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Iran's Attempt to Modernize Its Fighter Planes as Member of IFAPSA Alliance Fails to Win Nose-Art War.·
By Jim
Wrenn,
Editor and Washington Bureau Drawer Chief at PoliSat.Com.
March 31, 2011--
As a member of the IFAPSA Alliance (see image below-right) desperately needing a fighter plane that would at least have a remote chance against an F-22 Raptor, Iran is modernizing its air force. However, according to Jane's, the internationally recognized authority on military-weapons, Iran's most advanced fighter doesn't even have a prayer of winning even the Nose-Art War in that category.
Frantic efforts by Iranian fighter pilots to modernize the nose-art on their
fighter planes have met stiff resistance by the Iranian Mullahs. Indeed,
the top Mullah (the Supreme Leader) has already threatened to cut-off the ankle
of the model who posed for the latest nose-art for the Iranian Air Force.
(See image below left.) Other members of IFAPSA are attempting to apply
behind-the-scenes diplomatic efforts to support the demands of the Iranian
pilots. It's reported that Putin has already ordered that images of
SpyMaster Anna Chapman be painted on the noses of all Russian Federation fighter
planes. Reliable sources indicate that such orders have dramatically
boosted morale in the Russian Air Force.
Likewise, there are rumors that the Chinese government has commenced a crash program to have nose-art added to their newest fighter plane, which they claim to be a "stealth" fighter far superior to the F-22 Raptor. Thus far, not even Jane's has been able to obtain a photograph of any such nose art because it's reported that the only paint they're allowed to use on the plane is invisible paint so as to not compromise the "invisibility" of the plane.
Jane's has, however published pictures of nose-art on the F-22 Raptor and on the
latest Iranian fighter plane to facilitate comparisons between their relative
military effectiveness. (See picture at the left.) Omitted from the
comparison process were several examples of Iranian fighter-plane nose-art in
which the exposed ankle of the model had been cut off. (To date, it's
unclear whether the model's ankle was cut-off before or after she posed for the
nose-art.)
In contrast, it's reported that Libyan strongman Qadhaffi had ordered that scantily-clad images of his all-female security team be painted on the noses of all Libyan fighter planes. Rumors abound that his having done so is the primary reason that the al Qaeda, Muslim Brotherhood, Hezbollah and Hamas units launched the current rebellion against Qadhaffi (Ghadafy-- may his spellings be many), in which they are playing a leading role. Since then, the "coalition" air forces have destroyed the Libyan air force, so we can't provide current pictures of any of the nose-art on Libyan fighter planes. Moreover, even though we do have a few covertly-taken pictures of that nose-art on Libyan fighters, all of them are much too risque for publication in a news article.
Virtually all the leading mullahs throughout IFAPSA contend that nose-art diminishes rather than enhances the effectiveness of a fighter pilot. However, Iranian fighter pilots who spoke only on condition of anonymity said that the risque version they prefer (see bottom-left picture) helps them avoid blacking out in high-G-force turns because it prevents blood from rushing to their brains but not nearly as effectively as the nose-art on the F-22 Raptor.
Furthermore, virtually all U.S. veterans of World War II, the Korean War and the Vietnam War vigorously dismiss such claims a nonsense. To the contrary, they credit Betty Grable with having played a vital role in the Allied Victory in World War II. Many of the bomber pilots claimed that seeing nose-art images on other planes while flying in formation helped keep them awake throughout their missions. And the P-51 pilots are even more adamant that nose-art helped them avoid blacking out during high-G turns. Indeed, they demanded that the nose art also be painted onto the control panels inside the cockpits.
So widespread is the knowledge among U.S. and British fighter pilots that nose-art enhances their military effectiveness that there are numerous internet sites dedicated to the subject of nose-art. Probably the most famous, yet the least risque, is the image of Betty Grable on the bomber named "Sentimental Journey." See the image immediately below, which is also linked to the sight which features the actual nose art on the Sentimental Journey.
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Will the Iranian mullahs decide to bring their fighter planes into the modern era? The Iranian fighter pilots hope so. Would their doing so compromise the enormous advantage the F-22 Raptor holds over any other fighter plane in the sky? "Of course not," said a Raptor pilot. He elaborated: "The F-22 is so advanced that even if the government forced us to have naked pictures of Helen Thomas painted on the noses of the planes, we'd still beat any other fighter on the planet."
--Jim Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com.
Permanent links to this installment:
http://PoliSat.Com/Nose_Art_War.htm
OR
http://polisat.com/DailyPoliticalSatire-Commentary/Archives2011/du20y11m03d31-01.htm
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