|
·support our
troops, support Bush, support Cheney, support victory in Iraq, support victory in Afghanistan,
Clinton Liebrary, http://PoliSat.Com
, PoliSatDOTcom, Salute America's Heroes, Fallen Heroes Fund, oppose Gore's Global Warming theory, support milblogs, Michael Yon, Pat Dollard, BlackFive, MilBlogs, MilBlogging, Michael Yon, Mudville Gazette, HotAir.Com, JawaReport, PajamasMedia , VictoryCaucus , VetsForFreedom ,
FreedomsWatch , DayByDayCartoon , WrennCom.Com , Video , Political Satire, Politics, News, oppose MoveOn.Org, oppose Code Pink, oppose DailyKos, oppose ANSWER, support PoliSat.Com, support WrennCom.Com, ·
|
|
Political
Satire--Daily
Updates.
Archives
of Daily Updates for December, 1999:.
This page contains the Daily
Updates for December, 1999. To go
to the current Daily
Update Page, click here;
to go to the Archives of Daily Updates, click here.)
.
1999-12-24 through 1999-12-31 Daily Update
Everyone-- including political satirists -- needs a
vacation now and then
1999-12-23 Daily Update
Clinton's unwitting self-satire in interview by
Larry King aired 12-23-99: As for former consultant Dick Morris, who resigned
from Clinton's 1996 campaign after revelations of his relationship with a prostitute and went on to be a
commentator on Fox News, Clinton said:
"A lot of the things that he has said he knows downright
aren't true and I feel bad for him, because I think you pay a terrible
political price when you do that over and over and over
again." (Source)(Emphasis
added.)
1999-12-22 Daily Update
Hillary Maintains Kind-Spirited Campaign (CNN/Associated
Press Report 12-22-99)
Continuing her noble, kind-spirited campaign on Wednesday, Dec. 22, 1999, Hillary Rodham Clinton said
that Rudolph Giuliani "gets angry very often...."
Stressing her kindler, gentler form of campaigning, she said, "I don't see the point in getting angry all the time and
expending all the energy when we could be figuring out a better way to take care of
people...." Billy Dale could not be reached for comment, but Giuliani
-- reached for comment while savagely beating a helpless seeing-eye dog for a
blind homeless person-- paused long enough to scream, "I don't get angry
!!!"
1999-12-21 Daily Update
Hillary Supports MADD
To inject new life into her senatorial campaign, Hillary Clinton attended a
MADD rally to help inaugurate a new bumper-sticker campaign. Yet, the
First Lady seemed genuinely shocked upon the unveiling of the bumper sticker,
which read "Wives Don't Let Husbands Dork Damsels," at which point she
realized that through a staff mistake, she'd been directed to an anti-Clinton
rally by Madams Against Dorking Damsels.
1999-12-20 Daily Update
GoreSpeak Response to Town-Hall Question About Juanita
Brodderick (Gore is a Magna Cum Laude graduate of the Sandy Berger School of Verbal
Cryptology.)
Oooo, eeeee, oooo, aahhh, aahhh,
teeng, tang, walla-walla bing-bang
Oooo, eeeee, oooo, aahhh, aahhh,
teeng, tang, walla-walla bang-bang
1999-12-19 Daily Update
The "Debate" Debate Between Elbow
Bradley & Alpha
Gore on "Meet the Press"
(tune of I can do anything better than you.)
I think your ads are much meaner than mine are !
Oh, no, it's yours that are meaner than mine !
No, they're not ! Yes,
they are ! No, they're not !
Yes,
they are ! Yes, they are ! Yes, they are !
I think your ads are much meaner than mine are !
Oh, no, it's yours that are meaner than mine !
No, they're not !
Yes,
they are ! No, they're not !
Yes,
they are ! Yes, they are ! Yes, they are !
© 1999
1999-12-18 Daily Update
Bradley/Gore
Debate--Dueling
Promises
I can do anything you can do better,
I can do anything better than you.
I'll have the gov'ment grant all voters' wishes,
I'll
promise more to all voters than you.
No, you can't ! Yes, I
can ! No, you can't !
Yes,
I can ! Yes, I can ! Yes I can !
I'll make sure no one must sneeze without
tissues;
No one should have to have snot on his face
I'll have the gov'ment prevent constipation;
I'll make sure no one has
strain on his face
No, you can't ! Yes,
I can ! No, you can't !
Yes,
I can ! Yes, I can ! Yes I can !
I'll have a program to stop runny noses,
this will
give parents more quality time
I'll give protection from all of life's bruises,
I'll make sure there are no
mountains to climb.
No, you can't ! Yes, I can !
No,
you can't !
Yes, I can ! Yes, I can
! Yes I can !
I'll make sure no one gridlocked in traffic,
Going to work should be fun, not a
chore
I've just invented a fix for that problem,
I'll call them bikes, an invention by
Gore
No, you can't ! Yes,
I can ! No, you can't !
Yes,
I can ! Yes, I can ! Yes I can !
© 1999
1999-12-17 Daily Update.
Clintons' Letter to Santa Claus:
"All we
want for Christmas is our legal fees"
All we want for Christmas is our legal fees,
our legal fees, our legal fees.
All we want for Christmas is our legal fees,
so we can wish you Merry Christmas.
.
1999-12-16 Daily Update
Bradley/McCain debate in NH
We talk campaign finance reform
as if you were yesterday born.
We'll stop the PACS
and let bureaucrats
say who can say what and to whom.
© 1999
1999-12-15 Daily Update
Renaissance Man: The Amazing Alpha Gore--
Inventor, Discoverer, Originator
There was a Vee-POTUS named Gore,
a Renaissance Man and much more.
We'd all be quite broke
if not for this bloke,
'cause saving the world is a chore.
Inventor of our internet,
the Web he did surely beget.
He rallied the Hill
while flaking for Bill
for having the best intern yet.
He's from Tennessee but no bumpkin,
whose mission is saving the country.
He found Love Canal,
but so did his pal ...
way back in that old White-House pantry.
He fathered the earned-income credit
a year before being
elected.
He does deeds sublime
by traveling in time
'cause E-M-C-square he perfected.
© 1999
1999-12-14 Daily Update
"Justice" Marches On ..(Judge
to decide defense motion in Linda Tripp case on 12-14-99).
A single-mom worker named Tripp
was told Willey's breasts Clinton gripped.
And then Clinton's lawyer
said "Linda's a liar"
and said she should
button her lip.
Pursuant to orders on high,
Lewinsky urged Linda to lie.
Tripp knew that false witness
is criminal business
and said "I ain't
casting that die."
And knowing she needed some proof,
she had to behave like
a sleuth.
When up against liars
and evidence-buyers,
you have to have proof of the truth.
She thought that a zone of her own
was talk on her
own telephone.
She had to preserve
the sound of those words
on tape as the proof of her own.
When Clinton got slapped on the wrist
as though it were all about trysts.
His friends down the line
charged Linda with crimes
to grant Clinton's get-even
wish.
As proof that they don't know the score,
the soccer moms
hate Linda more.
It's girl-talk they treasure
beyond any measure
and that's why they side with
the whore.
So what can the rest of us do
to get Linda out of this zoo?
Send her some money --
it wouldn't be funny --
to let Clinton's wishes come true.
While we all enjoy Christmas Cheer,
that poor girl is
living in fear.
We shouldn't wait
or leave her to fate,
so help her by clicking right here..
© 1999.
1999-12-13 Daily Update
Monday Night Debates.
Is Bush full of mush? McCain causing pain? Forbes in the
horde? Bauer in a tower? Keyes a big breeze? Hatch a good
catch? How will we rate tonight's big debate? They'll all feign
elation and tell the whole nation they bested the press expectations!.
© 1999.
1999-12-12 Daily Update
Gliche day-- Editor.
.
1999-12-09 Daily Update
Millennium Education Project.
Most think the Mill-en-i-um
begins on Two-Thousand's Day One
It seems the whole nation
can't do computation
to know it starts
Two-Thousand-One
How did it all come to pass
that no one knows how to do math?
With all that we spend
on teaching, my friend,
you'd think that the knowledge
would last.
So how can we re-educate
all those who can't figure the date?
An answer that's right
can be found at a site,
just click
here and you're on your way
© 1999.
1999-12-08 Daily Update
The Gail Sheehy Horse
Gail Sheehy can talk 'till she's hoarse
pretending that "Hillary's
Choice"
Is just a display
of Hill's feet of clay,
but we know it's a big Trojan Horse
© 1999.
1999-12-07 Daily Update
Ode to Mars Polar Lander
Designed by our best and our brightest,
a robot designed to excite us.
You couldn't arrange
to deal with a change ...
you ain't got the stuff that
is rightest.
© 1999.
1999-12-06 Daily Update
McCain's Refrain
(after releasing his medical records):
I'm okay but are they?
Now that I've proved that I'm sane,
the others should now do the same.
Or are they too lazy
to prove they ain't crazy?
Or maybe their brains
are just lame.
© 1999.
1999-12-05 Daily Update
McCain Proves He's Sane
A pundit said there's a campaign
to make people think I'm insane.
The pundit named Drew
said more than she knew
according to those that she named.
But nevertheless I've decided
to keep me from being derided,
release of my files
and my affable smile
will satisfy those undecided.
© 1999.
1999-12-04 Daily Update
MPL Please Phone Home
We wait for the Mars Polar Lander
to send us from Mars a new gander.
We wait for its feats
on the edge of our seats
and try not to get up our dander.
While keeping our fingers all crossed
with hope that the mission's not lost,
we must keep apace
our progress in space
'cause failures are part of the cost.
© 1999.
1999-12-03 Daily Update
What's good for the goose ...
Bill Bradley
says "Oh, what a shame
that Gore is besmirching my name."
"It just isn't fair
to say I don't care,
as if I were Bush or
McCain"
© 1999.
1999-12-02 Daily Update
What you see is what you'll
get
The media claims there's a storm
for campaign
financing reform.
They claim they'll present
each campaign event
but sound-bites remain as the
norm
© 1999.
1999-12-01 Daily Update
Chris, you know better !
Chris Matthews is not a "know-nothing,"
so why is he huffing and
puffing ...
That tax cuts "give" more
to rich than to poor
when he knows cut "nothing" "gives" nothing.
© 1999.
This page contains the Daily
Updates for December, 1999. To go
to the current Daily
Update Page, click here;
to go to the Archives of Daily Updates, click here.)
.
