John Edwards' "two Americas" speech reveals one America's two John Edwards-- "Edwards the Allegator" (one who "alleges" things) and "Edwards the Blind-Deaf-Mute."

July 29, 2004 #01: Political Satire/Commentary where satire is always commentary but commentary isn't always satire™
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John Edwards' "two Americas" speech reveals one America's two John Edwards-- "Edwards the Allegator" (one who "alleges" things) and "Edwards the Blind-Deaf-Mute."·

Last night John Edwards delivered a lawyerly, polished, beguiling speech invoking his theme to change what he calls "two Americas" into "one America." As he did in most of his primary-campaign speeches, his speech mostly made positive assertions of promises utilizing the the "up to" advertising gimmick so prevalent in misleading "sale" advertisements targeting women shoppers. (Think of the typical ads promising that "everything" in the store will be "on sale" at "up to" 50-percent-off "and more.") Edwards offered "average Americans" a laundry list of promises of "tax benefits" always defined by a large dollar amount modified by the phrase "up to." Slickness.

However, Edwards' most egregiously false allegation (that's what lawyers do-- they allege things) was that "hateful politics" in the campaign had emanated from Bush against Kerry rather than from Democrats (including Kerry) against Bush. Thus, John Edwards' "two Americas" speech unwittingly revealed America's "two Edwards": "Edwards the Allegator" (not the animal but a person, such as a lawyer, who "alleges" things) and "Edwards the Blind-Deaf-Mute." Edwards the Allegator makes the specious allegations. Edwards the Blind-Deaf-Mute feigns being incapable of seeing, hearing or condemning relentless ad-hominem, patently hateful attacks on Bush by prominent Democrats (including Kerry) whose support Edwards uncritically welcomes. This revelation prompts two questions-- one for each of the two John Edwards:

Question for Edwards the Allegator: What specific examples of "negative" attacks on Kerry by Bush can you cite to support your allegation of a "relentless negative campaign" by Bush against Kerry? Do you mean the Bush ads featuring video-clips of Kerry's self-contradictory statements? If that's an example of what you disparage as "hateful" campaigning, there's no such thing as a "fair" campaign ad.

If a Bush speech were criticize the "hateful campaign" against him, the dominant media would feign ignorance by demanding specifics. Will the dominant media (the auxiliary campaign arm for the Democratic ticket) demand that Edwards give specific examples to support his specious allegation of a "hateful" campaign by Bush against Kerry? Of course not!

Question for Edwards the Blind-Deaf-Mute: (This multi-part question paraphrases questions in "Blowing in the Wind.") How many ears must an Edwards have before he can hear the hateful attacks on Bush by Ted Kennedy* (here), Howard Dean** (here), and other prominent Democrats whose support Edwards uncritically solicits and accepts? How many eyes must an Edwards have before he can see such hate? How many mouths must an Edwards have before he can condemn such hateful attacks?

What has Bush said about Kerry that's even remotely similar to Ted Kennedy's hateful allegation that Bush "hatched" plans for the war in Iraq for "political advantage" and to further the "financial interests" of his supporters? Why have you not specifically and unequivocally condemned such hateful attack by Kennedy? What has Bush said about Kerry that's even remotely similar to Dean's comments on National Public Radio spreading the "theory" that Bush knew in advance about the plans for 9-11? What has Bush said about Kerry that's even remotely similar to Kerry's description of the Republicans as "crooks and liars."? Why have you refused to unequivocally condemn such hateful statements? Why have you not expressed unequivocal disapproval of Jimmy Carter having the hateful propagandist, Michael Moore, as a guest in his box at the Democratic Convention? Why have you not unequivocally condemned the hateful advertisements against Bush by MoveOn.Org, NotInOurName.Org, and other organizations prominently supporting, and prominently receiving approval from, prominent Democrats supporting Kerry?

One America's Two Edwards.

My speeches describe two Americas
but also reveal two Ewardians
A slick allegator***
(a lawyer inveigher)
and deaf, blind and muted Edwardian.

I'll first show you Edwards the Allegator
whose lawyerly skills as a flak-purveyor
can glibly mislead
the folks to believe
that Bush's campaign is a hate-purveyor.

I'm Edwards, who's handsome and cute
and claims Bush misuses the truth
'cause ads showing Kerry
in flip-flops recurring
are hurtful and hateful to boot.

Such hateful campaign I condemn
and hereby demand it be stemmed
so Dubya's campaign
from hate will refrain,
like ours, which with good-nature brims.

And now I'll show self number two:
I'm Edwards who's deaf-blind-and-mute
regarding the aims
of Democrat claims
on why to give Dubya the boot.

When Ted claims that Bush started war
'cause profits by friends he was for,
I can't hear or see
it hateful to be
and can't call them claims to abhor.

If Edwards were to be genuinely interested in ending "hateful" campaigning, he would explicitly and unequivocally repudiate the hateful allegations against Bush by Ted Kennedy, Howard Dean, Al Gore, Al Sharpton, Dennis Kucinich and repudiate similarly hateful allegations by prominent pro-Democrat groups and individuals such as Michael Moore, MoveOn.Org, NotInOurName.Org, Tim Robbins, Whoopi Cushion Goldberg, Alex Baldwin, Al Franken, and the numerous secular bigots**** (here) in the Entertainment Left. By the way, Joe Lieberman, an honorable man who is genuinely interested in ending "hateful" campaigning, has explicitly condemned such hateful allegations.

--Jim Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com.

*Examples of a few of Ted Kennedy's numerous hateful attacks on Bush: AlJaTeddya; GandersAtSaucesForGeese; TedKerry'sHind'sKennedy; TeddyThenAndTeddyNow.

**Example of one of Dean's numerous hateful attacks on Bush: DoctorOfBlame.

***Allegator isn't a misspelling of alligator; rather, it's poetic-license slang for one who makes allegations

****By the way, I'm a non-believer but I'm not a secular bigot or secular fundamentalist-- For an explanation, go here and then click the links for "Secular Fundamentalists" near the top of that page under "Religion.".

Installment immediately preceding the one above, go here.

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