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The only politically-unpopular remnant of the otherwise politically-revered MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPO Culture.
Nomenclatural Evolution of the MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPO Culture.
The War Against Tobacco.
Rhymes about Tobacco.
Nomenclatural Evolution of the MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPO culture: .
Indians: Incorrect name assigned by the cruel, bumbling fool, Columbus.
American Indians: New name assigned in an initially well-intended but insultingly patronizing and misguided Euro-Centric effort to rectify the mistake by Columbus. This term is now politically incorrect to the max.
Native Americans: Currently politically-correct name despite inclusion of Euro-Centric, Post-Columbian term "Americans" to identify descendents of a pre-Columbian culture now universally worshiped by all environmentally enlightened people as Nature's first truly Green people (except, of course, those tribes running casinos or manufacturing tobacco).
MDOPCIOTPPCBNAAPOs: Modern Descendents Of Pre-Columbian Inhabitants Of The Post-Pangean Continent Between Northern Atlantic And Pacific Oceans, which is literally, historically, archaeologically and geographically correct.
"Native American" really means a Modern Descendent Of
the politically revered PCIOTPPCBNAAPO
Culture, what is the proper ethnic term
for an American born in the USA whose ancestors came from Europe?
Maybe such person should be called a DOPE
born on the Northern Hemisphere of the Post-Pangean Continent Between
Northern Atlantic & Pacific Oceans after their Ancestors stole it from
its Pre-Columbian Inhabitants)
Proposal: Why don't we all just call ourselves "Americans"?
Heroic efforts to "save our children" from "Big Tobacco" (so they'll have more money to spend on beer)
Political lackeys for Big
Beer, Big Liquor, Big Violence in the Entertainment Industry and Little
Farmers in the Tobacco Industry wage a never-ending battle to "save our
children" from the evil, Big Tobacco executives
Richard Gephardt-- Top Frog in War Against Tobacco
In a tour-de-force demonstration of intellectual gymnastics, guest-speaker Richard Gephardt, Honored Occupant of the Bud's-Wiser Chair at the Institute to Protect Our Children, explains why the Tobacco industry's use of Joe Camel constituted conclusive proof of it's intent to lure "3,000 children a day" into a tobacco habit (that might cause them to have a slightly lower life expectancy than people who never smoke), but a beer company's use of animated lizards and frogs in advertising on sports events popular among pre-teens and teenagers could not reasonably be deemed to show even a slight degree of callousness about the risk of enticing minors into drinking and thereby contribute to thousands of young-age deaths per year in drunk-driving accidents.
McCain's War Against Tobacco
Give me freedom from smoke, or give them jail.
Crusader against leftist, government-knows-best philosophy now supports anti-tobacco laws making it a crime for a private business to allow unrestricted smoking on its premises under the common-sense assumption that private-citizen customers afraid of being near smokers would be unable to protect themselves simply by refusing to patronize the business. What's next-- making it illegal for restaurants to serve steaks with too much fat? Why not ban ribeyes? Why not criminalize the serving of meat not cooked well-done? Why not outlaw stringent perfumes which, in high doses over decades, might cause health problems for many people? Shouldn't all restaurants be barred from serving peanuts since it's known that some people have severe, allergic reactions to simply being in close proximity to peanuts? Why not just ban all activities and then let government bureaucrats tell us what we may do that they think will be good for us?
I Ain't Afraid of Joe Camel
I say I'm no hero but surely no Nero like Clinton who's also a zero
My wife's stock in beer protects me from fear from calling Joe Camel a narco
Joe Camel's a viper who's like the pied piper, but those Budweiser Lizards are nicer
They only induce kids onto the juice, but Joe Camel makes kids into lifers © 1999.
Updates on The War Against Tobacco.
Quick! Send Joe Camel back to the graveyard, but send the Budweiser Frogs & Lizards to the same graveyard. (du20000321-02)
Today the Supreme Court decided that the regulatory power previously granted by Congress to the FDA was not broad enough to permit the FDA to regulate tobacco. Before the ink had even dried on that opinion, John McCain, Henry Waxman and Richard Gephardt were expressing their intentions to propose legislation to confer such power on the FDA. Thus, "The War Against Tobacco" (TWAT) resumes at full intensity from the real "iron triangle": (a) the Trial Lawyers, (b) nanny-government bureaucrats, and (3) legislators luxuriating in the lap of Big Beer (i.e., McCain and Gephardt).
Anyone with even a modicum of common sense knows that in comparison to the modestly lower statistical life-expectancy among those who smoke for many decades, the misuse of alcoholic beverages ruins far more lives, leads to the premature ending of far more life-spans (i.e., deaths in drunk-driving accidents, criminal assaults in alcohol-induced stupors, spousal and child abuse in alcohol-induced stupors, etc.), and has a far more deadly "second-hand" effect (i.e., deaths of non-drinking pesons in drunk driving accidents and non-drinking victims of criminal activity committed by persons in an alcoholic stupor) than the combined "evils" of tobacco. (Never mind that recent studies indicate nicotine can be effective against brain disorders such as Parkinson's, Terrette's (sp?) Syndrome and Alzheimers.)
Therefore, if those preparing to propose legislation to send "Joe Camel" to the graveyard by empowering the FDA to "regulate" tobacco are really concerned about "the children" and the shortening of life-expectancies, they will also include provisions to ban Budweiser's use of its animated frogs and lizards and all other beer commercials using humor or other techniques to captivate the interests of minors and will also empower the FDA to "regulate" alcoholic beverages. Indeed, given the massive scale on which the misuse of alcohol ruins lives, ends countless lives prematurely, and otherwise destroys families, friendships and employment relationships, that law should also empower the FDA to impose a 24-hour "background" check for any purchase of any alcoholic beverage to prevent such purchase by anyone with a criminal record, a drunk-driving record, or any record of domestic violence or child neglect. Surely such a background check would be a minor inconvenience to law-abiding citizens who consume alcoholic beverages responsibly. Such legislation should also require the FDA to develop and impose standards prohibiting the sale of any alcoholic beverage in any container that's not "child-proof" (as has been done for cigarette lighters and prescription-medicine containers).
Next, our noble legislators determined to save us all from our own poor judgment should direct their crusading skills against Big Mayonnaise, Big Beef, Big Bacon, Big Sausage, Big Chicken, Big Butter, Big Candy, Big Caffeine, Big Junk Food, Big Macs, Big Milk, Big Cheese, Big Shrimp (especially Jumbo Shrimp), Big Pork, Big Ham, Big Sugar, Big Egg, Big Potato Chips, Big Popcorn, etc., etc. etc. (as Ross Perot is wont to say). At the end of such noble crusade, our lives will be so miserably dull, we'll all wish for shorter life-spans. © 2000
For mental relief from the unrelenting propaganda of the anti-tobacco Gestapo, visit .Smoker Dave, The Earl of Tobacco, Duke of Nicotine.
Rhymes about Tobacco and the Anti-Tobacco Zealots:
What Homeless Folk Need is a Free Pack of Weeds (limerick 20001105-01)
We know what the homeless folks need
to help them to vote absentee:
A pack at the door
to vote for Al Gore
and then smoke those wonderful weeds.
© 2000 --Inspired by 11-05-00 Report by "The Milwaukee Channel" (WISN, Channel 12) that Gore-campaign volunteers in Milwaukee were transporting homeless people to vote absentee and then rewarded them with free cigarettes. By the way, I'm a smoker who's really tired of the anti-tobacco Gestapo, so I find it quite amusing that volunteers for the self-appointed Commander in Chief of the War Against Tobacco were furnishing free cigarettes to homeless people to vote by absentee ballot.
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