May 23, 2006--
2006 Election Fulcrum: Hard-Right joins Hard-Left in shooting Uncle Sam in Groin; Smoking Gums evidence of Code Pink chemo-political warfare.
Taking a lesson from the Hard-Left, the Hard Right now contemplates shooting Uncle Same in the groin. Speaking anonymously to PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief, an aging Hard-Right "spokesman," Richard Viguerie, said: "The Hard Left puts ideology above country, so why shouldn't we on the Hard Right do likewise?" Another "real" conservative, who asked to be identified only as "Jerome Corsi," said, "We've known all along that George W. Bush isn't a 'real' conservative." He added that " any 'real' conservative knows that Bush has a 'secret plan' to merge the sovereignty of the United States with that of Canada and Mexico into a 'North American Union' using NAFTA as the tool." Another "real" conservative in their entourage said "Bush is pursuing Bill Clinton's 'globalist' agenda" and pointed out that "even 'Mama Bush' long ago began referring to Bill Clinton as having become 'like a son.'"
Apparently desiring to follow the "Ride-to-the-sound-of-the-guns" battle-cry of Pat Buchanan to his "Pitchfork Brigade" in his 1992(şı) paleo-conservative rebellion that helped bless the nation with the Bill Clinton presidency, Viguerie, Corsi and like-minded "real" conservatives plan to heed the current echoes of that battle-cry to join a skirmish likely to score shots in Uncle Sam's groin. When asked about the adverse effect of such skirmish on Bush's ability to effectively wage war against Islamo-Fascist totalitarianism-- especially in light of an emerging alliance of convenience between Islamo-Fascists And Paleo-Stalinists (IFAPS) utilizing CACASAPS to undermine the United States' economic, political and military security-- they dismissed such concerns as "hogwash" being promoted by "Neo-Con Rhinos, Country Club Republicans, Big-Government Pseudo-Conservatives, and the emerging Theo-Con Environmentalists-- not to mention the CFR and the Trilateral Commission."
Elaborating, they contended that the best way to serve the "long term interests" of the United States would be for "real" conservatives to tip the 2006 Election Fulcrum in a way to teach "the Rhinos" and other right-of-center deviants a lesson by leaving Bush to the tender mercies of new House/Senate leadership in the personae of Nancy Pelosi, John Conyers, Zoe Lofgren, Loretta Sanchez, Maxine Waters, Cynthia McKinney, Harry Reid, Ted Kennedy, Dick Durbin, Robert Byrd, Jay Rockefeller, Byron Dorgan, Patrick Leahy, Carl Levin, Russ Feingold, Hillary Clinton, Charles Schumer, "Jumping Jim" Jeffords, ad nauseam and thereby better position "real" conservatives to re-take power sometime later in the century. That would be, they contend, "just in time" to deal with the issues that are "really" vital to our "long-term national security" such as balancing the budget, teaching Creationism as Science, seeking to then attempt to undo "amnesty" for what would by then be 45 million illegal aliens, appointing Roy Moore to the Supreme Court, prescribing school prayer, banning abortion for victims of rape or incest, etc. By then, they believe, Bush's hapless successors would have become too weakened by the growing world-wide power of the IFAPS and the CACASAPS to defeat a "real" conservative candidate for President and "real" conservative candidates for the House and Senate. Viguerie and Corsi agreed that allowing such dramatic decline of the United States may be a "bitter pill" that "real" conservatives "will just have to swallow" as a necessary step toward ultimately regaining control of what would then be left of the United States.
In an effort to determine the root cause of the Hard-Right's re-enlistment in The Pitchfork Brigade, PoliSat.Com dispatched forensic-science investigators. Covertly obtaining mouth-swabs from Viguerie, Corsi and their entourage by posing as conservative dental hygienists, our investigators found "smoking gums" evidence that this phenomenon is the result of clandestine chemo-political warfare by the Hard Left (spearheaded by Code Pink, MoveOn, NotInOurName, ANSWER, Deaniacs, GorePhiles, Pelosiites, Chomskyites and Kyotophiles). The chemo-political-warfare operation utilized Colorless Code Pink Ideological-Zeal Kool Aid (also known as French Bottled Water), which clandestine agents (disguised as "real" bottled-water deliverymen) poured into the water-coolers at a number of Hard-Right think-tanks. When confronted with this evidence as well as with clinical evidence of highly-addictive ingredients in the CCPIZ Kool Aid, Viguerie, Corsi and their entire entourage stoutly denied having drunk it despite the clear evidence of their smoking gums, but none of them was willing to venture far from water-cooler during the interview.
PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief was unable to reach any of the Creative Coalition Spokes-Beings for the Hard Left for comment because they were all too busy high-5-ing each other after observing so many Hard-Right "leaders" speaking with smoking gums and spending inordinate amounts of time near the water-coolers.
şı. I recognize that Wikipedia, the on-line "encyclopedia," is a dubious authority (at best) on many (if not most) things, but in this case, it reflects at least de minimus accuracy in reciting that in 1992 Patrick J. Buchanan unsuccessfully challenged, but successfully damaged, Bush 41 for the Republican nomination for President, as a result of which large numbers of sympathizers with Buchanan's "Pitchfork Brigade" rebellion against Bush 41 put Bill Clinton in office by voting for Ross "Workin' Under the Hood" Perot.
--Jim Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com.
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May 23, 2006 #01 Daily Update at PoliSat.Com, where satire is always commentary, but commentary isn't always satire.
Title: 2006 Election Fulcrum.
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