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Alaskan frontier woman and Governor Sarah Palin saves the caribou -- for dinner with John McCain on campaign trail as running mate for Vice President.·
By Jim
Wrenn,
Editor and Washington Bureau Drawer Chief at PoliSat.Com.
September 3, 2008-- (with corrections/updates on September 4, 2008)
Alaskan frontier woman and Governor Sarah Palin is well known for saving the caribou -- for dinner. Indeed, due to her legendary hunting prowess, she's "saved" enough caribou to last well beyond the November, 2008, election.
However, dominant news media reporters insightfully raised a critical question in light of the
unavailability of a suitably trained White House Chef: When she's Vice President, how
could she possibly have time to prepare caribou for state dinners? Palin said she was sure
she'd have plenty of time, in response to which MSNBC/NBC News "Reporter" David Schuster
asked her whether that meant that the Palins would not adopt such inside-the-beltway habits as
cooking meat before eating it. Palin replied that she cooks all of the game she kills except
baby seals, which, she said, are quite tasty -- just like raw oysters, except cuter.
NBC's Andrea Mitchell then asked her whether she intends to forego hunting in order to "pander" to the "PeTA" vote, but Palin's husband quickly interjected, "We're members of PeTA, which stands for "Pioneers Eating Tasty Animals" -- indeed, we're founding members of the Alaska chapter known as "Palins Eating Tasty Animals." (At this point, PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief, Jim Wrenn, issued a "hat-tip" and clarification indicating that the inspiration for these new and improved definitions of the acronym "PeTA" was the legendary site begun in the 1990's and later transferred to http://www.mtd.com/tasty/index.html.)
Later, on Can't-Count Down, the American Cardinal of Obamessanity, Keither Olberman, presented an
"Edward R. Murrow" style exposé of the Palins as "The World's Worst
Meat-Eaters." Not to be outdone, the Pope of Obamessianity, Chris Matthews, devoted part
of his Homily on his politically ecumenical program, Fardball, to his issuance of an MSNBC/NBC Encyclical
identifying the eating of caribou as "the Eighth Deadly Sin." Immediately
thereafter, he stressed that Barack Obama has never committed such a deadly sin and that, instead,
he had spent a number of years not only trying to save polar bears but also caribou (and, of course,
baby seals also). Though some critics doubt the sincerity
of Matthews, Olberman, Schuster and Mitchell, the recent "docu-drama" video "Obamessiah
Code" certainly refutes such criticisms.
Meanwhile, a new video sheds light on why McCain picked Sarah Palin as his running mate. Some pundits have theorized that it was because Barack Obama rejected Hillary Clinton as his running mate. However, PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief has exclusively obtained a copy of the video from a noted "Political Paleontologist." Its full title is "One Million Nanoseconds Ago BC (Before Change)," but its short title is "BC (Before Change)." Viewing the video makes it indisputably clear that McCain not only chose Palin because she's proven herself to be a "Maverick Reformer" as is he but also that he knows her frontier-woman skills will quickly dispatch Joe Biden, also known as JoBama or Obiden, in the Vice Presidential debates-- especially when the topic focuses on the national-security issue of our need to further develop our own oil and gas resources. Said McCain, "Obama's campaign tries to imply that I'm the 'Jurassic' candidate, but Palin will show what a dinosaur Biden has become during his decades in the Senate. Biden may be an experienced political 'street-fighter,' but he's never before encountered a frontier woman."
One of the key policy positions of the Obama campaign is that his energy policy, known as
Obamacain,
makes drilling unnecessary. This seems to be one of the few issues with which Biden had agreed
with Obama before becoming his running mate. A recent video, "Obamacain,"
educates the public on the reasons for which Obama's energy policy makes drilling not only
unnecessary but also obsolete. Said an Obama spokes-being, "We must end our affliction
with the plague of cavities of decayed carbon." A spokes person for Al Gore, world-renown
Husband of Mother Earth said, "Amen, brother," and added that the new "GoreMobile"
will make oil obsolete as the source of energy for the "infernal combustion engine."
(The Gorbel's spokes-being also put-in a plug for three of Gore's latest inventions: The GAIA
HAT, the Gorbels'
Cube and the GAIA
Lights-Out Kit to save Mother
Earth.)
Although many pundits had doubted the ability of Joe Biden to "toe the line" as Barack
Obama's running mate, his recent actions on the campaign trail have demonstrated that he as mastered
the "Obama Salute." Not only does he perform the salute flawlessly, he's also proven
his talent as a singer in singing the new "Obama Anthem." (Scroll-down for more
on the "Obama Anthem.") Regarding the "Obama Salute," Biden, who's always
been a "quick study," said he learned and perfected the hand-symbol part of the
salute while in his home avoiding reporters during the hours before his selection by Obama became
public. Regarding the "squat" portion, he said he learned it by following Obama's
suggestion that he study the famous Russian Bolshevik dance performed in the movie
"Patton" by the Russians when Russian forces met Allied forces at the fall of Berlin.
Regarding the Obama Anthem, PoliSat.Com obtained an exclusive copy of the video of Biden's first performance of
it. Biden does not appear in the video, but his voice offers a stirring tribute to Obama.
Some critics, however, have likened Biden's singing ability to the sound of Walter Mondale making Moose
Calls in his wilderness resort in Minnesota. However, others have likened his singing to that
of Roseanne Barr. To view the largest, best-quality version, click the image to the
right. To view smaller, lesser-quality versions (both wmv and YouTube formats) go http://PoliSat.Com/ObamaAnthem.htm.
Some speculate that it might become even more popular than the "Barack
the Vote" video.
.
-Jim Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com.
Permanent links to this installment:
http://polisat.com/DailyPoliticalSatire-Commentary/Archives2008/du20y08m09d03-01.htm
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