Feb. 12, 2007--
Hillary Clinton "conversation" commercial on oil policy provokes unexpected response from Venezuela's Soon-to-be President-For-Life, Hugo Chavez, owner of CITGO but not HITGO.·
Hillary Clinton's latest campaign commercial-- a "conversation" about "oil" and "energy" policies-- describing her plan to "take" the oil companies' profits and "put them into an 'strategic' energy fund" produced an unexpected response from Hugo Chavez, the soon-to-be President-for-Life of Venezuela and the "CEO" of CITGO. According to progressive Hollywood sources closely linked to Chavez, affectionately known among Hollywood Literati as the "Ultra Progressive Maximum," Chavez was upset that Hillary's commercial "plagiarizes" his "ideological property."
Reacting to such reports, a spokesperson for Hillary's campaign said, "Of course Hillary feels hurt that President Chavez, just recently reelected by more than 120% of Venezuelan voters, so misunderstood her commercial." Then the spokesperson released a written statement by Hillary herself, which said:
"Hugo Chavez implemented a 'socialist' policy of 'nationalizing' the CITGO oil company (and other companies) in Venezuela. In contrast, my proposal is in the traditional spirit of liberal capitalism because I would allow the stockholders to still own the oil companies and I would merely 'take' their profit and allocate it to one of our ultra-efficient governmental bureaucracies to 'invest' it in 'energy security.' It's what I call a 'straddle' in capitalist economics. Everyone knows that I was good at straddles from the get-go back in Little Rock."
An un-progressive Fox News reporter asked the spokesperson, "If Hillary's plan would have the government 'take' the 'profit' from the oil companies and thereby leave none for the stockholders, isn't that de-facto socialism?" The spokesperson replied, "If you understood economics instead of being a flak for the Bush Administration, you'd know that the fact that we let the stockholders keep their stock certificates is the essence of modern capitalism in contrast to the era of robber barons, to which Bush wants to retun us."
Sensing that Hillary seems to be getting "traction" from this commercial, Barak Obama quickly issued a statement characterizing Hillary's plan as "socialistic" rather than "capitalistic" because her plan does not provide any compensation for such "taking" of the profits. Said Obama, "Having studied economics (among other things) at Harvard, I would change her plan to make it capitalistic by compensating the stockholders-- indeed, I would reward them handsomely by ordering a four-for-one stock split so that each stockholder would receive three additional shares for each share owned before the taking of the profits. What could be more fair?"
When news of this controversy reached the Webb Farm, Jim Webb issued a statement through his spokes-being, affectionately known as "Squealer," which said, "When I was young, companies chose to make very small profits, but now that companies try to make large profits, something needs to be done to help the 'little guy,' so instead of giving more stock to the stockholders, I'd give all the profits to 'the workers,' who are obviously 'more equal' than the stockholders."
Wrenn, Editor at PoliSat.Com.
The permanent link to this installment is http://PoliSat.Com/CITGO-HITGO.htm. PoliSat.Com.
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