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Political Satire Daily Updates.©2000

Archives of Daily Updates for February, 2000:.
This page contains Daily Updates for February, 2000.  To go to our current Daily Update Page, click here.  To go to our Archives of Daily Updates, click here..
2000-02-29-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
"Straight-Talk" McCain:   "I did not have campaign relations with that phone-campaign implying Bush is 'anti-Catholic.'"   When first confronted with questions about the phone-campaign in Michigan smearing George Bush as being "anti-Catholic," McCain denied any involvement in any phone-call-campaign "accusing" Bush of being "anti-Catholic."  When subsequently confronted with the fact that campaign-staff people had admitted authoring and implementing the "Catholic Voter Alert" phone-campaign, McCain lamely contended his first denial was truthful because the calls by his campaign merely "truthfully" recited that George Bush had visited Bob Jones University without overtly condemning that school's anti-Catholic views.   However, despite such obviously lame and tenuous distinction, it is patently obvious that his campaign engaged in telephone-fraud by identifying "Catholic Voter Alert" (rather than the McCain Campaign) as the source and author of those calls.    Whose conduct does this most resemble?  Can you say "Bill Clinton."???  © 2000

2000-02-28-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Satirical Cramps--Again.
Remember that commercial about those times when "the food you love doesn't love you back"?  Please excuse the absence of an update for 02-28-00.

2000-02-27-00 Daily Update-01 © 2000
New World Order:  Madeline Albright becomes President of the Czech Republic  (See story about Czech President Vaclav Havel's having urged her to consider making herself a candidate to be his successor.)
Pat Buchannan becomes President of Austria
Policies to resurrect the good-side of  National Socialism.
Ted Kennedy becomes President of Monaco
Satisfies Kennedy's desire to return to life in the fast lane and escape the constant behave-yourself tutelage of Utah Senator Orin Hatch.
Bill Clinton becomes President of Monica
Inhabitants of recently-discovered island-nation unanimously vote to rename their island "Monica" to entice Clinton to become its President and sole male inhabitant.   The CIA's recent discovery of the island exclusively populated by plump, promiscuous young women led to DNA testing of the inhabitants, which identified them as direct descendants of the sirens encountered by Odysseus.
Bill Bradley becomes President of Sri Lanka
Bradley's pensive dynamism makes him an ideal leader to preside over Sri Lankans from a temple atop a tall mountain where he will dispense wisdom to those making the trek to his mountain-top temple for answers to the true meaning of life.
Al Gore becomes Maximum Leader at the Animal Farm
Opportunity for Gore to exercise his proven ability to convince listeners that "up" is "down," which amazing ability he most recently demonstrated by convincing an Apollo Theatre        audience that Bradley's criticism of his votes to preserve tax-exempt status of racially-discriminatory colleges was much less offensive than Bradley's mean-spirited criticism of him for casting such votes.
Hillary Clinton becomes Chairwoman of Amazon Republic
Having often demonstrated her prowess in hurling objects (lamps, ash-trays, etc.) toward irresponsible men (considered by inhabitants of the Amazon Republic to be a redundant phrase), the Amazonians unanimously elected her President of their all-female republic.
Rudy Giuliani becomes President of Sicily.
Needing a way to re-establish order following the destruction of the Mafia's infrastructure, the inhabitants of Sicily unanimously elected Giuliani to serve as President of Sicily (never mind Italy).
McCain becomes Pope
McCain's having demonstrated unequivocal belief in his own infallibility made him the unanimous choice of the College of Cardinals to replace Pope John, to be voted out of office by the Cardinals for having too often demonstrated too much humility.
Peter King becomes President of Don King Promotions.
Having demonstrated the mental-gymnastics skills to maintain a straight face while while shamelessly asserting self-contradictory positions and engaging in shameless self-promotion, Peter King has been named President of Don King Promotions.
© 2000

2000-02-26 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Satirical Cramps.
Remember that commercial about those times when "the food you love doesn't love you back"?  Please excuse the absence of an update for 02-26-00.

2000-02-25 Daily Update-02 © 2000
McCain has more courage than 1,000 Al Gores.
Put aside for a moment your opinion on whether McCain and Bush should have urged South Carolina to remove the Confederate Flag from atop the Capital of South Carolina and instead put it in its proper place in a museum; put aside the continuing silence by Democratic South Carolina Senator Ernest Hollings on the issue; put aside Gore's failure to demand that the current Democratic Governor simply move the flag from atop the Capital and put it in a museum.  Then focus on the statement by Al Gore in which he said the Republican candidates (i.e., McCain and Bush) "didn't have the courage" to urge South Carolina to remove the flag-- then ask yourself whether Al Gore is entitled to lecture John McCain on the subject of courage.  (By the way, I think McCain and Bush should have stated their opinion that the flag should be moved-- indeed, in an interview, George Bush said that if it were in his state, he would oppose flying the Confederate flag over the Texas state capital and McCain implied a similar position.)   (One more by the way:   I am a Southerner.  The flag belongs in a museum focusing on history, not atop a Capital.)  This "no courage" criticism of Bush and McCain by Gore is not just simply below the belt-- it's race-baiting.  

2000-02-25 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Polisat officially endorses a candidate for President.
    Who is the candidate we admire most?
    Who is the best and Who cares the most?
    To find-out his name 
    and join his campaign,
    click here to be one who votes. 
© 2000

2000-02-24 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Hell on Earth
Hell on Earth is what you get when you entrust governmental power to people on a mission to create Heaven on Earth for everyone. © 2000

2000-02-23 Daily Update-01 © 2000
    For one who keeps up with the news, 
    a phone-call won't alter his views
    A push-poll won't work 
    except on a jerk 
    who doesn't keep up the the news. 
© 2000

2000-02-22 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Failure breeds humility
    Because our New Hampshire predictions 
    were so far off base they were fiction
    We felt it was best 
    to give it a rest 
    and not try to guess about Michigan.
© 2000

2000-02-21 Daily Update-01  © 2000
Hypocrisy on Parade
In the Gore/Bradley debate this evening, Bradley justifiably confronted Gore with votes he cast between 1979 and 1981 to preserve tax-exempt status for racially-discriminatory colleges.  Gore described those votes as "anti-quota" votes.  Bradley and Gore have castigated George Bush merely for speaking at Bob Jones University without overtly condemning racially and religiously bigoted views by that school's leaders.  But, in the Gore/Bradley debate in the Apollo Theatre tonight, did Bradley or Gore overtly condemn bigoted and inflammatory views expressed by, and actions taken by, Al Sharpton?  Can you say, "No"?  If you can bring yourself to say "No," you'd be right.   Do Bradley's and Gore's  failures to overtly condemn Sharpton's bigoted views and behavior while in a debate before an audience comprised of large numbers of his supporters, whose votes they want, mean that Bradley and Gore share or endorse Sharpton's bigoted views?  If you answer "No" to that question, what's your answer to the question of whether Bush's giving of a speech at Bob Jones University without overtly condemning its leaders crowd constituted an endorsement of that school's bigoted views?.   © 2000

2000-02-20 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Blind Arrogance & Self-Righteous Zealotry
    The tone of McCain's "concession" speech yesterday evening makes it obvious he's a man who completely, unequivocally and blindly believes his own rhetoric about himself.  With false humility, he tries to disguise his incredible arrogance and self-righteous zealotry.  His claim that his campaign was so "pure" and "positive" is insulting.  He started his campaign with the accusation that everyone but he is corrupt, that Bush's proposal for across-the-board tax cuts was designed to give "most" of the "benefits" to the "rich," and that Bush posed a threat to Social Security.   Regardless of what he says, the solutions he proposes are clear manifestations of a government-knows-best philosophy.
    As much as Al Gore may deserve criticism for his participation in the Buddhist Temple fundraising event and for his unrelated speech contending there was "no controlling legal authority" prohibiting campaign-solicitations via telephone located on federal property, McCain's repeated characterizations of those events plainly distort them in ways relatively easily refuted.  Is this kind of distortion and overstatement what he means by a "positive" campaign?
    When Bush spoke at Bob Jones University, he should have known the school promotes bigoted viewpoints and should have overtly condemned such views.  Arguably, Bush should have disassociated himself from the views of the veteran who spoke so unkindly in his presence about McCain, yet when Bush -- in response to being castigated by McCain for not having repudiated such comments -- pointed out McCain's failure to disassociate himself from Warren Rudman's bigoted criticism of Christians, McCain feebly said Rudman was entitled to his own views.   (Of course, Rudman is a decent man, but he should have apologized for his bigoted remarks.)
    Finally, McCain's commercial implying Bush is a liar like Clinton was as unfair as would be a Gore commercial equating Bradley with Clinton.  Perhaps McCain's demonstration of blind self-righteousness and ungraciousness is a manifestation of the reason so few of his senatorial colleagues support him. © 2000

2000-02-19 Daily Update © 2000
The War Between the Stakes (McCain's and Bush's stakes in the South Carolina Primary)
What a paradox is John McCain:  He's a heroic and honorable man who risked his life for his country and principles of freedom.  He endured torture at the hands of totalitarian propagandists who tried to force him to agree that "up" was "down"-- i.e., that "freedom" was "slavery" and "slavery" was "freedom" (while Hanoi Jane frolicked with his captors).   Even recently, in commenting about the plight of Elian Gonzales, he correctly analogized the language of Cuban officials as the same type "commie-speak" spoken by his captors in Hanoi.

McCain Paradox #1:  It's paradoxical for him to now use standard, leftist "class-warfare" language in characterizing across-the-board tax cuts as "benefits" for the "rich."  One subscribing to the view that the government is the servant of the people, rather than vice versa, could not reasonably view a reduction of taxes as a "benefit" from the government to taxpayers.  Only leftist-philosophy views the issue as whether a particular group "needs" such "benefit"-- this is clearly a leftist manifestation of the philosophy of Karl Marx:  "From each according to his ability; to each according to his need" with the collective group -- not the individual -- deciding what should, and should not, be considered to be that individual's "needs."  That's the antithesis of our notion of the land of the free and the home of the brave.

McCain Paradox #2:   His lingering feelings of guilt for having been involved in the Keating Five scandal have apparently motivated him to become blind to the unconstitutionality of his proposals for campaign-finance "reform."  His prior, heroic sacrifices for freedom make it paradoxical for him to propose campaign finance "reform" that would put the government in charge of political speech in the land of the free and the home of the brave.  No one could seriously dispute that large sums of money controlled by small groups can, and probably often do, influence positions taken by those in power (or those seeking power), but the "solution" of having the government regulate political speech by severely limiting a citizen's right to expend his property in a manner he sees fit to express his political views is a solution far worse than the problem.  Our founding fathers recognized this principle when they decided to include a constitutional guarantee against governmental infringement of free speech and freedom of association-- they knew that government efforts to prohibit "bad" speech would ultimately become a far worse evil than tolerating "bad" speech.  McCain tries to deny that his campaign-finance proposals would limit free speech-- He says they would only limit the bad "special interests."  Yet his own response to a political-action group's criticism of his proposals make it obvious that he expects his proposals to severely limit the rights of citizens to pool their resources to engage in issue-advocacy and/or support for, or opposition to, particular candidates or parties:   He said the reason the pro-life political-action committees oppose him is that they are currently running a highly lucrative fundraising business to engage in such political advocacy and that they know enactment of his proposals would put a stop to their activities.  I rest my case!  (By the way, I personally oppose most of the views and tactics of the pro-life PACs, but loyalty to the principles of free speech restrains me from advocating enactment of laws to restrict their political-speech activities.)

McCain Paradox #3:  It's paradoxical that the fact that he's luxurating in the lap of Big Beer does not engender in him any sense of hypocrisy or contradictory behavior in his failure to launch a campaign to send the Budweiser Frogs and Lizards to the Joe Camel Graveyard.  (Personally, I would not want him to launch such a crusade-- I just wish he'd stop being so self-righteous and fanatically zealous in his "crusade" against "Big Tobacco" and "Joe Camel"-- Scroll down to read my "Solution" comments in the paragraph above the 2000-02-12 Daily Update.)   I'm reasonably sure that "Big Beer" executives would unhesitatingly state under oath before congress that beer is not "addictive" (although some become "addicted" to it just as some become "addicted" to nicotine).  I'm also reasonably sure they would deny that they intend advertisements using characters such as animated frogs and lizards to induce minors into a desire to drink beer.  Would he then call them "liars" as he did "Big Tobacco" executives?  Would he then call them "people who addicted our children" as he characterized the "Big Tobacco" people?  (Scroll down to read my comments at 2000-02-04 Daily Update--07.)   His fanatical zealotry on this issue is just as offensive as the totalitarian fanaticism of leftists.
    Do I admire McCain?  Yes.  Am I, as a citizen favoring limited government, angered by his anti-freedom positions on these issues?  Yes.  Am I, as a citizen, engaging in "issue advocacy"?  Yes.  Am I a "tool" of "Big Tobacco"?  No.  Please excuse the absence of satire in these comments.  Jim Wrenn, Editor © 2000

2000-02-18 Daily Update -02 © 2000
Why must the experts do studies to learn what we've known all along?  (Regarding a federal study that just "discovered" that kids raised in two-parent homes with educated moms learn better, faster and easier than kids raised in single-mom homes abandoned by irresponsible fathers-- click here for results of that  study.)
    Why must our taxes be spent 
    to learn what we've known by our own common sense?
    The Feds don't believe 
    any facts they retrieve 
    unless they cost dollars and cents
    A new federal study "discovers" 
    that children learn best when their Mothers
    Can help them in learning 
    while Dad does the earning 
    instead of just doing his druthers.

    Since single-mom's kids fall behind, 
    then what's the solution to find?
    Those dads must be forced 
    to fully support 
    the moms and the kids left behind
    We who know how to be Dads 
    must learn how to inspire younger lads
    To not reproduce 
    and go on the loose 
    but stay with their kids and be Dads

    Young women must learn to be choosey 
    and not reproduce loosey-goosey
    They must say "No" to guys 
    who don't show 
    they want them as wives and not floozies
© 2000

2000-02-18 Daily Update--01 © 2000
Advice to Dubya
Now that it has become clear that no one is entitled to criticize any proposal by McCain without being perceived as being "negative," it's obvious that Bush must incorporate the following preface into every statement he utters, every comercial he runs, every leaflet he distributes and every phone call any of his supporters make in which he may have the temerity to find any fault whatsoever in any aspect of any of McCain's proposals:
Recommended example #1:
John McCain is a hero.  In fact, George Bush thinks John McCain is much more heroic than George Bush himself.  Nevertheless, George Bush recognizes that since even heroes sometimes have bad ideas, it's his obligation to point out flaws in McCain's ideas on campaign finance reform:  Enactment of his proposals would not merely limit contributions by those that you as a voter may perceive as "special interests," they would also limit YOUR rights as a voter to pool your money with other like-thinking individuals to engage in advocacy of issues and/or candidates with which you agree.
Recommended example #2:
John McCain is a hero.  In fact, George Bush thinks John McCain is much more heroic than George Bush himself.  Nevertheless, George Bush recognizes that since even heroes sometimes have bad ideas, it's his obligation to point out flaws in McCain's ideas on tax cuts:  No matter how noble may be McCain's goal of helping the "little guy," it's simply wrong to use rhetoric that falsely implies that money paid to the government as taxes belongs to the government so that a reduction of such taxes should be viewed as a "benefit" from, or "spending" by, the government. © 2000

2000-02-16 Daily Update -01 © 2000
Dubya-Speak-- It's Deja Vu All Over Again (as that great philosopher, Yogi, would say)
    His speeches are good but egad, 
    he mangles his syntax like Dad
    He surely ain't stranger 
    than that Texas Ranger-- 
    ole Yogi whose syntax is plaid
    Omitting the nominative case, 
    ole Dad lost the speechmaker race
    But Dubya's like Yogi, 
    that brilliant old fogie-- 
    who speaks with his words out of place. 

© 2000

2000-02-15 Daily Update-01 © 2000
Boredom Exposes Bill Clinton's True Nature
    A guy with the pseudonym Wankel 
    who loves to behave as a prankster
    did us a favor 
    by adding some flavor 
    to CNN's chat with SlickMeister.
    Being a quite clever guy, 
    the prankster named Wankel was sly
    With clever invention, 
    he posed as Bill Clinton 
    and showed us what's in Willie's mind.

    We shouldn't give hackers a forum;  
    instead, we should soundly deplore 'em,
    but pranks don't give grief, 
    they give us relief, 
    and this one's residing in "Boredom
© 2000

2000-02-14 Daily Update--01  © 2000
Valentine from Lucky Editor to Loyal Wife
    We're lucky that Valentine's Day 
    reminds us of things we should say
    to those whom we love 
    but seldom think of 
    their caring for us day by day.
    Among all the guys in the world 
    are few who have found such a pearl.
    as my loyal wife 
    who copes with my strife 
    and helps when my brain's in a whirl.

    When I'm too involved in my work 
    and often behave like jerk.
    She rises above 
    and shows me her love 
    when most gals would just go berserk.
    She stayed by my side through dark nights 
    and helped me to cope with my strife.
    There is no way 
    sufficient to say 
    how lucky I am she's my wife.

© 2000

2000-02-13 Daily Update--02 
© 2000
Hillary Rodham Clinton's new name:  Hilliary or Hellary
    As "Rodham" or "Clinton" she's pilloried, 
    and so she just wants to be "Hill'ry."
    She lied up a storm 
Hellth-Care "Reform" ---
    Hil-liar-y or maybe just Hellary
© 2000
2000-02-13 Daily Update--01  © 2000
McCain:  Heroism, Sanctimoniousness, Zealotry and Say/Do Contradictions:  (Please excuse the non-satirical nature of this item-- but it doesn't hurt for you to know how I think.)
    McCain has justifiably become perceived as a larger-than-life heroic figure on the basis of his courageous endurance of barbaric cruelty at the hands of his North Vietnamese captors.  (Remember those anti-imperialist heroes so deeply admired and publicly supported by Hanoi Jane?)  By his actions he earned, and deserves, our eternal gratitude, admiration and respect, but he has not earned any entitlement to be immune from criticism for supporting bad ideas, acting in ways that contradict what he says, and exhibiting sanctimoniousness and zealotry on some issues.

Campaign Finance "Reform"  McCain sanctimoniously implies (and sometimes directly says) that those who oppose his campaign-finance "reforms" are "corrupt."  (Of course, if someone else's commercial contains minor inaccuracies about his proposals and/or record, he sanctimoniously views such actions as attacks on his personal integrity.)  While claiming his proposals would not violate free speech, he characterized the pro-life political-action committees as lucrative businesses that know enactment of his proposed reforms would dramatically limit their political-advocacy activities.  [Although I personally disagree with much (probably most) of the political agenda of the pro-life PACs, I vehemently oppose government regulation of their constituencies' expenditures of their "property" in exercising their free-speech/free-association rights to advocate their political agenda.]   McCain's comments about the pro-life PACs plainly demonstrate that notwithstanding his claim to the contrary, he actually expects his campaign-finance "reforms" to have the effect of limiting the free-speech and free-association rights groups of Americans who choose to band together and pool their resources to advocate their political agenda via lobbying, commercials, political endorsements, "issue advocacy" and by supporting and opposing various candidates and parties.  (By the way, Bush says he supports "banning soft money" but only if there's "paycheck" power of union members to prevent their dues being spent on political advocacy with which they disagree-- thus, Bush merely supports a less-evil version of campaign finance "reform" than does McCain, but, at least Bush hasn't made such anti-freedom proposals a centerpiece of his campaign and doesn't seem to be closed-minded zealot on the subject.)

    Tax-cuts-- McCain's class-warfare rhetoric and self-contradictory statements:
    McCain employs class-warfare rhetoric to characterize Bush's tax-cut proposal as overwhelmingly "benefiting" the rich.  However, on
02-06-00, he told Sam Donaldson on This Week, that he "virulently opposed the 1993 income tax increase" passed by Clinton and the Democrats, yet he characterizes Bush's proposal to reverse that tax cut as being a "benefit to the rich."  I agree that it's beneficial to an overtaxed taxpayer for the government to start taking less of his money, but how can he fairly call such tax cut a "benefit" as if the government were giving something to the taxpayer?   Why does he use such Orwellian language?  Why does he characterize a tax cut as a "spending" of the "surplus"?   How can he characterize the act of having the government take less of a taxpayer's money as if it constitutes the "spending" of money by the government? © 2000 

    Anti-Joe-Camel Zealotry while luxuriating in the lap of Big Beer's Frogs & Lizards:.
Is he--as a
financial beneficiary of Big Beer-- proud of the Budweiser Frogs and Lizards and similar commercials frequently aired on sporting events popular among kids?  In terms of years of life-expectation eliminated among our "kids," deaths from drunk driving by kids lured into drinking by Big Beer's commercials targeting the adolescent sense of humor eliminates more life-expectation years than the effects of the slightly-lower, long-term life-expectancy among smokers.  See polisat's 2000-02-05 Daily Update (scroll down to find it)].  Furthermore, the "second-hand" effects of drunk driving often kills innocent, non-drinkers unlike the merely annoying effects of "second-hand smoke."

Plain Hypocrisy:   See polisat's challenge to McCain in polisat's 2000-02-05 Daily Update (scroll down to find it)].  Of course he'll have a ready-made excuse for not doing so, but in refusing to do so, he'll be doing the right thing for the wrong reason.  It should be obvious that if his family's financial well-being were secured by a Big Tobacco distributorship instead of a Big Beer distributorship, he'd be waging a holy war against the Budweiser Frogs and Lizards while ignoring Joe Camel, a lesser threat to "our children" than the Budweiser Frogs and Lizards.

Solution:  The solution is not to launch a holy-war against the Budweiser Frogs and Lizards.  Although that's clearly the logical extension of the holy-war against "Joe Camel," it would take us further down the slippery slope to an Orwellian society.  Successes in such holy wars will lead to holy wars against red meat, mayonnaise, bacon, sausage, eggs, fast-food, carbonated drinks, sugar, etc.-- the list for holy-war do-gooders would be endless.  The solution is to stop the holy war against tobacco and not initiate any more holy-wars to placate the utopians and pantheopian activists.  ("Pantheopian" is a term I coined to describe the currently fashionable form of activism based on a worship of nature and a view of man as a corrupting and plundering intruder on nature.)  © 2000

2000-02-12 Daily Update © 2000
Jesse-the-Mind-Left-the-Body to found a new "X" Party
    has found the Reform Party shoddy
    He was for Trump 
    but Ross kicked his rump 
    to prove he can still be so snotty.
    The Mind says the party dysfunctions, 
    so leaving will cause no compunctions,
    and like Vince McMahon,
     he'll make a new plan 
    for a new party "X" that will function.

© 2000

2000-02-11 Daily Update-05  © 2000

Bar Disciplinary Proceedings against Clinton loom (fruit of the loom?)
    We know people love to hate lawyers 
    and think they're as low-down as voyeurs.
    Was Clinton's low ethics 
    to watch cigar sex-trysts 
    the "two for one" combo he offered? 
© 2000

2000-02-11 Daily Update-04  © 2000

Truth spoken by idiots remains true; Foolishness spoken by wise men remains foolish.
Just as 2+2=4 being asserted as true by a dishonorable person doesn't make it false, 2+2=5 being asserted as true by an honorable, heroic person sincerely believing it to be true nevertheless doesn't make it true.  McCain, Bradley, Feingold, et al, can say all they want that campaign finance "reform" doesn't infringe free speech, but anyone using common sense will understand that governmental regulation of not only monetary contributions but also "in kind" work inherently limits a citizen's freedom of speech and association. © 2000

2000-02-11 Daily Update-03
Disbarment Proceedings:  Nixon subordinates then and Clinton now
Soon after John Dean admitted that while serving as Special Counsel in the Nixon Administration, he had encouraged others to give false answers under oath, the Virginia State Bar initiated procedures promptly resulting in his disbarment.  Soon after Charles Colson pleaded guilty to having disseminated to a media representative damaging information about a political adversary of Nixon, the Virginia State Bar initiated procedures promptly resulting in his disbarment.  In Virginia, unlike Arkansas, no outside party had to file any legal proceeding in an effort to compel the Bar to proceed to do its duty. © 2000

2000-02-11 Daily Update-02
Could Michael Jordan endorse Bradley under Campaign Finance "Reform"?????
I admire Bill Bradley.  I admire Michael Jordan, one of the few highly-paid athletes who seems to have remained a well-grounded person.  News reports indicating Jordan is doing a political commercial for Bradley after having already donated $1,000 to Bradley's campaign raise an interesting question:  Under Bradley's (and McCain's and Feingold's) campaign finance "reform" proposals, wouldn't Jordan's ad constitute an "in kind" contribution worth one hell of a lot more than $1,000.  Wouldn't the new "reform" prohibit such ad as the equivalent of a personal contribution exceeding the government-allowed level of political speech?  I think Jordan should be free to make the ad regardless of how much he were to have contributed to Bradley.  Hell, I think Jordan should have the freedom to publicly give all his money to Bradley's campaign if he were to choose to do so.  That's what freedom is all about, but the campaign finance "reform" proposals will increase the anti-free-speech and anti-freedom governmental limitations that already exist.    The only real effect of campaign finance "reforms" enacted since 1974 has been to gradually make ordinary people less and less willing to become involved in politics or make contributions.   Many of them are intimidated by the perception that they need the advice of a $500/hour lawyer to know whether they may legally do what they want to do.  This should not be the case in the land of the free and the home of the brave.   Jim Wrenn, Editor (Please excuse the absence of satire in these comments.) © 2000

2000-02-11 Daily Update-01
It's all the buzz in Albion: Hillary stiffs a single mom"
Washington Times Headline 02-11-00
 Sounds just like Bill, to me.

2000-02-10 Daily Update
Forbes withdraws from the race; disproves "need" for campaign finance "reform."
    The rich man, Steve Forbes, has withdrawn, 
    so now do you think it might dawn
    on any who favor 
    a stronger enslaver 
    they call campaign finance "reform,"
    that money just isn't enough 
    'cause rich guys get knocked on their duff?
    No, they won't learn 
    'cause they can't discern 
    that money just isn't enough.

© 2000

2000-02-09 Daily Update
Chris Matthews & John McCain-- Visceral thinkers with brains

    Chris Matthews is like John McCain-- 
    a visceral thinker with brains.
    They both want to be ... 
    so noble, you see, 
    they sometimes can  be quite a pain 
    But one thing we've known all along: 
    they sometimes admit they've been wrong 
    And that gives us hope 
    that tugs on their ropes 
    can teach them to sing a new song. 

    We know that they both value freedom 
    and dislike political fiefdoms .
    That's why it's bizarre 
    that both of them are ... 
    for limiting campaigning freedom. 
    They should know campaigners ain't "free" 
    as government regulatees 
    They prob'ly won't learn 
    until they discern expression 
    has ceased to be free. 

© 2000

2000-02-08 Daily Update
The Battle of South Carolina-- 
Can Bush Beard the McCain Lion? 

    While Bush tries to campaign aloof, 
    McCain will soon bring down his roof 
    Unless Bush can learn 
    that people discern 
    more with their hearts than the truth.
    They're much more attracted to style 
    by more than a big country mile 
    In rough lions' dens, 
    John stays to make friends 
    while Bush only visits a while.

    McCain is so sure he is right, 
    that questions don't give him a fright 
    His resolute style 
    and well-practiced smile 
    gives him appeal wrong or right. 
    He surely defied all predictions 
    by claiming that he would cause friction. 
    Bad policies seem 
    to make voters keen 
    when stated by one with convictions. 

    He has the incredible gumption 
    to accuse everyone of corruption, 
    then whines and complains 
    when anyone deigns 
    to challenge his bonehead assertions. 
    So how can one challenge a hero-- 
    without coming off like a zero? 
    First, sing his song, 
    then show how he's wrong 
    despite having been a big hero. 

    When battling with one who's a lion, 
    one can't for a moment stop trying 
    Again and again, 
    go into his den-- 
    that's how one can beard a tough lion. 
© 2000 

2000-02-07 Daily Update
Editor's Lament
    As each of us travels through life, 
    we're often confronted with strife
    In our times of need 
    we hope to receive 
    a pat on the back--not a knife
    In forming opinions of those 
    whom we are just getting to know
    We think with our hearts and 
    don't use our smarts 
    and sometimes get tossed to and fro.

    In thinking a person a friend, 
    we make good assumptions and then
    We sometimes uncover 
    some warts and discover 
    behavior that's not like a friend
    So what can we learn from such cads?  
    To draw the wrong lesson is sad
    We can't forego trust 
    'cause that's such a bust-- 
    we still have to     risk being "had."

    Protection from being let-down 
    means trusting in no one around
    Trusting no one 
    protects us from some 
    but shields us from ups, not just downs.
    To separate wheat from the chaff 
    and make best whatever we have
    Time and again 
    we must trust a friend, 
    and when we're let down-- learn to laugh. 

© 2000

2000-02-06 Daily Update-
Media/political hype for government-funded child-care 
(Can you say "taxpayer funded"? -- Better yet, can you say "Hillary Care") 
    I'm tired of the whining and frets 
    by couples who have kids as pets. 
    The proper child care's
    a Mom who is there-- 
    not someone who's paid to hear frets.
    Too many women fall prey 
    to the outlandlish notion that they 
    must have a career 
    to satisfy peers 
    and leave kids with strangers all day. 

    Why do career gals suppose 
    that others should pay through the nose 
    so they can pay less 
    for care they think best 
    so they can keep up with the Jones? 
    My boys were quite lucky guys 
    as apples of their Mama's eyes 
    She had a career 
    but quit without fear 
    to be Mom for her special guys.

    She could have preferred a career 
    and sent them to child-care to rear,
    but she knew it best 
    that we all have less 
    for them to have more of her near. 
    Should one-income couples pay more 
    in taxes for child-care galore 
    So two-income fam'lies 
    can sample life's candies 
    and pay less for child-caring chores? 

    Of course the right answer is "No." 
    So who does that leave-- Do you know? 
    Those two-income fam'lies 
    and grandads and grannies-- 
    and college-kid's parents-- but whoa ! 
    All in those groups will say "No," 
    we just can't afford to pay mo' 
    Who, then, is left 
    to be made bereft 
    for yuppies to keep up their show? 

    Who should be brought to their knees 
    to pay for such big-spending sprees? 
    So don't tax me, 
    and don't tax thee, 
    just tax that guy behind the tree 
© 2000 (except last line)

2000-02-06 Daily Update-02
Sound Bites from Hillary's Senatorial-Candidacy Announcement (du 2000-02-06)
Shedding Light on the Issues:
I did not throw lamps at that man ... Bill Clinton.
Policy on Smoking:
I did not throw ashtrays at that man ... Bill Clinton
Policy on Sex Education:
I did not give condoms to that man ... Bill Clinton
Policy on Sex: 
 I did not have sex with that man ... Bill Clinton
Policy on Sectarianism:  
I do not favor sects, you all, re lay-shuns.
Policy on Mean-Spiritedness:  
Unlike the mean-spirited Rudi Giuliani, I treat everyone as kindly as I did Billy Dale.
Policy on Cookies:  
I made cookies for my website.
Policy on Women as Cattle-Futures Investors:  
I know how to turn a little cow into a lot of bull
Policy on the Homeless:  
For years, I've known first-hand the value of government shelters.
Policy on Guns:  
Since Bill was never in the military, he never learned that important, basic training lesson, "This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for fighting, this is for fun," but the slogan is best understood when being illustrated by hand gestures.  But, it's my understanding that as Commander in Chief, he got those instructions in the Oval Office.
Policy on Gun Registration:  
I favor gun-registration-- If Bill's had been properly registered, Paula wouldn't have been able to identify it.
Advice for Feminists on Dealing with Male Predators in the Corporate World:  
As an advocate for feminists, I've decided to license and franchise the "Kit for Career Women" modeled on
my own secrets of success in dealing with powerful men.
© 2000

2000-02-06 Daily Update-01
McCain's Self-contradiction on Tax-Cuts--
Question to:  John McOrwell aka John McCain
Today (02-06-00), you (John McCain) told Sam Donaldson on This Week, that you "virulently opposed the 1993 income tax increase" passed by Clinton and the Democrats, yet you characterize Bush's proposal to reverse that tax cut as being a "benefit to the rich." I agree that it's beneficial to an overtaxed taxpayer for the government to start taking less of his money but how can you fairly call such tax cut a "benefit" as if the government were giving something to the taxpayer? Why do you use such Orwellian language? Why do you characterize a tax cut as a "spending" of the "surplus"? How can you characterize the act of having the government take less of a taxpayer's money as if it constitutes the "spending" of money by the government? © 2000 

2000-02-05 Daily Update
Polisat's Challenge to John McCain & Big Beer
Senator McCain: I like and admire you enormously, but just as I don't let my affection for my closest friends keep me from telling them when I think they're wrong on serious matters, and just as they do likewise toward me, I make the following challenge to you: Show your complete independence from Big Beer by promptly introducing (or by giving your word that you will introduce) federal legislation to do the following things: 
1. Require Big Beer to eliminate underage drinking by the end of the year 2002. 
2. Require Big Beer to withdraw all advertising from television, radio and the internet. 
3. Ban Big Beer's use of cartoon-like characters, such as frogs and lizards, in any form of advertising in any medium (including magazines, newspapers, billboards, etc.)-- i.e., send the frogs, lizards, animated beer-bottles, etc. to the Joe Camel graveyard. 
4. Prohibit Big Beer from directly or indirectly sponsoring, or advertising at, any sporting event popular among minors. 
5. Prohibit Big Beer from directly or indirectly causing, or permitting, any brand name, trademark or company name associated in any way with beer to be imprinted upon hats, T-shirts, sweatshirts, tote-bags, or other novelty items that might be attractive to minors. 
6. Require Big Beer to to establish a multi-billion-dollar fund to support a government-run, nationwide alcohol-recovery programs. 
7. Require Big Wine to fund homeless-people shelters in all major cities. 
8. Impose a $0.75 per can tax on beer to be used for federal programs designed to attain those goals and whatever other goals may be devised in the future for "the children," "the elderly," and "the homeless." 
9. Impose a $3,000 per child penalty for every minor caught drinking any time after January 1, 2003. 
10. Impose a $100,000 fine on Big Beer for each person killed in an accident caused by drunkenness (whether in the form of drunk driving, drunken brawls, domestic quarrels, etc.) 
11. Impose a $500,000 fine on Big Beer for each person killed in a crime in which the offender's blood-alcohol content was sufficient to constitute impaired driving. 
12. Require Big Beer and Big Wine to fund a nationwide educational program involving public-service announcements graphically explaining the death, injuries, broken homes, spousal abuse, etc. caused by alcohol consumption. 
    Embracing this 12-step program would go a long way toward convincing me you are motivated by principle rather than political expediency in your war against Big Tobacco. By the way, I am NOT a "tool" of Big Tobacco. I do not now, and never have, owned any tobacco company stock and have never represented any tobacco company. I'm just an American citizen angered by big government and determined to insist that those who demand such exacting standards by others live up to such standards themselves. There's often a fine line between being principled and becoming a zealot, and on tobacco, campaign-finance and using the Orwellian tactic of calling a tax-cut a "benefit", you have, in my opinion, crossed that line. Let me know whether you'll accept my challenge. By having admitted what you considered to have been your own wrongdoing in the "Keating Five" episode, I know you have the courage to change your mind when you can be persuaded you're wrong.  You can reach me at the email address shown below. Jim Wrenn, editor@polisat.com.

2000-02-04 Daily Update--07
McCain Quote of the Day about Smokers' Coalition criticism of his tobacco-tax increase 
On 02-03-00, McCain said (in South Carolina): "I'm proud to be opposed by the people who addicted our children" presumably referring in part to Big Tobacco's use of "Joe Camel" to entice "kids" into smoking. As the spouse of an owner of substantial interests in a huge beer distributorship, is he, as a financial beneficiary of Big Beer, proud of the Budweiser Frogs and Lizards and similar commercials frequently aired on sporting events popular among kids? In terms of years of life-expectation eliminated among our "kids," deaths from drunk driving by kids lured into drinking by Big Beer's commercials targeting the adolescent sense of humor eliminates more life-expectation years than the slightly-lower, long-term life-expectancy among smokers.© 2000

2000-02-04 Daily Update--06
Al Gore Quote of the Day 
"I did not have opposing relations with that National Organization of Women." © 2000

2000-02-04 Daily Update--05
A 1996 Gorephonics-- (Gore's adaptation of Clinphonics.) 
What we thought we heard Gore say in his 1996 Democratic Convention speech: "After my sister's lung-cancer death, I opposed tobacco for our kids." But, years after his sister's death, he gave pro-tobacco speeches at political rallies-- So, doesn't that show that he lied in his 1996 speech characterizing his sister's death as a cathartic event changing him from pro-tobacco to anti-tobacco? Of course not! We just misled ourselves in 1996 by not listening carefully to his 1996 speech.  What he really said in that speech was: "After my sister's lung-cancer death, I, uh, posed tobacco for orchids." © 2000 

2000-02-04 Daily Update--04
A Note to Bill Bradley: Sauce for the Goose ... Those who live in glass houses ... etc. 
Bradley, you rightly criticized Bush for speaking at Bob Jones University in South Carolina on 02-03-00 without condemning it's prior, anti-interracial-marriage dogma. (Never mind that the inter-ethnic marriage of Bush's brother, Jeb, to a hispanic woman surely demonstrates that the Bush family is not a bunch of bigots.) Will you now criticize yourself for meeting with Al Sharpton without condemning his racially polarizing behavior? Will you now criticize Hillary Clinton for meeting with Sharpton without condemning his racially polarizing behavior? © 2000 

2000-02-04 Daily Update--03
A Note to Bush about Campaign Finance "Reform" 
So what if it's "bad for Republicans"? Who cares? What matters is that it's bad for free speech -- i.e., bad for America, which is why you should retract your foolish claim that a satirical, anti-Bush website should be required to "register" under federal election laws. © 2000 

2000-02-04 Daily Update--02
A Warning to Bush 
Despite McCain's class-warfare rhetoric mischaracterizing tax-cuts for everyone as "benefiting the rich"; despite his support of Orwellian laws mislabeled as Campaign Finance "Reform"; despite his hypocritical support of the anti-tobacco Gestapo while luxurating in the lap of Big Beer, he's still an honorable man who demonstrated heroism and courage most of us could never muster. He's a good man with terrible ideas. Trash his terrible ideas but don't trash the man. © 2000 

2000-02-04 Daily Update--01
Bob Dole Quotation of the Day (on the Daily Show on Comedy Central) (02-3-00) 
Steve Forbes "has some good characteristics-- they just haven't surfaced yet." © 2000

2000-02-03 Daily Update
McCain:  Heroism & Sanctimonious Zealotry--Even heroes can become self-righteously blind 
    McCain is a hero no doubt, 
    which gives him such great moral clout 
    He thinks that the evil 
    is money, not people, 
    but free speech is what it's about. 
    To please a big donor named Keating, 
    he went to a bureaucrat meeting.
    In most pious tones, 
    he told gov'ment drones: 
    "Stop giving my friend such a beating." 

    His feelings of guilt are so great, 
    on this he no longer thinks straight. 
    Like drinkers who quit 
    and then think it's fit 
    that everyone suffer their fate. 
    Like most who just want to do good, 
    he wants to do more than he should.
    And so he proposes that 
    government noses 
    be into our business for good.

    His "money is property" rant 
    may sound like a quite noble chant 
    But speech requires money 
    like bees require honey-- 
    how else can we pay for our rants? 
© 2000

2000-02-02 Daily Update
Gore wins among hard-core Democrats
As Granite-heads went to the polls, 
    they almost left Gore in the cold
    But he said with glee, 
    "Unlike Tennessee, 
    I didn't fall short of the goal."
    He got almost no independents, 
    which left him with Clinton's "descendents."
    It soon became plain 
    they went for McCain 
    and Bradley was left with the remnants.

    But even in that shrunken field, 
    Bill Bradley was hot on Gore's heels.
    The lesson for Gore:  
    he will not get more 
    than those in dependency fields. 
© 2000

2000-02-01 Daily Update
Polisat Eats Crow (re predictions on 2000-01-31)
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong, Right-- Almost as bad as government work © 2000

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