 2000
White House Correspondents' Dinner--
A
Tour De Force in Self-Adulation. (a
limerick)
The dinner for those correspondents
who crave all the White House resplendence
reveals what they are:
just wannabe stars
instead of good sources of evidence.
Conceived to display to the nation
their
talents at self-deprecation
It has become
like Oscar for some
who wallow in
self-adulation.
© 2000
2000-04-28 Daily Update-01
© 2000
APocrisy On Parade
(AP Hypocrisy) (a limerick)
The AP is eager to preach
the value of having free speech.
Except when a speaker
or parody tweaker
incorporates pics from AP.
One need not know science for rockets
to know the AP makes its profits
by selling its pictures
of folks in dire strictures
without paying them any
profits.
So why should AP get upset
and recklessly make foolish threats
at Lathrop and Bonner
whose parody genre
used pics of young Elian's
"arrest"?
If you want the AP to hear
your views then just simply
click here
They need to learn
they're way out of turn
instilling those comics with fear.
And if you're inclined to support
good parody as a safe sport,
tell Lathrop and Bonner,
"Continue your genre"
by mocking those dumb
AP dorks
© 2000 (Inspired by
the Associated Press's ridiculous reaction to Lathrop and Bonner using the AP's
Elian-at-gunpoint picture to make a video parody of the scene.,
which they call "elian, true
... aka stormtroopers, true." For more
information about this controversy and to learn how/where to contact Lathrop and
Bonner and/or the AP regarding this matter, click
here.
2000-04-27 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The Sad Saga of Elian Gonzales.
(a limerick)
Most folks have known from the start,
it's better to be lucky than smart.
So when one is wrong,
the polls go along
if critics' behavior's bizarre.
The fisherman's craving for fame
has now
given him a bad name.
He did a good deed
but now seems to need
his own fifteen minutes of fame.
The surrogate mom's strong emotions
for Elian found on the ocean
inspire her to say
weird things every day
that stir up a lot of commotion.
Those who ain't shakers and movers
are
quite often prone to say bloopers.
It's just a sad fact,
such comments distract
from wrong-headed use of storm
troopers.
Of course it makes all of us sad
when children are kept from their dads
All of us feel
the dad's pain was real,
but who most prolonged it for dad?
Fidel should have let the dad come
right
after they found his young son
But waiting so long
just strengthened the bond
with those taking care of his son.
If my gov'ment kept me away
so long from my son far away
I know I'd feel rage
at being encaged
and not those by whom he was saved !
So now what's the best thing to do?
The court should find out what is true.
Unless Elian's dad
is shown to be bad,
then he must decide what to do.
Since life under Castro is slavery,
defection requires so much bravery.
So if Juan rejects
a chance to defect,
we're left with a choice that's unsavory.
But when we conclude that we must
let Juan
say, "It's Cuba or bust,"
Let's not pretend
that freedom won't end
for Elian, whose brain will be washed.
And we should make clear we're enraged
that kids at a tender, young age
Are taken away
to work every day
to function as government slaves.
It also would surely be nice
if those who
proclaim parents' rights
would finally admit
they just don't exist
in Castro's alleged paradise.
© 2000
2000-04-26 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Knock, knock. Who's
there? Reno! Reno
who?
Renovate your house!.
(a limerick)
From Thanksgiving Day Ninety-Nine
until the next April was fine
For Castro to say,
"Miguel, stay away"
from going to see Elian.
When finally he let Juan come here,
we
then heard the guy with the beard
Suddenly say
there should be no delay
so Juan could stop shedding his tears.
Then twenty days later near dawn,
Ms. Reno conversed on the phone
with friends she had asked
to help in the task.
of bridging the gap for Elian.
And though Reno heard her friends say
"A deal is just minutes away,"
She then made the blooper
of sending storm troopers
to carry the poor kid away.
© 2000
2000-04-25 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Reno Seizes Bill Gates in Pre-Dawn
Raid;
Robert Ray goes into hiding.
Modeling her success in seizing Elian, Janet Reno's Armored Cavalry Division of
the Justice Department seized Bill Gates in a lightning-fast, pre-dawn raid this
morning. Although Gates was seen being dragged kicking and screaming into a
fuel-efficient but well-armored Justice Department mini-van (captioned
"Reno One") during pre-dawn hours this morning, pictures
surfaced several hours later showing him happily playing a new video-game,
"Chop-Up Microsoft" on a Justice Department laptop. In a related
story, Independent Counsel Robert Ray has gone into hiding.
© 2000
2000-04-21 through 2000-04-24 No Daily Update
2000-04-20 Daily Update-01
© 2000.
Hey! Dubya-- Read the First
Amendment-- Please ! (a
limerick)
Political speech can't be free
if speakers are regulatees
Candidates want
some rules that will daunt
all unruly critics they see.
I understand why you don't like
that anti-Bush
parody site.
As bad as it is,
a "worser" thing is
control via government
might.
In politics, it is alright
to change and say "I see the light"
So open your eyes
and see how unwise
is gov'ment control of the light.
So-what if the site's in bad taste
in
mocking your Y2K race?
Freedom of speech
is what we must preach
'cause that is America's Ace.
James Madison never would be
for licensing critics, you see?
So please take a stand
for freedom, my man--
abolish that (bleep) FEC.
© 2000 (Reference:
Dallas Morning News
report on 04-19-00 about the FEC's right-result, wrong-reason rejection of
Bush's request for the FEC to require an anti-Bush
parody web-site to "register" with the FEC; See also my prior
opinion on the same subject. Jim Wrenn, editor@polisat.com.)
2000-04-19 Daily Update-02
© 2000
What would a loving dad do?
(a limerick)
Since the court ruled late today,
we heard Juan Miguel's lawyer say
It's terribly bad
for this loving dad
to wait for his son one more day
As one who's a dad I must say,
I don't understand the dad's ways
'Cause if I were Juan
I'd have long ago gone
to comfort my son right away
© 2000
2000-04-19 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Child Labor.
(a limerick)
Big Labor sings loudly its tune
that NAFTA's a bane not a boon
When kids work for money
to help dad and mommy
but not when they work for
communes.
Among those so eager to tell
young Elian
to join Juan Miguel,
where's the outrage
that at a young age,
tobacco he'll chop for Fidel?
We might have no choice but to send
the poor kid to Cuba again
But let's not pretend
it's wrong to condemn
the things that will happen to him
When our fam'ly-farm agriculture
needed
all help it could muster,
the kids worked long hours
as tillers and plowers
to help their own fam'lies do
better.
But even in those bygone times,
folks would have thought it a crime
For gov'ment to say
kids must go away
to give gov'ment all of their time.
©
2000
2000-04-18 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Hardball-- Runs, Hits & Errors
(a limerick)
At PoliSat.Com
our delight
is Hardball
to watch ev'ry night
Although Chris is Left,
he isn't bereft
of courage to sometimes be right.
Although it's quite clear that he's smart,
too often he thinks with his heart.
The proof of the pudding
for him is do-gooding
with government playing the part.
'Though mostly he goes right along
with do-gooders' plans for the throngs,
once in a while
with candor and style
he's willing to say "I was
wrong."
© 2000
2000-04-17 Daily Update-01 © 2000
When Everyman Becomes an Investor.
(a limerick)
Now that we have quite a lot
of people investing in stocks,
many have learned
that nothing is earned
without risks from bottom to top.
And so as more people invest
to get the
returns that are best,
there's hope that they will
stop falling for shills
who claim gov'ment goodies
are best.
© 2000
2000-04-16 Daily Update-01 © 2000
No update today.
2000-04-15 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Gore to the Rescue
(4-14-00
proposal for federal ban against guns in church) (a limerick)
Thank goodness for candidate Gore
to warn us of danger in store
It ain't Chinese funds
from kind Buddhist nuns,
it's gun-toting Texas
church-goers
© 2000
2000-04-14 Daily Update-02
© 2000
Clinton's Library
(a limerick about the 04-13-00
story about his Presidential
Library plans)
Slick Willie says he's not ashamed
impeachment now goes with his name.
He says his Library
will show the contrary:
impeachers just played a mean game.
He claims that historians will rave
that
our Constitution he saved.
He's willing to bet
that they will forget
his pattern of being depraved.
Since his Library will boast
a legacy better than most
We'll need a place
to show his true face
in order to counter such boast
And so all his lies won't be buried,
there
should be a Clinton Liebrary.
So if you agree,
then click
here to see
how you can
support the Liebrary.
© 2000
2000-04-14 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The Plight of Elian Gonzales--
The
Blame/Shame Game (a limerick)
Everyone has an opinion on
what should be done with young Elian.
Since I am a dad,
I know I'd be sad,
if I couldn't comfort my son
But since it was last-year's Thanksgiving
when fishermen rescued young Elian,
who was to blame
and who should feel shame
that Juan couldn't then come
for Elian?
It wasn't young Elian's keepers
who kept Juan from getting a visa.
Fidel is the one
who wouldn't give Juan
permission to leave with a visa.
It's clear common-sense would suggest
that
then it would not have been best
to force the boy found
who saw his mom drown
to quickly depart a safe nest.
So if Castro really had cared
about the young boy who was scared,
he would have given
the dad his permission
to go to the side of his lad.
One's thinking need not be adroit
to know
who was first to exploit.
We know it was Castro
and not Uncle Laz'ro
who kept dad and son far apart.
© 2000
2000-04-13 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Waiting for Reno....
We waited all day
to hear Reno say
that she doesn't know what to say.
© 2000
2000-04-12 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The Defense DeJour.
(a limerick)
If Ray says that Willie's intent
established a crim'nal offense
It's Kendall's prediction:
"There'll be no conviction--
Viagra will
be his defense."
© 2000
2000-04-11 Daily Update-01
© 2000
What's best for Elian:
Grief-counseling a must? or "Cuba or
bust"? (a limerick)
When kids see a death, you can trust
that libs say grief-couns'ling's a must,
but for the boy found
who saw his mom drown,
they only say "Cuba or
bust."
© 2000
2000-04-10 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Updated Broadway play soon to become a big hit in Cuba:
My Fair Elian
Fidel: The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
Elian:
The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain
Fidel: I think he's got it! By Che, he's
got it!
Fidel: Your rel-a-tives in Flor-i-da are pi-igs!
Elian: My
rel-a-tives in Flor-i-da are pi-igs
Fidel: I think he's got it! By Che, he's
got it!
Fidel: Your mo-ther was a crim-i-nal to flee-ee!
Elian: My mo-ther
was a crim-i-nal to flee-ee!
Fidel: I think he's got it! By Che, he's
got it!
© 2000
2000-04-09 Daily Update-02
© 2000
Janet Reno's list of things she
believes.
I believe Juan Miguel Gonzales is free to speak his mind.
I believe Al Gore was just spiritually communing with the
Buddhist nuns.
I believe Clinton/Gore didn't know they were receiving money
from the Chinese-government.
I believe some right-wing conspirator had hidden those files
in the First Lady's office.
I believe the White House Travel Office personnel deserved to
be accused of wrongdoing.
I believe the government best knows how Microsoft can
contribute to high-tech progress.
I believe O.J. Simpson is still looking for the real killer.
I believe the Brooklyn Bridge is still for sale.
I believe Oliver Stone is a great historian.
I believe I have been abducted by an alien
(Spanish
pronunciation of
Elian).
© 2000 Inspired by:
.ABC
News This Week-- Q&A-- Cokie Roberts & Janet Reno 04-09-00:.
COKIE ROBERTS Do you feel—I
know you met with the father and were impressed—but do you feel that he’s really free? His parents have apparently
been put in some compound where they are being watched by the government. His every movement over the last three months
has been watched by the government. Is he really free to say what he believes?
JANET RENO I talked with him and
he wasn’t being watched by his government. He said that he understood that people felt that he should stay here
and he said I want the exact opposite.
..
2000-04-09 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The New Operation Petticoat:
An
article in the Sunday
Times of London on 04-09-00 about Pentagon committees planning to propose
assigning women to submarine duty inspired the following limerick:.
Since submarine service began,
we deemed it a job for a man.
It's now said by some,
one needn't be hung,
to be a good submarine hand.
Some say it's just a canard
to say gals on subs make it hard ...
Until face-to-face
in narrow hall-space,
they have to pass bod-facing-bod.
The code-name for such an on-boat
operation was called "Petticoat."
That was a movie
that made it seem groovey
for women to be on such boats.
Traditional guys ain't convinced
that gals on a sub is good sense,
but PC promoters
now say to opposers
that women must help with defense.
To get to the real nitty-gritty,
as said by the top-brass committees:
Whenever you sound
the order, "Go down,"
don't say it to sailors with ti _ _ies
© 2000
2000-04-08 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Still waiting for Juan Gonzales to
wake-up.
2000-04-07 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Waiting for Juan Gonzales to wake-up.
2000-04-06 Daily Update-02
© 2000 (a limerick)
A rhyming wish for Elian
and his dad, stepmother and half-brother:
The folks who are rooting for Elian
are hoping his Dad seeks asylum.
His Daddy is here
but seems full of fear,
which we hope he'll soon overcome
©
2000
2000-04-06 Daily Update-01
© 2000 (a limerick)
Instructions for
completing the long census form:
For people who need
some assistance
completing the long form for census,
put aside fears
and simply click here
for help that will give you contentment
© 2000
2000-04-05 Daily Update-01
© 2000
ABC News-- Pioneers in
Journalistic Expertise.
(a limerick)
The
new
name for
ABC News:
Advance
Big
Celebrities'
Views
There was a time
when just news was fine,
but now it's just show-business views.
In news there is too much reliance
on claims by politicized science.
The news folks should know
that stars just don't know
good science from PC compliance.
DiCaprio's sure to purvey
the pantheists' view of Earth Day ...
contending that Man
belongs to the land
instead of the opposite way.
© 2000 (Quoted by Brit Hume on Fox
News Channel Special Report on 04-06-00 with permission)
2000-04-04 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Waiting for Gonzales.
(a limerick)
Last year on Thanksgiving Day,
the father of Elian did say
without any fear
to relatives here,
take care of young Elian, okay?
But then Cuba's tyrant demanded
that back to him Elian be handed.
The relatives here,
who sensed the dad's fear,
rejected what Castro demanded.
So now we are waiting to see
if Elian's dad can be free
to say what is best
without fear of threats
from Castro's self-serving decrees.
© 2000
2000-04-03 Daily Update-01
© 2000
The Ballad of Bill Gates
(Some things bear repeating, so here's our Update from 11-05-99):
Remember how short was our reach
back when computers were
only for geeks?
Although they seemed to be smart
to use them was hard
except for computer-like
freaks.
A drop-out from college
who had lots of knowlege --
determined and quite
resolute--
created a way
to make it like play
for everyone else to compute.
He made a computer-like house
to hold an electronic mouse.
To help all us bimbos
he created Windows
for us to see into that house.
This made it quite easy
for those who'd felt queasy
when trying to use a computer.
It made us quite eager
to work like a beaver
'cause all of our fears had been
neutered.
During that time IBM
found itself forced to defend.
A government charge
that it was so large
competitors couldn't get in.
During that case
the competitive race
soon proved that the gov'ment was wrong.
Competitors flourished,
computers were nourished
and soon could be bought for
a song.
Meanwhile the dropout named Gates
continued to lower his
rates.
His business exploded
while others imploded
and tried to blame him for their
fate.
And like IBM
he was forced defend
the charge that he'd gotten too big.
The competitive race
increases it pace
while he's in the anti-trust brig.
So what is the moral
of this software quarrel?
It's great to be good
but if you're too good
you'll face the wrong end
of a barrel.
The free-market works
'til government jerks
decide they can make it work
better.
Tha'ts when we see
the farce it can be
when government's like the Mad
Hatter
© 2000
2000-04-02 Daily Update-01
© 2000
Hillary's insightful
limerick as a forward to her new book:
It Takes a Commune
(dedicated
to Elian Gonzales):
Before I acquired my hauteur,
I foolishly felt quite assured ...
that fam'lies were best --
not government quests --
to raise kids until they
mature.
But then, with my Ivey-League
Peers,
I learned that such values were "weird."
We found-out quite early
that folks over thirty
deserved nothing else but our
jeers.
They thought that we should feel blessed
that we had been born in the West.
Of course they were bores
who knew not the score
and we were the brightest and
best.
We told them that pigs were
their visage
and that they had plundered and pillaged.
That's when I learned
they couldn't discern
that kids should be raised by a
village.
When health-care had ruined my visage,
I co-authored "It Takes a
Village"
The village knows best--
not Father Knows Best,
who offered us nothing but
lineage.
But since Elian's Mom met her
doom,
I've changed to a much better tune
Fidel knows the way,
so now I must say
that surely "It Takes a Commune."
© 2000
2000-04-01 Daily Update- 01
© 2000
Work in Progress.
(No Foolin') Come back later... Never mind.
This Page contains
Daily Updates for April, 2000. To go to our current
Daily Update Page, click here. To go to our Daily Update
Archives, click here..
