April 14, 2004:  #01  Political Satire/Commentary where satire is always commentary but commentary isn't always satire ™·2004.
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Reliable sources predict new Pharmaceutical Warfare weapon in the war against terror.·

    Reliable sources have informed PoliSat.Com's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief that the 9-11 Commission is preparing recommendations for a radical new strategy in the war against al Qaeda.  It involves use of a new "secret" weapon that fits within a loophole between chemical and biological warfare-- It's Pharmaceutical Warfare (PW).  The plan involves retrofitting Predators with large tanks equipped with nozzles capable of blanketing ten square miles with aerosolized PEP (the top-secret acronym for the weapon) to impair the mental ability of terrorists to maintain concentration in devising, planning and implementing terrorists attacks.  Experts who've witnessed its effects say that it impairs all but the most primitive neurological functions.  

    The aerosolized PEP easily penetrates vehicles, buildings, caves and even underground bunkers.  Even though it's directly effective only against approximately half the population, experiments show that it's indirectly effective on the other half by virtue of its ability to induce aggressive behavior by the those directly affected towards those not directly affected.

    Some critics consider it the equivalent of a "dirty" bomb, but supporters raise objections to such criticisms as being "narrow minded."  Defense Department scientists who perfected the weapon say they can't take credit for inventing it, because they first discovered it when it was used as a weapon against us by a foreign power, whose identity is classified, in the late 1990's when our intelligence agents discovered its presence in the ventilation system of a key U.S. government office.  Although the version used by the foreign power proved to be quite effective, reliable sources indicate that the reformulated version developed by our scientists is at least 100 times more powerful.

    However, a whistleblower inside the Defense Department is threatening to expose the weapon as being the moral equivalent of cruel and unusual punishment because the reformulated versions cannot be countered by any known antidote.  The whistleblower characterizes the inhumane effects of PEP as causing permanent brain damage that impairs all but the most primitive neurological functions.

    The research began during the Clinton Administration.  Sources tell PoliSat.Com that Clinton personally rejected objections raised by First Lady Hillary Clinton on moral grounds characterizing the effects of PEP as being so extremely unpleasant as to be tantamount to a violation of the Geneva Conventions.  

    Those unschooled in the jargon of Pharmaceutical Warfare can learn more by reading this news report (or just watch television commercials) to learn that "PEP" is the Pharmaceutical Warfare acronym for Priapic Erection Perpetuators a.k.a. Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra.

--Jim Wrenn, Editor@PoliSat.Com.

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